Life…it's meant to be good. I'd like to say I was better at this, but frankly, it's a huge struggle for me.
“This” meaning being okay with the mess of life, that is.
Today, I begged a cleaning company to venture out to the farm to scrub only God knows what out of my showers and tubs. Then, I pleaded with them to scrub the smoothie off the window, the poop off the crib, and the stains out of the kitchen sink.
I threw in a load of laundry before I fled the house and was tempted to throw a lit match in the doorway behind me.
Wouldn't it just be easier to start over sometimes?
Yes, friends, I'm afraid that life IS messy. Parenting is messy. Farming is messy. Working at home is messy. Marriage is messy. It's all just a big ‘ol slippery, boogery, emotional, rushed mess.
And yes, there are moments of incredibly pure beauty amongst the mess. Moments were you can be tempted to thing “Man, I got this. Look at my house! It's (pretty) clean! Look at my kids! They're (pretty) behaved!) Look at my checkbook! It's (almost) balanced. And check out my progress! I've (almost) arrived!”
And then your family continues to exist for another 3.1982 minutes and it all proceeds to fall apart once again. At which point, I usually pout and weep and cry to the heavens.
And then, the Lord reminds me of something very important:
Life is not meant to be finished. It's meant to be good.
Tisk, tisk, tisk… wait one second though. Good doesn't mean easy. Good doesn't mean relaxed and full of lovely things. Good doesn't mean peaceful circumstances.
Good means finding rest in Christ's sufficiency and finding peace despite our circumstances. Because, like a frying pan on the back of a head, let's face it: circumstances are hard and they always will be.
Whether it's disobedient children. A sick farm animal. A van who's door won't stay shut so you have to kick it and in turn, it tests your holiness daily.
The other day, one of my children (who shall remain nameless) picked their nose and wiped the booger on the newly cleaned bathroom mirror. Friends, that's life. That's circumstance.
And what matters a thousand times more than my clean mirror is the spirit of peace that I'm sharing with those around me.
Does Mom throw a fit and shout and get angry at me for wiping a booger on the bathroom mirror? Or does she smile, kindly remind me that boogers are for tissues and not to be wiped on things (fun as it may be), and correct while still maintaining fellowship within our relationship?
How do I want my children to approach the circumstances of life? Pissed off that things are difficult, hard, messy, broken, and ‘unfair'? Or do I want them to recognize that Christ has accomplished all necessary work, our to-do list is eternally finished, and that while the struggles of this earth are real, they are ordained and orchestrated by a Sovereign, Holy, Good God who loves us more than we could ever imagine?
Do we celebrate in the grace and sufficiency of the gospel? Or is my head so far up my laundry shoot that I've lost all perspective of the important things in this world?
You know what matters a zillion times more than my children growing up in a perfectly clean, organized home? Growing up in a loving home. Growing up with a Mom who is peaceful.
Hence the cleaning crew.
Many are capable of cleaning my showers. But only I am capable of being a mother to my children and a wife to my husband.
I tend to be one of those sick individuals who does a lot better with order and free space. I'm not a clear minded mother or a wife with a dirty house. So, I did a powerful thing: I delegated.
I'm sure many of you aren't nearly as anal or psychopathic as I am. More power to you. I wish it didn't bother me so much. But with the dirt of a farm, the mess of three children, and a very small house, it tends to cause mini-implosions that give me gray hairs and wrinkles. And I'm too young for that nonsense.
Shaye, it's not meant to be finished. It's not meant to be perfectly organized. It's not meant to be easy. So when you hit your elbow on the fridge door and spill that gigantic glass of raw milk that you just poured (on the floor that you just mopped, no doubt), rest easy, my dear.
Keep the four letter words to yourself.
Little eyes are watching you… learning how to respond to heartache, pain, frustration, and obstacles.
It's meant to be good. Reflect God's goodness. Reflect patience. Reflect mercy. Reflect the work accomplished by Christ and the inexplicable joy that comes with knowing him as Lord.
Even if you have to see that reflection in a mirror smeared with boogers.
And Amen.
Anna @ Feminine Adventures
Amen! Love this post.
Vera Jane
Thank you Shaye, I needed this!π
Mollie
Just what I needed to hear. Thank you.
Elaine
Found this post to hit really close to home for me. I am the mother of 5 kids, and thought they are tweens and teens, this is so pertinent for me. Dealing with 4 teenagers (and one wee tween) can sometimes feel like you are negotiating from sun up to sun down, and they REALLY pay attention to how you handle disappointment, anger, frustration. So glad I found your blog!
