Why are we here?
Even as a writer, I so often find that words fail me. They fail to express the swarm of emotions that swirl around us in the ebbs and flows of this life. If you've been following us on social media, you've no doubt heard of the passing of my Grandpa Larson. Though he was a strong man, there's hardly a match for Alzheimers. One of the worst parts about the disease is that it's not the disease that kills you. It's a weird infection. Or a broken hip. Or phenomena. Or, in Grandpa's case, a brain bleed from a fall. It's as if the disease isn't even kind enough to take the person to rest and rather, lays in wait while the grasping perils of this world take their toll. There are no words to adequately describe what it's like to watch the person you know, and love to the depths of your soul, fade from view.
In many way's, Grandpa's death was a tender mercy from the Lord. I'm thankful that he remained in ‘good health' until the end of his days. He was never bound to a chair… or a bed. Many other's that also struggle with Alzheimers get to a place of complete debilitation before they pass. Grandpa never got there. His mind was completely gone, but he was still capable and saucy – just like he always was. Sure, he was frail, but he was still capable. For that I am grateful. The mental deterioration was excruciating to watch… the physical deterioration to a further capacity would have been equally challenging.
Many others in this world face immeasurable pain. The loss of a spouse. Of a child. Of a best friend. Pain that runs deep to your veins and sits on your chest like an elephant. Pain that makes it hard to breathe. To smile. To go about daily life when your body feels incapable of carrying on.
Of course, one expects to bury their grandparents. But that doesn't make it easier. Thirty one years this man has loved me and been a part of my daily life. He's fed me, and I've fed him, more times than I can count. We've laughed together. We've cried together. We've dreamed of farms together. We've rode horseback through the orchards together. We've baked together. We've talked… oh Lord, how we've talked. And we've loved – those around us and each other.
I don't weep for him. Truth be told, I am relieved his suffering has passed.
The Larson genes run strong.
I weep for myself, selfish as it may be. For the memories that will begin to gather dust in my mind without being replenished by new ones. For the meals and cups of coffee that will no longer be shared together. For the birthdays, holidays, and every day suppers that he won't be a part of. For my children, to whom he will be but a distant memory. How can we keep going on when going was something we did together?
And yet, I am not without hope. Because God has not left me there.
My parents, who along with my Uncle, faithfully cared for my Grandpa until his passing.
Naturally, at the end of it all, we ask ourselves: Why are we here? What is it all for? Where do we go when we die? These are natural questions to think about when someone we love dies. Is that it? Will we see each other again? Does it go on?
Through the ages, these hard questions have been answered many different ways. But by God's word I see all things, and death is no different. Which is exactly why I can have hope.
Why are we here? What is it all for? “To glorify God and enjoy him forever.” – Westminster Confession of Faith
Where do we go when we die? “The bodies of men, after death, return to dust, and see corruption: but their souls, which neither die nor sleep, having an immortal subsistence, immediately return to God who gave them: the souls of the righteous, being then made perfect of holiness, are received into the highest heavens, where they behold the face of God, in light and glory, waiting for the full redemption of their bodies.” – Westminster Confession of Faith
Yes, my friends, it does go on. And for those who put their faith in Jesus Christ, who gave his life for sinners that we may be found blameless as we stand judgement in front of a holy God, that is very good news. Let us celebrate!
My Grandpa did not die a wealthy man. In fact, there was nothing ‘refined' about him. He was a gentleman. A cowboy. A dancer. A upright man. But by ‘earthly standards', he was a poor man. He'd often shove the last few dollars from his pockets into mine for the dozen eggs or gallon of milk he'd drive up to the farm to grab. But by Heavenly standards, he was a rich man.
A man who knew that he was here for God's purpose. A man uniquely made in the image of God to use his skills, emotions, and able body to serve others.
As the writer of Ecclesiastes says, all else is vanity.
For if you die a wealthy man with gilded pockets, do you not still die?
And if you die giving in to all your desires, dreams, and self-serving ambitions, will you have ever found satisfaction and peace?
A celebration of life.
My Grandpa had peace. He knew exactly why he was here. He loved and he served without ceasing. He didn't chase rainbows for himself or seek to further his social standings – rather, he reflected Christ in that “The Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve.”
May I never forget the magic that the Lord weaves through such a life.
And Amen.
