I'll just come out and confess it already.
The Lord knows my heart and thoughts, after all, so he no doubt knows what I am going to reveal. And because I think honesty is important, I'll share with you. Maybe I'm not alone in my struggle.
What struggle, you ask? The struggle of prayer, my friends.
I wrestle, and wrestle, and wrestle with this.
I don't know why?! I do, after all, believe in an all-knowing God. I believe in a sovereign God. I believe in a forgiving God. I believe in a caring God. I believe in a just God. And I believe in a personal God.
I believe in a God that wants to hear my confessions and struggles. He cares about the small things in my day-to-day life and he cares about the pain in my heart.
He cares about my dreams.
And my weaknesses.
He cares about me serving Him, seeking Him, and loving Him.
And yet still, I struggle with the overwhelming-ness of it all. Sometimes I sit down to pray and waver about where to begin.
And sometimes, I don't sit down to pray at all.
The mark of a mature disciple can no doubt be directly traced back to their intimate time spent in the Lord in prayer.
And yet here I sit, a disciple of Christ, unable (or unwilling) to form my thoughts into words.
And then I feel guilty for it, so I avoid it further (assuming, somehow, that the Lord won't see me in my sin). Ahem. Nice try, Shaye.
I'd say I'm so busy I forget – but that'd be a lie.
I'd also say that life just is passing by so quickly there isn't time – but that'd be a lie too.
There is always time for what we prioritize. Always.
I truthfully feel at this moment that I cannot take another step in this world without gettin' my crap together. And by gettin' my crap together, I mean seriously spending some intimate time with the Lord in prayer.
So, upon the recommendation in my pastor's sermon awhile back, I have put together a “prayer journal & planning chart”. This will help me divide my prayers up categorically by day, so as to avoid that whole “Dear Heavenly Father, I pray for everything in the entire world. Amen” prayer.
My prayer is that this will help me to organize my thoughts and prayer requests, not only for me, but also for requests for friends, family, etc. How often do I say “I'll be praying for you!” and then fail to do so? My lack of discipline and virtue nearly sickens me!
Bleh.
THANK GOD, no seriously, THANK GOD that isn't where He leaves me – wallowing in my self-pity and disobedience. Even though I don't often feel the santification happening daily, looking back upon the years, I can easily see how the Lord has refined, shaped, and molded me to be more like Christ.
Far, far, far, far, far, faaaaaaaaaaar from His perfection still, but closer none-the-less.
The Lord won't leave me alone to try and muster up enough strength to pray, and really pray, daily. He will give me the discipline, energy, heart, and mind I need to follow through. And I truly believe that.
I believe in a God of great, great mercy. I see this fleshed out every day. And I'm so thankful (although shamed to admit it) that I struggle with this – because in struggling with prayer, I continually realize my insufficiency in-and-of myself and my complete and extreme need for the Lord.
In prayer, I fail, and I need the Lord.
In parenting, I fail, and I need the Lord.
In marriage, I fail, and I need the Lord.
In social interactions, I fail, and I need the Lord.
In finances, I fail, and I need the Lord.
In everything, every single thing, I fail, and I need the Lord.
Y'all. I need the Lord's grace in an extreme way. So do you. So does everyone.
I've attached my *blank* prayer chart to help you build yours. It allows room, after printing it out, to scribble and write in requests and specifics at will. I'm going to slip it into my study folder I have for safekeeping. Let's pray together that we all seek to know, love, and serve our Lord better.
Find the printable chart here.
Patrica
That is nice & you’re not alone in forgetting to praise Him every day & in every way! I usually try & say a prayer before I go to sleep @ night, but usually I am so tired I just fall asleep. Whenever I am thankful I say a little thank you Lord for all your blessings, & move on. It would be nice to be more disciplined about spending more time with Him, so I will give your chart a try! Thank you!
Daisy Hill Homestead
I feel the same way and soooo needed to read this! Thank you for posting this! I am going to try the chart out as well! Thank you again!
Heidi
When in the midst of those valleys, I try to pray the prayer that never fails…the Lord’s Prayer. It never fails in it’s intent and meaning. For what my two cents are worth…. 🙂
Sierra Penner
Thank you so much for sharing, it’s as if you put my very own struggle into words! This was very encouraging this morning.
