Even though we only spent a year in Alabama, in my Shaye heart, it may as well have been a decade. The lessons and hard valleys that we discovered there were branded on us for a lifetime. Not only were we poor, so (so!) poor, but Stu was working so hard he was basically absent. I was a new mother of two and in the process of having my second, was damaged internally from tearing and spent the better part of two months laying on the couch. Our house had fleas and the entire thing was covered in diatomaceous earth for months. We didn't have enough money for much meat or cheese, so my parents sent us goody boxes and envelopes of money for Christmas. I wrote my first cookbook From Scratch on a computer that had been gifted to us, that sat on a desk that had also been gifted to us.
Though the time was hard, it wasn't bleak. God raised up a village of his people to love and serve us during that time and much like a drowning person thinks highly of the life raft that comes to their rescue, so I see my “Alabama family”. Lisa. Casie. Kate. All of you. You are still a joy in my heart.
But the old Shaye had to learn how to be a fighter. She has to scrimp and save and make her family nutritious meals with a $35/week grocery budget. She had to learn that hair coloring and cutting was a luxury, as was pretty much everything else. Chocolate? No. Wine? No. Fancy face creams? Nope. New clothes? Fu-get-about-it. The bible study I attended on Tuesday mornings was such a joy, not just for my spirit, but also because a kind soul would always bring pastries and it felt so, so good to have someone share a delicious treat with me. A small, satisfying luxury in a time of not very many.
When we moved back to Washington, we had the joy of releasing our first cookbook – and it sold surprisingly well. For the first time in our entire married life, we got to experience the joy of extra income. Dang Dave taught us well (so long as we were willing to listen) and we invested every penny we earned from that book, and from the first year of my doTERRA business, to paying off our student loans. Boring. Unfun. But we did it. I'd often stared at those loans and though we'd be buried still owing on them, so that was certainly cause for celebration.
Our family continued to grow, as did our additional income. The grocery budget grew, I worked feverishly to continue to build my businesses, and we enjoyed a deep breath after years of financial struggle. Have you been there? Ya. Probably.
That was over 3 years ago now and the Lord has seen fit for us to continue to grow this beautiful community here. We've since grown by another family member and now own our own small farm, a desire that we never really thought would come to fruition. Oh ye of little faith…
I've been counseled through the ups and downs of these years by my dear friend Angela and these past few months, both of our hearts have been meditating on a “mantra” that continues to make itself known: BETTER, NOT MORE.
In the constant growth of the farm and the workload, the details are often lost. Big projects can easily be started and accomplished – the budget allows for that. It's easy to hop from one thing to the next to the next and hear the culture's cry of MORE, MORE, MORE!
But that cry must be silenced in this home.
My hope is not to build an empire if that empire cost me the details of a beautiful life. And I'm not talking about perfection. I'm talking about finishing a project well, down to the last detail, with intention. I'm talking about playing with my children intentionally and getting off the damn internet. I'm talking about intentionally reading around the fire with my littles and surprising them with popcorn or hugs or whatever. I'm talking about nature walks and gathering eggs and listening to good music and being organized in my homemaking.
I'm talking about being the old Shaye. The old Shaye that had to be so intentional with the details of her life because everything was so valuable. The old Shaye had to be creative and had nothing but time to pour into her homemaking. She kept bills and payments organized because it was all budgeted down to the last penny. She struggled, but in a lot of ways, the new Shaye has a lot to learn from her.
Traveling at social-media-hyper-speed is no good for this ‘ol soul.
We've been blessed with more than any man deserves and I want to care for it well. For me, as a homemaker, that means happy hearts, full bellies, lots of prayers, and lots of forgiveness. It means filling time not with more work, but with more peace. My work is a huge source of joy for me and I am blessed to share my life, and table, with many. That won't ever change! But working for MORE, MORE, MORE is not the same as working for PEACE, PEACE, PEACE. Lest there was any confusion.
Intentional. Peaceful. Restful. Productive. These are beautiful words for new Shaye to be reminded of.
God's reminders are good. And Amen.
Elizabeth
“we enjoyed a deep breath after years of financial struggle”~ still on the path of financial struggle. But it is a good path 🙂
Des
This was so refreshing to read…makes me happy to know I’m not the only one feeling this way. We’re thankful for Jesus’ rest, and Dave’s principles too. This slow living is so good for the soul and the tribe you’re raising up. Blessings on you, and in all that you put your hand to.
Naomi
This is a great post. Thank you new and old Shaye . I think we have to do the big struggle ( I mean real struggle,not the ‘ I can’t afford some ‘want’ struggle) to truly appreciate what we have and cultivate that grateful heart. Love these words , wise woman. ❤️
Julie
And Amen . . .
Jess
Oh Shaye, you speak to my heart! This year our word had been “reduce”. Reduce debt, stress, and things. Ive already begun thinking of next year’s word and have settled on “simplify”. I am about 12 years older than you, and my “littles” are grown, but I share your heart. I want my life to be as simple as it was when my husband and I were first married and we enjoyed just being. I long for that simplicity again.
Dakota H
This is undoubtedly my favorite post on our blog. Just a little dose of inspiration. Also, you deserve peace Shaye! Blessings.
