Confused and Trashy.

Do you see that nice non-snowy square?

The one with gravel underneath?  Like something was sitting there during the snow and then was moved?

That, my friends, is where our garbage can was.  I was use the word "was" because this morning something happened.  There was a tap-tap on the kitchen window.  I opened it up, to find Stuart holding a bag of trash.

Where's the garbage can?

What do you mean, "where's the garbage can?"

I mean where is it.  Just like I said.  It's not out here.

What do you mean, "it's not out there?"

I mean it's not out here.  Just like I said.

Well, what do you mean?  Where is it?

(This went on for about five minutes.  Seriously.)

I couldn't wrap my head around it - where had our 64 gallon, awkwardly large garbage can gone?  How do you loose a garbage can?

I know what you're thinking - and YES, I paid our bill.  For three months in advance!  I wrote it down, with a confirmation number in my check register, because I am anal about things such as this.  So I know it hadn't been re-poed by the garbage man.

The way I see it, only a few things could have happened to it:

1) Our landlord took it.  This would make no sense.  Scratch this off the list.
2)  Aliens took it.  This would make about as much sense as our landlord taking it.
3) Thieves took it to harvest junk mail out of it to steal our identities.  Soon, they will have access to our bank accounts.  Jokes on them though, because lawdy knows that ain't gunna get them far!  Suckers!
4) The neighborhood dogs all got together, dug a hole, and buried it in our yard.  This is the most feasible so far.  Because they are about 10,000 holes in our yard already - they knew we would never notice another one.
5) My brother in law figured out how to motorize the garbage can and is now racing it
6) My family has stolen it, put targets on the side, and is using it for target practice.  This is actually quite possible. 
7) ? Help me out here people.  Where the heck is my garbage can.  Where should I look?  What happened? 

Not that I had a sentimental attachment to our garbage can or anything, but it was nice to have a place to put our nasties.  Because now they are on our front porch.  Which makes me feel trashy.

Get it? Trashy? Hardy har har har har.

Sorry about that, I couldn't resist.

But seriously folks - it's the case of the missing 64 gallon garbage can.

Help me.

Sincerely,
Confused and Trashy