Screen time and kids, man. I know that battle. I've been to the point of breaking. A few years ago now, I'd had it up to HERE.
(You can't see, but I'm holding my hand in a line way above my head to show you just how much I'd had it up to.)
I wanted to take the computers… the iPads… the phones… and throw them all out the window. And if I didn't earn my living from such devices or love this blog so dang much, I just may have. Sorry, family! The devices are now dead. Everyone into the wagon so we can head out West where life is simpler and a good horse, seasoned cast iron skillet, and fiddle are all we need. (Yes, we've been reading Little House On The Prairie, more on that later on.)
Anyway. So there I was… having had it up to here… wanting to throw all electronic devices out the window. Wanting all screen time to shrivel up and die. Why? Because my children had suddenly spawned a third tech-head and an attitude to go with it. They were sour, ungrateful, unhelpful, selfish, and downright mean when they were in front of any screen. And me? I wasn't much better. I was burnt out, frustrated, angry, and overwhelmed.
(If you can think of any other adjectives, go ahead and throw those in there as well, because they were probably relevant.)
Over a sweet homemade cafe latte, late at night when the three headed monsters were tucked in bed, Stuart and I had a come-to-Jesus meeting. What was going on in our lives? How did they get so ornery? How did we get so out of control? I opened up about my feelings of inadequacy as a mother and constant guilt for something-or-another. Something had to change. Like, yesterday.
I'd been thinking about it for awhile but didn't have the guts to do it. Until this moment. Over a latte. It was decided. The Elliott Homestead would soon be a screen-free home. Screen time would be dead.
Not entirely, of course, since both Stuart and I use our computer screens for work, but other than that – SCREEN FREE.
Sorry, Wild Kratts (or as we like to call the show ‘our science curriculum'), but it's time to go. Same with Daniel Tiger and all the rest. I love you, Daniel, I really do! But my children had turned into turds – bickering constantly, “bored all the time”, and sloppy. Nuh uh. I ain't takin' it.
Selfishly, I really, really, really, really didn't want to take away the iPad. I enjoyed the times of silence as I was preparing dinner or weeding the garden. I loved having the ‘babysitter' aspect of the screen – but frankly, the results were vile. We all knew it. We just had to have the guts to finally pull the trigger.
We did.
And you know what?
Our entire home has changed. I wish you could be a fly on the wall and see the difference it's made – because words are cheap and as I type this, you may be shaking your head in disbelief that such a turnaround is really possible from such a small gesture. But Lawd have mercy, hear me now, the change is real.
Instead of screen time, we now have participation. They're weeding the garden, feeding the animals, cleaning their rooms, “helping” with dishes and kitchen tasks, and PLAYING. Almost overnight, their imaginations have bloomed into these incredible tools that take them to far away lands (ie: “The Dinosaur Graveyard”) and through wonderful experiences (ie: pretending the trash cans are horses that transport them to Africa). They've spent more time climbing haystacks, running through sprinklers, collecting flowers, reading, and helping then I ever could have imagined. I didn't realize the extend to which screen time had woven it's clenching roots into our lives until they were completely ripped out.
Was screen time easier? In some ways, absolutely. Now, I have three “helpers” in the kitchen at supper time – flicking browning meat across the stove as they try and stir. But isn't that what we hope for? Don't I want to teach these skills to my children? Why am I pushing them away from the very life that I am trying to nurture in them? Shaye, you can be such a damned fool!
It inevitably results in a messier, louder home. But it also results in a home – and experiences – that fill us up. Here's an example:
Most nights, after supper, the kids would get to watch a show while I did the dishes and the babies were bathed. After I finished cleaning, I would typically hop onto the computer to work for a bit until the older ones needed to shower and go to bed themselves. Why? Because it was easy. I could get my stuff done. And yet, at the end of the day, I felt empty and defeated. Every day.
Now that we're screen free, shows are no longer an option for us. This means that dishes take longer, as little hands carry in plates from the kitchen table and assist with clean up. Then, while I finish, they go outside to play while the babies take their baths and are settled down to bed. The older ones get nightly foot massages with Vetiver and Serenity oils while they sit and “read” books. After the massages, Stu or I will read from the Little House series. The children are learning how to listen, sit still, and imagine in their mind. Sometimes, Georgia will draw scenes from the book while she listens. We cuddle, we talk, we pray. After they are put to sleep, I “go” to work feeling refreshed, recharged, and heart-full.
