So here's my story. About the one thing I did to be happier.
Last week, as he normally does, Baby Will grabbed my iPhone and brought it over to me with a concerned look in his little brown eyes. I know what it meant because, well, I'm his Mama and I know these things. It's my God-given gift.
I obliged and turned on Pandora for him so that the phone would play joyful French tunes for him. He smiled, shot me a quick glance that could only mean ‘Thanks Mama, you're the very best in the entire world!' and then waddled off with my phone in hand.
He then did what he always does when he's listening to music on my phone, which is struggle up to the top of the couch ottoman (his ‘perch' as we call it) and wiggled back and forth to the beat.
I went about my chores, scraping egg yolk from the kitchen table and wiping boogers off the cabinets. Ya know. Fun stuff like that.
A few hours later, when I ran across my phone while vacuuming the living room, I noted that it was severely slobbered and gunky this go round. He must've really been enjoying himself some iPhone. When I clicked it on to see what damage was done, I noted two important icons missing from the menu:
Gmail. Facebook. Gone.
I chuckled, tried to redownload the apps, only to have my super smart phone tell me that I didn't have enough storage to download anything else and that my phone was cursed and would never allow me to do anything on it ever again because I'm storing a zillion pictures on it and I let my children abuse it and nice try, Shaye.
Whatever, phone.
This was two weeks ago.
And can I just tell you – can I just explain – can I just PREACH about how life changing this little accident has been for my personal well being. Y'all. Where do I even begin?! How could I be so thick? To not realize how every single *BEEP* coming through interrupted me from stillness? How could I not have been aware that all those emails showing up, that I never had time to deal with until work-hours anyway, were pulling away my mental peace? The Facebook messages. The notifications. The brainless scrolling. All of it was slowly chipping away at my emotions, my contentment, my happiness, my peace of mind, my emotional well being. And in return was a stagnant breeding ground for my anxiety, constant feeling of insufficiency and discontentment.
In the first few days, I noticed myself mindlessly reaching for my phone while waiting in an office or sitting in a parking lot. Or maybe even just while the onions were sautéing. All these teeny tiny moments that I hadn't even realized were being filled with ‘technology' until I became aware of my actions.
… each day, my brain felt healthier.
… each day, my heart felt happier.
I ran into a friend and was able to actually have a conversation that never once included the term ‘Oh ya! I saw on Facebook that….‘. Lawd have mercy.
Turns out, the one thing I did to be happier my one year old did for me.
Two weeks into it all and I'm more focused and content than I can remember being in years. Seriously. And this is even with a farm move and pregnancy in the wings! Instead of checking emails or messages as they come in, I simply spend a few minutes each night cleaning out the inbox and responding to urgent requests. And instead of being on Facebook mindlessly throughout the day, I've checked in an average of 10 minutes a week to maintain my pages and business groups.
I'm disconnected. And you know what? It's friggin' BEAUTIFUL.
Instead, I'm completely clicked into my little ones and what's going on in the home. I'm filling up my inspiration cup with books, magazines, and planning for the new house. I'm spending hours scratching my pigs, with the only sound being a ‘Hey yo, sweet pigs!' holler from the porch. I'm listening to my favorite music. And breathing.
I know it may not sound like a lot, but breathing is important for this Mama. I'm eliminating the excess. Trimming the fat. And falling in love with the moment.
I love writing on these digital pages – sharing our struggles, triumphs, and dreams with you inspire me and fill my cup. My cookbooks. My photography. In many ways, it all serves as a battery charger. Turns out, for me though, having the world in my back pocket every moment drained the living snot out of me.
And since there's not that much living snot left in this cookbook releasing, homeschooling, blog writing, farm moving, pregnant, Mama of 4… well, every bit of snot still in me is important.
Onward and upward, my friends! There's a farm to move!
And Amen.
(P.S.) Want to know more about our homestead and technology? I wrote this other post about Screen Time and Farm Kids that you should check out, too!
Ashley
I did the same thing several years ago…..it’s beautiful!
Abby Jo @ Forgotten Way Farms
You know, I feel the same way! We no longer have smart phones, just check my emails and Facebook once a day on the computer. Life is so much more peaceful. So happy for you, smart boy 🙂
Michael
That is a really good article. er.. blog..
I will try the same thing. I spend too much time wasting away on web sites, FB and other not critical issues.
Need to spend more time in my garden as it really relaxes me.
thanks
Mindy
I did the same thing a year ago. It feels wonderful!
