Last Thursday afternoon, I had to experience one of those those moments that no person wants to experience. One of those experiences that you so badly wish you could undo. Unlive. Unsee.
The death of a companion. My Toby-turd.
The sun had peeked out for the first time in over a week and the weather warmed enough for the littles to be outside sleding in the sunshine. I went out with the dogs to look at the animals. I'm not the only farmer who sits and stares at her animals, right? I spent a long time at each pen… examining… observing… scratching… collecting eggs.
The dogs were feeling just as happy as I was that the sun had made an appearance, and were jumping around on hay bales and weaving through cherry trees.
After a few hours outside, I may my way back in to the house to grab a snack, because (ya know) pregnancy needs call. I sat down on the couch, propped my legs up, and bit in the most delicious apple. I closed my eyes in the sunshine… the warmth that I've been missing all winter.
A shuffling noise broke my rest. I got up and went into the dining room to see what the commotion was (with so many littles and animals it's almost impossible to tell what's causing noises).
I found Toby, my beloved ‘main man' of 10 years, twitching slightly – looking at me with concern. I got on my knees and sat next to him.
“Calm down, Bud. It's okay. Calm down.” He was twitching compulsively. A few minutes went by and I contemplated what to do – call the vet? Call Stu? My phone was dead. I plugged it in and sat down by Toby's side.
A few minutes in, his body seized up in the most horrendous, rigid position and he fell completely over on his side. I tried to console him – I could tell by his eyes that he could still see and hear me. The seizure began to consume his entire body. He layed there, helpless on the floor, rigid with convulsions. I sat, weeping at his side, trying to come to terms with what was happening – tears streaming down my face – helpless to do anything at all besides lay my hands on him and try and calmly talk him through the seizure.
Toby's never had a seizure before. Besides the broken leg he had as a pup a decade ago, he's been the beacon of a strong, healthy, farm dog. I'd never seen him so helpless.
I began to panic and sent the kids downstairs, so that they wouldn't see. The seizure got more and more violent. Willy was in his crib screaming, but I had to let him cry. I couldn't leave Toby like this.
I began to swear – why wouldn't my phone charge?! It wouldn't turn on. Because of the recent move, I didn't have internet to call or text or search for information to help him. My neighbors were gone. I couldn't lift him into the car by myself. I was alone with him and I had no way to help him.
It's okay, Tobs. It's okay. Calm down. It's okay.
It wasn't okay. I knew it wasn't okay. After 10 minutes, the seizure got incredibly violent and his body began to shut down. Blood began to come out of his mouth and he lost control of his normal functions. I knew at this point, even if he did snap out of the seizure, it wasn't going to be right.
I went outside and screamed. I needed help. I needed to help my Toby. I began to shout to the heavens… God please help me! Help me help him. Help it to stop – I can't take it anymore!
It was like nothing I've ever seen or experienced.
I sat by his side for a few more minutes, praying harder and harder for relief. It was excruciating. When I heard tires coming down the driveway, I ran out to scream to Stu who was coming home from work. I was crying violently and could barely speak “Tobs is having a seizure. I don't know what to do! Help me!”.
Though Tobs and I had a few years together without Stu, for 8 of the 10 years, Stu has been right there with us. He's as loyal to Stu as he is to me and we both love the old man desperately. Stu ran in and sat by his side. He placed his hands on his chest and spoke a few words to him before calling the vet.
Before we could even get through the initial conversation with them, his body began to release. His breathing slowed. I got on my knees by him and wept. I knew he wouldn't make it and my heart began to bleed with pain.
A few more breaths and he was gone.
It couldn't have been more than 15 minutes, but it felt like a lifetime. To watch him slip away… to watch the life fade from him… it rips me apart.
I lay my head on his body and heaved with agony. I couldn't even breath.
Stu did his best to console me, but there wasn't room for that in those first few moments. I had to release the incredible sadness that I felt and that, my friends, ain't always pretty. I went outside so I could grieve in peace while Stu took care of him and the littles inside.
We called the vet back to thank them for their time and they asked us to bring Toby in for examination. It sounded like poisoning.
Poisoning? How could that be?
Stu helped to lift his body into the back of the suburban right before we looked over at Loch – our year old pup – who had just seized up and fallen over on his side. Just like Toby.