Here's a list of a few things we're replacing screen time with:
- Reading. Lots and lots of reading. Us to them or them just looking at books quietly.
- Chores. But fun ones! For example, letting the littles have the hose to water the potted plants…
- Drawing. Just paper and colored pencils.
- Farm chores. Taking a mind to include them on yard work, planting, harvesting, weeding, gathering, feeding, cleaning, etc. Yes, it makes it harder. But so what.
- Adventures. Our kids are young, so this could be as simple as taking a walk through the orchards or climbing a tree.
- Drives. We make iced coffees and ‘sweet milks' and drive around into the hills admiring the summer air and the view.
- Dance parties. Duh.
- Unstructured play or, alternatively, shoving my kids outside and telling them to not come in for another hour. They find bugs, pick berries, make mud pies, create forts, and explore. It's the best.
- Baking. When we really need a structured activity, we bake. Cookies, cakes, quick breads, whatever works. It's easy enough and they get included (and get to lick the bowl!).
- Teeny trips. Sometimes it's a good reminder for us to stop and attend to them. We've started scheduling activities, such as driving the stretch to our local bakery where they can get a sandwich and play outside, that feel special. Could be swimming. Could be hittin' up the local cheese shop. The point is simple: intentional family time away from the house.
It's not a cure all. But in the madness of life with four littles, it's a huge victory for parents everywhere.
We're screen free. And we're way, way better for it.
And Amen.Β
Dawn
Deep down, I want to do this with my family. I have two boys (13 & 7). We don’t have cable now, but I too, would have difficulty taking away the iPad. But most importantly, what do YOU do for quiet time? That’s what I want to know! π
Shaye Elliott
I cook… clean… garden…read…
Rosie
It totally makes chores take longer *now* but it’s worth the investment in the long run! My oldest is 7 and he and my 5-year-old are still considerably slower than I am in the kitchen, but the fact that they can peel and chop veggies while I prep something else is FANTASTIC! And they LOVE to do it. It’s definitely hard for me to give up control, especially in the kitchen and the garden, but when my 3-year-olds can identify all the weeds they’ve pulled up and tell me which ones are edible, I feel like I’ve won the jackpot! We still do TV a few times a week when my mom takes the kids so I can make dinner, but even that seems less and less necessary π
Sheri
Back “In the Day” we called it “Killing the T.V.”. Yup, we tossed out the t.v.. It was puzzles, board games, card games, playing guitars and other instruments, listening to music, reading, sewing, cooking , arts & crafts.
Ryan
Yep. We kept the TV but got rid of cable. We don’t have iPads and only one laptop so those aren’t a problem. But we recently moved in with my parents (all summer and now into fall because building a house on our land) and my parents have every freaking channel known to man. And commercials. Oh yuck the commercials. Now, all summer my kids are walking advertisements and ask for everything. And yes, way too much tv. Homeschool lessons start back up soon so it will be less but I just wish we were in our new house out in the boonies with like 8 tv channels we won’t watch and random internet. The less the better.
Loren
Good evening. I am about to quit my job to stay home with my kids. Part of that is removing screens so we can focus on each other. How did your kids take the change? Did you ween them off or just remove all together? Do they still ask for their tv/tablets?
Richelle
I just love you, Shaye! I don’t read your blog often because our family keeps limits on screen time too. I know that ugliness you speak of. Keep on keepin’ your eyes on Jesus sweet lady!
Alyssa
I love that you did this! Bravo. We started “no media” about two weeks ago. Probably not permanent, but the incessant asking for screen time is SO not what I want to prioritize, or model. So we’re doing it together. And it was grueling at first, but now we can go to the store and my son will actually engage with what’s around him instead of expecting to have special phone privileges. We didn’t do much media to begin with but dang, what a difference. Thanks for your extra ideas of what to do instead!
Rose
Sigh. Thanks for this one, Shaye. Needed it today. <3
Nora
I applaud you for this. Very brave and life changing. Thanks.