Christi {Jealous Hands}
Yes! I learned that little secret about FB a few years ago – and I’ve never looked back. Best thing I ever did! Glad you figured it out, too!
Courtney Jones
This just confirms what I’ve been wanting to do as my “New Years Resolution”.
The days are long, but the years are short. If I don’t give up from my mindless social media addiction I will completely miss these moments.
Kirsi
Oh, yes, that’s the way! Few months ago we started with our family with two children having one 24 h a week, from Sat eve to Sun eve, not to have technology, meaning internet/tv. Suddenly we didn’t have any rush any more. Having peaceful time to make family dinner, eating, talking, playing, adults spending time together at evening, more special breakfast, church and/or visiting friends. Time for important things. Everything starting to make some sense…
Brittany
What a wonderful blessing.
Robin
Good for you! I used Messenger on my phone for a day or two and it drove me nuts. It demands more attention than a tantruming two year old. That was the end of that. I deal with email once a day. When I open Fb it opens to my messages rather than my wall. My peace of mind is much better these days.
Mary Margaret Ripley
I so understand where you are coming from. I absolutely hate that impulse to look at my phone every second. I now bring something with me where ever I go whether it is my Kindle or a book or a newspaper. Anything to keep me from looking at my phone. Thank you for this post!
St1ckyBum
I used to be a Social Media Marketer, which required I was connected to all social networks not only personally, but through my Clients. My work required me to respond instantly, 24/7. Since I was on, I also checked my own…about every 5-10 minutes. One day I moved on from that job and just deleted all my accounts. Its been almost 2 years and I have never been happier with my decision to “disconnect”. Now all I have is Pinterest (for recipe and farm reference) and a handful of blogs and youtube channels that I follow that I can count on one hand. The downside to all this? You cant help but feel slightly elitist and pity those who still waste hours/days/their lives surfing through ads and generated content that is fed to them.
Meagan @ Growing Up Herbal
I can SO totally relate Shaye! I’m so glad that there are other bloggers out there that are willing to “sacrifice” some business “musts” in order to keep their priorities in line. As with most things in my life, I’m constantly streamlining and scaling back in order to do less so that I can do those things better. Thanks for this post and all the other “in real life” things you talk about here.
julie
Good job Baby Will! 😉
Lisa
I go back and forth with this and every single time I get off FB for a while I wonder why I ever got back on!
Jennifer
AMEN!!!!!
So happy you’ve come on over to “the other side”. Thankfully, my husband made a rule before “social media” even existed: NO SCREENS. Period. How this plays out: for me, I have a computer. No blog, no FB, no Pinterest, no Twitter, no nothing. I check a few blogs (yours is one of my favs!!!!!), send a few e-mails to keep up with local homeschooling events and that’s it. As for our eight children: no televsion, no computer (except for home education purposed, with mom involved), no ipads/ipods/iphones. Literally NOTHING. And guess what? Our children WRITE PHYSICAL LETTERS to their friends! Our children MAKE PHONE CALLS TO FAMILY PHONE LINES. We sit around and read books, play board games, do puzzles, etc!!!!! It is such an amazing blessing!!!!! I am so, so happy for you that you have had your eyes opened (by a “little one”, no less!) that nothing on a screen is worth missing out on the REAL that is happening in front of your very eyes. AMEN!
Beautiful post, Shaye!
Emily L.
Ha! Too funny. I got disconnected (by choice) just today. My husband made a comment to me two weeks ago … You know what he said? “You need to spend more face time with God than with Facebook.” And indeed was he right! I didn’t realize how much time and energy was drained by mindlessly scrolling through facebook hours at a time, or even just minutes throughout the day and how so very little time was spent spending time with God.
Here’s to a New Year with better priorities!
Kaye
Thank you for this verification . . . I am so happy to hear this! I took what I called a “Facebook holiday” before my december birthday and over christmas . . . only dipping in occasionally and loved it so much I am maintaining it for good now. I love listening to my own biofeedback instead of the constant drone of external interference.
richard
congrats!! I to long for the day when I can disconnect from the digital world and reconnect with THE world. Just give me a small farm and I’ll forever be happy. On a side, completely separate, note did anyone else get the irony of the chance to win an IPAD?
Carla
Shaye, I love your blog and this particular post. Think I will try it. Hey, every time I try to preorder your new cookbook from your website, it causes the webpage to stop working and I just can’t seem to get it to work. Is there another way to preorder your cookbook? Thanks and congrats on your new home!
