I have to kill her.
The “her” that's always telling me to do more… be more… “live up to my potential”… and stupid things like that.
She must go.
As I write this, there are no less than 21,837 crayons littering the floor. And not even nice crayons. The weird chunks of broken crayons that are left after kids have chewed on them, used them as weapons and peeled all their wrappers off. There's a fort of blankets that remain on the floor, days after they should've been tidied up. We're on day ten of no working bathroom, so you can imagine what sort of chaos has ensued.
But these are but circumstances. She's beyond these. She's under my skin.
Superwoman has stolen my joy.
I certainly can't be the only one who has “come to Jesus” moments… I don't know… every two weeks? When these emotions come upon me, I find myself joyless, exhausted, and uninspired. My home feels like a never-ending list of mundane tasks for people that, frankly, I'm not sure I like sometimes. I face off with making lunch like the plague. I'm overcome with the mom and wife I thought I could be and am told I should be. Often in these moments, I find myself scribbling down frantic lists of this or that (as if some sort of petty action like menu planning will correct my heart). No amount of laundry folding, email inbox clean up, or task delegation will satisfy superwoman's hunger. She has potential to live up to and an epic life to live.
So I'm letting go of superwoman.
I'm letting go of being everything to everyone. I'm letting go of the joylessness. I'm letting go of distractions. I'm letting go of everything except for prayer and Jesus, because at the end of it all, that's all I need anyway.
Truth be told, I find great joy in keeping a home. There's hardly a way I'd rather spend a day than caring for the critters here (kids included). Due to my nature, I'm a much happier mom, wife, and homemaker when there is a menu plan in place, groceries in the refrigerator, designated time for schooling the kids, and an organization system for everything. But guess what? I've failed at all of that over and over and over and over and over again.
Because I'm not superwoman.
I think the last time I worked out was circa 2011. My kids only have matching shoes because someone at church gifted us their littles hand-me-downs. I've got a stack of mail six inches high next to my computer that's begging me to be an adult.
I am an adult, right?
I know that no system will give me peace. That rests in only one place. But there is certainly something to be said for “trimming the fat” of a home and allowing it to breathe freely. First step: letting go of superwoman.
Superwoman would have me color coordinate bills and enter each detailed expense into an online budget. Sorry, girl. Can't do it. But I can make sure that paperwork is tended to once a week (if I bribe myself with a latte) so that it doesn't collect dust on my shelf. The stress of knowing that stack is there… begging me to give it time and attention… causes friction in my heart. It needs to be dealt with.
Superwoman would have me stick to a strict bible reading plan that would get me through the entirety of it three times in any given year while I filled out worksheets and printed off my kid's coordinating coloring pages. Sorry, girl. Can't do that either. But I can make time each day for scripture.
Superwoman would have me create a perfect in-home classroom for my children where I could always have curriculum ready and worksheets printed. Nope. Definitely can't do that. But I can teach my children in a good capacity. I know I can do that.
I'm recognizing where I am. There is far too much swirling around for me to do anything well. Not perfect. Well.
So in the spirit of peace and joyfullness, I'm looking at everything and asking myself: “Can this be trimmed back? Should this be trimmed back? Am I doing this well? Where is the friction coming from?” If I can identify it, I can deal with it.
I begrudgingly indulged in this exercise last weekend over (you guessed it) a latte and found the anxiety came up over particular areas of my life. Want me to share? Too personal? Should I even be writing this? Oh well…
I feel friction in homeschooling. My children deserve intentional care and enrichment. They also need matching shoes.
I feel friction in cooking. I need to make sure I'm grocery shopping and menu planning accordingly so that I don't face-off with the pantry with tears in my eyes every four hours.
I feel friction in farming. We have pigs that aren't breeding and too many sheep for our pastures. We need to prioritize what we want to grow, need to grow, and what is worth sourcing from other farmers.
I feel friction with health. After failing to visit the chiropractor regularly, like I know I need to, I spent the better part of a day laying on the couch after weeding the market garden left me all but crippled. This shouldn't happen. I know what I need to do to feel well.