Brittany
I’m contemplating doing this. My 3 year old is addicted to tv when it’s available but worse is mine and my husband’s addiction to our phones. During the day I’ll put mine away so I’m not distracted but after the kids are asleep or while I’m nursing or pumping for our twins, I use it a lot. My husband has to have his phone on him for work as a police officer so it’s more of a distraction for him. Any advice on that? Also what time do you go to bed and when do you wake? Thanks!!
Marlise
Me and my husband too…
He is in the medical industry, and therefore also need to have it with him, big excuse for doing or reading other stuff on it…
But because of him being distracted, I also turn to it for “entertainment “… started to read a few books lately. Hoping it can become a better habit and better influence…
Cassidy
We have done this too! Except for the occasional movie every couple weeks or so – nada. No computer. No tv shows. No movies. They play, help, explore, and sleep (!!!) better for it too. My husband grew up without a tv and I was constantly in front of one. I had been the hold out, but the same horrible attitudes started in my home and I pulled the plug. After a rough few days – bliss. Well – our version anyway ????
Brenda
Love it! We have done something similar to this as well. We go weeks without it and then sometimes an watch a movie or animal documentary…the change is amazing! The creativity just flows and after the first few days they never even ask for it. Good for you and happy for your household!
Jennifer
We had the same issue. Whenever we would turn off the TV, there would be massive, aggressive fights. We basically said “No” to TV and screens except on Saturday mornings for the last two years. It worked ok. Then, this summer we gave each kid tokens (we use wooden letters, the first letter of their name) every Saturday morning. Each token is worth 20 minutes (the average time of a kids show), and they get to spend them whenever they want, if they had free time. It covers any electronic device (TV -or- iPad -or- leapfrog). They don’t fight anymore over who picks the show, because whoever spent their token gets to pick. They don’t argue when the TV needs to be shut off, they aren’t angry monsters afterward. I’m not sure if it’s bc they now have some control or what, but it’s been beautiful. Plus, we tell ourselves that they get to learn how to “budget” using this system, and they can’t hoard bc they are only allowed one token to carry over the next week, so they can’t save up time and veg for a whole afternoon in front of the TV.
Julia
No TV for over a year and no problems kids love to be outside. Can’t get rid of the computer because I use it in my homeschooling a high schooler.
Michelle
Love these ideas. My kids have been putting on major attitude and picking at each other.
I have restricted the screens for periods and notice that they do much better.
Reading this gives me encouragement to cut the cord. thanks
Amy Young Miller
Smart mama! I have 6 children, ages 10 to nearly-30. My older kiddos tease me about how I limited their screen time, and how they never had time to get any good at video games. So be it! They all agree that they’re glad I limited their screen time so severely, though, thus preventing them from becoming like so many of their generation: addicted to video games, non-readers, and missing out on so much of the richness of life. Well done, you!
Jodi
Well Done! It is the gift that just keeps on giving. When my 3rd son was in the 1st grade he had difficulty learning to read. When we looked at the situation it became apparent that Sponge Bob was the culprit. We got rid of television and severely limited all screen time. My children were the last of their age to get phones. (Not until they were driving or needed to be picked up from sports or lessons.) Even then they were dumb phones. The first month was very difficult for my husband and me. We had to find other things to fill time with as well, after that we never looked back. That son just graduated from high school.
All four of my children are pleasant, respectful and hardworking. I get many compliments from others on how they are different from the rest of the youth of today. They can start and maintain a conversation and they aren’t compelled to be constantly checking a phone. They got amazing grades and were involved with tons of extra curricular activities. They have all thanked us at one time or another for not raising them with screens. I hope it will stick to the next generation.
Marion
My son got baby chicks April 27. One is now a rooster and has begun crowing. Our neighbors in covered bridge have begged us to stop the crowing. Do you adopt roosters ?
Is there a way to stop the crowing and keep him?
Shaye Elliott
Nope :/ Try and get him to a different home where he can do his thing or just eat the teeny little guy for supper π Won’t be super good eating, but at least it won’t be wasted!
