Ya'll. Thank you for allowing me time to rest… to remember… to reflect after Sal's passing. I'm most certainly not ‘over it'. Nor am I ‘healed'. But I am very much thankful for the time I had with my girl and that her passing was peaceful.
These last few days have been fairly peaceful on the farm as well.
The blistering heat has seemed to pass, replaced by those chilly mornings that remind you to put on your slippers and wrap both hands around your morning mug of coffee. Without milking to do now, I've been slinking out of bed a wee bit later than normal, barely finding my way to my favorite corner of our thrift-store couch before the littles come blaring out of their bedroom all-too-early.
Seriously. What is it about farm kids. Why do they get up so… dang… early. Always.
It's dark now until later, pushing back morning chores until at least the first rooster crows. And Stu is now home in the mornings to help with feeding and tending to the animals, which has allowed me even more time in the mornings for scrubbing children, flipping pancakes, and ya know – that whole drinking coffee thing.
I miss smelling a cow first thing in the morning. Honestly, I miss it much more than I thought I would. There were mornings I absolutely hated our decision to have a dairy cow, dreading the journey down to the barn in the freezing cold, pitch black, snowy mornings of the winter. But after 15 minutes of work, trudging back to the house with a bucket full of gallons of gold – it's one of my favorite feelings in the entire world.
I've spent a lot of introverted time since Sal passed thinking about this farm. Thinking about what each animal does, or doesn't, mean to me.
There are certain animals that “speak” to a farmer. And it seems this is fairly universally true for all of us homesteaders.
Goats have never spoken to me. I've never even been slightly tempted to bring one to the farm. It's not that I don't like goats. But they don't speak to me.
I've noticed, in listening, that my rabbits don't speak to me right now either. We've butchered many of the kits from earlier in the summer and while they're a tasty addition to the supper table, frankly, I'd rather raise more chickens. Or an extra pig. I think rabbits are wonderful and sweet and all those other pretty adjectives. But right now, they're more trouble than they're worth and they would easily be one of the first things we'd let go of. And we may. I don't attach myself to my meat rabbits like I do many of my other animals. It's just the way it is.
… I'll tell you what animal does speak to me. Loudly. Deeply. Down to my soul. The bovine, my friend:
Lyle is like a chocolate eclair – squishy, sweet, and full of cream. Okay, fine, that last one didn't work. But he is so wonderful. It's a little piece of Sally that gets to live on at The Elliott Homestead and I'm thankful for his juvenile bellows that make their way up to the house. I spend a lot of time with Lyle. He's a cuddler. Even despite loosing his Mama, he seems to be thriving. Alfalfa-grass hay, COB (corn, oats, and barely), minerals, and water seem to be keeping him happy enough for now.
And the silver lining, should you call it that, is that instead of raising Lyle for beef as originally planned, we've decided to keep Lyle intact (meaning he gets to keep his manhood) and we'll keep him on the farm as a bull for our future cows.
We weren't going to do this before, with the risk of him breeding his own Mom and all that. Eek. (Y'all, the farm is a freaky-deaky place.) But now that Lyle is all we've got left, it makes sense to train him, tame him, and utilize him for future breedings. Breeding a dairy cow ain't something to be taken lightly so this will prove an invaluable asset to the future of our farm.
I'm taking a step back to really think about what that really means now: the future of our farm.
Something about loosing Sal has made me ask questions of our farm… What is it that we're trying to do here? What are our priorities? What is our purpose?
These past 2 1/2 years on the farm have taught me invaluable lessons and each day that goes by, I feel like we're further honing in on what it is that we're supposed to contribute to this world.
My goal has never been to own a dairy or a giant herd of cattle. But if I've confirmed one thing from all of this, it's that our farm needs a family cow. “The Queen's” presence on the farm is not a spot to be vacant, but rather to be filled by a beautiful bovine. We're uncertain as to what this means for us exactly right now, especially heading into winter, but we're praying fervently about the return of a Queen.
And the sheep? Well, frankly, they are my joy. Though we haven't witnessed hanky-panky this summer (sheep are notoriously private), we're praying to have 4 ewes lambing next Spring. And Hamish pretty much has the best job in the biz. The two ram lambs pictured above are for meat.
Stuart loves the sheep. With his flat hat and wool coat on and staff in hand, he'll often walk their pen and spot-check the herd. If the ground was green and lush, it'd be easy to confuse the scene for something out of an Irish tale.
Yes. We've both spoken. The Katahdin sheep stay always.
And now that we've added some home-hatched heritage roosters to the chickens, we're hopeful that the Lavender Orpingtons and French Copper Marans will be here to stay as well. I could have 100 of just the Lavenders. Don't tell the rest but they're, by far, my favorite.