I feel friction with work. There are so many requirements that pull me away from doing the two things that feed me well: writing and photographing. If it takes trimming away extras so I can focus on feeding my creative soul in these ways, so be it.
Luckily, none of these areas need to be done perfectly. But they do need to be done with intentionality. Letting go of superwoman means embracing less, moving slower, and recognizing seasons of life that aren't forever.
Goodbye, superwoman. Hello, peace.
And Amen.
Taralee
Thank you!! I have followed you and been in awe of you for many years. I’ve always wondered how you did it all, you are an amazing writer and seem to do all the things I aspire to do in this homestead journey. While I completely understand that letting go of Superwoman is not an easy thing to do; to read, that you were like me, and struggle to do it all, and that your life behind the words and lense is not perfect, and things are messy was liberating for me! In our virtual world, we mostly show the brighter side of our lives, and I am grateful for you being able to share it’s not all rainbows and unicorns. I honestly admire you more after reading this, thank you.
Cat Butler
Hugs. Been there so many times and will a thousand more. I am a homeschooling military wife mommy to 4 kids with 5 on the way. Life some days are really hard. But when I start with personal scripture study and prayer things work out. I am so grateful for that!! Love to hear that it is a priority and place of peace for you too!!! I can’t imagine printing out homeschool daily….it would never happen. Good and the beautiful keeps me sane no prep and she offers the language art 1-5 as a free print off! Hugs and prayers!
Lee
Great post! I was always tripping over that damn cape too : so I shook it off ???? #nowIcanfly #Godblessed
Lea
AMEN! But – can I just say- we won’t all die if you don’t YouTube or blog, or any of the things that take you from your family either?!?! The reason I haven’t started a blog, vlog, or farmers market booth is because, well I’ve read and watched too many have this meltdown and said “ no way Jose”. So, you can tell superwoman, from the rest of us, that videos and blogs are ok to be shelved in favor of family sanity rituals❤️❤️❤️
Charlotte
Good point Lea. I like that.
Kelly the Kitchen Kop
Ohhhh yeah Shaye, you’re singing my song for sure. I go in streaks and some days I can say, “Oh well, I can only do what I can do”, and I fall into bed for a good 8 hours of sleep because I know my health is more important than getting “one more thing” done. Other days, like *perhaps* when I’m PMS’ing, I feel the world crushing in around me and don’t know HOW I’m ever going to get it all done! EACH day is a struggle to “let the list go”, put work aside, and focus on what’s important like Bible time, a walk with Hubs, Mom stuff, meals for the fam, and sleep. (I also often say to myself, “How blessed I am that ‘not getting it all done’ is my biggest struggle right now!”)
I think re-evaluating is so important, I’ve learned to make “no” my default word whenever someone asks me to go somewhere or do something extra. I like being on-the-go, but then I stress myself out, so I’ve learned to say, “I’d love to do that someday, but right now I have a business and I homeschool the kids, that’s all I can do at this stage in my life.” We definitely have to give ourselves permission to say no to MORE.
Kelly
Robin
Shaye I appreciate how real you are and I can hear every woman saying….”That’s how I FEEL!” So many of us ladies think we can do it all and that is a lie from the father of lies. You said it all: Women are content doing what’s in our nature to do, but we listen to the lies and the high standards for ourselves that we feel crushed when we don’t accomplish these standards. I am with you! It is hard, and I pray that we all can just slow down and enjoy the simple things with our families and leave the devil with his high standards (Superwoman in disguise, hehe). God’s grace is sufficient. Love and be loved and may God fill you with joy. Prayers going up.
Julia
I know exactly how you feel. Getting ready to have baby number 5 and my pride keeps making me want everything to be perfect before the birth so everything is just tip top after the baby is born. Haha. It never is anyway. I think I’m just too worried about what others think about me. Actually I know I am, I struggle with it constantly.
Thank you for this brutally honest post. It has made me see ever so much clearer I need to Let go and Let God.
Corina
Oh, Mama, I hear ya. I’m a homesteading mother of three, who homeschooled them for 14 years (until the oldest’s hormones kicked in and he wanted to go to school – you know, because there are girls there).