Susan
Thank you! Summer is rough around here. We all get lazy and the tablets, phones, and TV are on all the time. Fewer and fewer chores get done and the house becomes a disaster. No one picks up laundry or dishes, and no one or puts movies or games away when they are done with them. So frustrating. I find that I am yelling more and am very tired. I can’t wait for school to start so they have to earn the screen time with finished homework and chores. It is a lot more work to manage the family when the screen is off, but that’s my job, as a mom, to train my children and keep the home. Screens are well named – they screen out what’s real and what truly matters most. Thanks for sharing your struggles. You remind me that I am not the only one who doesn’t have it all together and that there is hope!
Kathryn
Oh Shaye… You and Stuart are good parents. I wish more parents would discover what you have and I wish they had the courage to do what seems like a hard thing to do. You are totally right about the negative effects of passive electronic entertainment. Keep it up. Read those Little House books! We did and it greatly impacted our lives. Another good book is called “Paddle to the Sea”. Check that out and another one… “Tales if the Kingdom”. We did lots of family reading when our littles were coming up. Board games are great too. When they get a bit older… Dominoes is good for math skills. Legos were a big hit for us and any crafts were a great addition. I have a book I’d love to send to you. It’s a read aloud for you kids age. I’ll look for an address where I can send it. Maybe you have a POBox. Anyway. Keep up the good work. You are doing it right!
Kate Griffiths
I feel the need to stand up and cheer for you! Ok I just did…did you hear it? I have felt the need for screen time reform here lately. I just haven’t been sure how to do it. You inspire me! I like this token system mentioned above. Jennifer, how many tokens do you give per child?? I’m assuming you give out these weekly. Do you give opportunities to earn extra tokens or take away as discipline? I would love guidance on this!
Davi
Same thing happened here when we turned off the TV. It’s amazing. On Friday nights we have family movie night where the kids pick a movie and we make homemade pizza. It’s great fun and has a whole lot more fun and meaning when they aren’t sitting in front of a TV all week.
Janet
When we moved to our farm 2 years ago, we sold a TV and only kept one. We did not get cable, so it could only be used for movies, and PBS through the computer. We stay so busy on the farm, after the first winter, we don’t use for those things anymore. We parents, also realized the negative effects on us, because there aren’t really many decent shows/movies out there anyway. The only thing ours gets used for is Teaching Textbooks math lessons (through the computer) and a streaming preacher on Sunday.
Ps 101:3 I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes!
Marcia Ballard
It is really a battle. Hard choices. Electronics are addictive. We are starting Easy Peasy Homeschool and I’m hoping that will satisfy some of their computer needs… But there have to be some rules or things get out of control fast. People need face to face talking time…
Kate @ Hounds and Habits
What a beautiful transformation! I can’t help but wonder how much my own life, sans children, would change if screen time were just for work or music. I absolutely love my hobbies but it’s all too easy to neglect them when I could scroll through Facebook bored for 45 minutes instead (the irony is not lost on me). I blog about crocheting, sewing, reading, cooking so I do them every week, but what about piano, training or walking the dogs, running, swimming, dancing, hand lettering, and anything else that interests me? Some weeks I remember. Most weeks I don’t.
Thanks for the food for thought.
Sarah
Amen sister! We have some screen time in this house, but not much. Certainly nothing like any other family we know anyway, as my kids so often remind me. I find it hard sometimes with all the pressure from society but I know it is the right thing to do. I am actually angry often with the school when they send home work that can only be done on line and often those assignments go undone and I make sure to let the teacher know why. They come to me when my kids can’t sit still and tell me he should be medicated yet they send home assignments of so many levels to be completed in some online math game!?! Why they can’t see the connection is beyond me.
Chris
We are went through the same thing a several years ago, it was amazing…. Also amazing is how when you tell someone about it they look at you as if you are the one with the third head.
Our oldest is now 17 and we have no regrets, they are turning into some of the most terrific young men and ladies we know.
Hilary
Thank you, Shaye, for writing this! It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, as well. We have a rule about when my boys can watch but it seems they just want to get through the day so they can watch tv. It makes them nasty and self centered. You have inspired me to, too, cut out all tv!
CeAnne Kosel
We ditched our TV about 4 years ago, took out to the dump actually. We wonder now how we had the time for it. Not only do our children read and play more but so do we ???? People ask us how we have time to grew food, to cook or bake, to raise chickens or goats or sheep or build our addition on our house or how we run our business. TV leaving the house gives more time and leaves us all more connected. Thanks for sharing so all of is non TV people don’t think we are the only crazy ones!!
