I'm having a fashion identity crisis.
Actually, let me step back for just a second: YES, there are major things going on in the world. YES, all of these are very important. NO, this blog post is about none of those things.
There, that's my disclaimer.
So back to the fashion identity crisis.
Maybe you can identity with one of these:
- Not being able to define your style in a clear, concise way
- Stressing over how to dress or style yourself each morning
- Torn between what you want to wear versus what you need to wear
- Grabbing from too many different fashion “eras” which leads to a confused fashion palette
- Being easily led astray by what someone tells you they think you should wear or like
- In a constant state of frustration with your wardrobe
I'm going to make the broad leap and assume I'm not alone in my fashion identity crisis, though that certainly is an assumption. But, as you may have already surmised, I came up with those points above by sharing how I'm feeling currently. Cue the sympathy music. I know, I know. It's not easy being me.
But seriously.
As I shared in one of the latest podcast episodes, my summer clothes have hit a wall. They're deformed, tattered, stained, and beyond repair. Every year at this time, I face the same question: what the heck am I going to replace them with?
And here in lies the fashion identity crisis.
I love French Chic style: When I first began to pay any sort of attention to my clothes, this is where I landed. I would stick with neutral, tailored pieces. Pieces with structure that fit fairly tight. I still have a lot of these pieces in my closet: a beautiful baby pink wool blazer, some great cocktail dresses… okay, well, I guess that's about it. Everything else has been worn to the nubs and needs to be replaced. I do love this style, though I find it a bit harder to meld with the farming/homeschooling/messy life that we live. I'm not walking the streets of Paris, riding the subway, and heading to an office job. Ballet flats are a joke on the farm. I go from milking a cow to cleaning the bathroom to making supper to weeding the garden. It's not the place for blazers and short dresses – though I do enjoy having these pieces on hand for church, special occasions, etc. The French Chic style is also very “natural” and “neutral” looking in many ways – does this fit with the rest of my style? And is it stupid to try to pull this off on a bloody farm or what? When I throw myself into this style, I miss the vintage nod to the past. It can leave me wanting.
I love “retro” style: Like 30s/40s glam. Oh ya, baby. The fashion in The Durrells of Corfu (search it if you haven't seen it) sent me positively over the moon. I'm not so much into the 50's housewife look, but I do have a serious affinity for this era. It reminds me of my Grandparents. There are a lot of great fashion YouTubers that do this style well, but I don't know if I'm committed enough to go all in on this. I really struggle with dressings/styling like this and making it not look like I'm playing dress-up. PLUS, I've got long hair which isn't very conducive to the hairstyles of the time.
I love “vintage” style: I'm also about a thousand hours into the Outlander novels and find myself drawn very much towards an even older style… a “vintage” style if you will. Be it 18th century Scotland, or Edwardian, or Victorian, there's a piece of this that makes my heart sing. The corset. The natural fabrics. The shape. The long hair, worn curly and pinned back. This style is perhaps where I feel most at home, though it usually is quite tailored back. If I full-on dressed like I wanted to dress, it would probably scare most people away. Just bein' honest. For me, this style often manifests as some sort of skirt, a nice styled blouse or sweater, an apron, some sort of pinned up-do, and minimal makeup. Something very feminine and traditional – Tasha Tudor-esque.
I love “Scandinavian farm” style: Okay, I made that style up. I don't know if it's actually a thing. But the flannel, wool sweater, laced up boots, vibe really drives me wild. And we live in the perfect place for it – the Pacific Northwest – where this style runs wild. Again, minimal makeup and minimal hair (often a nice bun, ponytail, braid, etc.). Like LL Bean meets Scandinavia. At the end of the day, I am a farmer and work the farm every day like one. Milking cows, carrying pails, feeding hay, filling grain bins, shoveling stalls, tending to injured animals, harvesting produce, etc. The work load is fierce and on occasion, I'm found my “feminine” style to be too feminine to get a job done – though this often has to do more with the fabric than the style itself. Sometimes I want to pull the plug and just go straight up jeans and flannel (I wore a western-style from puberty to early twenties so I know a thing-or-two about it).
Basically, I'm a melting pot. But aren't we all.
And as it goes, when you try to be and do all the things you end up being and doing nothing well. THAT is the sticking point of my fashion identity crisis currently. I want to dial it in so that I can do it – and do it well. Right now, I'm all over the place (quite literally).
Currently, I'm wearing torn Levis (farm chic), a loose blue and white stripped button up shirt with no bra (because the two bras I have are so ill-fitting I can't even bear them), well-loved Sabah's (my “euro-chic” farm shoes for summer), one of those victory curls from the 40s/50s in my hair, and red lipstick. Confused much? I even feel confused with what's happening here.
And I just received the two (costly) custom made vintage, puffy-sleeved, euro-styled linen dresses for fall (to be worn with tights or leggings and lace up boots) I ordered months ago that would've made Tasha Tudor shriek with joy. Hell of a time for a fashion identity crisis.
BY THE WAY… I'm supposed to get my hair cut and colored tomorrow and that's a whole other can of fashion identity crisis worms.
Bleach? Long? Short? Natural color? Highlights? Sleek? Curly? Fu-get-about-it.
Okay… think Shaye think… FOCUS…
We've got to solve this fashion identity crisis. It's time to DIVE INTO this problem and SOLVE IT. I'm tired already. Should we start with the hair? Probably since I've got only TWELVE HOURS TO DECIDE.
I love my bleached hair and it falls under that “Scandinavian farmer” vibe that I really love – my great-Grandparents did immigrate from Norway, after all. But… the bleach has damaged my hair (duh) and I fear it also gives off this weird fake-American vibe as well which is NOT what I'm going for.
So no more bleach.
Natural hair color? I don't even know what that is. I've been coloring my hair since I was thirteen, y'all. Once you pop you can't stop, ya know what I'm saying? So, I suppose I'll have to do some serious working with my hairdresser to figure out how to let the natural hair grow-out without any coloring. It'll take me, what, maybe four or five years to get it to grow out all the way. Four or five years to healthy hair. That's quite the commitment. Can I do it? I can try.
So no more bleach. Natural color. Long hair (for now). Stu likes long hair and I do love being able to do fun things with it. That semi-eliminates the “retro” vibe which is centered around short, wavy hair, doesn't it.