I used to be a perfectionist, cause I was raised as a German, type A, overachiever. Then my middle son almost died of a weird disease after I gave birth to my youngest child. It put me on my ass, burnt out my adrenals, and forced me to look at my priorities. My new mantra: F@!# perfectionism.
I found that my drive and compulsion to accomplish, achieve and create superwoman-standards didn’t come from superwoman, but actually from a little girl inside of me. That little girl had been taught that she’s not good enough, and that she’s not worthy. And even if she wasn’t directly taught these false beliefs, she did internalize them and believe them to be true. And that little girl was still running the show, even though I was an adult.
In my work as a life coach for stressed out Moms (yup, there’s such a thing), I’ve seen so many women who are being “ruled” by their inner little girls, who believe things like “I’m not enough, I’m not wanted, I’m not important, I’m a burden, I’m alone, I’m bad, I don’t belong, I’m different, I’m a failure, I’m inferior, I’m not safe, I’m too much, I’m wrong” and on and on and on.
The way I’ve radically changed my own life (and helped many others change theirs) is not by KILLING superwoman, or berating that little girl inside of them, but by making friends with her, by being anchored into your adult self while you help your own wounded little girl, tend to her, love her up, reassure her. It’s such powerful work…
And if that sounds like too much, I get it! So have another latte! Maybe a glass of wine?
Sending much love from one corner of WA to the other!
Kathleen
Thank you so much for this! I feel it, we all feel it at one point or another. It is good to hear it from someone that feels the same. We’re doing our best. So what if it isn’t perfect, it isn’t supposed to be, and we need to put our own super woman in her place. I most definitely need to tell mine 🙂 Life is beautiful and meant to be lived. Thank you for reminding me to slow down and breathe.
Katie
This is exactly how I’ve been feeling the last couple of weeks. Thanks for sharing!
Bethany
This is wonderful!! Thank you!! I really needed this today! I’ve been struggling to live up to this superwoman status when all I need to focus on is God & my precious toddler. Thank you for your continuous inspiration.
Sandy
Hang in there! I promise you that it will get better. Taking care of a family, home and on top of that, homeschooling, is a huge task. Just make sure that there is food in their tummies, they are safe, and they know that you love them. Hitting the pause button from time to time is ok. It’s even a good thing! We cannot do it all. More than anything, give yourself a break. Be kind to YOU!! As moms, we often get left in the dust. I wish that when I was a younger woman that I would have learned to look out for me instead of constantly everyone else. As you age, you will realize that no one will look out for you but God and yourself. This is one of the many seasons of you life. Slow down.
Clare
oh, wow. these are the exact thoughts that have been circulating in my head for the past several months. though I’m still a teenager, I can see that life moves SO quickly. trying to be ‘all that’ takes the beautiful simplicity out of life. I need to do some trimming myself. I am easily distracted by this world & what it offers, even though He offers infinitely more. everything will fall into place if we put the Lord first- the hard part is keeping Him there! thank you, Shaye. I can’t even explain how encouraging it is to know you share the same struggles I do.
Grammyprepper
Absolutely no shame…we have all had (and continue to have) those ‘come to Jesus’ moments throughout life. We are facing becoming ’empty nesters’, and while we will miss our grandson terribly, it’s also been a ‘wake up’ moment for us for the need to simplify…And while I would like for my grandson to continue to think Mamaw IS Superwoman (we watch old reruns together, and Papaw has convinced him that she and I are one and the same, LOL), I have realized that not a one of us can be all/do all for others, at the expense of neglecting our true selves. Know the line (or the many variations of), ‘if Mom isn’t happy, nobody’s happy’? Well, it’s absolutely true. One thing you can rely on, is that while you are a ‘public persona’, the people who follow you get it. Maybe some don’t, but most do. And those that do, would fully understand if you felt the need to cut back on your on line presence as well. That is something that I personally needed to do, even tho I don’t blog/vlog. So, do what you need to do, Mama…and don’t EVER apologize for it…
Kim
Shaye, I love the post. And yea– I don’t like Superwoman either. She becomes twice the pain she was at 30 something when you get to be 50 something. Let her go. I love your posts and I love your Youtube channel, and lest I forget, I love all your books. I hope you can find some peace with all you have going on and good idea about trimming the fat. Society really does expect too much, and often because of that or how we are wired, we do too. There is no way everything can get done to suit a person when there is so many things to get done. I see it all the time and I am never surprised when I hear people say, myself included, something has got to go. Enjoy your summer, watch your garden grow, and let peace find you.
