I can't do it all.
Surprising, I know.
But still I get emails and messages from readers each day asking me ‘How do you do it all?'
Short answer: I don't. Each new phase of life that we've moved into has caused us to reassess, reevaluate, and re-prioritize. And that's good. I'd even venture to say that's healthy.
Here's a prime example: those who have followed me for years know that I'm a huge cheerleader for cloth diapering. I cloth diapered my first two babies for years – even writing posts about our cloth diapering system and homemade baby wipes. All good things.
And then we moved to a farm and had another baby. And frankly, cloth diapering was one of the extras that I was able to give up and trade for a new chore. Couple the extra laundry with the fact that Owen (literally) poops, like, seventy times per day and it was easy for me to admit cloth diapering was not longer a priority.
I, like everyone else, only have 24 hours in a given day.
When we moved to the farm, my 24 hour days began to include hand milking our cow, feeding and watering the meat chickens, laying hens, (and now) sheep, and pigs. It began to include tending to our large gardens, preserving the produce as it came ripe, and taking on giant projects – like building our greenhouse. Farm life involved lots of fence building, rail mending, and trips to the hardware store. Lots of new priorities, for both us and our animals, began to arise. And in order for those priorities to stay priorities, other priorities had to go.
For example, the cloth diapers.
Do I love cloth diapers? Yes. Will I get back to using them eventually? I hope so. They are a much more sustainable and cost effective way for us to diaper our littles. But somethings gotta give and for the given moment, cloth diapers were one of those somethings.
My work in the kitchen has been another prime example of this.
With the farm and three kids, at least this summer, certain kitchen tasks have been moved to the back burner – such as baking sandwich bread and snack making. I still haven't been buying many prepackaged snacks (they're so expensive and processed!) but instead have been opting for simpler snacks for all of us have to just deal with – hard-boiled eggs, carrot sticks, homemade popcorn, etc. For the time, I've bid adieu to my delicious homemade animal crackers and the like. Not always, but for the majority of the time.
80% of the time, dinner is very simple – a trusted old recipe, a simple roasted chicken, raw and slices vegetables from the garden, local fruit, etc. It's all still good, but it's very simple. Because in this season of our lives, and in this season on the farm, that's what's humanly possible for me to accomplish.
And that's okay.
I can't do it all. And I shouldn't be trying to do it all.
Have you looked at a disposable diapering Mom lately and thought, “She should really be cloth diapering, that's much more eco-friendly.” How about we give her grace instead.
Have you judged someone by their food choices lately? “I can't believe they let their children eat that. They should really be feeding them vegetables.” How about we give them grace instead.
Have you looked at the cleanliness of your friend's home and thought “Girl, this place is a wreck! You need to get your act together!” How about we give them grace instead.
I'm not superwoman. And neither are you. None of us have perfectly behaved children, a manicured lawn, a spotless house, an organized fridge, the perfect marriage, or are completely caught up on chores. We forget to take vitamins. We slam doors. We go to bed with dishes in the sink. We put off taking out the bathroom trash until the flies start to congregate around it. This morning, Georgia ate a grocery store cupcake – synthetic, dyed frosting and all.
And that's okay.
I can't do it all. Life is not meant to be perfect. It is meant to be glorifying to God. And God can be glorified in our messiness.
And Amen.
More of my posts on parenting, chaos, and/or time management:
Rachel M
Amen! I am in the middle of the 1st trimester with my third kid in three years. I feel rotten and precious little is getting done. I can get pretty discouraged until I remember that my main purpose in life is to worship God. I can do that from the couch, or the toilet, or my bed.
Candice
Yes ma’am.. you speak the truth. Thank the Lord for Grace!
Stephanie
It’s a wonderful time of life when you can freely and unashamedly admit this! Good for you! When we had our fourth child, we have six now, I coined the phrase “pick two” with my husband. I asked him what his priorities were for me and he said, “homeschool the children, laundry and a hot dinner.” I told him that those would become my priorities amidst my daily responsibilities. There were some days that I asked him to pick two because three was impossible. It lightened the mood, took weight off my shoulders and became a joke at times. Now that our oldest is getting married and our youngest just turned ten, we still use the phrase “pick two” because life is just as busy, just with different things.
