I did it again. Instead of resting on Sunday, as you know, God commanded, I slogged around in an emotional brain-fart, completing mediocre and ridiculous tasks. Cleaning out the juicer. Washing some laundry. Sweeping the floors.
Like none of that could have waited until tomorrow.
Did I mention that in my brain-fart stuper I also managed to somehow combine a load of white tea towels, Georgia's clothes, dish rags, and a red rug? Yes, people. A red rug. Which, as any laundry novice knows, dyes everything pink. A lovely shade of berry.
I cried.
And I'll tell you why I cried.
For starters, I was so angry that I'd ruined some of Georgia's precious clothes, a few of which were my nieces. I was so angry with myself!
I also cried because frankly, girlfriend is homesick. I know, I know. Bust out the violins and play me a sad song. Even though I have great faith in the Lord's providence and sovereignty, as well as trusting that He brought us here for a reason, that still doesn't make it easy.
But God doesn't always call his people to ‘easy' tasks – does he?
So there I was. Pouting. Dying laundry pink. Cursing the floating pieces of dog hair that decorated the floor. But mainly, I was thinking about our baby (the unborn one, that is). I was in quite the funk, thinking about having the baby without my family close by. They were such a blessing to us when we had Georgia, be it with emotional support or breakfast brought to the hospital, and I'm just going to miss that. Bleh. I know people do it all the time – but maybe I'm just a big sissy.
All that to say, even in heartache, in all things, God is good.
Via a fellow church member, we were matched up with an OB-GYN here that is old school, baby. He wears an Alabama ball-cap with his medical jacket, speaks with a strong Southern drawl, and wears a trimmed gray beard. And not only is he hilarious and witty, but he also has a Christ-centered practice. A practice that values human life from a biblical perspective.
God knew exactly what kind of OB we needed here – one who didn't coddle or handhold, but instead, was willing to be frank and forward and willing. You see, this Doctor does VBACs (vaginal births after cesareans). A LOT of them. And he ‘loves them'. In fact, he has the lowest cesarean rate of any OB in the county. Back in the day (he's older), c-sections weren't such a commonly used option, so he's learned techniques and practices that just aren't taught any more. His nurses (one of which was his beautiful wife) assured me that if we wanted to attempt a VBAC this go-round, we couldn't have landed in a better place. How encouraging!
He even still delivers breach babies vaginally – now isn't that something!
As we were explaining the frustration we felt when Georgia was born (you can read more about how we ended up having a cesarean HERE), he calmly replied “So, no one had the guts to try delivering her for ya, huh?”
I've said it before and I'll say it again, I think the Lord used Georgia's birth experience to humble and teach me a great lesson. I was holding on to a sort of pride when I was planning my birth with her, thinking my way was the best way…the real way…to have a baby. What a fool I was. I learned quickly that my value as a Christian (and as a mother) had nothing to do with how my baby came into this world. I refuse to let others make me feel like less of a mother for having a cesarean. I also refuse to judge others by the way they bring their children into the world – be it adoption, natural birth, cesarean section, water birth, hospital birth, with an epidural, blah, blah…. It just don't matter, people. Our worth is found in Christ. Not in our ability to birth children.
I remember holding Georgia in my arms, oozing all sorts of nasty fluid from my surgery wound, and telling Stuart “She could have been delivered to me by aliens, and I could care less. I'm just glad she's here.” I have been humbled. I have learned. God's way is the best way. This time, I will not fight it. But it is nice to have another optional available to us here.
I will prepare for this next baby's birth with no expectations. Hopes? Sure. I'd love to try and do a vaginal birth, pending the little one is head down this time. But if it doesn't happen, that's okay. One of the biggest attractions of a vaginal birth to me is the recovery time. After my c-section, I was down and out for quite awhile. It was difficult to shower, use the restroom, drive, walk up stairs, pick things up… wear pants…you know, important stuff. It would be wonderful to have a quicker recovery time this go-round, since we will also have little G-love to think about.
And since Mom and Dad won't be here to bring me oatmeal in the hospital. I's just sayin'.
For the next twenty weeks, my prayer will be for peace and and preparation with what the Lord has in store for us in the birth of this little treasure.
And by the way. Does anyone know how to make pink laundry white again? Is that possible? *Sigh*. Send help.
I have been there. Being new to an area, no family, babies and such. Please know you are not alone, it will get better and it is ok to feel down and even whine a little.
Now, one thing helpful to me was MOPS, maybe you can find a group near by. Look it up online, humor me! 🙂
Shaye, your post is absolutely beautiful! You are certainly blessed for God to put this doctor in your path. You’re right…it doesn’t matter how these babies are delivered…(even if a stork brings them in a pretty soft bunting and delivers them on your doorstep)..they are precious gifts from God!
