I have many lessons to learn yet as a parent (I just heard parents everywhere chuckle). Oh sister, it hasn't even begun. NOT EVEN BEGUN.
I am only two and a half months in.
I know, I know, I got it comin'. Back off.
I have learned a few things already though. Like when you are changing an infant's seemingly innocent diaper, things can go awry very quickly. I shan't say anything further.
A particular lesson that I have yet to learn is how to deal with the rejection that parents must feel when their kids grow up and need them less and less.
For example, Georgia began sucking her thumb last week and I felt this horrible, heavy feeling like she didn't need me anymore. Luckily, her thumb does not lactate, so technically – she does still need me. But alas, she must be weaned eventually, so I know I will have to deal with this horrible reality at some point. Last week, I called my Mom with a lump in my throat, feeling very sad.
Me: Mom, this must be how you felt when I wanted to hang out with my friends instead of you and Dad! It's like Georgia has no clue how much I love her and she would rather have her thumb than me! She thinks she doesn't need me anymore! She doesn't need me to comfort her and hold her! She thinks she is all independent and crap. What the heck.
My Mom: Ahahahahahaha, hahahahahahaha, hahahahahah, ahahahahahahah, ha ha ha ha ha, ha, ha, HA HA HA HA HA HA. Ha. (Mom collapses on floor in fetal position from laughing so hard).
Apparently, it's funny to parents when their children get a taste of the years of torture that await them. Parents know, man, they know.
It's okay though, because I told Georgia that if she sucks her thumb anymore I am going to duct-tape her hands together so that it's impossible. Then she will need me to comfort her and love her forever and she will never grow up and she will be my baby for-evah.
I also learned another valuable parenting lesson this weekend:
Eight month old babies cannot feed themselves soup.
I must document useful information such as this for future reference.