As many of you know, a few weeks ago, our family fell victim to the stomach flu. I'm talkin' buckets hangin' out by bedsides and midnight rushes to the bathroom. It was awful. Literally. It was my hell.
Anyway. Since that fun passed, we still haven't totally recovered. Our appetites still aren't quite what they used to be, we're still shakin' the tired feeling and the desire to nap every afternoon. I guess, one could say, we're still recovering.
As the flu came and went, I fell quite behind in my housework – as one would expect when one is spending more time with the bathroom floor than with the broom and dustpan. Laundry quickly piled up, sheets needed to be washed, bathrooms needed to be scrubbed, and the floors were dis-gust-ing (I know because I lay on the floor staring at them for quite some time).
Slowly but surely, as we came back to the land of the living people who can actually keep food in their bodies, I got caught up. But then something happened.
I decided to submit to the madness.
I'm not talking about living in filth or not caring enough to wash our dirty socks.
Instead, I'm talking about Shaye learning how to loosen the wad in her panties in a serious way.
It has been my desperate prayer these past few weeks, as I've struggled in my patience with our children, to make our home a home of peace. A home that has an aroma pleasing to the Lord. A home where children get to see the Gospel in action. I have prayed fervently that the Lord would help me in my desire to always have things just-so, including my children's attitudes and actions.
Have you ever tried to control your child's attitude and actions? That works about as well as trying to wrestle down a pig slathered in Vasoline.
The past week, instead of writing myself a to-do list that included no less than thirty tasks to complete for the day, I wrote myself a to-do list that consisted of two or three. And that's it.
After milking in the morning, I'll come inside, sip my first cup of coffee, wash my face, put on makeup, and pull my hair out of my face (I find this does wonders for the ‘ol attitude). Then, it's time for Bible reading and breakfast. After Stuart leaves for work at 7:00, the kids and I quickly wash up the breakfast dishes so that we can go about the rest of the day with a clean kitchen. They are dressed and have their faces washed and teeth brushed.
Does it sound productive? It is! But that entire process ends at about 7:45.
Normally, I would instantly jump into one of my million must-get-done-today tasks, leaving the kids to play and fend for themselves for a few hours each morning. As productive as this time could be, it led to separation and stinky attitudes for all of us. Every day.
These days, I keep my expectations low – aside from the daily tasks of milking, feeding the animals, and dishes.
Here's an example of what I mean:
Monday
Straighten up bedrooms and vacuum
Straighten up mudroom
Tuesday
Clean bathrooms
Wash laundry/put away
Wednesday
Make cheese
Make bread and snacks
Thursday
Run errands
Sweet & mop floors
Friday
Pay bills
Vacuum carpets
Saturday
Do an outside chore
Run errands
Sunday
Rest
You know what this means? It means that by Sunday my bathrooms desperately need to be cleaned again and by Monday we're probably out of bread. But it also means that I'm sane, balanced, relaxed, and joyful in my service to my family.
Because I'm not as worried about completing so many tasks, it's much easier to bring Georgia alongside to help me. Whether it be cleaning the bathrooms, organizing a dresser, or baking snacks for the week, she's happy to lend a hand. And Praise God! I want to teach her how to do these things. I want her to be an active participant in managing the home! I want her to see me completing these tasks with joy. All those days I tried to complete so much that I gently shoved her aside for the sake of ease and productivity, I was actively pushing her away from the woman I want her to become.
As hard as it is to admit, I'll say my house isn't quite as picked-up as it once was. But amazingly, I'd say that it's just as clean! I've just come to the terms with the constant state of the pillow-and-blanket “water fall” all over the floors and the ever present stash of toys in the living room. Tricycles line the hallway. Tiaras and magic wands litter the kitchen counters. There's a trail of boots stretching out for ten feet.
But I DON'T CARE. I've submitted to the madness.
Instead of picking up the toys eighteen times a day and getting frustrated when they'd once again get pulled out onto the carpet, I've found myself laying out on the ground and building Lego towers. I've built porches out of blankets and chairs, read Pretty Princesses about 8,374 times, and turned Owen into a magic king with my special song at least a dozen times a day.