April
I have 6 kids ages 9, 9, 9, 8, 6, 3. We have always severely limited screen time. They’ve never been allowed to play with our phones. We watch a movie and make pizza on Friday nights and they can watch cartoons on Saturday morning until 8 or earlier if they are loud enough to wake us. We have a tablet per kid that they only get when we make our cross-country drive to visit my family in Tennessee. 30 hours of driving means the tablets come out. The older kids do have computer homework from school so we have an old laptop that is password protected so they can only get on if I log them on. Once we tried using screen time to play a video game as an incentive time to finish their morning charts quickly during the school year. That lasted 3 days bc their behavior tanked immediately. No thanks. My kids are voracious readers, spend the day on our one acre suburban homestead playing games with the chickens, raiding the berry patch, eating my tomatoes, climbing our huge tree, playing on the swings, riding bikes and scooters, playing basketball and doing their chores. We have let them watch a lot of the Olympics bc that is just amazing and inspiring. We ditched cable 6 years ago bc my husband and I realized that even though the kids weren’t watching TV, we were wasting our couple time watching stuff we didn’t even like. I can always tell a huge difference when my kids have been exposed to too much screen time. They turn into monsters.
Rachel Espino
Shaye! Bless you for having the courage. I have only been talking about doing this for the last several years. Yes! Several years. It is crazy to see the techno-beast rear its ugly head every time something needs doing around the house. And the hours spent – goodness!
Perhaps this might motivate me a little more. If you can do it, I can.
Monica Erwin
Did you remove the tv and DVDs from your home? Did the children buck on you at first with sour attitudes? Mine get mad at me when I say we are reading instead of watching tv. Just curious of your tactics. Screen time definitely makes mine have all sorts of bad attitudes
Shaye Elliott
Nope, they rebounded super quickly. They were great sports!
Jennifer
CONGRATULATIONS! You will NEVER regret this parenting decision!!! We have eight children {20, 17, 15, 13, 13, 10, 8, 7} and we live on five acres. No TV, no gaming machines, no iPods, no iPads, no CELLPHONES!!! It is a wonderful, fulfilling life!
In case anyone is hesitant to kick the screens out of the lives of their children — or if you want proof you did the right thing — I urge you to read this article:
http://www.vice.com/read/how-screen-addiction-is-ruining-the-brains-of-children
It’s scary, but true! Your family will have so much more PEACE being unplugged!!!!
Peacock Orchard
My kids have pretty much been screen free from birth. Not looking for congratulations, just saying. We’re cheap and cable and satellite cost too much, as do hand held electronic devices. So a great bribe for our kids is saying they can get a video from RedBox if they behave like little angels. Let me tell ya, they sprout wings.
Thanks to the no TV thing I feel ya on the kitchen help. Son could crack eggs into a bowl like a pro by 3. Daughter is a big fan of demanding I find recipes. Son just asks for that chocolate egg thing in those bowls (souffle). My souffle’s often don’t turn out. It’s hard to tell how much of the ingredients actually make it into the mix, but the kids eat it even when it’s gooey and runny. Husband is just a bit less thrilled with it then.
Get your kids some small shovels. By small I mean they look like the adult shovel but they’re about 2 feet tall. Those shovels have kept my kids occupied for days. That and sticks with string that act as fishing poles, and hammers. They love a good hammer project. Also, if you don’t have a sand box, make one. I made one ages ago and no matter the age of the kid that comes over I can always find them in the sand box. It amazes me how occupying it is.
Patricia Stauffer
Oh how I wish my niece would do this! There are five children in her household and it is constant turmoil. I cannot visit anymore because I can’t take it. Kudos to you for recognizing your dilemma and correcting it! Your children will be such well-rounded humans for it. Well done, Honey!!!
Deb B
Good for you! We let our younger kids each get cheap phones – that lasted for about 3 months when we said NO More! Now they are the only poor things that are teens with no phones! But, like you, we noticed their behavior go totally downhill…so, even though they are teens, no phones etc. and they are better for it!