See! We're getting somewhere! Baby steps.
And now my brain is tired and I simply must go sort through my clothes. I've got to see what I've got that I can work with. I'm also going to go ask Stuart what he thinks. And I'm going to make a honey-latte (I think better with honey-lattes). Don't worry – I'll keep you updated on how this fashion identity crisis shakes out and show you some of my favorite pieces that I decide to keep.
I'd LOVE to hear how you honed your style in the comments. And I'd LOVE to hear your opinions about where the heck I should go with all these thoughts.
Let me know I'm not alone.
And I'm sorry for taking up any of your brain-bandwidth with my fashion identity crisis. It has no significance at all.
But here we are.
The end.
PS: Oh my gosh, y'all. I just spent the last hour talking to Stuart about this. What a guy! I can't wait to share what he said on tomorrow's new post. I'll also make sure to share my hair for those interested! Stay tuned!
Elizabeth
I love this post. So real, SO TRUE for most of us. Iāve been thinking lately… could I almost always wear what I want if a throw a really durable apron over it?? Hmmmm!
Stephanie
In my new perimenopause year, I can only wear breathable soft fabrics. My closet is now a nightmare of torturous fabrics. How long will this HOT phase last, I wonder???
H E L P
Karen Berube
What’s wrong with several styles to accommodate the work you do, so in the end, its about the work and experiences, and not the clothes you’re in?
LL Bean and Duluth for the day to day work of the farm because that’s what you need; durable, get dirty, safe and comfortable footwear . . French classic for your Sunday’s, date nights, etc. ,with a pinch of vintage making it your own.
Clothes need to work for our lives, and reflect our personal experience so they speak to who we are. I think they can do both if we focus on utility when we truly need it, and style when it’s time to play.
I live in New England. I think of my style as Yankee Chic. It has to accommodate the weather, comfortable to work the garden and care for my grands, (LL Bean in winter) and yet, I rock the French vibe when the opportunity strikes, leapord flats, lots of classic blazers, always 501 Levi’s, and hippie silver jewelry. That’s me.
The thing is to get so comfortable with your style/clothes that you’re not thinking about the clothes anymore, but the experiences you’re having in them! Looking forward to seeing the evolution.
Carolyn
Oh I understand all this! I battle abdominal pain from my first delivery that leaves me only able to wear loose potato sacks and absolutely no waist. Itās so not my style and not flattering on my broad shoulders but itās currently my only pain free option. I refuse to get rid of all my vintage wool plaid skirts from my grandma and just hope someday I can wear them again. I donāt see keeping them as delusional just a reminder to keep working at the healing journey. Before I was potato sack mom I definitely had two completely different styles, one for warm weather and one for cold. Farm life in winter can be a tad harsh so I opted for the bundled Scandinavian look. Summer is floral breezy dresses in ballet flats. All the farmers think Iām the crazy city girl, except for the one guy who occasionally sports a red bow tie and straw hat while driving his tractor. I makes my day every time is see him.
Denise Watson
Shaye my dear I hear u loud and clear!!!!š©š© I have been going through the same identity crisis with my wardrobe style, hair style, and decorating style as well!!š¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļø As far as decorating I truly know what I love but the house I live in does not reflect my style at all!! Please help!!!!!!! Iām at a total loss these days maybe itās from having to wear a mask š·š· everywhere and having to breath my own carbon dioxide that has affected who I am these days!!! Lol
Shirley
Natural healthy beautiful hair! Yes!
Deborah Cain
Go with what you love and works for you on any given day. As an artist I have a painting wardrobe, as a minister I have a few outfits for the special events I officiate. Everyday in between I am raggedly relaxed or casual. But all this is what works but I get rid of what doesn’t look good or is unbearably uncomfortable. Guess it is my personality.
Patty Marker
This is so funny, I am exactly in the same place. I want to pare down my closet and only keep what I wear and only wear what reflects who I want to be. Make sense? Natural fabrics, lots of dresses but thatās pricey so I may need to dust off my sewing machine. So you are not alone. Good luck with your hair tomorrow. Iām sure it will look amazing.
Sadie Covey
I love everything about this post. I believe all of us women go through seasons of life when we feel like weāve gotten āoff courseā in fashion and decor. Thereās a beauty in being a woman, that allows us to be eternal wonder-filled little girls in a way, and play dress up with different styles that fit our mood of the day. The effort and imagination it takes is what brings spark and joy to the day for yourself and those around you. That said, we all want to feel at home in our own style. We like defining ourselves at times and like knowing the look we want to live in for a while. Itās a place our minds can rest, knowing we are comfortable with our style decision of the day/year. Keep blogging about this, you intrigued me back when you said you were ordering an Edwardian style dress on Etsy! I was like…. what?!?! Now I gotta hear about this! So fun! I recently found April Cornell dresses for summer and have been extremely happy. I too live on a farm but these Airy cotton dresses With some farm boots work on days you want to feel feminine but need washable and fuss free. Looking forward to hearing more from you! Go girl! P.S. I need farm boot suggestions!
Heather
I love the way you have explained your different styles! Where did you get that gorgeous green dress? I love the sound of your vintage style but I think the Scandinavian farm style might be more practical for everyday life. Yes – please share what you decide for your hair and your on-going thoughts about your fashion identify crisis. I need distraction from the huge things going on in the world.
Kristin
I totally get this post. I’m a clothes horse and have ALWAYS loved fashion! And now, I’m a stay-at-home, homeschooling Mama, on land in Charleston, South Carolina. How do I wear anything like (pretty much all the styles and eras of dress that you mentioned etc) whilst I go from household, to the garden, to homeschooling and back again in clothes I really love? I do think we need to find out ways to get comfortable with just wearing favorite pieces during these regular days or we will never wear them. That being said, maybe a beautiful apron or two might help. I live in my apron! Also, for some inspiration, go to the blog site Manger by Mimi Thorisson. You probably already know of her. A French mom of 8 kiddos and cookbook author living in the country side of MĆ©doc, France. She seems to effortlessly forage in the forest for wild mushrooms in a beautiful skirt and Wellies on a regular basis. Of course, that a bit easier than milking a cow! I guess we just have to incorporate our style into our everyday and keeping looking for fashion that we constantly gravitate towards. Love your site. I just discovered it!