I screamed.
Stu ran to get the pistol because, in his words, we weren't going to let him suffer through the seizure like Toby just had. I drove the kids around so that we wouldn't have to witness the inevitable.
My mind was riddled with questions.
We came back to the house to find Loch – alive. We loaded Loch and Luna into the back of the car with Toby's body and drove as quickly as we could to to the vet. Loch continued to seize the entire drive there – part of me questioned what state we would find him in on our arrival.
Loch was immediately treated with a injection for strychnine poisoning. He was fed activated charcoal to soak up the remaining poison. Within 5 minutes, he was recovered and seemingly fine. Thank you, Lord! Luna never reacted – most likely because she avoided ingesting the poison altogether.
Loch has now made a complete recovery and is happy as ever. He and Luna are adjusting to life without the leader of the pack, as are we. The farm still feels eerily empty without Toby.
I wish that we had more answers, but even after an examination of Toby, we don't.
Strychnine is a pesticide commonly used in commercial orchards to kill small varmints. It causes convulsions and eventually, asphyxiation. I'm angry. I'm angry that it happened. I'm angry that Toby died such a horrible death. And I'm angry that there's nothing I could do to prevent it. We spoke with local orchardists, but none had used the poison recently. We still don't know where they got it, how much they got, or if there is more. We've examined every inch of the property and tracked the dog's all over the area. We can't find anything. And that makes me angry because Lord help me if it happens to another one of our animals – or God forbid – our children.
And it makes me angry that a poison like that exists. It makes me angry that we can't rely on more non-toxic methods for pest control. It makes me angry that so many commercial practices come with so many risks.
Please – let this serve as a reminder – that poison is just that. POISON. Even if it's meant for mice, rats, or varmints. It's deadly. Literally designed to kill. And on the farm, especially, that comes with HUGE risks and HUGE consequences.
I try not to wallow in my anger, but instead, be thankful for the beautiful time that Toby and I had together. He was as faithful of a companion as one could have ever hoped for and truthfully, I still can't feel complete on the farm without him.
I hate that death has to be a part of this life. And it makes me long for the time when we no longer have to bear witness to such.
Love you, Toby. My once-in-a-lifetime companion.
Melissa HL
My heart is so sad for you. Our dog ate rat poison twice, but recovered after expensive vet trips so I cannot relate directly to that experience-but I can relate to the heart wrenching, can’t I get a do-over feeling you are going through. Our puppy got ran over in the fall and I still hear and see it in my head at night. I send you peace and healing and a sobbing wet hug.
Shanta
My heart goes out to you guys…
Nicole @Little Blog on the Homestead
Oh Shaye I am so sorry for your loss!! What a horrible thing to experience. And I can only imagine how hard it will be to adjust. Thank Hod you were there for Toby in the end and he didn’t have to go through that alone! Hugs to you and yours
Monica
I just had to comment and say I am so, so sorry for your loss. There really are no words. I have an 8 year old lab who I love dearly. I dread his passing. There is just something about the love and bond with a dog. I would be so angry if the cause was due to poison. So horrible. You’ll be in my prayers!
Laura Wilson
I am so mad right now!!!! I am so sorry for your loss and so mad that people are so careless with POISON!!!!!
Loriel
I am so so sorry. Reading this brought me to tears. What’s awful experience to witness. My heart grieves for you.
Stacey @ Happy Hegarty Homestead
I am so sorry. I was crying through the whole story. I am glad you were there for him. I will never get used to death. We lost a beloved horse, dog and cats this year. Hugs to you!!
Courtney
Oh friend, my heart is breaking for you. I cannot imagine how hard that must have been. Virtual hugs to you!
Season
I know how it feels we had one of our dogs poisoned with antifreeze by a neighbor and as I was reading your story I kept thinking this is exactly how our dogs death went down. It is a terribly sad thing to witness. Like you I was there to console and try to calm our dog during his death. I’m happy for you that the other two dogs were ok. Thinking of you
Erin
I’m so sorry. You have had to deal with more animal losses in the past 6 months than is even fair. Seriously. So sorry for all you’ve had to endure. Keep that chin up.