Teachers, friends, strangers all coment on how nice and caring our kids are. We will not go back to letting the kids have screens either, and it’s so irritating that the high school assigns each student an ipad to do homework on, and in some cases it’s the textbook too! …thinking about homeschooling again.
RaShell @ Mommy's Apron
My husband and I just had this conversation. How all these screens have slipped into our home, I do not know. Time to evict them!! Thank you for the encouragement! BTW, how do you make “sweet milk” for your kiddoes?
Rozy
I’m so glad we had our children before “screen time”. We did not watch television either. All five are adults now and while they carry their smart phones with them everywhere, their imaginations are well developed, they are functioning, capable adults with great senses of humor and adventure, not afraid to try new things. I love them all. Good for you for being strong enough to see the downside of all this incredible technology. You won’t regret it in the long run, and your children will bless and thank you in years to come. Keep up the good work!
Megan
A friend sent this to me because at my house we recently did the same thing. The results are nothing short of miraculous. My four year old played with his magnatiles for TWO HOURS one day. We’re playing together more, he’s using his imagination, and most importantly he’s calmer and more joyful. I can’t imagine ever going back.
Lady Locust
Haven’t had TV for about 15 years when my own children were glued to it watching things I didn’t want promoted in my home. We actually donated the TV a year or so ago because we hadn’t even watched a movie on it in ages. It sat unplugged collecting dust. Your munchkins will be better for it:)
Vickie
Congratulations! More families need to do this. When you go into a restaurant and see families with kids and all of them are on cell phones or iPads, to include the parents, it is sad. Where is the communication or real family time?
Shana
Love it, Love it, Love it. We have come so close and never pulled the trigger as you say. I like the comment about the tokens, on our chore chart, my 4-year-old can trade in a quarter for one TV show or 20-minutes of LeapPad/Kindle but something tangible and limiting the amount of chore money that can be used would be much easier with tokens. My husband watches NOVA and Mythbusters with him in the evenings while I do dishes before bathtime. I have been trying hard to have the follow-through to not use it any other time! We DEFINITELY can tell the difference in behavior, why do I do that to myself?.
Liza
I love it!!! I feel ya! We recently stopped our kids from watching TV and what you said is sooooo true! Thanks for your blog it’s encouraging and always fun to read!
Diane Dougan
I’m a relatively new reader, so I feel I am still “getting to know you,” but this is one reason I enjoy your blog: you’re not afraid to tackle the tough issues head-on and share the results –good or bad π So congrats on going screen-free–it’s a decision you will never ever regret! I am so glad we decided to do that BEFORE we had the kids (six of ’em), so they never got used to the time with the screens at home. At Grandma’s? Sure, but that’s survival mode for her, not an everyday way to deal with the little darlings.
Heather Downing
We were in this exact place about 4 months ago! Kids got so selfish when they had a device in their hands… They became bears, and momma became a bear! Our home was not pleasant most days.. Sending the kids outside was always an option, but at the time we were seeing rising temps as summer was fast approaching. I knew I needed something else to “keep them busy” over the summer months. Around the same time a family member introduced us to Usborne Books, and soon after I chose to become a consultant. Most all of it is done through Facebook so I could stay at home and make it work around our family’s schedule. I was able though to take my commission from parties and buy books for my kids! And they absolutely love it. This venture has catapulted my kids into books and learning like I would have never believed! Even my almost 3 year old will sit quietly and look at books unprompted. It has been a wonderful life saver.
More recently we’ve started implementing “chores” which have helped me out immensely! Our kids are still little (6, 4 1/2, 3, and 8 mo) but the oldest can already do the majority of the laundry and empty and load the dishwasher unassisted! Big helps to this momma!
Thanks for your encouragement as always!
Annie-Len
We have our kids earn screen time through reading. However much time they read they can watcg screens. It has seemed to balance things out and not make me feel so much of a hypocrite as I sit here looking at a screen ????
Kiersten
We too made this decision this summer and have loved the changes in our family so much that what was just going to be a summer of screen free time is now a permanent one! We do have a family movie night once a week as we enjoy the classics (Sound of Music, Chronicles of Narnia, etc…) and that’s it. But they have to earn the movie by getting all their chores done with quality work and good attitudes. Soooo glad we made the change- and we were really surprised the kids didn’t protest much at all.