Rachel B
I can so relate to this. Thank you for putting the struggle into words so well. At this stage of parenting with 4 kids under 7 it is a struggle to make a specific “quiet time”. Our pastor’s wife, who raised six kids of her own, once encouraged me that prayer doesn’t have to be at a set time or place. You can be doing dishes and talk to God. Perhaps this is one way we can “pray without ceasing” …
Noël McNeil
I always have highs and lows…unfortunately. But by the Lord’s grace, we will always be works in progress till we’re at home in heaven. Thanks for sharing your heart Shaye.
Krista Odermann
I have found, in parenting, that in raising my child in the way God would find pleasing, that Im living a daily prayer until the Lord.
In diapering, in having patience that I never would have thought possible, in giving love when In reality, I am the one who needs it badly, in giving my child the discipline he needs to thrive. In giving my child to God, in trusting in his protection, in relying on Him for what I need, be it emotional, physical, mental, even monetary, that I am living a daily prayer.
I definitely dont spend enough time in isolated prayer. But I do know that whats more valid to God at this point in my life, is being the mother he wants me to be, than devoting many quiet hours in prayer. I am in a constant conversation with Him, thanking Him, asking Him, giving Him my child, over and over, that my prayer is that this is enough, that I am pleasing Him with my actions, rather than time much spent alone with Him. My child needs to see me in silent worship and prayer, but more than that he needs to see my actions emulate our Heavenly Father.
Pat
I’m probably much older in years here than you and most of your readers…but I don’t feel much older in wisdom… I mean that in a good way. Thank you for your raw honesty and perspective on prayer and on God.
I feel blessed having read this today.
Jaimie Ramsey
Oh, Shaye. I feel the same way. Prayer and regular reading of Scripture are two things I’ve ALWAYS struggled with. I’ll be so good at doing it every day, for a week or so… and then I’ll slack off. And it won’t be part of my routine, so I forget. I beat myself up about this for ages. And it’s not that I shouldn’t do it, or that I don’t KNOW I should… it’s just that, I can’t make praying and reading God’s Word into “Law” things. Prayer is a gift from God. So is His Word. Spending time in and with both of them are gifts, blessings, things God does for me. So when I do, I am blessed. And when I don’t…He graciously blesses me anyway.
That’s not to say that I don’t want to get better at this! It’s good to know that there are others in the same boat. 🙂 Let’s work on this together, shall we?
Thank you for your wisdom, conviction and encouragement!
Angela
Wow, I absolutely needed to read this today of all days. When I was struggling to just get through the day. I failed at everything today – everything! And I was so upset with myself. And reading this made me realize that I never even stopped to ask the Lord for help. I never even realized that God was letting me fail at everything to pull me back close to him. He musta’ missed me! ;D Thank you for the reminder that my Daddy needs to have me close to Him!
Dulcimer
Yup. I’ve been there, and am there often. In one of the great ironic mysteries of life, it’s God who helps us pray at all — forming the words, opening up that channel so we can talk — so I pray for both of us that we’d learn to readily accept His help as we come to Him.
Teresa
To know God is to know love . 2things that really help with these struggles.
Listen … God wants to speak to YOU. We pray …. Take time to listen in the quiet stillness. I grab a paper and pen and WAIT on Him. A lot of what has come out of that is truly amazing .
Find praise music with scripture. So the songs are continual word going out. I love Sons of Kora. Just saying. They sing the psalms.
Hope this helps.
God is so good , HE IS LOVE AND LIFE HERE ON EARTH.
Enjoy.
Kristin
I just want to thank you for your openness and honesty. It is so refreshing to hear other Christians being transparent about their walk with Jesus. Too often people believe that we have our stuff all together and just the opposite is true. God is constantly reminding us of our need for him, and I must say how freeing this has been in my life to surrender to Him. I also appreciate your heart for homesteading and family life. My husband and I are just starting out this year with goats, and chickens and your blog has been so encouraging to me. Thank you, thank you, and I will be praying for you and your family. Take care 🙂
erika
I love your honesty and pursuit to grow closer to God! While I also struggle to stay close to God in prayer, our family has adopted formal prayers to make sure prayer happens. Being that we are Catholic, many of the footwork of making a prayer schedule are already in order. For example, the Divine Office. I think for the most part any christian would enjoy these prayers. They are simply scripture readings arranged throughout the liturgical year with some intercessory prayers. They offer a great rhythm to daily life. Right now I am just praying the morning prayer here http://www.universalis.com/lauds.htm and we pray a family rosary at night where we include our personal prayer intentions. Of course my mind wanders, but it offers the structure and the effort to know you spent time with God daily. Habitual grace, or putting yourself in God’s way daily. is the way for me!
Hannah Stevenson
I really like you. Thank goodness for His grace and love. The End.