It was a small instance that triggered my emotions this morning. As I drove up the road to my friend Lauren's house to drop the kids off for a few hours (as I've done a dozen times), my view caught the street sign – ‘Dana'.
If one were to drive down Dana, then take a quick left on Jefferson, they'd quickly find themselves at my high-school boyfriend's house. I spent many an hour there with him and his family, year after year. We were high-school sweethearts and dated for much of my teenage (and even part of my college) years.
My mind instantly began reeling – thoughts, smells, teenage emotions, breakups.
This triggered a thousand thoughts of high school… of college… of my college boyfriend… of my life for the first few years after college… of time before I really lived the Christian faith I had professed to believe for years.
That one street sign triggered regret. Triggered a feeling of weight. A feeling of shame.
The emotions began to continually snowball until I felt suffocated. I never want to travel back down those roads… down roads where words that shouldn't have been said and actions that shouldn't have been taken exist.
Naturally, we all have these kind of memories. After all, we're not born mature. We're born sinful. And it doesn't take long for that sin to erupt in our life.
As I finished my drive to Lauren's, my eyes welled with tears.
…how could I?
…why would I?
…it was too much.
And then I remembered. I remembered that even now, in Heaven, there is a perfect man pleading my case. Saying “Yes, my Father, she has sinned gravely. She has lied, cheated, stolen, spoken blasphemy, failed to trust you, to follow you, to love her neighbor, to pray for the weak and lowly. She has committed all these sins and more. Please, Father, accept my righteousness on her behalf. Don't hold these sins against her. Free her of them for my sake. I have lived righteously for her. I have not sinned so that my pureness can be counted towards her. Blot out her transgressions. Allow me to sacrifice my life on her behalf.”
OH THE JOY!
To know that my life doesn't need to be perfect – neither do my actions – to be loved by a Holy God is such great news! There is nothing in this world that I am more thankful for.
Immediately, the weight and heaviness I had been feeling subsided. The tears drained from the corners of my eyes.
I have been saved. I have been SAVED! Free from the weight of my sins – they are no longer.
And while their memory continues to serve me through this life (much like touching a flame reminds one to not flirt with fire again), I am ever thankful that their memory is just that – a distant memory. The reality of my sins no longer exist – they have been wiped from my heart by Christ.
There are no words to express my thanks to him.
…deep breath…
May I always remember that sin doesn't win. Christ does.
And Amen.
Well said. What a gift it is to know that our regrets can be turned to joy. And what a journey it is every time the memories sneak up on us! Thank you.
That was beautiful. Thanks for the reminder
Shaye, this is so, so good. Thank you for the encouragement and comfort. I definitely needed this today!! <3
Thank you sooo much! I really needed this today :'(
Shaye, I love you and your honesty. I feel it some days as well. Thanks for that glimpse of the gracious company I am in and the reminder of The One Perfect Man. What an encouragement. 🙂
I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me, and the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20
Praise the Lord! What a gift that our debts are paid! Thanks Shaye!
God always finds a way to be there for us, to speak to us… I’m so grateful that I came across your FB page one day. Fellowship through Facebook!
I can’t add anything but an Amen! Thank you for this post and the encouragement it brings. <3
Amen!!! I never get tired of hearing about the trade of my sin for Jesus’ perfectly clean slate. I could hear it a thousand times in a thousand ways, and it still transforms my life a little more each time.
and even with our regrettable past He is able and willing to use us to bring Himself Glory. Absolutely amazing. A friend put it very simply tonight “sin demands a price be paid. We can pay for it with our life or we can let Jesus pay for it all.” I’ll take Jesus!
Amen! It always hits home this time of year the heaviness of God’s decision to send Christ to us… I am just amazed how He can send something so perfect to us to cover our sins. Amazing love, how can it be? So thankful too.
I needed this today. The past is always coming back to haunt me – but such a good reminder that with Christ, we win in the end!
What a beautiful gift forgiveness is. May we live in the place of redemption and restoration, not dwelling in the regrets. Thank you for your reminder today.
Thank you. Thank God. Thank Jesus.
Been there too, but praise His name, I am FREE…of guilt, of shame, of the past, because Jesus paid the price for my freedom! Hallelujah!!!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts today. It is so encouraging to be reminded that the Truth has set me free.
I love you for posting this…
Shaye, your write up in this blog was beautifully written. This is a good reminder to me how forgiveness is so very important. I start teaming tonight for a retreat that my church puts on yearly.mwe have a 13 week preparation time and when we are finished teaming we put on the most wonderful retreat. By the end of this 4 day 3 night retreat the retreaents don’t want to go home. I will remember to tell them how important forgiveness is . Thank you so much!
Shaye, first of all I am so thankful that you trust Jesus and your blog reflects your faith and struggles and what He is revealing to you each day. I cannot tell you how much I needed to hear this today. As a good friend of mine is at this very minute losing her battle with cancer, I am overwhelmed with grief and feelings of utter worthlessness…that I feel like I cannot do anything right and that no one has ever benefited from my life or that I even seem to always drive people AWAY from God instead of to Him. I am thankful for the reminder that no matter what a failure I am, Jesus loves and forgives me (unfathomable!), is at work and in control of everything that happens. He is bigger than me and what is going on in this out-of-control world..and actually is IN control no matter what. Thank you Shaye! Oh the freedom and peace that His forgiveness brings!
And that’s what Christmas is really all about! Thank you for sharing.
🙂 Amen and amen – thank You Jesus for Your precious blood! Merry Christmas, sister in Christ!
Amen and Amen! You said it just right. Thank you and Praise Jesus for His lavish love.
Love this. Thank you.
Amen and AMEN! “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.” (Romans 8:1-2
Amen! Thank you for you candidness. It is not an easy thing to be humble enough to open express what we know to be true–that we are all sinners, far from perfect. And yet, when we are honest enough to share–what a blessing and encouragement it is to to those who hear and to ourselves. There is no good accomplished in trying to walk around with the facade of holiness, it only causes fear and discontent, but when we allow ourselves to admit our sins and imperfections, we also become freed to admit the grace and love that has been offered to us to relinquish us from the bonds of those sins! Praise the Lord!
Oh the sweet grace and goodness and mercy and love of Him who loves us most. Thanks for sharing this vulnerable and honest space in your heart.
LOVE your site. I actually have a copy of your delightful cookbook. Great job you did and keep doing.
Merry Christmas – Lylah
Well said. This gave me lots to think about and pray about. Thank you for posting!
I have thoughts and days like this sometimes, too! I wasn’t raised with any faith, so I lived a very “anything goes” lifestyle until I met and married my husband. When those thoughts creep in (my high school boyfriend’s house is right across the street from my inlaws!), I hum the tune to the song Redeemed, by Big Daddy Weave.