Virginia
I read your blog all the time but have never commented until now. I just want to say that your post is so timely for me. With all the projects that come with trying to raise animals and food for one’s family comes lots of mess. I am a neat freak and I look around me lately and feel overwhelmed and frustrated with things because they aren’t neat and tidy the way I want them to be. Sometimes I dread even coming home because I know what awaits me, but I think I just need to stop, take a deep breath, and realize that life is meant to be good (not neat). Thanks for an inspirational post!
Kathy Vondersaar
Hang in there. Your posts do inspire me. I have two jobs, live in a log home on 44 acres, have 22 chickens, 2 cats and a Great Pyrenees dog. I have 2 boys that grew up here. One is 25, married and is going to graduate next year from IU to be a RN. My youngest boy just is 22 and just graduated last Saturday from Butler University with a double major in Physics and Astrophysics. I am so proud of both of them and dreamed of all of us living on or close to the property. Don’t think that may happen. My youngest that just graduated may be going into the Navy and the oldest want to move maybe to Washington State. My life however is to try to make this farming thing work. I am getting older and could really use the help of the boys. My husband owns a commercial door business and we would both like to retire in a few years. As old as I am I dream of just growing food, taking care of animals, and enjoying life. It is never easy but really is fulfilling. Again, I love your posts – don’t worry about being perfect just sit back and enjoy life. My to do list is never done, something is always broken and I wish I had about 10 more hours every day. Guess we all in the same boat. Enjoy your kids while they are young, they grow up fast!! Good luck to you and keep your faith in God.
Loren
i struggle with thinking everything should be all the way done often. I find myself doing nothing if it can’t be done one hundred percent and I know it’s not the way to be. I really enjoyed this post, it shifted my attitude this week to the long list of chores that I need to get done
Nicole @Little Blog on the Homestead
This is so timely as I just re-washed the same load of laundry about 5 times because it had sat too long and got musty…but I’ve gotten to spend time with my fiance, helped friends out, done some of the things of life that are infinitely more important than a clean or orderly house.
Kristin
Amen sister! I totally did the same thing last week…sacrificing a lil moolah for lots of peace (for Mommy which of course transfers to everyone else). I don’t have a farm but I do have 4 4 & under and a husband that was bedridden .
Christy
Your eloquent words are such a blessing to my spirit, Shaye. The Lord has blessed you in many, many countless ways….and you will never know the extent in which your words and pictures, joys and sorrows, insufficiencies and strengths that you share with me are encouraging me and spurring me on day after day. I’ve never met you, but consider you a kindred spirit….a sister for sure π God bless you, richly and immeasurably.
Abbey @ Surviving Our Blessings
Shaye, I found your post through Clan Donaldson this morning, and it is truly an answer to prayer. I am in serious need of an attitude adjustment, and I’ve been sitting here this morning trying to find the courage to take on the day while I hear my kids screaming at each other down the hall. I was just asking for help (“Come on, Holy Spirit, give me something I can work with, here!”)- and then your wonderful writing showed up in my facebook feed courtesy of Cari. Facebook can’t always be relied upon for delivering such sustaining widsom. Thank you for these words. I’m drawing strength from them.
Now, to go wipe some boogers. Or something worse, from the sounds of it. π May you have what you need for the journey in front of you today (and always).
Peace,
Abbey
Ally | A Home Called Shalom
This is so beautiful, and so true. I often seek the “finished”- the laundry all done and folded and put away, the To Do folder empty, things cleaned up and closed up and just done. But you’re so right- all those messes are part of life, and giving ourselves grace is more important than having all the checkboxes crossed out.
Thank you!
Allison
I’m not a mom (yet), but this brought tears to my eyes because it hits so close to home. Thank you for convicting, encouraging, and pointing to Christ all at once! Just what my heart needed to hear. <3
Carrie
Almost brought me to tears. Your message was definetly inspired by the Spirit. Thanks for being a vessel for good news and encouragment.
Miley D.
AMEN………….. AMEN…………… and another AMEN!! Thanks Shaye for reminding me who and what we need to be thankful for! π
Ronda
I love that you are not afraid to talk about our wonderful Savior! We live in a day that many would not do that. That is such a blessing to all of us. Keep up the good work. Many blessings to you and your family.
fiona
beautiful xxx thank you
Denise
Oh m goodness are you my twin??????? Well said!! I love,love,love this post!!
Rancher Girl
Well said!
Speaking from experience…. It is not easier to start from scratch. After losing our home and all our belonging in a house fire, this post speaks volumes to me, as we live by much of what you wrote.
Stephanie
I am so thankful for this post. God has been sending me a lot of things like this–ones that hit right on the issues that He has been convicting me about and that I have been crying out to Him to fix!