Shanna
I went through the same thing a year ago. I used to panic in front of my closet trying to decide who I was going to be that day. I thought about my time in the Army and realized that I loved the simplicity of the military. There was never a question of what I was going to wear or how I would do my hair. So I decided to make a uniform for my every day. I spent some time picking out the clothes that would be my attire for when Iām out in the community and when Iām working at the homestead. Figured out an attractive, but practical hairstyle. Everything had to be of good, sturdy quality. Then when I found the right items, I purchased multiples and started wearing them everyday. My colleagues at work asked some questions at first, but now everyone just accepts that I wear the same style dress and cardigan each day. It allows me to focus my energies toward the things that really matter.
Alexandra Turner
Talking to husbands about hair is the best! I used to get blonde highlights in my hair, it was just something all the women in my family did. One day my husband told me he loved my long natural color (medium brown). He said he liked that it was just naturally me (which is so sweet and made me feel good about the hair color God had given me). Ive been growing out the highlights for a year and a half. While my hair has looked wonky at times, I am about 2/3 of the way there and it makes me so excited for when my hair is all natural!
McKayla
So so funny, this is me right now. Born and raised in Oregon = flannels and hiking boots. Moving to Northern California = flip flops, shorts and tanks all day. And most recently desiring to be a homemaker extraordinaire = cute floral print dresses with my apron.
What have I done about this? I just embrace all of it! …with the addition of a more ācapsule wardrobe approach.ā Just a few things from each style well made to last, so no matter the time of year, weather, event, I can dress for the occasion and still feel myself.
Kristin
Yes, this!
Clancy
Iām with you McKayla! Born and raised in Eastern Washington (jeans all day), moved to NorCal for college and stayed until moving to a homestead in Southern Oregon last year. My style is definitely sporty and I own more Lululemon shorts than there are days in the week. This works well for running and yoga, but not as ideal for goat milking, gardening and field work. Iām still rocking my lulu but in search of something more farmish. Sigh!
Love this post by Shaye as I think many of us are in a fashion quandary these days. I love the capsule wardrobe ideas and think there is merit to combining this approach an enabling the better, not more ideals.
Kathy
Shaye, check out Break Out Bras online. They have an EXCELLENT fit guide for bras. They also have a HUGE selection of sizes and styles, both domestic and European. They have been a life saver for me.
Lisa
I quit coloring my hair to cut cost in September, I am a lot older than you and haven’t colored my hair as long, but it was damaged and I would cut it short to get rid of the damaged hair. I had gotten to a point I didn’t know what my real color was since I know it started to turn gray. The pandemic came and now my hair is growing out and yes I have been wearing a ball cap a lot. But I know what color my natural hair is and I will never color or treat it again!
Just remember what we are teaching the children by our actions.
Lisa
I feel this! I am a military wife and moving across country 4 times to completely different climates and fashion personalities of the area (last move was alaska to texas!) and becoming a mom to boot I’m a mess! And don’t feel bad about talking about fashion! It’s how we present ourselves to the world and if people don’t like it-or think you need only to talk about “serious world troubles” dont have to read. I’m sure there are voices out there that speak to what they wish to hear
Kate
I totally hear ya sister! Sometimes it really helps me to find people on the greater wider inter webs as inspiration. Two people come to mind for you – Jonna Jinton, who is a true Swedish mountain princess, makes the most beautiful videos, and has incredible old-timy Scandinavian fashion. Sheās on the Gram but make sure to hear her Nordic singing videos on YouTube. Her hair also happens to be very similar to yours! And on a totally different strain, windypeakvintage on Instagram has awesome style that is both vintage and practical on the homestead.
Hope thatās helpful – good luck! I always struggle finding the balance between my heart clothes – old American west, and what everyone around me is wearing.
Cheers!
Kate
Anna Kate
I was going to mention Jonna Jinton here too, as I also thought of her in relation to Scandinavian farm girl. š She is ethereal.
Bonita
I looked up Ms Jinton and yes I love her style. But the blog was in a language I canāt read. Are they in English somewhere
Misty Everett
I feel your pain. I am a tweedy, loafers, elbow patches on cardigans, brooches, pearls, and a spiffy chapeau kind of girl. I do love my jeans, though. My dilemma is a bit different, though. I know what I like, but my hubby is a Harley riding biker dude with a big ol beard & has expressed his desire for me to dress for the bike, aka Harley/Biker attire. I have adapted a bit, but I do not identify as a biker chick, lol. š
Amanda
Just add a biker jacket in your favorite neutral for bike rides š
Susan
Ummmm ok here goes…. Cut hair to shoulders(still can do ponytail), no more bleach, talk to stylist abt more natural dye or high/lowlights while growing out!
Style now… u NEED jeans and shirts boots, so why not just mix up some striped( French) pullovers buttondowns and teeshirt with some embellishment or trim so u feel more feminine !! Also, skirts and day dresses for maybe weekend(Sunday) or if u have to go somewhere Shower , quick change red lip down??? Once u do a few days, a week or 2, becomes habit. You are young!!š¤š¤š¤Can not looking badšAnd u buy for other family members Iām guessing so get yourself new boots or shoes 2xs a year before they are deadš³Or order 2 prs at a time of wat u need for farm/garden work Italian ladies and French ladies wear a lot of skirts and dresses even in the gardenš¬š¤¦š»āāļøšššš¾
Beverly
This is so relatable, farm fashion is hard! I want to look stylish and feel great, but I also live on a dirt road, there’s manure everywhere and my closet is super tiny. I’m pumped to hear how you work this out.
Hannah
Girl, YES. Throw in budget constraints, being slightly overweight, and concerned with ethical and healthy clothing options, and I’m a serious basket-case over style right now. For what it’s worth, I like your eclectic-chic style, but I’m looking forward to seeing what different route you take with it. š
Denise
Check out Justine Leconte YouTube videos. Sheās a French fashion designer who’s videos are very educational.
A
I hear you!!! Iām the same and since Iām mostly at home with 5 small children, I cannot justify spending a lot on clothing. I have a few pieces I love (much more casual and comfortable than my pre-baby days, but I still love a good collar!) and a lot of just random things I pick up or just canāt toss because I might need a painting shirt!! š The struggle is real!
