No way. No WAY. NO WAY.
Funny joke, Lord. Haha. I'm laughing. Hear me? Hear my laughing? YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY, DO YA?
Turns out, the Lord does have a sense of humor. 3 days after weaning Will, and 3 days after feel like a real, grown up woman who had things semi in control, and 3 days after feeling like I'd be able to dress beautifully and fit into those new skinny jeans I just bought, and 3 days after thinking we were heading out of the super-infant-crazy-napping schedule, and 3 days after thinking Mama was free to go places as she wished without an infant…
Well. Yep. Psh. You know what happened.
Y'all. Elliott Baby #4 was all like “Hey yo, Mama! I'm here! Ready to make you all pukey for the next 13 weeks and miserable for the next 40! Holla!”
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm pregnant.
If I'm being honest here, I'd confess that I cried for a week. Not that I wasn't happy, but I just didn't feel ready. How did this even happen?!
Don't answer that rhetorical question. I know how it happened.
Luckily, as these things go, the Lord works in his own ways and in his own timing. We're blessed to be carrying this little one and oddly enough in our self-consumed culture, we still believe that: Children ARE a blessing. And raising children IS NOT just something to survive. And children are a HERITAGE from the Lord! And family is where it's at, man.
… I wasn't set for or against a fourth child, and besides the moments where I'm green and exhausted and want to throw up everywhere, I'm really starting to appreciate already getting a big ‘ol belly again.
Man. That happens faster the fourth time…
I've had lots of time over these past few weeks to think. We found out we were pregnant right when the Sally Saga was goin' down and in my nauseous, exhaustive state I spent many hours sitting and chatting with the ‘ol girl. It was special. Exhausting, but special. I've also spent a lot of time in prayer, questioning my ability to do another. Doesn't He see how terrible and inadequate I am with the three already given to me? I'm so unworthy of this work. Of this honor. A fourth time mother doesn't go into this situation without knowledge and experience of what is to come, and yet even still, I feel completely unprepared to be a mother again.
But isn't that where the Lord wants us? To rely on His goodness, His mercy, His grace, His strength, and His promises?
That's all this mama is clinging to.
Lord, you promise to give me the grace and mercy I need each day.
And I'm holdin' you to it.
P.S. If you're counting, this is the 3rd pregnancy y'all have gone through with me. Thanks for still being here!