Enjoy this season of life. It is one of the most physically demanding times of your mothering, but with God, all things are possible. Embrace and cherish even the worst of days. You are loved and have been blessed with the most rewarding and fulfilling job known to woman. God bless you!
Eraina
This is amazing. We are heading to retirement and I love the support this group is giving. I think I will now adopt ‘pick two’ as I support husband, children and grandchildren. As you get older there is still lots to do π
Christina
Girl I know what you mean here, We’re all mother’s and all have been there I always feel so judged by my inlaws to the point it makes me feel like a bad wife and mother that I have to let go of the house work at times or my garden isn’t the prettiest lately (due to drought really). I know they haven’t had as many children as me so they probably don’t get it but my mama does. She stands by me and tells me you can’t do it all you just have to take one thing at a time and if your babies need you then take care of them and their needs and just leave the other alone until you have the time and energy to get caught up. (she had 11 children so I Know she’s been in my shoes and then some) I’m heading to my 3rd trimester with baby #4 and I’m petrified really of how I get things done. My husband is confident I’ll be fine LOL I say Only by the Grace of God!
Patricia
I cloth diapered ALL 4 of my children.
Would I do it over again…you bet. Especially, if it meant that it helped with the budget and I was able to stay home with them while my hubby worked.
I have my Littles (grand children) that I watch everyday in my home. My daughter brings a diaper bag loaded with disposables.
Am I perturbed that she doesn’t use cloth? NO WAY!
At this age of my life trying to accomplish what I do — on top of baby sitting. Cloth diapers is the last thing I want to worry about.
I feel the same way with my oldest Grand son– he started public school this year. He has special needs. He is 6. He wasn’t even speaking at age 4. So needless to say, he was in no way ready to go to kindergarten at age 5. He is the oldest, largest busiest child in his class. Am I perturbed that my home schooled daughter and her husband placed him in public school. No way! I want the very best for him.
I’m almost 50 — it has taken me a long time to learn the truth you have spoken here. Grace…is definitely a gift. We should be ready to share that gift with others. We do not walk in their shoes. We all need grace. π
be blessed!
Rachel Joy
Preach!!
Because so often, messiness is the result of choosing to spend extra time in His word, or playing another round of Go Fish, instead of doing those dishes. A hard lesson learned with my last pregnancy.
Thank you for not being perfect. <3
Amanda
I am a new follower of your blog. I am enjoying it. You. Your family and your pets and home. I like how you keep it real and how your focus seems to be on things that matter. As a fellow blogger, I get the same question from people often. I used to respond with “I do a lot of things, I just do them all really poorly.” (joke) Now I am coming to realize that what they are really asking is “How do you do all the things that I want to do, but am not doing?” Your priorities are in a good place, and it is ok if we fan-girl you for respecting it. That being said… here is some grace for you. Keep on keeping on! And God bless.
cassye
I have tried multiple times with my third and I’m sad to say we can’t cloth diaper with him. He rashes up so bad. I’ve only found two disposal brands that don’t effect him as well. Sad but we do what we can. Keep your head up mama. Judgement from others can shove off.
Margaret
I don’t have kiddos to diaper or a farm to run, and I still can’t find time to do everything I feel like I need to do. It is such a relief that God is glorified in the messiness! Thanks for the reminder π
Rhonda
For me, the hardest part is extending the grace to myself…..thanks for the reminder.
Julie
rhonda, that is a very valid and sad fact for many people. Don’t judge your self harshly and give yourself the grace you need!
Jesse
We can’t forget to go easy on ourselves, too! When things don’t get done, don’t judge yourself harshly, give yourself some grace.
ReeseCup
Amen! So thankful to have found your blog. We’re in the process of transitioning from a small flock of chickens and a small garden to a small farm. These were exactly the words I needed to hear!
Thank you!
Reimi Marden
AMEN! I loved your blog and will return. I so appreciated your transparency and authentic style of writing. My son is in your husband’s class. I see he has an amazing woman by his side. I look forward to meeting you someday.
Amanda Iden Howell
Thank you!
Tammy
Very well written. It’s all I can do with getting through work each day.. I don’t even have all the chores that you have each day. I am hoping to get my farm up and running by spring if all goes well. We have hit a bump in the road financially right now and are trying to get past it. I am even willing to take on a second job to get us past it. I want to realize my farm dreams and sustainability, but one hurdle at a time. Please keep writing love reading your blogs.