Erin
Sara
We had a similar experience with our black lab, Champ. Luckily we found him just as you found Loch, and he made a full recovery. We discovered that he had gotten into our composter and eaten some onions/garlic, which are poisonous to dogs. So sorry for the loss of your fur-baby, but I’m glad everyone else is ok.
Eryn
I am so so sorry for your loss. Like the others I cried through reading this whole post. Sending you many long-distance hugs and hopes that your pain eases over time into only the good memories.
Rachel E. r
I am sorry about your loss. I am glad you know what the cause was. Thanks for sharing this, it raises awareness. I am so happy your other dogs are okay.
Crystal @ Whole-Fed Homestead
How completely terrible. Snuggling my farm dog extra close right now and hoping for you that the good memories of Toby Turd eventually push out the awful ones of his death. You are in my thoughts.
Alyson
My sister lives on farm, and this happened to one of her dogs. I am so sorry for your family to go through this. The vet and doctors of children who frequently rummage through stuff all recommend having activated charcoal on hand, because you never know when things like this will happen.
Lauren
What a terrible thing to happen! I am so, so sorry. We have had our dog Lily for nine years (our first child) and I can’t imagine what it will be like when we lose her to old age. I can’t let myself think that anything could happen to her sooner. May God bless you as you grieve and eventually heal. And may the world begin to recognize how dangerous these chemicals are and the damage they are causing.
MIchelle DiMauro
I am so sorry to read this, but thank you so much for sharing. We are new to our farm and I don’t know what I would do if this happened to our Yellow Lab, Gialla. I’m going out right now to buy activated charcoal. I’m not sure if any of this means anything to you, but really, thank you. You have definitely helped all of us with your story. I hope all of your other animals and babies can comfort you during this sad time.
Erin
Oh my heart is heavy and my tears are thick reading this. I look down at my sleepy almost 12-year-old pup and try to be thankful of the time I’ve had with her and continue to have rather than fear the end. My prayers go out to you and your family Shaye!
Dyan
I am so sorry for your loss. Our pets are part of us. Losing one, especially in a violent way, is unimaginably painful. My heart aches for you and your family.
Katie
All I can say is so sorry for such an unsettling loss of a loved family pet.
Megan
My heart goes out to you and I know your pain. Our dog went in for a tooth extraction last Wednesday. All seemed well until Friday morning when the bleeding started. We couldn’t get it to stop for very long. She had two blood transfusions over the weekend because she had lost too much. Because it wouldn’t stop, they kept asking whether she had eaten any rat poison, we knew she hadn’t but we had to rack our brains to think of any possibility. The vet told us that sometimes people sprinkle rat poison all around the outsides of their houses. It’s winter here and there is a layer of snow so I am certain she didn’t get any, but I too was angry.
Before her transfusions, we had to sign the Do Not Resuscitate papers. The good news is that she made it through and is improving, but we were sure we had lost her. Poison is no joke and used much too readily in many cases.
I am so very sorry for your loss.
Hannah
I am so, so sorry. My Golden Lab, Schatze, died just like this when I was 16. It was utterly horrifying. We drove her to the vet and I was running around their building screaming for help but it was too late. I still don’t know what it was or where she got it. We have had issues with Campylobactor in our soil but I don’t know that it would have caused such a violent death. It seems we’ll never know. It took me a long time to love another dog. Sending hugs and heartfelt sympathy.
Tiffany Davis
I cried reading your story. I am so so sorry for your loss. I hope that this was an isolated incident.
RIP Toby.
Breezy
I’m so, so sorry to hear about Toby. I wish I could say I can’t imagine loosing such a good friend in a dog. Makes my heart so sad.
JessicaT
I’m so sorry about Toby and what you went through. 🙁 My prayers are with you! We lost our Great Pyrenees to a tumor and internal bleeding last May. In one day he went from fine to having to be put down. I still grieve, it’s so hard
You mentioned cherry trees, do you know what kind they are? I heard there is a type(s?) with poison in the leaves. I read about a woman’s cow eating the leaves and dying soon after, it was heartbreaking. I can’t find the post about it to know what kind of tree it was. Not sure if the leaves affect dogs.
Nancy
I am so sorry for your loss of Toby. I just cannot imagine what you went through with him. Our fur babies have a big place in our hearts. We lost one of my best friends, a Golden, a few years ago. I still miss him. My prayers are for you and your family.