Rachel C.
Kudos to you Shaye! The season we have as mothers is fleeting; before we know it our kids will be grown and gone (the days are long but the months pass quickly.) Every time I start to think that the toys, books, crayons, homeschooling supplies are taking over the house I hear the chorus from Trace Adkins song “your gonna miss this” in my head:
You’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you’re gonna miss this
Remember to breathe, relax, take it all in. You are enough, the kids classroom is your farm. Pour a glass of wine and get that diffuser going ;0)
Shellie Strugnell
Years ago as a busy, busy, way too busy Mom, God gave me a beautiful picture…. I was at a smorgasbord with an empty plate and standing at one end of a long buffet full of beautiful food. As I moved along from left to right, I was to ask God what I could put on my plate and what to skip. All of the food was beautiful, appealing, and desirable, but no one is suppose to put every single thing in a smorgasbord on their plate! As I would move from one offering to the next, I would ask God what each dish was specifically in my life. He would tell me what it represented and that I could put that on my plate, but I needed to pass over that other dish and leave it for another time. Or maybe never…..To get specific direction as to what to put on my plate gave me the most incredible peace, filled me with wisdom regarding what I could handle and what I could not, and helped me yield my days to the One who says that He orders our steps, not ourselves. Such relief! I pray that you can walk through the buffet with the Lord and let Him help you fill your plate with only what He knows is the best for you, and only what He requires of you for each day. It is so freeing! And thank you. I was starting to feel as if I had failed my entire life watching yours! Now I know you are just human and not superwoman and I feel so much better about myself! Ha ha! A great read that you can find on Amazon is, “The Place Called Simplicity – the Quiet Joy of Simple Living,” by Claire Cloninger. Gives us permission to rest. To Simplify. To go back to Eden. Changed my life! Love you, Shaye, and thank you for being so humble and vulnerable. “When we are weak, He is strong!”
Stephanie Crooks
Oh Shaye How you make my heart sing! I am a 63 year old who is still juggling grandchildren, children, husband, allotment ,job and trying to be a Christian light …….the lists are endless. I am reading your blog from both ends at the moment as I am a new follower. I admire your humanity and realism so much and you inspire me, warts and all! Be kind to yourself and top up that latte. I look forward to your posts but appreciate that they are on a list of yours to be crossed out when done….have a break if it is needed.
God bless you and yours. Steph
Another Chay
Are we so isolated in our own Super messes that we fear that to share these feelings will somehow make us “less than?”
I, too, have been leaning in to God and His promises and letting His grace wash over me while I struggle through a period of…(I hate to use the stigmatized word…) depression. Not in a clinical sense but a Mama is worn out sense. It can be so disconcerting to look around and see the beautiful lives we lead and think “why do I feel so… off?” For me it is because I have been serving others to the detriment of my soul. Pouring out from a nearly empty cup. I need to immerse myself in Jesus, set my children in their proper place (not as my little idols to serve but as the wonderful little disciples I am intended to instruct), rediscover my purpose, and spend more time relishing and reflecting on the joys of life. After I meal plan and shop, of course. ????
Joanna
Thanks Shaye!!!
Denise Watson
????????????????????????AMEN to that!???????????????????????? Just one word of advice (well a few anyway) enjoy your “critters”! My boys are 31,27,17, and let me tell you time flies!!???? I’d give anything to go back and say to hell with u superwoman and slow down and smell the roses:/ my Granny used to say “the older u get the quicker time flies” I’m now 57 and boy was she right!!???? My hats off to you for recognizing u need to kick superwoman to the curb while your kids are still all young.
Sarah Paea
As our children and farm grows we whiddle out all the unnecessaries. Part of life. There are difficulties and set backs. It’s called growth. Only our Jesus can tell us what we need to remove or add to our self-made chaos:)
He is enough. No one and nothing else matters, period.