Instead of trying to make cheese and a fabulous dinner all in one day, I've been giving away more of my milk, making cheese less, and simplifying meals even more than normal. That way, instead of prepping and cleaning for hours each day in the kitchen, I can spend time with the littles doing something much more important (though Georgia is quite happy to help me prep dinner during Owen's nap time).
I've saved folding laundry for night when Stuart is home to help. Two sets of hands is much better than one and we can chat about our days as we quickly put away the piles. This has saved me a ton of time and frustration. Ever tried to fold laundry with a three and one year old? I die.
I've made extra effort to get rid of any clutter in the house that “isn't useful or I don't believe to be beautiful”. Less clutter means less to organize, maintain, dust, and put away each day. And it's helped the work load a lot.
Maybe some of you are saying “Ya. Duh, Shaye.” But unfortunately, it's just my nature to be ambitious and want to complete no less than 37 tasks per day, at the end of it sitting down with energy enough to type a blog post and enjoy my perfectly clean home.
*Cough* Shaye, you're a fool. *Cough*
You know, it's quite funny actually. All these days I've been praying that I'd be granted an extra measure of patience for my children so that I could complete my many tasks in peace. Instead, the Lord gave me the opportunity to do less so that I could enjoy my children more, all but eliminating the need for patience in the first place.
He's sneaky, that one. Always working in greater ways than we can imagine.
It may have taken me a few years of fighting it, but I'm really praying that I remember submitting to the madness is a beautiful thing.
I can't do it all. I shouldn't do it all – all that does is make me bad at everything.
Sure, maybe when the FedEx driver drops off packages I'll cringe at the two bags of garbage sitting on the porch. And perhaps visitors will judge me toothpaste-stained bathroom sinks. And maybe I'll miss having access to hallway (it's currently blocked off with a ‘castle wall' – obviously).
But I'll never regret enjoying my children more. And spending time molding and teaching their little hearts. And heck, I'll say it. Napping with them.
God has given me great peace in getting off my high-horse of accomplishment, casting my idol of perfection and productivity into the depths of the ocean, and getting on knees to rock out on the Mickey Mouse guitar.
amen!!! I too feel I need to accomplish 37 things a day but you have opened my eyes! bless you and my mess 😉
I needed this. My kids too. Thanks Shaye.
We often use a great habit training guidebook for our family devotions and this is from a reading on the virtue of kindness a few days ago…”Be careful not to take one habit to an extreme at the expense of another; for instance, neglecting to show kindness when the need presents itself because you are too busy being diligent with a project.” Ouch! Shaye, I think your post and the lesson on kindness are hammering home to me the reminder to focus on nurturing my littles in the midst of, in spite of, the mess. I’d rather cringe at my housekeeping than at my parenting!! Always love reading your quips and ponderings!
” I’d rather cringe at my housekeeping than at my parenting!!”
I’ve put this on my note page of awesome quotes. Thank you!
I look back to when my 2 children were 2 and 4 and hating how impatient I would be with them sometimes. I expected too much from them and from me. Now they are older 6 and 8, I hope I have chilled out considerably. I will always regret the times I got mad over silly things like them ‘playing with a box of just purchased eggs on the kitchen floor or the toilet roll ‘incidents’ or the paint and glitter incident on the bedroom floor (now covered by a huge Ikea rug 🙂 I suppose as long as I have learnt my lesson along the way, I have to forgive myself for being human.
I’m not a stay at home mom, so when I finally make it home to the madness, I’m quick to be grouchy and feel like a bazillion things need to be completed….tonight.
I’m also realizing that peace is more important than a spic-n-span spotless house. Thanks for this reminder, Shaye. I love it when you’re so real with us! 😉
I agree with Colette. Sadly, the things I remember most about the kids being little is my impatience and frustration with them. However, when I ask them now as adults, they remember it quite differently. I remember my failures; they remember play time and cuddles-thank the Lord. I wish I had known then that I didn’t have to be a perfect parent and housekeeper, and that the cuddles outweighed the laundry and clean rooms. 🙂
Nothing could have said it better. You and I are definitely kindred spirits.. I have ALLWAYS struggled with perfection, and fear that I’m passing that on to my children.. I want them to enjoy life as my husband does, carefree and having fun, but my obsessive nature allways gets in the way. Thank you so much for posting this. I am learning to do what you have, and have decided to get rid of anything and everything we don’t need and give up things that don’t need to be done in order to spend time with my family. My goals for 2014 include being more diligent about sticking to a chore routine and involving the children in that routine so we can work together, taking the time to build relationships, and training/teaching them instead of sending them off to fend for themselves. I hope to spend more time on their character, than on their perfection.