Denise Watson
Shaye, words cannot begin to touch the pain you are feeling. Some people may say it was just a dog not a human but as all us animal lovers know they find that special place in our hearts. Our pets are friends like no other, they are there with us through thick and thin, they don’t judge us, they love us and want to be with us no matter what! I will pray for healing for you and your family, it won’t be easy but it will come. Toby will be in that special place in your heart forever. ????????.
Michelle Holowiecki
yep, I know your pain. I lost my girl last month, I just cannot seem to come to grips with Jorki not being here, but I still feel her near. If you stay very centered, you may dream of Toby like I dreamt of Jorks. She came to me in my dream the other morning, she came up so close to my face and let out one enormous bark plus a quick lick on my face. I woke immediately with my heart racing, that was my Jorks, I absolutely know she found a way to tell me that she has not gone anywhere. What’s the fuss all about says Jorki!
Amy
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved friend, thankfully just to old age, back in June. It was the day after I had gotten back into town from sitting beside my mothers hospital bed. I know he waited for me. I am so grateful that I got to be by his side, as you were, as he passed. Still miss him following me around the farm. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
catherine
Im very sorry your your heart break loosing a beloved family member. You are brave to tell the story when your pain is still so intense. I know you will be sad always for his unnecessary and difficult death, but looking at your photos of him and sharing stories about his life will keep him in your heart always. I can understand your anger at other peoples carelessness and lack of thought about using poisons, and how scary not knowing if there is still poison somewhere around. May be your dog is a hero that unwittingly protected your kids from coming in contact with the poison in the future.
Charlie Jones
There are few things more heartbreaking. I am so sorry. Have followed you for months now. Here is a blog post written by Susan Isaacs about losing her pet cat. I cannot relate to a loss of a cat but she has some encouraging and comforting things to say.
http://susanisaacs.blogspot.com/2010/07/for-honey-death-be-not-proud.html
Robin
So very sorry for your loss. I know the pain of losing a pet so dear to you.
Heather
I write this with tears streaming in sympathy for the pain that you’re feeling. When I was a teenager someone poisoned our dogs with antifreeze. I know how completely heartbreaking it is to sit by a beloved pets side, knowing that they are suffering horribly but not knowing why or if there is anything you can do help. Sending you virtual hugs, and prayers for peace and healing.
Rebecca Armstrong
I have been there. My beloved Golden Retriever died 5 years ago from heart failure due to ingesting rat poison on another property. I am only just now thinking I might, MIGHT, be able to replace her. They are just animals, for Pete’s sake! Why do we let them wrap around our hearts??
Lindsey
My husband and I live on a farm and have lead the experience now or going through several deaths of animals that just seem unfair. I’m so sorry for your loss, I hope you find peace in your new normal like we’ve had to do.
Meagan @ Growing Up Herbal
I’m so so sorry for your loss Shaye. I too have had this happen with my first “indoor” dog. A little poodle schnauzer mix. He licked the antifreeze that had leaked out of an engine my dad had recently removed from his car. The vet gave us some sort of whiskey remedy to help relax during the continual seizures as well as activated charcoal. Unfortunately, he couldn’t keep any of it down, and after 3 days of trying to “save” him, he passed away. It was hard on our whole family… we loved him so much. I completely feel for you mama. I’ve had huge emotional upsets during pregnancy, and it’s all the worse. Do your best to relax. Take some nervine tinctures… drink chamomile tea… let your emotions out with your tears and talking about it. It helps. Praying for you sister!
elaine
my heart breaks. wishing you peace in the days to come.
Sarah Auzina
I am so sorry for what happened to Toby! I hope you can locate the source of the poison so no one else gets into it. Sometimes life really isn’t fair.
Corina
How horrendously terrible that you had to witness this, and how very, very tragic and shitty that your sweet dog had to suffer like this. There are no words.
I lost my dog of 15 1/2 years two month ago, and although it was from old age, and although I knew his death was close, it was still frigging hard.
I feel for you and am so, so sorry.
5WarVeteran
As a child we had a neighbor who went around poisoning all the neighborhood pets. We never learned who it was until one day he died of a heart attack and that was when they found a large amount of poison in his home. I pray for you this was an accident. I would keep a close eye and be ready for it to happen again because there are some real sick bastards out there.