Kalpana Manivannan
Good one Shaye. A truly honest account. It’s so easy to get caught up and get so busy that we forget the point of it all…True words…A good reminder for all of us who want nothing more than peace and joy.
Janet
What’s in those jars in the last picture?
Miley
Very good post Shaye – and so true. It is not what we HAVE – but what we ARE! God Bless!
The SSL Family Mom
God used you to speak to my heart today, and I thank you for that. From one farming mother to another, may God continue to do immeasurably more and give you the desires of your hearts!
Al Lumnah
It amazes me how far Mr. Ramseys reach goes. We are able to do what we can because of following Gods plan that Dave teaches us. Living an intentional life is very hard and makes you step back and think every once and awhile. I am glad to hear you are thinking about you and your family. But remember it is not all for nothing. You are reaching and teach many with the knowledge God has blessed you with too. It is always a juggling act!
Elaine VanVleck
Wow! This post hits home as I try to find ways to live with less “things” and find a ways to live off of what we produce on our small farm rather than purchasing so much. I know life feels happier and more relaxed when we do that. Like you are saying in this post I need to focus on this more. Be more intentional, restful, creative and enjoy things more.
Pam
This spoke to my heart in many ways. Thanks for sharing your heart and family!
Aryanna Smith
Amen. You’ve been richly blessed by grace but the peace of your family is due also to your tireless and beautiful work. Thanks for all you do for this community.
Carney
Well said. Just where in Alabama did you once live? I am in the Auburn/Opelika area.
Shaye Elliott
We were in Fairhope 🙂
Andrea Lawrence
This was timely, Shaye. Thank you!
Rebecca
I’ve been praying you would return here. I have been concerned that the demands were making you lose focus on the journey itself. Slow down. Breath. Hug the babies. Have great sex with the hubby, who loves you more than life. Make this time in your life count eternally by being the best Mom and Wife you can be. Life is short. Money isn’t important. You know how to make do with nothing, a gift God gave you from the beginning. You are a huge inspiration to many but the only ones that really count are your husband and the littles that encompass your life, and one day your parents who will need your care and love to make it to the other side. Pace yourself. Give up the responsibility of provider because the only true provider is your Father.
Megan
Oh my! God used these words to speak right to my heart at just the right time. Only heaven knows the details of our family’s situation and how this inspired me to keep on truckin’. (It really encouraged me to keep working those Ramsey Baby Steps too)
Krista Kim
I never, ever tire of your words, wit, and wisdom. You are a gem, Shaye. Truly a gift. <3
Amy
Thanks for the reminder! We too have had times of plenty and times of very little. I almost hate to say it out loud, but I like who I am better when necessity is the mother of invention. It makes me more grateful, resourceful, intentional and creative.
Tessa
Thank you for writing this and letting us read it. This is exactly what I needed to read today, even if you did make me cry, you big jerk. 🙂
Diane Lindsey
Shaye, I just love your outlook on life. A lot of this country is about getting more “stuff” and that seems to be the only goal in their lives. If that’s the way they truly perceive life, they are really missing out! Watching you on tv lowers my blood pressure and is actually very soothing! Your beliefs and ideas really make people soul-search and hopefully realize that it’s about family and peace of mind. Thank you, Diane in Chicago.
Lisa
I’m a little late catching up on the blog. I learned much from you my friend, where to find good meat and veggies (before they got too big for their britches and started charging an arm and a leg…), where to find good cheese, to rekindle my kombucha and kifer skills….. It was hard seeing you with so little while you were here, wishing you could stay for our sake but knowing you were meant for the PNW. Plus, there’s nothing like being close to family.
We would all love to see you succeed in this Food Network endeavor but only if it’s the “old Shaye” that we love!
Maybe we can stop by one day while we are out with the kids. Two of them are at NSA now.
Kahea
I recently found your blog and am so thankful that this was the first post I read. As my family looks back on the year we’ve had and prepares for the year ahead, your words, “BETTER, NOT MORE,” are sticking with me. It expresses so much of what we need to focus on in this (and all) seasons of our lives. Thank you so much for sharing this reflection with us!
Kathy
Many years ago, my husband and I moved to the eastern shore of North Carolina. Not the popular Outer Banks, but to a small town called Coinjock. We were so poor and raising 2 girls who were 8&10. I did not realize I could come up with so many ways to fix collards and sweet potatoes because they were abundant and cheap. It was a great adventure and learning experience. We stayed only a year, but my heart still skips a beat when I hear soft shell crab and buttermilk biscuits. A lesson of hard times that will always be a part of who I am now. Wouldn’t change it for the world
Love your dream and vision
After 25 years home to Washington.
.I share your dream.
Nikk
This was beautiful. A reminder for us all.
Deborah wilson
Made me realize how lucky I am you are an inspiration Shaye my husband here been going through less money a real struggle but God pulls us through we are retired now but pushed into it I’m 68 love gardening yours is beautiful and I’m a big fan of how you cook I have followed nourishing tradition for years I love decorating I cried reading what you had to give up hair clothes makeup which I always had in abundence I have my 4 year old lab Ramsey and he could care less all I have to do is look at him he is so happy we will be coming out of this been 2 years in Jan first thing I’m buying is lavender for my small garden because of you