Oh, and my husband and I fold laundry together too! 🙂
Thank you for sharing this!! I so desire to focus on my kiddos but can get so overwhelmed by my task list! I was seriously just implementing today rising earlier to spend quiet time with the Lord by myself and trying to not attack my tasks so quickly but rather take time to snuggle my kiddos when they wake up and take that time to be with them and start the day slowly. After reading this, perhaps I should also shorten my to-do list by 20 or so things? 🙂 This post was refreshing to this momma. Thank you!
love this!
At Christmas time my girls would take the nutcrackers down from their “perfect” arrangement on the mantle and have weddings with the few barbies (their sole purpose being the nutcrackers wives). It would drive me crazy with the “wedding” taking over the den. I long for their cute little creative play. They are grown and one is married. I love to hear how The Lord has changed your perspective. Enjoy those babies for as you know “this too shall pass” (that’s for the good and the bad). We miss your sweet family!! Xoxo
Fantastic!!!
I have been doing this for a while and I have to say it can get hard to remind yourself of the reasons when everything is staring at you and your dinners make you want to yawn (i have to force myself to do stuff like have naked burritos instead of spending the extra time to make tortillas) and honestly I fall back into it at times, usually when projects start stacking up in my mind and I’m back to 37 things a day, its hard girl, I’m with ya
LOVE this!!! My oldest is 7 and it has been a war in my heart her whole life to balance life. I can tell you beyond a shadow of doubt, slowing down and doing life with your babies is the way to go!! Your heart will be at peace and everyone will thrive
I loved reading this.
I was actually folding four loads of laundry of laundry with two three-year-olds and a 10 m old this afternoon- a refining fire for sure. I know this is something I swing back and forth on- being productive and keeping my children top priority- something I have to really focus on and often re-learn. But the up side is I keep getting a little better at it, and since I try to keep them with me and working with me there are a lot of things already that I can do faster and better with their help. I also keep different types of toys in bins, boxes etc- all of them, and permission must be grated before any of them can come out, and I try to make sure there is only one out at a time, and it has to be picked up when they are done. We are five people living in just over 600 sq ft…so these rules really help with the whole family’s sanity.
May God bless the work of your hands!
I’ve just recently discovered your blog and I’ve turned into a stalker, LOL. You should take that as a compliment! To be honest though, I’m from NCW. I always miss it but reading your blog makes me downright heart sick for the sagebrush, mountains, rivers and community I left there. So, I will reading hoping for a glimpse of home in your posts.
I’m with you! My kids are the same age and I’m always trying to keep a balance between being with them and doing what’s necessary. Great post!
Thanks, this was an encouragement.
When I was a young mother (about twenty-……uh… a while back), my eight month old was giving me fits in the magical get-dinner-ready-time EVERY day. It seems he wanted me to get down on the floor with him and let him pat my face with his pudgy, sticky hands whilst he laughed and enjoyed the wonder of it all. This was clearly not on my agenda. However, the Lord spoke to me softly and said “This is as much a part of mothering as anything else you do for him. Get down on the floor and play with your baby.” Gulp. You got it, Lord. Twenty brief minutes later, he was satisfied and I still had time to make dinner. Mothering has many facets and they all take time. However, those days passed SO quickly (I heard this from women my age when I was your age and I never believed it) and now I can look back and never regret time spent playing with my baby. The dirt and mess can wait. You’ll have more years of a spotless home then you will of young children. Enjoy it.
Yes. Excellent. Take it from a mother of 4 young adults: college thru young-married, all educated and home, this is the truly good stuff you are talking about here. It is a sometimes-hard truth, but oh-so valuable. Stay the course.