Old sub vet
5war got that right, and I’m so sad that this happened to you
Jen
What a traumatic experience! I’m so sorry you had to see him suffer like that as a result of poison. It’s an absolute tragedy.
My heart goes out to you, because I also just said goodbye to my black lab named Toby. He had bone cancer and we watched him go 2 days before Christmas.
Take comfort in your loved ones, and healing will come soon.
Lois
This same thing happened to stray young cats/kittens we were feeding. The vet said it was poisoning & wondered if any of our neighbors disliked us, & I told him no. At one point, I mentioned finding one of the cats @ our shed near the stream @ which time the vet questioned if there were orchards nearby. When I said there weren’t, he said the poison put out to control mice in the orchards can travel 20 miles in the water, & is deadly to cats & dogs. There are several orchards within that radius of our residence. Is it possible your dogs drank water from a stream or creek? Sorry about your loss.
Stephanie
Oh, hun! My heart absolutely aches for you, hearing about your loss! I grew upmwith dogs–my first one was a pound mutt named Freckles, who was there waiting for me with a big, huge doggy grin, when I came home from being born, and one was always there with me every day of my childhod. One of the two I was closest to–Baby, our Newfoundland with a heart of pure gold–and she died of unnatural causes as well, when my step-mother left her in the car,one Summer’s day! So, I know how heartaachingly painful it is to loose a beloved companion under such painful circumstances, when it wasn’t their time!
Know that all of you–you, your family, and, of course, your beloved Toby, wil be in my thoughts and prayers!
Sarah
I am so very sorry for your loss. My grandad passed away Feb. of 2014 and he had always had dogs. (Granny never cared for animals). He left behind ‘Lucky.’ I had actually rescued Lucky while I was in high school (~2004ish)and brought him over with the intent to take him back eventually. Well, I never did get him and he became Pawpaw’s. Deep in the summer of 2014, Lucky was jumping at something over the chain link fence and sliced himself open on it. My grandmother (83) gets confused easily and somehow thought there was a puppy in the backyard whining (when it was really Lucky). He bled out on their backporch. Life sure can be unfair sometimes…
Leilani
Shaye, I am so sorry for the loss of your fur baby. No words can bring you peace knowing that this was not an accident. I am just thankful that the other two were saved from this terrible atrocity. May you over the days find the comfort of all the wonderful memories you had with Toby and know that while he physically is no longer here, that his memory and his impact on your family will always be near and dear to your heart.
linda
i am So very sorry for your loss. it is so hard to lose a pet . they are family. my heart breaks for you. in time the pain will not be so bad. just time. i lost my cat of 21 yrs sunday. a part of me is missing, but i know its time that will heal, im so sorry you are in my prayers
Sherry "Lucy" Doudlah
Canine Grief – “Do Dogs Mourn?”
When one dog dies, owners will often notice some changes in the pets that are left behind. They may become aloof or lethargic. Some may stop eating or become clingy. Based on these outward signs, it appears that dogs do grieve when their canine companion dies.
When a person experiences the death of a human loved one, we may know he feels grief based on what he says. Very often, however, it is how he reacts or what he does that tells us he is suffering. He loses his focus, becomes listless and disoriented, doesn’t eat and becomes disinterested in what is happening around him. The perosn may cry or go without sleep or sleep more than usual.
An animal that is experiencing the loss of another animal companion may react similarly. “Some animals can actually become depressed when they lose a loved one,” says Monique D. Chretien, MSc, AHT, Animal Behavior Consultant. “They show symptoms similar to humans such as loss of interest in their favorite activities and sleeping more than usual. However, sometimes dogs may distance themselves from the family and sleep more than usual when they are ill, so you should consult with your veterinarian before seeing a behaviorist if your dog exhibits symptoms such as these.”
The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals conducted a Companion Animal Mourning Project in 1996. The study found that 36 percent of dogs ate less than usual after the death of another canine companion. About 11 percent actually stopped eating completely. About 63 percent of dogs vocalized more than normal or became quieter. Study respondents indicated that surviving dogs changed quantity and location of sleep. More than half the surviving pets became more affectionate and clingy with their caregivers. Overall, the study revealed that 66 percent of dogs exhibited four or more behavioral changes after losing a pet companion.