Rachel
You wil never regret this. I took away screen time except for Sunday afternoons last year. The difference is incredible.
Nanci
I have been wanting to do away with screen time in our home, as well, but haven’t brought myself to do it yet. Did your kids have a hard time at first? Did you talk to them about it beforehand? I feel like my daughter (4) will be sooo sad about not watching her shows :-/
Amy Thiessen @ These Wild Acres
Oh I love this! I get an uneasy feeling whenever I see my kid totally zone out into the blue screen.. thank you for re-affirming that it can be an awesome thing to get rid of the screens! I wonder sometimes who it will be tougher on- the parents or the kids π Do you or your husband use smartphones? We’ve been making a conscious effort to put ours away when home- but my first instinct is to grab it to look a recipe.. then play a podcast.. then happen to check Facebook.. :0
Pevy
Hey! So good to “meet” you π i was wondering, besides Krats for science (haha!) what curriculum if any do you use for homeschooling?
Dorothy Peterson
I love it. Thank you for this encouragement. We have never had a tv in our house, but the kids watch loads of shows on our phone or computer when we are desperate and need a “babysitter” moment. We just moved so the amount of time they have spent watching shows has sky rocketed. We have even been toying with the idea of getting cable in our house and -gah- a tv (for sports). But I’m glad to have read this blog entry. It has made me want to go the other direction and forbid any watching whatsoever. That way, they will quit begging me all day for it. It just removes the issue all together. Hurray! Now, for the courage to do this. PS- I went to elementary school with the Elliot boys! It’s great to see how you and Stuart are living and to be encouraged by it.
Lori
Good for you! My kids are (almost) all grown; six of them between the ages of 17 and 29. In 2000 we had just moved into a new home in the country. We had never had cable before, hubby decided to get it, and I realized the older kids were constantly parked in front of the “boob tube” instead of playing outside. One day I gave them one last chance to make the right choice to play outside for a while; they didn’t. In front of them I called the cable company and had it disconnected. After the grieving period was over (about two days) they realized there was more to life than the garbage being spoon fed them on tv, and they began enjoying the great outdoors…riding horses, swimming, walking in the pasture with the dogs, playing in the creek, climbing trees, riding bikes down the long driveway, shooting hoops, target practice, digging in the dirt. Now my grandkids are learning the same things when they come to my house. I’ve heard their parents tell them, “We play at Daydee’s house.” I love that!
Terri
I love this post. I have been thinking about this same subject for myself. I don’t have young ones at home any more; however, I can not believe how much time I lose on screen time. So, this post is a motivator to cut my screen time down. I am thinking 30 minutes in the morning and 30 a night. Love it….. Got to get off here now. Thanks!
Michelle
I loved the article and also I loved the fact that your family is reading Frog and Toad. That was one of my favorites!
Claire
Screens are a tool that can be used well or not so well. But the benefits that can be seen from removing screens are usually the benefit of more parent connection. Especially if the screens were uses as a replacement to parental connection to get quiet time or get chores done. You would likely see similar results if you fully joined in with joy with their watching and game playing. Some of my kids longest funniest most imaginative games come after watching something together or having a crazy giggly family game night. Connection is the key to happy kids. The tools you use (screens or washing up or a combination) really don’t matter. So please don’t blame technology for cranky kids. Check your levels of presence and interest in what they were doing.
Tara
I am coming around to the same conclusion as Claire. My oldest son who is 9 has been having a lot of attitude lately. We started out the school year screen free. But it’s slowly crept back in on us. I thought I had failed and because I allow our five kids to use the screens again that that is where the attitude is coming from. But then I started to leave my phone and my devices behind. I started to purposely put them away so that I could be more present with my kids. I just felt convicted that it was a step of obedience in my walk that I should take. Now they come to me talking about all their ideas and wanting me to read them a story or play a pretend game with them. I still at times can get a break and let them use screens but the attitude has improved when I put my devices down and I’m more present. I still limit their activity with screens just because I want them to get up and move. But we enjoy watching a movie together or YouTube videos or playing a video game and they enjoy it too because we are present and can laugh together or recall together.