I do want to encourage you that your true hair color is beautiful, whatever itās hue, God picked it especially for you!
Christina
I lost focus as soon as I read that you are into Outlander, I’ve been a fan for years and read the series a few times! Aren’t those novels addictive? Like stay up half the night to see what happens next addictive? I get it!!
Jenn
I feel you!! As Iāve come into my 40s, I made the choice to be more intentional with everything. From clothes, to food, to what have you. On the clothes, Iāve fallen in love with linen, cotton, bamboo, etc. natural fibers. So Iāve settled into more skirts and dresses, as they seem to be more versatile as well. You can where them in all seasons. When itās warm, no leggings or tights. When itās cold, change it up and wear with leggings and tights and boots, layer with cardigans, scarves, etc. Iām a mix of bohemian, indie, folk, comfortable, and functional. You are not a lone In this my dear. ā¤ļø
Trudy
I’m having a difficult time as well with my wardrobe. A few pieces I’ve had for nearly 30 years and I won’t let them go. The rest are thrift store clothes mostly, because farm doesn’t equal money coming in. Haha seriously, though, I’ve always been a clearance rack- yard sale girl.
One thing that has really helped me decide on new purchases is understanding ME. Who I am, my personality, my strengths, and dressing MY truth. I highly recommend looking into Dressing Your Truth, Carol Tuttle, liveyourtruth.com. I think you’ll find a lot of answers and help there, for colors and styles that suit you. You can still be eclectic and make it your own, but trust me and check it out.
My hair has a lot of grey in it, and I don’t color unless it’s a bit of koolaid just for short term fun. Problem is I’m in the sun a lot, and the Arizona sun makes my hair change to not-so-great! Doesn’t sound like a problem, but I get constant grow out just as if I’d colored my hair. Oh well, it’s almost always pulled on top of my head anyway for the farmgirl look!
Hilda
You know what these styles have in common? YOU. You have varied interests. You can spot a gem at a yard sale. You know how to tie together different aesthetics in your home and make a space feel warm and inviting.This is probably the same eye you have for your clothes. So I say, wear what delights you. For comparison, here’s my thing. I feel best in jeans, a t-shirt, and a jacket on many days. And the more black, the happier and more secure I feel. Other days (esp in winter), I need to wear a wild, surprising dress that makes me laugh. I’m talking bold floral prints. Mumus. Whatever, so long I am tastefully covered for a 40s person. There are no in-betweens for me. I don’t know why or what this style is called (boring vs. wild?), but those are my happy places. So maybe just notice what makes you feel happy or comfy to wear & donate the rest (or put in a maybe bag for a couple of months). You’re 100% allowed to be an eclectic magpie wardrobe enthusiast if that is your jam. (And your blonde hair looks great, btw and you don’t look fake American, you look Scandi.) Lastly, w Covid stuff I find myself obsessing over the craziest stuff as if it was VERY IMPORTANT. I think it’s a little bit about chanelling stress into things we can control maybe?
Kendra
I HEAR you! can’t tell you how many times I’ve ventured out into the garden with a cute mid length skirt on and snagged it on the freaking rose thorns…grrr….
I’m always after ‘classic’ style with a pride and prejudice inspired bent (neutral tones) but also love a pop of color and I’ve somehow managed to blend those together–except for when I go all PNW Patagonia fleece/wool socks in my Birkenstocks and look like I’m out for an 8 day backpacking trip. Theres’ that too… sigh. Maybe I don’t have it all blended together as well as I thought. But maybe I’m ok with it (just not the destroying my cute skirts in the garden bit).
Sara Ann Woodd
You’re a pioneer save 3 church outfits, several leggings can wear with any top. Boots, heels , flats fsncy coat farm coat. I see you in lots of mild colors. I wear lots of gypsie styleripped jeans. I’m 64 never ever followed whats in. If you feel good in it wear it. Your natural color with stresks of blond. š¹
MARTA MARTIN
Hang in there! I just did a major MAKEOVER with my own hair. I have really coarse, unruly, curly hair … For years, I have been going to the salon for treatments and straightening and then I realized: I DON’T EVEN LIKE LONG HAIR. So, I gave myself a COVID Cut at home and now I LOVE IT! Its short and curly and looks healthy. Healthy being the key word here! As far as my clothes, I have a uniform: basic bottoms with stripped, nautical tees or sweaters. I can wear my “uniform” for all my garden, home, farming or work duties – just change out the shoes. (As for bras, have you been to Soma? GREAT comfy bras.) Good luck and try to ENJOY the process! I can’t wait to see what you come up with!
Melissa
About 10 years ago, a fashion-designer friend of mine helped me out with this same problem. He changed my life. We built my personal style by colors rather than by style or era. We looked around my home for the dominant colors that I seemed to keep choosing again and again. It makes sense that the colors I/we chose to create a haven in our homes are also the colors we might feel best in? In my case: Black, white, beige, grey, salmon, peach, ochre, goldenrod (+blues for denims) Now I pretty much buy clothes that only fall into that colorway. We also looked at prints… I like earth-toned ethnic fabrics for home, but don’t love stripes, flowers or other wild prints. In a shop, now I bypass the all the stuff that doesn’t fall into my personal theme. It’s been life altering. It allows me shop across all styles, but I still always feel like ‘me’ and it’s allowed me to dress and pack so much more efficiently and mix and match more easily. Of course I go rogue once in a while. Last Summer I bought a vintage hot pink jumpsuit, but this system, though seemingly restrictive, has actually made me a more daring dresser, I’ve noticed that I will buy and wear weirder pieces with more confidence because in ‘my’ colors, I always feel like myself. Hope this helps.
Anne
Yep, I hear this! Currently rocking french sculptor (the sculptor is how I reconcile work with home life) since I left the corporate world and came home. Weāre not a farm family, but I run a wood based Etsy shop and our main business is salvage, so we get dirty! Then, at home we (ok I) cook from our full diet CSA share, so I spend a lot of time in an apron too. My favorite pieces are my Chaco sandals in summer and the matching footbed boots for winter, pegged workpants, linen pants for lounging all year, and this wildly full elastic waist denim skirt with pockets that adds ten pounds and who even cares because itās so great? On top I love a good linen tank (fav is Eileen Fisher, but used because whooo spendy!) with a chambray or merino layer if itās cold. Hair is sadly neglected, thanks Covid, but Iāve gotten to experiment with cutting it myself and my long hidden natural wave, and makeup is usually light but sometimes a red lip and bare face. If I could have bought a full skirted linen anything, I would have, so carry on!!! But my linen dresses are shift style and have quite a lot of life in them (as theyāre too short to wear on most days! – theyāre a corporate holdover!) Anyway, youāre doing great, clothes are complicated.