Becca
Sister! Amen! What else can I say?
Grace and peace be to you and your family!
Elle
Oh Amen, Shaye! Such a beautiful post – ‘how about we give grace instead?’ Yes.
Sarah
Thank you! This is how I have been feeling lately. As a homesteading mom I feel like I have this standard to live up too. Women in general have this private competition going on with each other and it can impact us in a negative way. Not to mention the girls we are raising. This is a daily battle with me. Thank you for being real! I often think if things were perfect then why would we need Jesus?
Linda Thomson
No one can do it all. Its when we try that we end up feeling bad about ourselves and lose site of what’s important. Husbands, children , parents – that’s what matters, not is the coffee table polished.
Sheila Menendez
And amen. As I go from doctor’s office to doctor’s office and in between them I don’t feel well enough to do more than shuffle around the house it puts ALL this kind of stuff into perspective. Do what you can with what you have and let the rest go. Enjoy the kids. The farm. And the husband. And amen.
Julia Hufford
LOVE this post! As a 60 year old Grandma, who is doing parenting duties again for my 7 & 9 year old grandchildren, I can vouch for the concept that we cannot do it all. I could not do it all when I was 32, and had 4 children, and I can REALLY not do it all now that I am 60, and doing half that number!!! And, at our age, Hubby and I tell the grandkids, “We still do everything parents do, we just do it SLOWER, which means we don’t do as much of it!!!
Melissa
This has been a hard one for me to learn! I have come to the conclusion that the people I love I was pushing away since I feel so passionate about our way of life. I MAKE time for the extras, and yes, when something is added something else has to go! Now it is accepting my friends & family how they are and helping ONLY if they ask!
Jan
Oh AMEN, Mama! I think we get caught up in the comparison game when it isn’t helpful at all. We compare our knowledge with others, our choices with those others make. It’s crazy really. We are all walking a different path and we are all at different places on our journey.
Do I feel bad sometimes that I am not a better Mama? Yep. Am I doing all I can and hanging in there by God’s grace? You betcha! It’s good enough for right now.
Would you mind if I shared a link to your article on my blog? I think it is phenomenal and want more folks to see it.
Shaye Elliott
Go for it! Thanks, Jan!
Susanne
Love these words of truth! Thank you!
Melissa Harrison
I think as long as we know we are pleasing (or trying) God, that’s what matters at the end of the day. I have learned that sometimes things we do or like, priorities we have, can be for a season. And that’s okay! Sometimes God also takes things away from us so that new things can bloom and grow! That’s the beauty of life!
Amanda C
Thanks so much! I often feel pressure to keep up with everything and beat myself up when I can’t do it!
Carrie
Wish I had this post to read 2 years ago when I had my last. I decided to change to whole food eating, going back to work full time, and breast feeding the baby. It almost put me in the grave. I had to learn to give myself grace and that I couldn’t do it all (though I tried). 2 years later and I’ve stopped cringing (most of the time) if my kids have a processed treat every now and then. Thanks for the encouragment when it seems like bloggers seem to have it all together all the time.
Allison
I remember reading one time that “His strength is perfected in my weakness” and I was so offended by the thought. Of course He needs my perfection to really build perfection in the world! Alas, how grateful I am now to know that our God is the God who makes all things work together for my good, not just my successes.
Thanks for reminding me to show grace to others, and to myself.
Jen
Exactly! I’m heading into my third trimester with my eighth child. It’s hard sometimes when I realize how much I don’t get done. (Especially homeschooling.) I just try and count the positive. And count the kids. π
Sarah
I love that you shared this! I have 2 little ones, my youngest being 6 weeks old at the moment. This week has been one of feeling overwhelmed. It’s so wonderful to receive the reminder that we can’t and shouldn’t do it all. Thank you!
Izzy
I just stumbled upon your blog & I just love it. Thank you for your honesty. I try hard everyday to make the right choices & sometimes it’s just not possible & I always beat myself up for it. As a mother of 4 & working full time, I can’t be superwoman either! Thanks for making me feel better π I will look forward to reading your blog.
