We had a wonderful dinner last night with friends. They welcomed us into their home and lovingly made us egg rolls and fried rice that were de-lic-ious. Yum. I ate two full servings. I don't joke about food people – it's serious business. There's none of this “leaving food on the plate” either. I lick mine clean. *Slurp*. Have I mentioned that my favorite part about nursing (my apologies, man readers) is being able to eat all the food I want? I eat. And eat. And eat. It's pretty much the most awesome thing ever.
SPEAKING OF NURSING…
Men: Beware. You are about to enter somewhere you don't want to go.
(This is Georgia's “Beware!” face)
I've thought about doing this post for awhile, but was hesitate, as I wanted to make sure I could handle it in a politically correct manner. Then, I just decided to give up and write it anyway.
One of the hardest things I have had to learn as a new mom is when it is okay to nurse in a public place and when it's not. I've asked me Mum several times “Do you think anyone would be offended if I nursed while we are there?” It's awkward, to say the least. I mean, some people are offended and shocked when you nurse in public, even if you do it very modestly. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not pullin' the feminist kind of nursing where I'll-nurse-where-and-when-I-want-while-not-covering-up-and-make-you-very-uncomfortable. I'm polite about it. I cover it all up. I seclude myself, as much as possible. But there are some times when it is absolutely impossible to avoid – the babe gets hungry!
Other Mom's understand. They don't mind. We actually have quite the little nursing-moms club at church. It's a happenin' place, man.
But sometimes the situation can get more difficult.
For example:
Our church's Christmas Feast. 200 people. Big open room. No side rooms. No secluded areas. It was 2 degrees outside, so the car wasn't an option. I thought to myself, “Self: Just cover up and nurse quietly at your table”. We were sitting along the back and to the side, so I didn't think it would be a big deal. I could put my back up against the wall and no one would be the wiser. Except for the only other person sitting at our table. A young, single guy. He isn't married and doesn't have any children (ie: has not become immune to the imagine of a nursing wife), so I fear that it might make him a wee-bit uncomfortable to have such things going on in his zone. I have one other option: a bathroom stall.
Have you ever nursed while sitting in a bathroom stall on a toilet with no seat?
I am a stronger woman for having survived that. It wasn't pretty.
But one must also adapt and learn to nurse anywhere. Church nurseries. Libraries. Friends houses. Parents houses. Church feasts. Parking lots. Bathroom stalls. Random people's bedrooms. Work. Hair salons. It's all fair game for the baby – they don't consider how much nursing in a particular situation will make the mother unbelievable uncomfortable. And once I get uncomfortable, I get nervous, and then I start to sweat and it's a downward, embarrassing, spiral that we shall not address any further.
Or, for another example, going to dinner at another couple's home who have a child. Georgia gets hungry, so I go to the couch and feed her (covered up completely, of course). I figure that the other husband has seen his wife do it a thousand times, he knows the drill. The other wife knows the drill. Stuart knows the drill. I know the drill. We have all been acclimated to the ever-present task of getting a hungry baby full. Easy-schmeasy.
One must consider their company carefully as one does not want to offend. But who draws this line? How do we know? Do you just have to hope that when you nurse in public someone doesn't take offense, throw a shoe at you, and tell you to go burn your bra?
Is there an etiquette book on this that I just happened to miss out on?
Lord willing, we will have more children to raise on our homestead. So I know this whole nursing-thing will be around for years to come and I am grateful that the Lord has blessed us with it! It truly is a gift from God to be able to nurse my babe, whether that be privately in my bedroom or in the middle of a dinner party.
I suppose as long as it is handled with respect and thoughtful consideration, no one can hate on a Mom and her baby…right?
Please do not throw shoes at me if you see me nursing in public.
The end.
Kimberly
🙂 I, too, try to be modest. I was with family for a week for Christmas figuring everyone would just have to chill. I staked out a chair with arms and declared it mine as it was the only comfortable place to nurse in the house. For a single feeding, I’ll happily be uncomfortable, but not continuously for a week. The one I was unsure of was my 11 year old nephew, but it didn’t seem to phase him at all. Thank goodness! He was so enamored with the baby–she is pretty cute–that he just wanted to hold her whenever I wasn’t nursing.