Growth can be painful. But so is childbirth, raising young uns, training horses, weeding my garden, hauling manure, breaking a cow to milk, and keeping a house for 11 hardworking humans with dirty boots. But this is what I’m called to. So I’ll keep on keeping on.
Blessings to you sistah!
Rebekah A.
Hey Shaye! You’re doing incredible work. I love following your blog. You’re a great inspiration to my own home school and homestead. I have 2 Corinthians 4:7 posted in front of my constantly-crammed kitchen sink: “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves….” If we feel weak it is so that we might remember He is strong. Take heart. He has overcome. Blessings from Illinois!
Leah
Shaye,
I have been there. Where you are. I have felt what you feel. Your right, it was my perfectionist Superwoman. It’s also this world, hang on to Jesus and enjoy all the blessings he has given you. Do one or two things that make it better each day and leave the rest for later. I decided reading to my babies was more important than vacuuming every day. Hugging them and pushing them on the swings was first and dishes was last. And taking a nap so I was happy when my darling husband came home was a priority. My home is real, but everything is okay because there is love!
Lisa
Amen & amen & amen!! Put Jesus and your family first!???? And thank you for this reminder which I need daily!
Linda Filler
Wow, I don’t have enough time to read all the blogs and follow everyone I want. But, somehow, Jesus directs me to your blogs time after time, and I find you have again “hit the nail on the head”.
I’ve had to kill superwoman, too, just this week. My husband and I have a farm 2700 Miles from our families and children. Except for my mother who I flew back to rescue from a nursing home and bring to our farm. Now 2 years later she almost completely immobile and my workload is over the top.
I have way too many goats, 5 in milk. Baby everything’s have overrun the place, and I have 2 big extremely weedy gardens and a new orchard. Plus I cook completely from scratch and we don’t eat out. Just writing all this makes me exhausted.
Knowing I’m not alone in this battle and that it’s okay to let go of some things is, somehow, a relief. Thanks so much, please keep writing, Jesus uses you.
(Oh, we also lost our bathroom, to a leak… a month ago!! And our insurance
company is stalling.) ????
Stacy
I’m all about tying to find ways to make things easier and making things run more smoothly around here! I hear ya when you say that things cause friction in your heart. I went two weeks recently without a washing machine….in a house of nine people!!! And now there are gardens to tend, pigs to deal with, chickens to take care of…not to mention all the kids. ????
One time saver sanity saver for me in my gardens is a little cultivator. Do you have one of those? It is like a little tiny rototiller that you can run up and down the rows between plants. Then I am left to weed only between plants and pull out big ones. I have about an acre of garden and not much weeding help so this keeps me sane.
And just breathe. None of it matters. Nothing matters. Except our precious saviour. He is all you need.
Megan
I appreciate your post and the struggles you’re having. I identify with what you’re saying so much. With a 40 hr/week job, managing a business at home, trying to raise and keep animals alive, and maintaining 2 acres – all alone – while my husband is working in another state has had me stressed beyond belief. That stress cripples me and I can’t get done half of what I need to. I’m learning that I too can’t do it all. I found a guy to hire once a week to help with the property maintenance and that has helped my sanity so much. I’m learning to say “that’s not a priority, and I’m ok with it being unfinished and in disarray.” Best wishes to you and us all!
Hannah
Thank you for sharing! I’m right there with you, with 4 young children, a traveling husband, homeschooling, and starting a business. Knowing that you struggle with these things helps me relate to you so much better because I have thought of you as “superwoman,” although I know no one really is, myself included! Pinpointing what areas cause friction is so helpful and I need to think that through for myself too. Thank you again!
And also thank you to the other commenters who left such wise words!
Cathy
IT’S SPRING ! AMEN.
Kimberly
Oh Shaye, you’re speaking to my soul! I feel like all I am doing lately is spinning my wheels and can’t seem to accomplish anything. I had to laugh because I am, right now, making the to-do lists in hopes of crossing SOMETHING out. I like what Shellie said about the smorgasbord and the great analogy of picking only the things specific to what God has for us, instead of trying to gorge ourselves on all of it. Time to re-prioritize and ask God what HE has for me to do. I’m throwing superwoman out…she’s too big of a distraction. Thanks for sharing!