If your dog shows signs that she is grieving the loss of an animal or human family member, provide her with more attention and affection. “Try to take her mind off it by engaging her in a favorite activity,” says Chretien. If she enjoys human company, invite friends that she likes to visit and spend time with her. Use environmental enrichment techniques such as toys to help keep her busy. Hide toys or treats at her favorite spots for her to find during the day.
If your dog is too depressed over the loss, she may not respond to extra activity right away. The old saying, “Time heals all wounds,” has meaning for your dog too. “Time is one thing that may help,” says Chretien. Based on the results of the ASPCA study, most dogs returned to normal after about two weeks but some dogs took up to six months to fully recover.
If your dog is vocalizing more or howling, don’t give her treats to distract her or you might unintentionally reinforce the howling. “Giving attention during any behavior will help to reinforce it so be sure you are not reinforcing a behavior that you don’t like,” says Chretien. “Give attention at a time when your dog is engaging in behaviors that you do like, such as when she is resting quietly or watching the squirrels. As the pain of loss begins to subside, so should the vocalizing, as long as it is related to the grieving process.”
If you are thinking about adding another dog, wait until you and your surviving dog have adjusted to the loss. Forcing your dog to get to know a newcomer will only add stress to their already anxiety-ridden emotional state. And be patient. Your dog may miss the canine companion as much as you do.
May God Bless you and give you Peace.
Know that when you are thinking about Toby his is Right Next to you and you will meet again someday. So Sorry for your Loss!
Ka'imi
My heart and positive energy go out to you. What a horrible loss to suffer <3
Jack Daugherty
I’m a 68-year-old man who is typing and crying at the same time. I always dream that I’ll see my furry kids again, somewhere, some how. I hope the same for you.
Karen
After 60 years of long and losing my fur-babies, it never gets easy. But, I know they are all together across the rainbow bridge and where they’ll welcome me one day. I t’s the only way I can get through pain. Bless you for loving Toby and giving him a great home! Don’t disbelieve if he comes to visit you after he’s had time to heal his soul!
Anna
I’m sorry Shaye. I know how it feels to lose a canine bff. Our puppy Charlie died when he was 8 months old. I’m glad Toby could have had such a wonderful life, and that it didn’t end alone. He had you, his best friend, with him till the end.
Hilary
My heart is breaking for you and your family. I’m so sorry this happened.
Kaywin @ YipperSkipper Acres
So sorry for your loss Shaye. Its so hard loosing any animal, especially a dog. We’ve got a plott/labrador mix who truly reminds me of your Toby. Such a family oriented dog, one you can just trust. I couldn’t imagine loosing him. But I know that day will come, hopefully not for many more years. I’ve recently just started following your blog. You’ve got a great way of putting things so simply. Your such an encouraging person to me. Again so sorry about your Toby. My sympathy to you and your family on your loss.
Elizabeth
I fully understand your pain, a little over a year ago we brought home a one year old Tibetan mastiff that quickly became a family member, he was incredible and bonded to is like No other. One day we had a freak accident involving our honey bees…I tried to save him, I gave him love and held his paw as we rushed to the vet, I called his name and begged him to stay with us. I gave him CPR when I felt his big heart go quiet. To this day I miss him like no other…it will get better, it will become more sweet then bitter, but it may take a while before that happens.
Virginia
I am so sorry for your loss. I too wish that death were not a part of this life. I laid my grandmother to rest on Tuesday, and it was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do, but your words that there will be a time when we no longer have to bear witness to such things as death is so true. I feel for you, and I hope you and your family are able to remember the good times with Toby. That’s what counts.
Annie
So sorry, Shaye. We went thru something similar two and shall years ago when my dog passed away. We had only minutes to know that something was radically wrong. My daughter and I kept screaming “No” as we petted her and watched her die. It was horrible. I still miss my Dutchess. Afterwards, a song my dad used to sing while playing his guitar stuck in my head. It was like an ear worm stuck on repeat. The name of the song was Shep. The lyrics at the end of the song are “Now ol’ Shep is gone where the good doggies go and together we’ll no longer roam. But if dogs have a Heaven there’s one thing I know, old Shep has a wonderful home.” Run free, Toby. Run free!
julie
Weeping with you . . .