Melanie H.
Bwahahaha! One of the many parts of motherhood I have found my self pondering at various times. Sounds like a “live and learn” situation. Poor “young, single guy”.
Thanks for the laugh. Guess it’ll be my turn one day. 😉
Kendra at New Life On A Homestead
I totally feel ya! I’ve nursed baby many, many times in a bathroom stall. It’s not pretty. They NEVER have toilet lids to sit on! I’ve learned to balance on one leg while holding baby with one arm and resting her bottom half on my tucked up knee. It’s ridiculous! I always want to go to the manager after one of these balancing acts and scold them for not having a chair in their restroom. If I’m out with just me and my husband and kids, and we’re in a booth at a restaurant, I’ll cover up and nurse right there in my seat. But, if we are out with friends or family, or in seats that don’t hide me as well as a booth, I’ll excuse myself and go do my carnival act in the lavatory. If we are at some outdoor function or at the park, I’ll go back to the car to nurse. At family gatherings I find a quiet room to lock myself in when baby is hungry. But if it’s just hanging out at my dad’s house with him and my sister and her husband (who knows the drill), then I’ll sit in the corner recliner and cover and nurse.
Yeah, it can be very awkward at times. ESPECIALLY when you are around guys who are single, or have not had a wife who has nursed a baby recently. And it’s totally embarrassing when you are trying to nurse discreetly somewhere quiet, and she’s slurping and sucking and making all kinds of noise, lol!
No, I’ve never had anybody throw a shoe at me or say anything rude. But I’ve had a few very embarrassed guys walk in on me before. Fortunately for us all, I cover myself just in case, even if I’m alone in a room 🙂
Rebecca C.
I have definitely fallen asleep in a chair a few times in my parents’ living room while nursing and became less… well… covered. Random people walk in (or my dad) while I am less than modestly covered. Not my favorite moment. I also remember being at someone’s house for the first time and sitting on the floor in their back bedroom alone and nursing… ugh. Good times.
Anita - aka Granny Patches
I remember a time when ALL women nursed their babies in public with no covering and no one thought anything of it. Some even nursed the babies they babysit (wet nurse) and some nursed two at a time. It was so common to see babies nursing in public that very few people, if any, ever took notice.
Some “upity” women used a modest covering but most women did not. It’s especially hard to keep covered when feeding two babies at once.
Are you ashamed of nursing your baby? As long as nursing is treated as something to hide away in a bathroom stall it will always remain as something to hide and fewer women will be willing to nurse babies because of that. I guess what I’m trying to say is that the more common something is, the less people seem to notice it.
As for the men in your family… do they know you got breasts? Do they somehow think those breasts are only for creating curves in your clothing? Desensitize them by overcoming your own embarrasment. Let the young ones see that you nursing your baby is no different than seeing any animal feed their young and they soon will loose interest. Children (even teens) are only curious to see how nursing works and will remember when they have babies of their own someday.
For any men who seem more than just curious about how nursing works…. tell them to get their minds out of the gutter!
Grandlea Goff
From your mother-in-law (aka grandlea)who nursed your son (oooh) and your two brother-in-laws- and your sister-in-law…Nursing is becoming more popular these days! Even Mrs. Obama is talking about it (never thought I would agree with her on anything) In a world where etiquitte of anykind is vitually nill, I was glad to see your conversations. One of the reasons for etiquitte is to help everyone understand what to expect and how to feel comfortable in certain situations. Most older men and women (my generation and older) weren’t as exposed to nursing – the bottle was the rave; Parents in their 30’s and 40’s are more comfortable with public nursing and now your generation is exploring everything natural and they are more into healthy–you really have to consider who you are with–if you are prepared for nursing, you can be modest and considerate and still accomplish the task with ease. Just don’t make a deal out of it and no one else will. People will typically be as at ease as you put them–that is what etiquitte is really all about. I do think it is very important to recognize that some people don’t feel comfortable looking at other people’s body parts —no need to put them in a spot… be prepared, …and if you are at ease, they will be too.