Chickens will always have a place on this farm.
Perhaps it's the weather that's making me feel a bit nostalgic and romantic about this life. Lord knows our journey this past season has been anything but idealistic. In fact, it's been grueling and rather grizzly. We lost Pocket. We lost another ram to a predator attack. And then, after the very best care I could possibly muster, we still lost Sal.
Think you want to be a farmer? Trust me, there are days when you'll regret that decision.
There are days I've been tempted to throw in the towel, move the family to a downtown apartment in Paris, and only eat baguettes for the rest of our days. Bonjour!
But this place. These faces. This life.
This is where I belong.
Clare
I had no idea you had lost the ram lamb. I understand the loss, too, though not at such a level. our oldest ewe lost both of her lambs in the spring and our matriarch goat lost two of her babies. the loss makes it all the more sweeter when things do go right. I’m so glad you have had the chance to re-evaluate your goals and ideals as a farmer. much love.
& P.S. I love my sweet dairy goat, but I hope to have a cow someday too. I can’t justify both! & the serene sheep will always be my favorite (I think, I can never decide. I love them all).
Clare
& as always, I’m praying for you & your family.
Camille
Always sad to lose the animals. Just finished the last big farrow of the year, of the 75ish piglets born only 56 remain. We also lost a gilt she did not survive the birthing process and only one of her babies did. So hard to go out and bury all of those babies. Glad Lyle is doing okay and that he gets a permanent place on the farm 🙂
Melissa
We can relate to every single thing you’ve beautifully expressed here. Every. Single. Thing. Except that Andy’s flat top was chewed up by the dog… This year’s been hard for us also, but full and awesome all at the same time. Lost our milk cow. Ate our ewe (after she had a compound fracture on her back leg-the most bittersweet meal we’ve had). Lost babies to predators. Stopped raising meat rabbits after 6 years. Got rid of a donkey. Butchered many meat chickens. Oh the list goes on and on. So many blessings and so many hardships. Wouldn’t changeg it at all. And the farm kids- seriously!! Number 2 is a night owl and a morning person and I keep telling his 2 year old self that he just can’t be both! Thanks for another great post. You’re amazing!
XO.
Life With The Crew
It is interesting to hear you question your homesteading decisions and choices, since you seem to be so successful and established. My husband and I are currently in a “what next” stage and we waffle between wanting to hunker down and create our “dream” homestead (I know enough not to romanticize it) or to back off on the animals so that we have a bit more freedom. Our daughter will be at an age soon where travelling will be fun again (no diapers or naps) and having the opportunity to explore more of the wide world might be good before putting down fences.
Kirsten
Such a lovely post, thanks for sharing 🙂
Bobbie
“Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
1Corinthians 10:13
This farming thing has a noble purpose, my friend.
Mark
Just a friendly word of warning, in case you aren’t aware: Jersey bulls are considered by many to be among the meanest. Even a hand raised, friendly bull can turn mean quickly and with no warning, and they can kill you! So do be careful if you keep yours. Best of luck to you, and I trust you’ll find another cow that will completely fill Sal’s shoes-er, hooves 😉
Erica
I was already thinking it, but I second what Mark says here. We borrowed a Jersey bull from a friend to breed our heifer about a month ago. He has been bottle raised and he is mean, and we did not realize just how so until he was already here. He recognizes the guy that is his owner, but aside from that – he insists on being dominant in every situation.
So we have had to take a step back from our heifer right now. It is simply not safe for us to be in the same confines with them both. He is both possessive and aggressive. Once he finally leaves (this weekend), I believe he is being sent to freezer camp and I get my cow “back”.
I truly believe a bull needs a large property and access to MANY cows, and should be handled as LITTLE as possible. In the future, we will A/I or farm her out to a bull on an owner’s property for breeding. I won’t have a bull on our property again. Any bull calves we get, will be steered as close after birth as possible.
Stay safe Elliot family! My heart goes out to your for your loss.
Mackenzie
I’m Natali and Jess’s sister-in-law across the border in Moscow. It’s been fun reading about your homestead and I too am a sheep lover (I call my husband the sheep whisperer. He was actually singing to them today while I clipped hooves, and they were calmer….). Anyway I run a small flock of Dorper and East Friesian and I have a stunning ram retired from a ‘fancy’ flock. If you’d ever like to mix some Dorper with your katahdin to add some bulk I can set you up with a gorgeous and majestic ram lamb!