Danielle McCoy
So, eloquent, as usual, Shaye. I’m so sorry for your loss, but so glad you’re able to share these things with us.
My mom passed away, unexpectedly, this year. The pain of the loss was indescribable. It’s still raw 7 months later. I struggled, even with my faith, but once I finally opened up and listened to God. I realized, we all serve Him. And I will see my mom again, some distant day from now. And, for now, I’m here to glorify Him, and follow the path He has laid for me. In that, I find peace. God bless you, and may the memories you have stay with you and comfort you in your grief.
Karen
Lovely post. My Granddaddy also passed suffering with Alzheimer’s. He was the most kind and gentle man and I still miss him every single day. But we’re only parted while I’m still on this earth. Hugs, prayers and blessings to you and your family.
Melody A.
Beautiful immortalization of a special man loved so dearly by you and forever in your heart. and yes, you will see him again, well and happy, I most definitely believe this. Many of my loved ones are gone from my life including my husband of 38.5 years , he has now been gone 3.8 years and my heart is stitched all over from being broken into so many pieces but I will see him again. Your grandfather was very special as so many grandparents are and I think of how blessed you were to have him. Take care from Iowa
Colleen
I lost a wonderful grandpa to that nasty disease too. Long distance hugs to you and your wonderful family. A celebration indeed- only eclisped by another one in heaven welcoming him home.
Sharon Morrison
Grateful for your words, with tears in my eyes. This reminded me of my remarkable Grandmother who died in 1974. I was 29 years old. I think of her everyday.
Katie
Thank you Shaye! This month it will be 16 yrs. since my grandfather passed away, cancer is such an unpleasant thing.. Even though I was 16 when he died, I had such a wonderful bond with him. He grew up on a dairy farm and was also a very simple guy, like your grandfather. I miss him dearly and wish he could meet my children, come over for dinner and see how we are starting our farm and hoping he would be proud. Hugs for you and your family Shaye! Thankfully they are with our wonderful Lord and Savior!
Amanda Shoemaker
Beautifully written ❤️ Reminds me of how I felt when I lost my grandfather
Jane
What a wonderful tribute to your grandfather! I saw this post from your friend Lori who was my neighbor for a short time. This is so beautiful, and I am so glad that your grandfather is rejoicing with his savior for all of eternity. I lost my father in my early twenties to ALS. He has been gone for 18 years. Your phrase ” For the memories that will begin to gather dust in my mind without being replenished by new ones..” This is how I’ve felt for a long time. He died at age 56 which seems young, but yet God had all the days of his life numbered, and they were perfect and complete at the end and he is with his savior. I can have peace resting in who I know that God is, his faithful promises, his goodness even in sadness, loneliness or trial. My father taught me much of what I know about who God is. What an incredible gift he gave me! Praying for you tonight that those sweet memories you have of your grandfather will be knit in your heart and God’s peace carry you through your days of missing your grandfather’s presence.
Marie Koval
That was beautiful.
As I sit here at the bed side of my sister, one of uncle Lyles favorite nieces,
waiting for her to join your grandpa.
Your words warmed my heart.
We loved you gramma and grandpa something Fierce, because we knew they loved us the same way.
They raised some of the best boys and
we love them equally as much.
Again thank you for those words, I think I will read them to Chelle as she readies for her time to go.
Rhonda
My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
Ann Guest
I am sorry, and I do feel your pain. For me, it wasn’t my grandfather, but my mom. It took 10 years, but Altz is what took her. It was watching her forget things she knew how to do, and to forget us. It was seeing her get lost, not know where she was, and cry for her parents to “come and get me.” In the end, she was in hospice, and told everyone her, “mama and daddy are on their way to get me, they will be here in just a few days.” It took a week. Unless you have watched someone go away with this disease, it is hard to have any concept.
My sisters, brother, and myself watch ourselves for any symptoms, and compare notes. I pray daily for a cure for this. The one comfort we can hold on to is that we know where mom is now. She has her memory, and her health back. While I still find myself starting to call her, she isn’t here anymore. December 25, 2010, was the first Christmas my mother spent with Jesus in Heaven. May your family find comfort in this knowledge about your grandfather this Christmas.
Jamie
May the precious memories and moments with your beloved grandfather be with you all for many years to come. We love, serve and share with with our loved ones for many years, then we are separated from them only temporary.