Jan
So sorry Shaye. He sounds like a great companion and a loving part of your family.
Wavesong
A very common way for cats and dogs to get poisonned is by catching and eating a rat that has the poison in its system… it might have come from a distance.
Judith
Are you sure he didn’t get into Antifreeze? Everything you described sounds like what my dog went thru. My dog got into Antifreeze and seized for 5 hours. I laid on the garage floor with him just balling my eyes out. It was 20 degrees out and really cold but I didn’t care it was my dog. It was not a good Thanksgiving Day for me. So sorry for your loss.
Tammy
I waited a few days to read this because I knew I’d be crying. I am so very sorry for your family’s loss. We have lost a few and it is absolutely heart wrenching. I pray for comfort for your broken heart and that you’ll find where the poison is. Much love.
Lisa
So sorry for the loss of your dear Toby. Truly is heartbreaking. I feel your pain, honestly and the anger you must be feeling at the same time. This probably isn’t going to be much help, but I’m wondering where you’re located, if someone is putting poison bait out for coyotes or other wildlife possibly on property lines and the sad thing is, most animals, birds included will eat on this. It affects everything and unfortunately our dear fuzzy friends that are dear to us. I feel that anyone who uses poison to kill anything are cowards. It’s a horrible way to die and working at a vets office I can testify to it that if it doesn’t kill the animal it will leave them with health issues most likely afterwards. Some are lucky, most are not. I would keep poking around in the neighborhood and talk to people. Some neighbors talk, others don’t, but if someone is putting out bait, I can almost guarantee that someone knows who it is. The run off from orchards and just crap from farmers equipment and such can leave puddles of chemicals in water where animals will drink from as they move around and that will cause death and health issues. When I see and hear stories like this and the hurt and harm it brings makes me so sad, but yet at the same time it makes me want to scream to people, look at the harm that all these chemicals that we use so frequently how it is affecting us, our animals and our earth. It’s no wonder so many of us have health issues as well as so many of our pets. Our society and our animals are sick these days because of what we are drinking and eating and many times have no clue what is causing it. But look a little deeper and it can be found with some investigating. I look out at the farm fields around me and when the big farmers and machinery come in and spray, the stuff goes everywhere and in the air and makes it way into the barn where my animals are. It floats everywhere if the wind is right. I can taste it and I can smell it and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it except pray that no one gets sick. It’s not just here in my small community, it’s everywhere. I’m sorry about Toby and the hurt it has brought you. Be vigilant on finding the source of where it came from and knowing it is mostly likely still there and remember, maybe not now, but if someone is putting out poison, someone will bring up the topic in the future. God bless….and thanks for loving the animals who have brought love and joy to your lives.
Ashlee
Shaye, I read your story here days ago and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it and you. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I know what a horrible ache you have. I will keep praying for you guys! Hang in there, Mama!
Ali S.
So sad for you guys. What a horrible thing to experience at your new farm. We have an orchard and we use black holes to trap and kill gophers, a squirrelanator to trap the ground squirrels, and a barn cat to kill what ever he can… which is quite a bit. I hate poisons and will never use them on our farm. Not only do you risk your own animals safety but that of wild life as well. How many owls have swooped down and picked up a rat or mouse that has just ate poison and hasn’t died yet only to be killed themselves? Or the animal makes it home to die and then the poison is in the ground! No thank you!!! Our methods take more work but we would rather put forth the effort and only be killing what we need to kill than offer up a dish of poison and take other lives as well.
Erin
I can’t even believe that I’m reading this. I’m staying up late when I should be sleeping and I thought I should check on you guys (I love your blog). I just finished writing on my little personal family blog about losing our dog last Thursday to an apparent seizure. I’m in tears reading this. Our dog, Abby, was an indoor dog and had started getting weaker and sick for a little while. But it was completely unexpected. In our loft of our house, in the middle of the night. She acted as you described. My husband picked her up, put her in the back our suburban and was driving her to the closest vet open at that hour (1 hour away). When he arrived, she was gone. It has been gut-wrenching and I’m praying for your household as I am mine. Telling our 6-year old was one of the toughest things we’ve ever done. I’m not sure what else to say except. I’m so sorry, I know how you are feeling and I’m praying for you all.