Remember that time you were pregnant, for your fourth time, and you felt pretty tuckered?
And remember when it only took 14? 15? 16? (how many weeks am I again? does anyone even count the 4th time?) to grow out of your brand new wardrobe that you finally splurged on after weaning the last baby?
I remember. Because I'm currently wearing Stuart's pajama pants and laying in bed watching Edwardian Farm. And it's 7:33 p.m.
It seems to be a new nightly ritual… even after the super sluggishness and nausea of the first trimester passed, it was soon replaced by the 6:30 sleepies. The kind of sleepies that make me wash my face, slither into the nearest pair of pajama pants, put on my nightly sleepy essential oils, and tuck into bed where I lay. And knit. And watch old farm shows. And lay some more. Before, naturally, falling asleep at an hour that would make even the elderly feel better about themselves.
Thank God for my husband. Who can perfectly manage entertaining the littles, working on his Masters, and handling bath/bedtime without a hitch. Good Lord, I love that man.
I've been planning for us to eat dinner at about 4:45. Yes, I know that's ridiculously early. But considering Will goes to bed at 6:00, and I'm not too far after him, it allows us enough time to sit down, enjoy a hot and homemade supper (hello, meal plans!), and clean up the mess before I crash.
The kitchen isn't cleaned as thoroughly as it used to be. And the house usually goes to sleep a bit on the messy side – toys litter the floor, dirty diapers and clothes are often left next to a bathtub of cold, old water, last minute dishes and crumbs sprinkle the table, toothbrushes are strewn about the house, and the pot of peppermint tea is always sitting on the counter next to a few rings left from the mugs.
But God is good and I awake at 5:00 am, energized, feeling refreshed, and ready to handle the hurricane of life that is our home. At least until 6:30 pm, that is.
In all seriousness, I'm very thankful for this pregnancy. Even though I've already lost my waist. Goodbye, waist. Nice to see you for five seconds.
As many of you know, I have a uterine abnormality called uterine didelphys. This means I have two complete, full size uteruses. This baby has decided to call the right uterus their home – which makes the total count 3 pregnancies in the right, 1 in the left. And yes – you can tell. Go on, laugh it up. Though it might not be totally visible to the untrained eye, it's very obviously off centered to the right. Ya know. As if being pregnant wasn't awkward enough.
Nope! That's not a tumor. That's my baby. Hanging out lopsided on my hip. Ain't it pretty? Aww.
For us, uterine didelphys means that the chance of having the natural childbirth we've been dreaming of since our first pregnancy will most certainly not happen. Midwives are out of the question for us – though we've been able to see them for our prenatal care for all three babies, we're always transferred over to an OB about halfway through because of our “high risk” label. We were thankful to get to experience a VBAC with the hobbit, but that was in a different state and with an old cowboy of a doctor who was willing to “go to the mattresses” for us. Now that we're back in Washington, an OB won't touch a VBAC like ours with a 10 foot pole.
Come on, people. It's just a baby. Coming from one of two uteruses. Am-I-right?
Though, I will say, our VBAC was anything but picturesque. It was far from the organic, natural experience one envisions. It was a blood bath, quite literally, as the septum that separated the two birth canals coming from each cervix (yes, there are two of those too) was ripped out as Owen came through the canal. And when I say ripped, I mean, like, literally. Shredded. The internal stitches that were needed after the doctor surgically removed the remaining shredded pieces of tissue caused pain for months and months and months. And let's just not even mention how I passed out on the toilet from blood loss and nearly caused my husband to have a heart attack. Ina May, I'm sorry, but apparently there really are “lemons” amongst us – and I am one of them.
Now, as a a fourth time mother, I actually feel at peace with it all. I've done it. I've been through it. I've cried about it. I've accepted it. I've prayed about it. I've recovered from it. And I'll do it again, if I have to.
Which I do. Because, let's be honest, this baby is comin' out one way or another.
And did I mention it's coming the same week we're supposed to start lambing? Perfect. Maybe I'll just set up shop in the coral with Eleanor, Rosie, Fawn, and Noel and we can do our business together. A little mutual encouragement. Ha! Now there's a thought. If only it were as easy as fresh water, clean bedding, and a draft-free shelter.
Sign me up.
I'm not sure how long the 6:30 sleepies will remain. I suppose if they are to come, now is as good of a time as any. The days are already incredibly short and are only getting shorter. There's not much to be done outside after supper and now that we've ripped out the remaining gardens, are pushing through the last bit of preserving, and the first trimester nausea caused me to totally miss Fall garden planting, the farm is getting ready to rest up for the winter ahead.
I'm thankful for my neighbors who grow the most delicious, organic produce and sell me baskets so I can still eat someone's Fall goodies.
And I'm thankful for the cleaning ladies who are coming to help me scrub toilets, showers, and bathtubs.
And I'm thankful for a job that allows me to work while sitting in Stu's pajama pants, sipping Peppermint tea, and talking about my uteruses. Uteri? Uterusi? Uh. Whatever.
And Amen.
Ali O
I’m right there with you! Although this is my second pregnancy and not my fourth. The nausea this time around was so much worse and it caused our garden to go to hell in a handbasket – well the nausea and the fact that I broke my ankle while at my father-in-law’s farm the same weekend I found out I was pregnant. Weeds everywhere. Thankfully we still had success despite that. Now in the second trimester, I feel like the exhaustion has set in. So just know that you are not alone, falling asleep terribly early! 🙂
Alex
I loved reading this blog post. I am currently pregnant (unexpectedly) with our fourth. I was still nursing (although she was almost 2) and was totally unprepared to be pregnant again. I have had some traumatic birth experiences, not like yours, but still traumatic. I am still dreading labor but I know it has to happen one way or another. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly!