Jess
Oh goodness. I have been struggling with that for the last several years. I have finally come to the conclusion that there is a season for all of these outfits, although it is still difficult with the pioneer style bc no one else understands it. I would say keep one thing the same and it will blend into a new style of expressing you. I also have dyed my hair since I was a teenager. When I finally made the decision not to, I discovered my hair color is pretty close to the dye I was using. But I’ve started getting a few greys(it’s either 5 children causing that or perhaps too much hair dye.) So I am planning on dying my hair around the holidays with black walnuts! Should be quite the adventure.
Jody
Hi Shaye,
Iām new to your blog and YouTube but have been enjoying it all so much. Iāve been coloring my hair since I was 13 too, and I think you should just give yourself freedom to do whatever moves you at the time with it. Deciding to go natural might feel great for awhile, but donāt tie yourself to that if it doesnāt make you feel joyful. I find changing it up really can be inspiring, it can be the perk I need going into winter months, or lightening it up for summer. I understand searching for a solid style with wardrobe, but hair color change can give you just the right boost when you need it. I would keep a long-term commitment off of
The table šš.
B. McCabe
Jeans, denim skirts, chambray or denim shirts, denim jacket,short-sleeved shirts of different colors for summer and layered with the above chambray or denim shirt in winter, long-sleeved sweaters in winter, tees in the summer. You don’t have to have many things but you can do the old “mix and match.” A cute scarf at the neck would jazz up the outfits a bit. Cute but practical purse for the trips to town. As for your hair, perhaps your stylist could reverse color it to your root color and as you let it grow out she might have to do the color a few times to see how you like it. If you decide to go back to blond, do so but keep it well conditioned.
Bethany
I was in your boat LAST summer (let’s blame turning thirty and always being somewhere between pregnant, nursing, and almost pregnant again lol)! And then I got the best fashion advice of my life from a Barefoot Contessa cookbook. She was talking about setting a table and she says she takes a nod from the the way French women dress, which is that they figured out what their “silhouette” is and they stick with it. “One silhouette, totally different materials, perfectly accessorized. ” Light bulb moment! So maybe spend some time thinking about what your favorite silhouette is to wear and see if that helps?! (For example, mine is cinched at the waist and flowy from there down. That is what makes good use of my shape). Then you do not have to worry about being faithful to an era or style. Similar to how I feel about putting my house together: if I love it it will all probably go together since I tend to only LOVE certain things. Find your silhouette, wear what you love, and let go of your need to define it!
P.S. I love all your work in the world that you choose to share with the world! Keep up the good work!
Virginia White
This is me to a tea right now. Actually since I have delved into your Podcast it has my mind reeling in all directions. I want to be more feminine, I want to wear long skirts and floral dresses. And in fact I did yesterday and felt so beautiful and more myself than I can remember feeling in recent past. Currently working from home I find myself in a rut of sweatpants, pj’s, and workout pants, if I’m feeling extra ambitious I throw on ratty jeans and t shirt. But I want to change this in a major way. I am going through all my clothing and am vowing to start implementing pieces that make me feel my best so that I can bring my best to my household. I am sure people will find it strange at first but oh well! I am yearning for a life of bread baking, and fresh flowers, and beautiful skirts and dresses and by God I will have it!
P.S I have found this strange term called “Cottagecore” which I think best reflects my vision for fashion
Kelsey
*twilight zone music*
Yes. Exactly. Literally all of it. I mean all of it. I even though I was the inventor of Scandinavian farm.
Msh
But why do you want one style? I am not a farmer (AT ALL) but from what I can see your life changes during the year. So how about something super practical (like scandinavian farmer) for spring and summer, when your workload outside is the biggest, the most feminine styles for sundays and church, and maybe tasha-esque clothes for fall and winter? I mean, I have no idea which style would work best for which season, but I’m guessing you do;)
Jamie Clements
I understand your crisis. I quit wearing makeup years ago because it does nothing for my pores plus I work with cattle and poultry and am a homemaker. I just donāt see makeup as beneficial doing that and the heat in south Ga. that exists about ten months out of the year. However, I see old pics of my former youth and think maybe o should. Itās a quickly passing thought though. Btw… go with a brown color and maybe curly. Whatever you choose will look great! Have fun!
Ellie
Hi I’m new here and brand new to reading all this homesteading stuff. I have very little time to catch up on the mass of content in this area but of course the “fashion” question I just had to click….some things never change!
I loved all your descriptions of the different styles and eras actually and I plan to go back and read everything in more detail.
But I want to share my two cents as someone who worked in and around fashion in my early 20’s. This was not strictly a mantra I learned but something I just kind of intuited from the women who looked the best and I would say – start with your body.
What I mean by that is what shape is most flattering to your body type in general, and when do you feel at your best, no matter what look or era you are wearing, and whether casual or more dressed up.
If you do this you can take a basic silhouette or two and then tailor it to different fashion styles or eras. This also gives you the ability to work pieces across different looks too. I don’t mean this to sound like high chic because it doesn’t have to be, on the farm, obviously!
But I say start by asking – do I look great with a nipped in waist, or shorter shorts and dresses, or do I liked a tight top showing my shoulders with a long flowing skirt or long pants. What neckline is most flattering to me? A boat neckline, a v-neck or open blouse? Do I like to show my arms or shoulders? You can usually see some consistency across things that have been favorites and these factors are consistent whether wearing beaten up work clothes or going out for dinner.