Katie Madsen @twothirdscup
Well said!
Heather @ My Overflowing Cup
Amen! Glorifying God is of the utmost importance. I, too, have had to do a lot of simplifying and letting go. Thanks for the encouraging post and the excellent reminder!
Ashley
This is the best blog post I’ve read in a really long time. Thank you!
Mary
I practically cried when I read this blog! Potty training (with cloth diapers), pregnant with my third, in the middle of therapies with my first, commuting my husband 45 minutes away because we only have one car, all on top of buying a house/renovating/and preparing to move. It means you can’t walk through my house or grab a single clean plate or fork from the cupboard. But the most important things (like family prayer and scripture study) are still getting done and your blog was a great reminder that that is what matters. God Bless
Annie
This post made me tingle and at one point, my eyes teared up. I feel like you’ve given ME (and all of us) that little bit of grace so THANK YOU truly.
Brenda Dawson
Today was my first visit here and I feel inspired. Thank you
Lori Maner
Thank you so much for this article. I needed to hear it today. Keep us in prayers.
Meg Miller
I needed this today! π Thank you.
brena
Love this article. I have been doing some preserving through canning for several years now.
And it is a wonderful thing. I actually have people hand me empty canning jars and occasionally a few bucks to pick up fresh produce from the local public market to can for them because they don’t have the time. I don’t have a huge garden, because I have a barely working back, so I grow what I can and supplement from the local farmers. I wish I could grow more, and preserve more, but like you said, priorities and grace. I do what I can and thank my farmers for doing all they can to stay in business and still provide for themselves and others like me.
Marcia B
I was just putting some Bridgestone Monkey Bread in the oven. When I read the ingredients, I was overcome with guilt. It has all kinds of horrible things in it. I’d bought it with a coupon to give myself a break but now I feel it wasn’t worth it. It is very hard to balance your jobs as a mom. I’m an older mom and may have a lot of head knowledge but that doesn’t always make it easier. I want so badly for my family to eat good quality foods but you are right, you have to use what you’ve got, use the situation you’re in and hope you can do better in another season. I’ve just let myself have several days of napping as a stay-cation since we can’t afford to go anywhere. I’ve loved it and hope I get another day or two before New Years Eve. It’s hard being a mom!
Dee
So true. I just told my husband recently that I was no longer superwoman. We each have our lives and priorities and we have to do those things which we think are the most important to us/our family. I am blessed to work from home instead of having over 2 hrs commuting a day. However I am responsible for doing many tasks for my elderly mother, etc. so I try to sort out and prioritize things that have to be done and then add in some “nice to do” tasks/projects. We really exchange one task for another according to priority.
I have a list of things to make for myself. They do not have a timeline but just a “me” project. I made myself an eye mask the other day and now I sleep better. Even put some homemade linen spritz on it before drifting off to sleep
Sally at Garden Valley Homestead
Amen, Shaye. I took a store bought pie to Bible study yesterday and I felt like I needed to apologize :(. I can’t even tell you how many years it’s been since I purchased a commercially made pie. But, my mare was colicing and required 24/7 watch. That’s all I could do. I made it to Bible study and that was the priority over baking. Happy New Year to you and your family!
Mary
Thank you, we all need to hear this. We all need to hear this often!!! We all get caught up in the situation where, regardless of what we HAVE accomplished today, we beat ourselves over all the things that we didn’t get done. Yes, lets all give ourselves, and others, a little Grace. Amen.
Racheal
Ah Shaye,
the good news is it should get easier for you. I’ve popped out another baby every 2 years since I got married, so we have 6 now, and are also getting into homesteading. Not as fast as we’d like, because not long after buying our acreage our State’s worst drought ever hit. Lack of water seriously affects what you can grow!!
But what I wanted to encourage you with is that having 3 children under school age is hard work (was the hardest season of my life!), but as they get older, even though you may have more children, the older ones can be so helpful that the workload is nowhere near as demanding. My eldest 3, ages 9, 7 and 6 take care of all the washing, most the vacuuming and look after the chooks for me. And I’m sure as yours grow they’ll do the same. I still have 3 children under school age, but having those older children also makes all the difference!