Aeryn
I love you, Shaye. I really truly do. I don’t know how you do all the amazing things you do, but somehow you manage, with a positive attitude the whole way (something like 90% of the time, anyway, which is WAY better than me). I’m not where you are yet. I’m not married quite yet, I don’t have kids, I don’t even have the slightest clue where I’m going to put my little farm. And I don’t know how I’m going to do it all when the time comes. I’m scared. But gosh, your posts are so encouraging! If Shaye can do it, then maybe–just maybe–I can do it too, possibly even without either dying or being committed to an asylum. It’s a long shot, because I’m really not as good of a person as you are, but I’m going to go for it. I’m going to save my pennies, work these three jobs as long as I can, and if all goes according to plan, have a few chickens and my first baby in the next two years. And maybe I’ll get to keep a piece of my sanity, too. Hugs to you, internet friend! You deserve them.
Leanna
Wow. I LOVE how tenacious you are. The self-love and acceptance you’re offering yourself is so encouraging. And fearless. Dang. My husband and I are about ready to really start talking about talking about maybe having babies soonish. Risk, like, real bonifide, bodily risk sits high on his mind. Maybe a little on mine, too. Hearing your fierce motherly peace-with-it/come-what-may attitude is…grace. I cannot doubt that you and God are in on this baby-bearing thing together. You don’t get peace like that from Kroger. Thank you for sharing your truth, especially the double uterus part. Bodies are amazing and fearsome and you just told it how it is. Thanks. L
Angela
Girl, I love ya.
Anyone who suffers there her pregnancy with Edwardian Farm… And all the others of course… I did the same thing. Cracked out with my laptop, the bbc and copious amounts of hummus and grapefruit juice.
Ps, as a home birther the Ina May comment cracked me up. I’d like to think she’d give you a free pass and a good job sticker to boot.
.
Quinn
I’ve a string of random comments and can’t figure out how to connect them into an intelligable & cohesive one so are you cool if I bullet point it? Good.
•I’ve birthed a baby with Edwardian Farm playing in the background. 😉 Best birth I’ve ever given.
• I don’t have 2 uteri, but I’ve noticed that last few pregnancies, my babies grow up the right side and then spread over as they get bigger so I get what you’re saying about it looking strange. Actually, I’ve got photographic evidence that it shrinks back down the same way cause my chiropractor had me go in for an xray when I was 13 wks. PP after Chloe and they called me back in cause they thought it was a tumor. (What every new mum needs to hear.)
• Thank you Lord that we live in a day when you can safely have your babies where you need to even though it might not be as romantic as you had once hoped! Your babies are way to darn cute to be closing up that shop cause it’s too dangerous to birth them 😉
•At least the season is finally winding down for you and you can rest without worrying as much about what needs to be done.
Rest well Shaye! Love, Quinn
Hydeeann
Firstly, I’m here because I just got your cookbook. I’ve only made the Korean Beef (and accidentally added shredded carrots to it that were for the slaw I was making in tandem – but it was an awesome addition!) and we devoured it. Truly scrumptious!
Secondly, I had to stop mid read and find out what Edwardian Farm was. And then I had to order it before I came back to finish the read. It’s looks great – thanks for the tip and the link!
Thirdly, a friend of mine has two uteri (whatever) and it causes her to contract only once before the baby arrives. The last one came in the car! I only have one uterus but I do have a cervix that likes to start opening up around 27 weeks. Even after 2 months of bed rest, the babies have come 4+ weeks early and started life in the NICU. Like you, I’ve learned to accept that it’s how we make babies around here. It’s not the ideal or even close to normal, but it’s how we roll. So we do. And I’d do it again an 8th time of I could just get pregnant once more. 🙂 Bless you, mama! Keep doing what you have to and enjoy those early nights. Hugs!
raisingcropsandbabies
I’m a lemon too! I had the awful homebirth with my first (who ended up lifelong injured, but is a miracle because he’s alive). Turns out this old pelvis is the most horrible shape for birthing babies. I’ve had 4 C-sections since then and long-term healing-wise I’ve healed faster with my C-sections than my vaginal birth (4th degree tear/broken tailbone). I been there/done that with sad feelings, but came around to enjoy the perks of C-sections… timing up everything and making a plan (especially with multiple little ones at home) is nice for instance.
I had my 5th during planting time… poor hubby! Thankful for family that flew in to help me, but it was still rough on the man.
I was similar to you with sleep… falling asleep on the couch at 7pm and up at 3am. Good luck to you!
Alicia
I was in labor with my 4th when one of my pigs birthed her litter. Thirteen piglets within a couple of hours seemingly effortlessly…why can’t I do it that easily? Why? You’d think I’d be good at it by now!
Deb B
I love the way you put things… it brings pictures so clearly even if I’m not right there… Thanks!
Have you tried papaya for morning sickness? That really worked for me anyway… nothing helped with being tired, wish something would have.
Love your new videos-we’ve already tried a few, what kind of mushrooms do you use for the Steak & Mushrooms?…makes my mouth water!