At 62 I have lost many, both young and old. I highly recommend a book by Randy Alcorn, it’s title is “Heaven”. Tons of scripture references all answering the many questions we all have. You can even download it to your phone or tablet. He also wrote a version for teens, and a version for children.
God’s blessings and peace to you all.
Marija
Dear Shaye,
What a beautiful piece in honor and in memory of your grandfather.
We lost my husbands Father this year, and it has been such a challenging time for us too. He was one of the old guard – strong, principled, and above all honorable. He knew how to build a house, raise cattle and sheep, grow the most succulent vegetables, and would survive in the middle of nowhere on his practical wits. So, when he developed a cough, we never really thought that it could be a serious enough issue that would take him away only 6 months later! As you, we are feeling bewildered, but also grateful that his ending on this earth was not protracted and more painful. May both the beautiful men in our lives rest in heavenly peace.
Bless you and your family during these Holidays, and thank you for your words, and all that you do.
Warmest regards,
Marija
Michele
Beautifully written, Shaye.
Clare
I can’t even explain what an encouragement you are to me. thank you for sharing your heart.
may we continue to glorify the Lord until we, too, are called Home!
your sister in Christ,
Clare
Judy
So beautifully said, Shaye, Amen and Amen.
Praise God for your wonderful relationship with your grandfather, for you and your true, wise words so many will read
about what is most important in life – our trust in Jesus for peace, joy and life eternal.
Sharon
I feel your agonizing pain and have set here and cried all the way through your beautifully written tribute to your Grandpa and reading the other posts. God bless you and the ones who have lost their loved ones as well. We who have lost loved ones feel your heartache and the longing to remember every blessed moment you had with him. He still lives not only with God but he has a deep treasured place in your heart that will forever remain.
Your pain and longing for your grandfather stirs up too many raw emotions in me as I lost my husband to ALS a few months ago. He only lived a short 10 months after diagnosis.
Carry on Shaye because Grandpa is right there with you every moment.
Tracy
I never knew either of my grandpa’s – but I know part of them lives within me – and I shall try to pass along to my kids all that they brought to my life – be it going to war to keep us safe – to farming the ground to keep us fed! It is truly a full circle of life!
God Bless You Shaye – and your blessed family! Your blog is a true inspiration for me and I appreciate your honesty!
Ned
I’m so sorry to hear of your families loss. We recently suffered a similar loss of my grand aunt. It sounds like they were both cut from the same cloth. She didn’t have much but she touched everyone who knew her as it sounds like your grandfather did. The tears we shed are not for them, but for ourselves, because they are fully healed and watching over us until we meet again.
Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Mary Ann
Thank you for the heartfelt post..
Your grandfather surly died a rich man.. he was upright and hardworking, leaving a legacy..
And he inherited the gold of heaven 🙂
Rollin
What a sweet, faith-filled, touching remembrance. Brought tears to my eyes, and the Spirit to my heart. May the Lord bless your family, and your paths.
Andrew Mooers
Makes all of us remember how special grandparents are, no matter how recent or long ago they left this Earth. Thank you!
Brandi
I saw your show for the first time today. I want you to know what I saw. I saw Jesus shining in you. I went on to look up this wonderful blog and this specific post moved me. I’m thankful for your opportunity to reach others with these precious truths on this platform you’ve been given. Congratulations and God Bless You. Merry Christmas!
Jeanine
Beautifully said. Thank you for sharing. Praying for you and your family.
Angie Fajardo
What a beautiful post and tribute to your grandpa. God bless you for sharing your faith . ❤️????????
Lisa
This is a beautiful, sincere piece of love in letters. I lost my Mama 16 years ago to early onset Alzheimer’s disease, the most wicked form of this beastly illness. Like your Grandfather, she loved God. She, being a wonderful mother, handed me the faith, which I realized was the greatest gift as a child. Thank you for sharing this. It is so very sweet. God bless you.
LoriO
It is so encouraging to be looking for insights into decorating your back yard, then getting completely distracted by this diy greenhouse that looks like it’s sitting on our beautiful Columbia River Gorge, and then being totally encouraged by your words of faith in our Lord and the love you have for your grandfather. The Lord is everywhere isn’t he! Your’s is a sweet story that I was really blessed by this evening. A much better worship than trying to find things to decorate my yard. Have a wonderful evening and many continued blessings to you and yours.