Autumn
Thank you Shaye, for sharing so vulnerably. I needed these words this morning. Thank you!
Elizabeth
I am looking at this from an “old broads” perspective. (This is said tongue in cheek…it is what my 32 year old son calls me to tease me and get me cranked up.) I did not home school – my child and I are too much alike! But, I had this “must conform” feeling when I was younger. As I have aged, that has gone out the window. I realized that there were too may fun things to do with my son as he was growing up. As he got older, we loved having his friends at our house. When he went off to college we had a good time going to visit him. Having a child (or children) is humbling. At some point you have to realize that nobody dies if you have pbj for supper because you spent all day having fun. It does not matter that the house has a bit of dust, consider it someplace for the kids to draw pictures …LOL You are allowed to have a life also – do some things you like, learn a new skill. One of my Grandmother’s was a college professor. She was “before her time” – she was not domestic in any way, shape, or form. She was wonderful with animals and was very nature oriented. My cousins and I have wonderful memories of walking a creek with her, small fish nets in our hands, catching/releasing fish/tadpoles/snails/etc and talking about them. If having a child is humbling, animals are humbling also. I carriage drive, the training a new horse process puts your in your place in a heartbeat – patience, throwing the original plan out the window when it does not work, making a new plan on the fly. The garden is the same was – you know what should grow well in your area and what your family likes. Then, you plant accordingly. Next thing you know, it has rained too much, it didn’t warm up like it was supposed to, it got hotter sooner. I have learned that going to Plan B (or all the way to Plan Z) is not the end of the earth. The only expectations one must live up to are the ones you set for yourself. And, you are allowed to change them when you want!
Jessica
Yep, I’m nodding my head over here. I’m just coming out of the fog of the first trimester which has been especially hard on me this time around. It was hard to deal with the constant feeling of failure (especially with my 10 month old), while also balancing what my body needs. I had to let go of some of my passion projects to get bare bones done. It hurt, but I’m pulling through, just as you will. Thank you for your honesty.
Megan
Thank you!
I have really been struggling with this.
I am a homeschooling momma of 4… the youngest two are twin toddlers that get into EVERYTHING!
I cook 3x a day, raise chickens, have been working on a failing garden, and I feel like I’m drowning.
I love keeping a home and raising children too but I feel like it’s swallowing me up.
I push until my adrenals give out, am stuck on the couch for a week (or more) then I get up and do it again.
I’ve compared myself to you- a lot.
It helps SO much to know you’re a normal human too!
Denise
Oh how it must just be the time of year! I feel like I just can’t keep up. Praying to God for help and strength and taking it one day at a time, one project at a time. We can and will survive. ????
Roz
Hit the nail on the head! All I can say is I am one of the many moms out there who are dealing with exactly the same thing you are- it’s almost like you were reading my life story in many ways here. And you are so right- run to Jesus! I’ve found keeping worship music and other peaceful acoustic music on all day really helps me.
valhalla
We all should let her go, our expectations…. or society’s expectations of what we are supposed to be: spotlessly clean. Houses, kids, nails, gardens, our behaviour. Polite. Always willing to lend a hand. But we can’t and most of us won’t.
I hope you do not mind me saying this as a first reaction ever (have been reading along for some time) but when the floor is covered in crayons and blankets, maybe you could give them like 20 pieces and box the rest. Same with the blankets: two blankets can build a fort too.
I have four children, age 2, 5, 8 and 10 and it is a mess from time to time. And I am terribly chaotic. My husband could spread his toolshed on the livingroom floor and be perfectly okay with it for weeks. Or longer. You get it. But what really gave me my sanity and joy back was having less. And most of all, my children having less. Because well, their mess can drive you crazy, no matter how relaxed you are trying to be about it. Jesus preached a life of simplicity and moderation so lets take some inspiration from that. And form Thoreau 😉
And probably from this homesteading mother of ten: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCgYXaylM7I 😉
Torrie
Yes and yes! I feel like I have these kinds of moments every few months or so, when I keep on realizing (over and over) that I can’t be all, do all. So I’ll trim back, cut myself some slack, and then…let Superwoman sneak back in the garage door every time. It’s maddening. But so comforting to know that I’m not alone! And I love your question about addressing the friction and trying to figure out where it’s coming from…so simple, but so powerful.