Even though I’m a 40 year old mom to 7, I needed to hear that others struggle with this and to be reminded of what’s important.
candice
I love that you get IT and you remind me…that I’m not alone in this crazy wonderful thing we call life. With 5 kids under 12 I love it…it’s not meant to be finished..it’s meant to be good. He means for it to be good. Just like He is good.
Cheri
Totally agree with you, Shaye.
When I was first scrolling down the page and saw that picture of your boy, my face lit up and I was like, “Ermahgerd!! BAY-BAY!” I kind of love adorable pictures of babies…
Speaking of babies, you look freaking awesome for a woman with three young children. I’s just sayin’…
Anna
I think we’d be friends. π
Yes, yes, a hundred times, yes. I could’ve written this. Thank you for sharing.
Alison Wiltshire
Thankyou. Just, thankyou.
Lienkie
This was meant for me. From your fingers to my heart! I had that day yesterday and it was not pretty. I thank God everyday for my beautiful children and ask His forgiveness everyday for being me and messing up the biggest , most important job of my life! I need to let go of the little things, those perfect little pictures in my head and remember to see the bigger picture. Oh those little things can blind you! Thank you for the reminder.
Natallia Golos
Thank you for very timing words, I needed this article. I needed it TODAY. I need to learn how to deal with stressful situations at my home. Thank you very much.
Melissa
Amen! I have 3 kids and a farm as well, and with my husband working off the farm, there are many challenging days to say the least!
Camille
There is a saying; “You NEVER get it done.” And what I’ve learnt is that no matter how hard one “tries”, there’s always more to do. You know what? This is a GOOD thing! Why would you want to get it “all” done? As soon as one thing is accomplished, another pops up. It’s as it should be. We are Beings that were put here to learn, and grow, and (as you so beautifully said) LOVE. I am the epitome of a “Neat Freak”. I like things to be clean and orderly. But the older I get, the more I realize that ’tis far better to enJOY my life while I have it. So sometimes I forgo the housecleaning and go to the park or take a walk or just plain “chill” with my critters (MY version of children now) instead. I’m so much happier for it. I’m calmer and less stressed and a whole lot more grateful. For EVERYTHING. So, Dear One, it’s good to hear you speak on this today. Bravo for understanding what matters most (and delegating!!!!). Hugs all around ~
Kelani
Beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing the meditations your heart. I came here to look for your soaked biscuit recipe and came across this. What a blessing π
Aracely
May the Lord keep blessing you with strength and encouragement. Your experiences are so inspiring and humbling to read about. This made my day, thank you!
Caroline
I am a small acreage farmer, homeschooling two in a small house. And totally get the need for clean, uncluttered space to function and be content within. We also love creating and so there are sewing, knitting and painting projects tucked in nooks and crannies. Chaos does not help this Momma’s heart to live in Grace. Your words were balm to my poor heart. God knew just what I needed to hear, when I needed to hear it, as I read this from an email post sent earlier in May. Thank you for your frankness and bravery in sharing.
Shaye Elliott
“Balm to my heart” – I love that Caroline π
autumnhm
Great post!! So glad I found you π
jess o'brien
Thank you. This is raw and real and that is what encourages the genuine heart after God! Thank you
Marc-Andre "Abso" Lacombe
Well, I’m not a Christian man myself, (though I can understand why a Christian would toss those God references in and respect it none the less.) but (beyond the God statements) this post was absoutely spot on. I don’t have any children myself, but was dating a girl with 2 adorable daughters which I was helping raise and loved, we were also living in the Country side and tried to be mostly self-sufficient (grew some food, but didn’t have the space needed to have animals around as we were on the main strip in the town itself, not on some backroad) and I was mostly working from home (and supplementing it by doing some Bartending and as a Server) and let me tell you, it was absolutely stressed filled and nowhere near easy. The important thing, is to focus on the good and keep on remembering why you do it.
I will for sure be coming back to this site to read more entries as this was beautifully written and absolutely heart warming!
(The only reason I stated loved and not love, is that the breakup was rather messy and she’s not given me a single piece of news about the kids or even a single photo to see how they are coming along, even though I’ve tried to get some. She even had the audacity to tell the kids that I had abandonned them and wanted nothing to do with them, even though I’m not even the one that wanted the breakup to happen, let alone would have ever abandonned them like that.)
Kristi Niclas
Just what I needed this morning, thankyou!
Kim
Love this post–it’s one of my favorites. I think, create and function better in neat and orderly surroundings. But like you I’m not willing to give up the special moments or times in life to have everything perfect. Sometimes I just have to realize near perfect or almost perfect is good enough for the time being. Near and almost being totally subjective, of course π
Anonymous
Your posts and videos make my day so much betterβ€οΈ