Have you ever heard of a book called Large Family Logistics? It’s by a farming mother-of-nine. She goes through how the old school women managed to do everything they did on top of caring for a large brood of children. It’s transformed my way of mothering and made life so much easier for the past 2 years!
I love your blog and am encouraged and excited to read about the simple things in life that are so pleasurable to learn and practice. You’re doing an amazing job taking on such a workload with littlies! Shalom to you, Racheal
Lysha
I LOVE this post! People are so busy these days. We just have to keep our priorities straight and do what’s right for us.
Tracy
Thanks for being real Shaye! Still praying for Sal…
Dee
Thank you for your honesty….YOU ARE AWESOME!!! π
Christina
Well said….and yes it is His grace, God’s grace π
Buffy
Amen!
Tami
Grace…..a simple and beautiful word that many times we forget to employ in our life and to others, me very much included. I’m glad you wrote about this to remind me to give grace to others as well as to myself. Women today are superwomen I’m convinced but it may lead to an early grave if we don’t remember your main point, “I can’t do it all”.
Janie warren
I’m so happy to read your blog. It really inspires me.
Camille Olivia
I’m not well versed on all the bible stuff, but as a recovering Catholic, I promise, I know it. I also know that somewhere in there are various quotes about trust, love, and doing your best. I’d say, all other baloney aside, you are among the noblest of Humans. So your kid ate a cupcake with stuff you’d rather she not eat. So what? You are a hero, my sweet almost-friend. A real life HERO. So…good for you that you KNOW you can’t do it all. Somewhere in the bible, I’m pretty sure (again) there are quotes about that too. Something like, “God helps those who help themselves.” I’d say that’s about the best you can expect, yes? GiddyUP, Shaye! You’re ROCKING this Human experience!
Megan Hutchison
I feel ya, we’re knee deep in harvesting, weeding, and fall prep for the farm. The vacuuming and sweeping just isn’t going to happen and that’s okay.
Colleen G
As a mom who has Fibromyalgia and has had to cut a lot of things from her life thank you for the reminders of giving grace. We are even to offer grace to ourselves when we see all those awesome things that we could be doing but for one reason or another cannot.
Liam G
It’s interesting how parenting will change your perspective on the ‘must be completed’ task list. When our daughter was born, we tried to maintain the old life and add her to it. After about four months, we realized life had changed and it wasn’t bad, just different.
For me, this change gave me the most perspective on my parent’s lives as I grew up. Aspects of life that I couldn’t understand have become crystal clear, generally to my amusement (hate to admit it…but parents were usually right).
Jocelyn
I’m one of those people have been following you for years. Of all the people I follow you are the most inspiring and relatable. I also have four children and have had to re-prioritize quite a few times. I recently posted a meme on Facebook that went something like “don’t compare yourself to other mothers, we are all losing our shit just hide it better than others” (sorry for the language). It’s actually quite true! So many moms I look at and wish I could be like them. My personality is loud and I’m a little bit of a micromanager. So our household tends to be a little loud and it’s sometimes difficult for me to just let my kids learn by just making mistakes. I don’t know you personally but you seem like you really have your stuff together. You do after all live exactly the life style that I dream of. Also in your pictures you look like the perfect mom lol. Sometimes I wish we could see ourselves from another’s perspective, but we can’t do we just do our best, pray, let our kids and sometimes ourselves eat crap, and take lots of magnesium!
Cassidy
Yes, ma’am! My fourth child is due in 2 months. I formally cloth diapers, but out toddler rocks disposables. I have a he r Nina and somethings (like reaching into a washer (I’m short – it’s a top loader) just had to go. Bless you for this post. It often times is the hardest for us mom’s to be kind to ourselves.
Aubrey
Good stuff, Shaye! We all need grace for every season of life… be blessed!
Denise
Right on girl!!!! I now feel so much better about myself!!!!! ????
Diane
Obviously this post was needed my many of your readers! I want to add my bit of encouragement by saying: You CAN have/do it all…just not all at the same time! Family and home takes priority now; give yourselves fully to this high calling. But believe me, blink twice and the kids are grown! THEN you can start tackling the list of other things you put on hold through the years. There is so much freedom and joy in keeping priorities in order–God gives much grace for this–and delayed gratification really is “gratifying” π
Shaye Elliott
Great reminder, Diane. Thank you!