Megan
The homesteading lifestyle, though truly about leading a simpler life, is similar to any other lifestyle in that there is a percieved notion of what it should entail and that belief and accompanying advice, no matter how will meant, can cause stress and pressure.
Your lifestyle is yours. Do what is best for you and your family. Your family will appreciate a happy you more than whether you’ve met all the homesteading requirements ie; keeping animals, gardening, home preserving, from scratch cooking, homeschooling, etc.
My husband and I moved onto a nice chunk of property a year ago and the two questions we get asked the most by our new neighbors is if we plan on getting animals and if we are going to homeschool our child. If my answer to either of these is no does it make me less of a homesteader, less of a person? No of course not but it can feel that way. Be true to yourself.
Societal pressures can still impact us no matter what age but ultimately, “to thine own self be true”. Shakespeare
Love and grace to you.
Ann Guest
Sometimes we get so busy BEING a mom that we forget to enjoy just being a MOM. My kids are grown now, and I did home school. I also found that I could get myself so wrapped up in my schedule and all the things I had to do it just took any joy out of my life. I didn’t enjoy the kids, or being a mom, or a wife. It is hard to turn off what we believe everyone else expects of us, and just listen to what God is telling us. We need to meet His goals for our lives, not the imagined boxes the world and “everybody else’s mom” would pack us into. Listen to God, your heart, and your family, it will come together.
gayle
Perfect timing! I usually don’t even have time to read my emails…or even open my inbox. I have been questioning choices that have me stressed and unable to make things work. Too many and too much is an eyeopener. After 14 years I closed my Catering Business…because it was no longer fun, no longer joyful but only stressful. I knew I would be saying goodbye to lots of money as I wasn’t going to work I was going back home. Everything I have done In life I have taken on more than most. Back in my Mommy Raising days of the 80’s and 90’s. I raised 6 children. Homeschooled K-12 (poorly and the last 2 while opening a catering business) although they all went on to be incredibly successful I look at that as Gap Grace. He fills in the gaps. When I retired early from Catering believing it was God giving me rest, I took on Homesteading/Farming. i started out with 8 Chickens. I have 58 now with a guinea and a Rooster also. I gave in to my youngest daughter having a cat….then a stray showed up and the other daughter started feeding it….2 weeks ago while checking the Hives (started with 2 and now have 5…something was jumping around my feet. A stray puppy. Trying to find an owner without success we now have a chewing, pooping, peeing puppy. I have 3000 square foot garden. 18 Blueberry bushes, 5 Apple Trees, Grape Arbors, 4 pear trees, 3 Peach trees, 2 Cherry, 2 Plum, 2 Elderberries….Blackberries and Raspberries….and a house to run. Although no small children anymore there are still 4 of us at home. Busy at work except me I do most everything daily that has to be done. Well, I broke my wrist a few months back and now the tendons are still trying hard to heal. I have been diagnosed with COPD even though I quit smoking over 40 years ago. I am stiff in my feet until I get going in the morning and unfortunately about 40 lbs over weight and 61 years old. So, I was just saying to myself this morning. Maybe you need to get rid of a lot of these birds…scale down what you are growing and just grow for the family instead of visions of selling at Farmer’s Markets and CSA. Maybe 3 years ago you should have thought through exactly how to cap what you wanted to do, because like you….I have ALWAYS been superwoman. But I should have given up the cape way before this age. But reading your personal struggles and the decision to find joy again is just what I needed to hear.
Tamara
TRUTH. So eloquently written. You speak for sooooooo many. Lovely!
Andrea McDaniel
I never comment on blog posts, but this spoke to my joyless heart. Struggling so hard with superwoman these days. Seeking God to allow my body to heal cancer naturally all the while homesteading and homeschooling four young children. Most days my stress level is at Defcon 1 and I know that will not allow me to heal. Thank you for giving me some perspective that I so desperately need during this season….