Jackie
Love this post, and completely agree. We are thinking of taking the same action, because our kids act the SAME way! I seriously could have written this. So how has it gone, now that it’s been a few months?
Kyli
I am reading this now as winter is winding down outside. We live up in Cashmere and I love it but it makes it hard to let the kiddos go out out and play. We still have a foot of snow on the ground and our driveway is a mud pit! I should mention my kids are 4, 2, and 1. I have limited screen time but admittedly still resort to it when I get super busy. What advice can you give me for keeping them occupied in the winter/early spring months? What’s worked for you?
Cheryl
I found this blog post on pinterest and am curious now that it has been a few months since you began the ban, how are things going? Did the screen time increase through the winter months? Just curious.
Anna
Oh man, I needed to read this so bad today! My daughter had been up since 4 a.m. (finally just got her down for a nap) and the only way to get a moment of silence is to put the TV on. She’s still just coming up to a year! I really don’t want to instil bad screen time habits in her, but it is so hard to take away when it’s the only thing that manages to buy me a little time to prepare a meal, wash the dishes or get pretty much anything else done. I also blog and I regularly pull all-nighters to work on it because I find it nearly impossible to get any focus time during the day, and when she is asleep I am usually out in the garden or getting housework done. I thought it was so funny that you mentioned Daniel Tiger! That’s my little one’s favourite, and when dad left for work this morning he popped her in front of the TV and lovingly told me “honey, you have one hour of Daniel Tiger. Use it wisely.” But I don’t want her being raised by TV! And as difficult as it is to get tasks completed with little ones hanging around, you’re so right when you say that allowing them to help, to make a mess and to have fun participating in household/homestead chores and activities is what we want for our kids. I often bring my daughter out to the garden to “help” me weed or harvest produce. While she sometimes “weeds” a seedling or two and almost always ends up with dirt from head to toe, that is all I can hope for, because at the end of the day she (and my other future children) are my most important crop, and that certainly deserves the extra time and effort that comes from powering down. Would love to know, are you still doing the no screen-time thing? How is it working out? I literally went from frazzled and feeling like I couldn’t handle one kid before reading this to wanting 4 just like you by the end. How’s that for inspiring! Thanks Shaye:)
Shaye Elliott
Yes Anna, we do still do no screen-time for the most part. There are times where we might allow and very limited amount but it is rare. We really notice a difference in the kids if they are allowed too much.
Anna Sakawsky
Good on you! One day we’ll have the balls to pull the cord… Hopefully π
Christi Wood
Thank you for the inspiration to do something different in my home. What was once a dream, or more like a cry for help is now becoming a reality. How have I not noticed my kids eagerness to learn and help? You are an amazing person thank you .
Laura Thiessen
Our children are basically screen-free too! They listen to audio books on the library website during quiet time (the older ones who don’t nap anymore), and our math curriculum is on the computer. But we don’t watch TV anymore, and we LOVE it. We have a family movie night every now and then, and it’s super special because of the our children’s “deprivation” π It is a game-changer, for sure!
Sarah D
First and foremost I loved this post, very touching. I have 4 boys my oldest is 11. I have been schooling them at home but online. I have had the same type of attitude problems from my boys, always wanting to play fortnite or watch wierd things on YouTube that are non educational. I cant seem to get them off without being totally bored. Ive also had it up to there, I’ve broken a flat screen over this.ooops but not.We have lots of animals here, and new babies for most of the year whether it be chicks,ducks, turkeys,geese,dogs ect. They like that but thats it, and only for half an hour it seems then their bored again. They dont like the bugs or the ponds, which i feel like i lived outside during my childhood. But anywho your blog is inspiring me to do more unique things with my boys. And hopefully I will be able to do the screen free in the near future. Do you ever feel like animal chores take up ALOT of your day? I’m always doing something for the birds, moving fencing, crafting scraps into coops/tractors etc. To keep them out of the garden and flower beds. Thank you.
Sophia Loewenstein
I did this a year ago with my 4 kids (1-8) and agree it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. They never ask for it anymore and don’t have the extreme emotions. They play better and so overall it’s all easier. When they are ill I have a battle with myself to not give in, but it’s always worth not doing it. I feel so much better as well, having more quality time with my kids.