And, no, I don’t know how to get the pink out. I always tell myself “don’t sweat the small stuff”..so, it’s pink.
Maybe try this method for the laundry
http://www.ehow.com/how_6195421_make-pink-laundry-white-again.html
Tina
woop woop! VBAC! You can do it! Totally stoked to hear this, since c section recovery is so hard, especially with another little child. Good luck
Thank you for your honesty. Having done missions trips to third-world countries, I would like to say, that we are very blessed to have alternatives in our medical practices. No shame or guilt should ever be placed on anyone for the blessing of being able to choose how they get something accomplished. All of us would like the “ideal” way, but a bite of a piece of fruit from the wrong tree in the Garden, changed things for us all. The important thing is listening to voice of our loving Heavenly Father through each and every situation. He is the only One that knows best.
I remember doing the red thing before, lol. Off hand I don’t remember what I used to get the dye out except I immediately put them back in the washer and let them soak. I think it was with Oxyclean, but not sure. I would also put in a couple of the “color-catcher” sheets to help take the ink out of the water. I took a couple of times.
Blessings to you and your family
Donna
You can do it! I’ve had 2 VBACs and any future children the Lord gives us will, hopefully, be that way too!
I am so glad you have a doctor with faith in VBACs. Trust me, it makes all the difference in the world. This baby’s birth will be more than you could have ever imagined.
Sorry about the pink clothes. I’m of no help there.
I was wondering if you were homesick and if you were going to talk about that. Thanks for sharing about this because so many of us do move for jobs, etc. and it often does mean going way out of our comfort zone. When I moved from my home state to another at the age of 36, I learned that I had to go through a grief process, and that was okay. Yes, lean hard on God, thank him for all your blessings, but don’t feel bad for feeling bad. It’s very normal, but please believe that time will help. Right now you just have to trust that God has a good plan, but a few years from now, you’ll be able to understand a lot more of it. One thing that came out of our move was being placed in a city with an adoption agency that led us to our beautiful adopted daughter! I wouldn’t give all of the comfort zones in the world for her:)
I’ll be praying for you, and I highly recommend trying to have a VBAC. My first son was also breach, and a C-section, but I had Vbacs with my other two, and all went well, and this was back in the late 1980’s!
Also, welcome to the South! You moved at the hottest time, of course, and being pregnant too, my heart goes out to you. But, I predict that you’ll love the long falls and springs, and the mild winter. One advantage is that your little ones will most likely get a lot less colds.
And this is my last 2 cent, but I definitely agree with the suggestion to look up a MOPS group.
Praying that God will bless you and give you peace in the process…
oh i so hear you! i’m from nashville, all my friends and family are there and God’s got us in the middle of nowhere in Texas. and then He gave me twins no less. so anyway i can relate. <3
also i was wondering if you would mind sharing your ob’s name. i am currently working on a project with some other twin moms and my part in that is creating a directory of mw & obgyns that deliver twins naturally. i haven’t found anyone for alabama yet (and i know out of hospital mws are illegal there) but it sounds like your ob probably does. anyway if you dont mind sharing you can email me kristenly83 at gmail dot com. thanks so much!
His name is Dr. Diggman (I hope I spelled that right…) at Thomas Hospital. Thanks, Kristen!
A beautiful and heartfelt post. An honor to share in your honest thoughts and emotions. None of them are to be belittled. My sister and her husband were unable to conceive. They choose the route of ‘open adoption.’ A child needs a loving home. How the child got there is of little importance once they have arrived.
As to the pink laundry-make it into a good story about how those precious handed down baby clothes all have a pink hue! It just adds to their charm.
I forgot that you had to have a c-section with Georgia. And I commend you for even considering trying to do a vbac. What a blessing to have such an amazing, old-school doctor!!! That is wonderful. It makes a huge difference to have a supportive doctor who will respect your wishes and do everything he can to carry them out safely. You are right, in the end it doesn’t really matter how that baby made his/her way into the world, all that matters is that that child is healthy and yours 🙂 I will keep you in my prayers with all of the big changes you are going through, and have to look forward to. Before you know it, that precious child will be in your arms looking up at you, and it will all have been worth it 🙂
Thanks for writing this. I really enjoyed it. My first two and any future will be c/s babies. Actually, due to my severe uterine window any futures will be born by 37 weeks. It was hard to come to terms with after wanting a very natural birth. But it’s what my daughter needed (she was too tangled) and for both our safety (due to the uterine window) I am glad my hopes for a VBAC didn’t pan out with my second. This term is perfect: “Our worth is found in Christ. Not in our ability to birth children.”