So once you figure that out you can find blouses, t-shirts and tanks with your favorite silhouette or neckline and that can be a similar neckline whether a denim work shirt, a cotton tshirt or a silk blouse. If you like to create more of an hourglass you can still wear an old tshirt with a canvas belt tied at the waist, or a chic nipped in belt with a pretty dress. If you like leggings and a longline tank you can do that both work and casual and with a little thought even that can fit a Scandinavian farmgirl look (maybe broderie anglaise) or a retro pinup. (gingham etc)
Once you do that you can then figure out what colors look best on you – do you generally like patterns or one tone pieces, brights or neutrals – even if you like everything it’s better to narrow it down somewhat, like navy and white as neutrals and reds and corals and greens as your favorite brights or whatever it may be. Then you can also do the same with favorite fabrics – do I like plaid and cotton and denim for casual and silk, lace and sheer for more dressed up? Or say florals and chiffon for outside events and khakis and super washed soft tanks for working at home?
Once you can come up with more definitive things like that, you’d be amazed how you can apply those key attributes – the cotton and the nipped in waist in a print or white, or a silk bright blouse at night and a bright work short during the day – to many different styles. If you look at pictures of say Audrey Hepburn or Brigitte Bardot and even the outlander or Scandinavian farm look you can still see how similar shapes can work across different styles.
Even when you are not going all out in an outfit, a hairband, hair accessory, earrings or another piece of jewelry and a pop of bright lipstick, even when make up free can give the look of an era or specific style with very little effort.
I don’t know if that helps at all but I thought I would just throw in a different angle!
So much reading and learning to do!
Tracy
Try growing your hair out gently, by having ‘foils’ (I am in Australia, so maybe you call them ‘streaks’), of the bleached color just on the outer frame of your face. It is less noticeable than the dark line of your part that way. Just a thought. Good on you for making a decision to have healthy hair and you will save a small fortune too.
I love your blog and videos. Thanks.
Kate
For a less traditional bra that feels absolutely wonderful to wear, check out the Nuudii system at
https://nuudiisystem.com/
It really does feel bra free, well at least until your ribcage shifts and expands yet again during pregnancy, but you’re past all that so you wouldn’t need to worry.
ZoAnne
Check out truth-is-beauty.com. She has tons of information on finding your style ID based on your face. Rather than basing everything on your body, which people pay little attention to, she says we should dress for our faces, which is what everyone stares at anyways. Her thoughts make a lot of sense to me and have helped me narrow down my options a lot. With her system you can be a blend of up to three style types. I think her system might help you find a way to marry all of your fashion loves into a cohesive fashion type for yourself. If I had to guess for you, based on her system, I would say you are a natural-classic-gamine. Knowing your style ID helps you successfully mix and match different elements from different styles. You can customize the blend and know youāre still doing something that works for you. Of course, you can still choose items that donāt actually fit your style ID, but you can do it consciously, knowing the best modifications to make so that it still works ok for you. Check it out, I think youāll be inspired!
JoAnn
I’ve been having the same issue with my clothes. I decided to purchase a few patterns and make my own and also making changes to the clothes that I have..
JoAnn
I’ve been having the same issue with my clothes. I decided to purchase a few patterns and make my own and also making changes to the clothes that I have.
Cate
Keep your hair natural to be a “natural” person. Basically, life is easiest when it is simple, natural and free. I’m older than you by a lot, but natural, simple and real is how life should be lived, in my book. When you start complicating what God gives you naturally, it becomes confusing, just like your clothing. Dress simply whether in jeans with a cotton blouse or a simple cotton dress. I wanted my children to remember I am a female and looked like one when they were growing up. I wanted them to know there is a difference between the TWO genders God created and although females are the weaker of the two strength-wise, that their Mama’s strength is what carried them through intelligent-wise and beauty-wise (not that their Daddy is not smart). I am 65 and have never dyed my dark hair. I am fortunate in that I am also not gray but would not dye it if I was. Bleaching my hair would make me look cheap.
Angie W
Girl – this was me three years ago. You HAVE GOT TO try this program: https://my.liveyourtruth.com/dyt/home/
No, I don’t get anything for sharing it. This will literally answer every question you posted about and eliminate the confusion. I think you’re going to love it.
It completely transformed the way I looked at my wardrobe!
– another farm-her, homeschooling mama with too much on her plate š
Diane
I get it! I was French in another life. I have a closet full of beautiful shoes that I canāt wear! And I continue to buy more. Such a conundrum. You are beautiful and farm glamorous and that is what interested me in your blog. My neighbors would mak fun of me for gardening in a skirt. Sorry, not sorry! I love your blond hair. You look Danish!
Mariah
WOW!! I am going through the same thing as well and I do love fashions from the past. (History is my favorite hobby) Adding an extra layer on top of this, I have been doing the Dressing Your Truth program for years now and I am afraid to dress in another colors that are not apart of what was my “correct colors” I just can’t do it anymore. I went through all my clothes and got ride of anything that doesn’t fit. So now I have clothes that do fit but I am not excited about. I too want more natural fabrics and I dont want to support fast fashions either. I am not sure if we are all having fashions issues or is it something instinctive that is happening here. We are looking at the past, could even be our past (way down the line) grandmother’s for answers. Support and hope. Beauty and creativity. Looking forward to the continuing of this conversation. Best of Luck to all of us!!
Carolyn
Iām sorting out my own fashion identity crisis as well. After I had my first baby and outgrew most of my clothes I had no idea what to wear. I used to wear lots of skirts and dresses to work and then I was up and down off the floor with a baby all day and wearing loose shirts so I could nurse easily. It took almost two years before I stopped wearing t-shirts and athletic pants everyday and now since having baby number two I suddenly donāt like everything I bought after my first and Iām feeling drawn back to my old style. I think I have a pretty clear idea of my style preference but Iām trying to figure out how to make it fit my life. I think you could have a few of those styles together. Like keep your fancier clothes to one style and your everyday to another. Or even have a summer and winter style. Maybe the Scandinavian farm for winter and vintage in summer or something like that. My favorite is what youāre calling vintage. I just bought fabric to make a full length wool skirt and petticoat for the winter. Iāve never had a petticoat but I have always wanted one and love wearing long skirts. Part of me wishes we wore corsets instead of bras. Iāve heard that the support is better and they arenāt uncomfortable if they fit correctly but theyāre probably pretty warm in the summer and I donāt want that on top of 100 degree temps. Iām sold on natural fibers and choosing colors and fabrics that will last. I love hearing all your thoughts on this! Keep them coming!