Jenn Dynys
I followed your story with Sal, and felt so sad for you. Then the unthinkable happened here on our little homestead. Yesterday morning we were leaving for church and there was our sweet milk cow Abigail, lying in the pasture…dead. It was terrible, she was just fine the night before, her calf was nursing on her. As best we can tell she got into too much clover and bloated overnight. Tears and anger and regret. I miss her and just hate that she is gone. I know what you mean about milking, there is just something so intimate and sweet about it. The smell, the warmth the personality of the animal. It is not the same here without her. Prayers for you as you heal, thank you for sharing your story as it helped me to know that these things happen, even with good care. This life is not for the faint of heart. Death seems to be an overriding theme on a farm at times. My first reaction was to say lets just quit, it’s too hard. I know that isn’t the answer or the example I want to set for my children…it sure is tempting sometimes.
Dessica
It’s been a hard year here too; we’ve deemed 2015 The Year of Death, our pot belly pig, goats, dogs, guineas and chickens galore. Can’t seem to keep anything alive this year.
Kayla
Hey Shaye!
We had a very rough day on our farm too. It was so bad it had me thinking that maybe I wasn’t cut out for this life anyway. I even asked my sister if she thought I would ever really make it as a farmer. (I’m only 15, but I have my own animals and large garden that I pay for and I’m hoping to become an income-providing farmer when I’m older, not just a hobby farm…) It seemed like everything went wrong yesterday on the farm. We had a big problem with our meat rabbits too. But, in the end, if we can make it through days like this than we can do anything. Farming is tough. It was meant to be. Sure there are those days. But there are also THOSE days, when you look at your life and think “Is it possible to God to have blessed my life any more than he already has?” There are baskets of organic fresh tomatoes. And cans of fresh beans. And salsa. And eggs. And the darn freshest meat you can eat. And Amen?
“Of course it’s hard. It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everybody would do it. Hard is what makes it great.”
Miley D.
Shaye – I concur completely. I have always been a country girl at heart, and after having my middle daughter – she took us down a path I had only dreamed about – horse ownership. After boarding my two hooligans (two geldings), I told hubby it would be cheaper if we had a place of our own as horse boarding is VERY expensive. So, 4 years ago – we found the place of our dreams – 8 glorious acres in the middle of a corn field in Illinois. Hubby and I were both approaching 50 when we took on this challenge and both our co-workers chided us for taking on something so challenging at our “advanced” ages! But, even through challenging weather and animals deaths – I would NEVER change one second of the last 4 years! We now have the 2 horses, around 20 Katahdin sheep, and a LOT of meat rabbits! I want chickens and maybe a milk cow someday – but right now – we are living our dream and thanking God every day for allowing us this dream. God Bless!!
Kate
There have been months when we called our place the Double Up Death Camp, instead of Double Up Farm. And while I do not believe in grief, it appears that it believes in me. Over and over again I swear that it is not worth the pain of loss, and over and over again I realize that the love is worth it. Every Damned Time.
Camille Olivia
Each time I read your life, a little bit of me sings…and cries. I could NEVER do what you do. It would kill me to lose animals. And I’m certain I couldn’t raise any critters for food. I may be a hypocrite, but I prefer my meat wrapped in paper. All that aside, I will say this: it’s folks like YOU who inspire those young-uns to continue such a noble mission. Sadly there aren’t enough right now. But, with you and yours doing what you do, there WILL be more. I honor you, Miss Shaye. And send prayers for your well-being. ALL OF YOU there on that lovely chunk of land. Hugs all around ~
Mummaducka
I love my cows, but by golly they can break your heart. I’m still getting over the sudden loss of one of my three. I’d only had her a couple of months and was only using her as a nurse cow for 2 calves. She wasn’t my favourite. But was my third fave, but i still hadn’t had another of my new ones calve. She was so much better than this one that’s just calved!! But NONE of them are a patch on my beautiful Bessie! She is my star! My first. My champion. Not the best milk, but the easiest to handle and most generous!! I’m having triuble getting the fresh one to even let me milk. But she doesn’t hold back and has the BEST milk ever!! I have to truss her up like a christmas turkey so she doesn’t kick me, but she’s quick and gorgeous milk won’t take a foster- so doesn’t fit the bill there. My idral goal is to have 3 or 4 cows. 2 in milk at any one time plus All can nurse fosters and all are easy to hand or machine milk. DREAMING!!
Mummaducka
Oops hit the button too early. You’ll be back in the milking game soon. Just find the right gal. Ai with sexed semen so that you’ll have another girl that LYLE can mate with- but please watch him ever so carefully. I know you’ve thought ling and hard about keeping him, but I’m just goung to throw this in there- i thonk your land space is limited and he will eat more than another productive female will. Please consider how dangerous he will be when you need to keep him in the barn in winter with cycling females. I’m just not sure he is THAT valuable or special. You’ll find as he ages and sexually matures, that he will distance himself more from you and he will be ALL about the girls.
I wish you all the bedt in finding another girl or two so you always have the milk fountains that we all love!!