Shaye Elliott
Ooh – that’s strange! Try here: https://theelliotthomestead.com/product/family-table/ – if that doesn’t work, please email me! [email protected]
Susanne
I have never used Facebook and have never set up my email on my phone. I KNOW that I am so much better off for it!
Barb
Good for you! I am in that busy, small child stage of life. I would find myself getting cranky as I would think about all that needed to be done. So, several years ago I made the choice not to have email on my phone and – dare I even say it – I am not on Facebook at all. I prefer a phone call, a quick text, or even a hand written letter to the technology on Facebook. I am happier for it, even when I don’t know everything going on in everyone else’s life.
Praying for you as you move, sell a cookbook and handle that adorable little brood of yours!
Barbara
I really enjoyed reading this! It just goes to show me that “things are not always as they appear”, meaning…… what may have appeared as a bad thing turned into a wonderful thing in the long run yippy! I love how God works in our lives ♥ Thank you Shaye for sharing your experiences!!!!
Charlotte
Good for you!! Best thing ever.
Cassidy
I don’t have Facebook anymore. It kept sneaking back into my life when I thought I was rid of it and stealing my peace again. I did something radical – I deleted the blanking thing and didn’t look back. So liberating! It was summer on our farm and I realized I was wasting precious peace inducing therapy time in my garden on technology. I just recently redownloaded Pinterest on my phone as I found out I am pregnant with number four (unexpected but not unwanted. I slacked on NFP one month. Now I will have me a tiny southern August baby. I never wanted to be pregnant in August but we’ll roll with it, haha.) If I regret Pinterest it will leave again. I barely check my email as it is so no worries there. I turned off the notifications on it. Technology serves a purpose, I guess. I just don’t want to find myself chained to it again.
Peacock Orchard
We haven’t had TV in 11 years so I get you. People have stopped asking us if we’ve seen _______. We haven’t.
Aimee
Yay!! How excellent! I had to go as far as to delete facebook for good because I was spending so much time on it during the day with my “mom’s group”. I’ve felt so free since letting it go! Now I don’t even know where my phone is half the time. Pregnancy brain never really seems to leave. 🙂 I hope you are enjoying your new home!
Linda
Oh Ive just found your blog from Pinterest, from the how not to keep pigs post…I’ve read some of your recipes, and now this post. I think I LOVE this blog already! I’ve been Facebook free now for 1year and yes, it’s wonderful! My partner still chooses to use it, and I see how she is tied to checking, checking, checking…she says she uses it like a magazine, but unlike my magazines, which I can not read for a week or so, pick up and nothing has changed, she must read her magazine all the time or it becomes out of date, she misses stuff. FOMO ( fear of missing out! )
We’re a homeschooling family too, and have no tv. Kids are limited to 25mins on the iPad to email ( three times a week ) or in my 12yos case to play on her horse game. It means their days are filled with learning, adventure, play and outside time. We’ve been tv free for the last 8 years.
Life is good when you live it in the moment 🙂
Linda
I am where you were. Time for me to take a break from it all. Got 3 beautiful children that need me more than FB! Thank you for this inspiring blog post!
Carole West
Awesome! I never use apps on my phone because I have a heart for human connection. They say apps are to make our life easier, better but in reality they take away from real life.
Isn’t it great to be free! This is so awesome, technology has it’s place but when we let it take over our lives it becomes an addiction. The Moment inspires every good thing that we can see and experience in front of us.
Congrats this really is awesome!
Rebecca P Smith
I just did the same thing. I found all the political stuff and anti everything just too much. I, too, have a problem with anxiety and didn’t realize how much FB and my phone added to it. It is so much better just loving my family, animals and farm. Not going back. I do have to use it to keep up with milk and egg customers, many who drive a long distance to buy, but other than that, it’s 10-15 minutes a day.
Corina
You’re probably not reading these comments now that you are disconnected, but I tell ya, how smart!
My homesteading blog has exploded in the past months, and I spent a lot of time networking and being on the computer.
I also homeschool three kids, raise goats, pigs, ducks, chickens, and run a business from home.
The computer takes way too much time from all these things. It’s a fine balance… Hmpf. Maybe I’ll hand my phone to my puppy. She can do what your son did for you.
Megan
Thank. You. ????
Katrina
Yay! I deleted our Facebook page when we moved 6 months ago onto our very own 4 acre (soon-to-be-we-pray) farm.
IT IS WONDERFUL!
Thanks so much for sharing this with us. We do not have to be ‘connected’ to the world to be happy. We need to be connected to Him and to our families.
Congrats on the new-found peace.