Mary
Good morning Shaye. This is my first time leaving a comment…for anything on the internet ever, actually! I am 46 and live on an old farmstead that was once a stagecoach way-station. When our little town started keeping records in 1900 our house was already here. My husband and I have watched our two boys grow to be young men. Gardens, chickens, family meals around the table daily. I love my pantry in the winter and my three porches in the summer. I might be making it sound more grand than it is… It’s not fancy, but I know I’m blessed. As work is done outside dirt comes inside, it is cold in the winter, but the old wavy glass windows have my heart. The plumbing is a mystery, seriously. So, all that is to say that I live a country homemaking life and I don’t have any cameras to dress for, but last fall I found myself sitting my husband down to tell him about my own “fashion identity crisis”. Funny, mine took a good hour to get off my chest as well! He’s a wonder of a husband. I sew a little and have knit for a handful of years (I refer to myself in all things creative as a perpetual beginner) and I have this deep desire for a handmade wardrobe and enjoy thrift and consignment stores as well for refashioning things. I was having trouble pulling my style together which was frustrating. I also wanted to really understand what colors looked best on me so that I wouldn’t be wasting money or other resources. I wanted to curate and create clothes that I would love for years with the natural fabrics I love. Well, like many husbands, he felt the need to fix the situation…He said he’d find someone to help me. ( I suppose I could have thought of that if I was in the right frame of mind, but alas, I was not!) He did find someone and it was wonderful and my life has changed. I know it didn’t change the world, but it changed MY world. After reading your post I know you know what I’m talking about. Maybe someone else can relate too? Everything in perspective.
I went to see Kerry Jones. She owns Indigo Tones in Pittsford, NY; but she travels the country to see clients. ( and currently has procedures for covid). She is a real professional. The color swatch books she created are amazing, great for clothes shopping , but also used by painters, beaders, quilters, and other artists. She sends orders worldwide. She talks skin tone, your best clothing colors, cosmetics (she has created her own line), hair color, and even syle. She was also an offical sponsor to the United States National Pageant. After my appiontment with her I was finally able to explore my true style and it made fabric shopping and even thrifting so much easier. I am finally building a small wardrobe that I really suits me and my lifestyle.
Please check her out:
indigotones.com
I have no connections other than being a very happy client.
kelly
I think having a mix of styles you’re drawn to is ideal — otherwise it can feel too one-noted and “costumey”. I live in a victorian home and certainly have some victorian elements in it, but also integrate mid century modern pieces and styles from many eras. In my opinion, it makes it more interesting, multi-dimensional, and unexpected!
Megan Goggans
I resonate with this post. I am also on a fashion crisis. For work I wear scrubs and then I have lounge clothes and some jeans, that’s it. I love similar vintage style clothes, but have no idea if they look good on me because I can’t find any that fit me, so I’m now learning how to sew my own clothes, which is a whole other endeavor. At least you know what you do like! There are a bazillion hair tutorials out there for faking short hair while having long hair. You can tuck things under and such. My husband also gets to hear a lot of this and his answers surprise me, so I’m looking forward to reading your husband’s responses. Sometimes being told that I look gorgeous in everything and should wear what I love just doesn’t help lol, but I am grateful for the support. Just wanted to say that I resonate with this post.
Best, Megan
Allyssa
I love your style and I use you as inspiration for my own. I just want you to know that š
Also…. Iām pretty sure āScandinavian Farmer Chicā is totally a thing! I have a romper from the 50s / 60s that has this gorgeous all over āScandinavian Roosterā print. I love it but my hips and booty will not squeeze into it. So I put it up for sale on my eBay store since it doesnāt fit me. I definitely put āScandinavian Farmer Chicā in the title at first, but then I changed it because I didnāt think anyone else would ever use that term haha. I think I will change it back now.
CJr
This is funny because I feel like you described the me inside that no one has ever seen! Iām a farming mama of 7, and trying to lose weight with hypothyroidism. I have always worn only dresses or skirts, and really have fallen in love with flowy yet flattering linen, somewhat pynesmith clothiers stylish simply because it actually works on the farm. But I have also found calf-length maxi skirts and cute T-shirtās to be my simplest standby for milking to mothering to cow chasing and pasture rotation. And always to me, natural hair and no makeup because I think God doesnāt make mistakes in his artistry of His most precious creation. But sometimes itās hard not to forget that!!!!!
Jardon Stidham
Oh man I feel you on the Scandinavian Farm house style! Lotta from Stockholm has the most amaxing clogs, mittens, and sweaters!
Amanda
This is so fun!!! I have enjoyed this post and all the comments! My identity crisis began last year after I felt like my body had recovered all it would after having twins the year before. I am a boy mom, but a feminine style at the core. I love all the lace, ruffles and frills, but it is not practical for me to go all out with it. I did some soul searching and internet searching to find my solution. I think you have definitely started with the right step by looking at what you have that you enjoy wearing. If you can pinpoint what it is you love about each item and then categorize it even better! I have found that just organizing my closet has helped me make so much sense about my style. I categorized with basics, occasion wear, and seasonal items. I have found that having more than one category has helped since I, too, have more than one style that I like. These I consider secondary and look for them in the details of each item. For example, I like a tee with ruffle sleeves(feminine) or a button down shirt with a pearl snap(southern) and so on. I also picked a color scheme for each category with my fav neutrals, main colors and accent colors to help with mixing and matching. I hope you enjoy this process, and find that you are not all over the place actually, but just needing to organize your closet to see how the items you have been collecting reflect your unique style. I look forward to hearing about what you discover! š
Daphne
Ahhh…..I totally love you blonde. Thought it was and is a stunning transition and with the red lipstick? WOW. Don’t go natural again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tara Howard
Honestly, I’ve just thrown in the towel and accepted I am NOT chic. I’m low maintenance, prefer jeans, flannels, etc (so yes, your Scandi look!) and I feel sooo much more free just accepting it! As for hair, I always switch between shoulder length and then long. But I find whenever I have it long, it’s almost ALWAYS in a messy bun. I’m a stay at home mom who is now homeschooling, soooo, yeaaahhh. I actually think of myself as just plain lucky I get to wear slippers 24-7! My hair is thick and wavy – and my biggest issue is taking the time to brush it everyday so I don’t get dreads! ha! So I say just go back and forth on the hair! That seems most natural for you, anyway! xoxo
Jessica Matras
I love this post. I hear you!! Do you have to choose?? Be one style one day and another outfit the next. Can’t wait to see your “natural” hair, I know you will be beautiful as you always are. An inspiration!
Elise
I have So Been There! A few years ago I stumbled on Dressing Your Truth. I do not endorse all of the founders beliefs, or follow everything to a T. But I found it Hugely helpful and freeing and helped me define my style for the first time in my frumpy life. It starts with who You are – how you think, feel, body language, facial features, etc. The course is short amd free. Once you know your “energy type” you filter hair, color, makeup through that. It is Amazing! I highly recommend checking it out, just to glean from.
Marie-France Gaumont-Leclerc
Ā« …I fear it also gives off this weird fake-American vibe as well which is NOT what I’m going for Ā» I think you look very very good with that bleached hair!!!
Heather
Same boat over here. I’ve decided that Kuhl/Toad&Co/Indygena hiking clothes for house/gardening in summer. They still have some tailoring and I don’t look schleppy. When I go to town or when I clean up at night I break out the silk and linen. And during the Fall and Winter you can pretend you are pretty again.
Susan
I think that you might love the Aurora Shoe Company shoes for either the Outlander or Scandinavian styles. They are handmade, leather, awesome vibram sole (they resole if you somehow wear the sole out someday), can even be thrown in the washer and then rubbed with oil or wax again to make the leather supple. They mold to your foot and can be worn bare foot, with some wool tights, or even with socks in the winter (though maybe that isn’t the sexiest look.)
I’ve been wearing one of my pairs for about twenty years and they are still really good shoes either for gardening or buffing and going to town.
deborah wilson
wow shay I just saw you hair on new video I absalutiy love it looks incredible. I love the color. I was watching the herbs that is so cool and will try for sure. I wnt so many clothes what I love is good fabric but those are expensive so Is less is more a good pair of comfortable jeans cute tee shirts wellies boots a cool coat to cover it up for church Ha and sexy jeans for Stew when going out dresses for sure not to many that’s what I want to do and garden clothes I hope you fix my text its a mess im off to church
Susan
I think you should check out the shoes from the Aurora Shoe Company for both the Scandinavian look and the outlander look. They are absolutely beautiful handmade leather shoes with a sturdy sole. They can be thrown in the washer and then worked with a little oil or beeswax to resorted and shine them. I’ve had one of my pairs for about twenty years and can still wear them with a nice skirt or at home in the gardens and chicken coop.
Susan
I’m 67 and recently decided to go short and white because white is my natural color. I have a little pink also, but that’s because my scalp is showing through just a little bit. I’m not sure I like it, but for now I’m trying to get used to it. Being retired, I wear jeans, yoga pants or shorts most of the time. I feel really silly in dress when feeding the chickens or doing work in the garden, but then I remember my grandmother had all these wonderful shirtwaist dresses and she worked in the garden that way everyday. She had one pair of pants – she wore those on Saturday when she was dispatching a chicken for the Sunday table and when she washed clothes in her old wringer washing machine and hung the clothes on the line.
Andrea
You would make a stunning redhead!
Anna Gerard
I think this resonates with so many these days. Also, I think a lot of it comes from so much access to inspiration. I can google āGibson girl hairā and I am like thatās what I want (I have long hair). And then Iām all about bringing a little bit of 1910ās style into my wardrobe. I love vintage styles. How can I modernize a bustle skirt? Give me boho chic long dresses in linen for the garden. I like the 90ās maxi denim skirts as well. Give me neutrals and puffed sleeves. Give me bright sweaters. I find my favorite outfits Iāve put together are ones when Iāve pulled back from all the āinspirationā (Pinterest, Instagram, blogs, google) and just enjoyed dressing up. I donāt have a farm..just an acre with a garden and 3 boys. But I love dresses. And skirts. Pioneer women did it all in dresses and I know I can too..
I know itās probably harder for you because you are in front of the public ALL the time…but just wear what feels good that day. I am not on social media at all.
I love reading your down to earth posts like this though. Different than your YouTube voice…more journal-like. Okay iām done. ā¤ļø
Meg
thank you for this post!!!! itās like your wrote my heart. ive thought all the these thoughts and then some. I think a young edwardian Tasha Tudor in boots when needed is so you. and I just love that look.
hair- so hard- im 35- born with almost blaxl hair and itās already 1/4 gray I have been coloring it since I was 25 and every couple of years when im pregnant and have paused on coloring I think ill go natural but by the 7 month I feel so old and tired looking and not myself I color it and feel instantly better about myself:)
Whitney Wilde
Shaye,
I am inspired by your blog. I just found it this spring. We live in the city by my grandparents owned and orchard and some of my favorite memories are from being on the farm. Though my parents didnāt farm we always had a garden it is something that my husband and I love to do together and with the kids too. I had a fashion crisis about a year and a half ago and I found Dressing Your Truth to be so helpful! I just signed up for the free e-course and watched the 2 hrs of videos, which for me was a lot of time to spend on fashion, but was definitely worth it. I went through my wardrobe and got rid of the stuff I wasnāt wearing or wasnāt serving me and was able to buy a few new pieces and will keep refining as I go. I feel good in what I wear and I feel it reflects who I am inside better than how I was dressing before. Hope this helps! You always look beautiful!
Whitney
https://my.liveyourtruth.com/freecourse/?gclid=CjwKCAjwm_P5BRAhEiwAwRzSOx_lZ8LplEEbETCvGg7xjtFsxoAHaDYjP4RbGLTaM2piVEaVq95BNBoCSjgQAvD_BwE
Sue
I know where you are coming from with the style crisis…. I live on the coast in the UK and recently retired… so I now need to find things to wear at home / garden / beach walks etc on a daily basis…. I love the Durrells motherās style too ( canāt think what her name is )… I also quite like the Scandi artsy boho look but how on earth do you actually translate that into comfortable practical clothes.. !!!
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Kit
Can someone help, I have so many ways I want to dress, but I wanna be to have one style.
I like cottage core clothing, school girl (pleated skirts, collared shirts, bows) I also love fairy core or cutesy kind of clothing and last I have a tiny little sprinkle of goth in me.
I don’t know how all these styles came to me, help me please.