When Daddy's away, Mama takes a 20 minutes car ride into town for overpriced lattes all too often.
And when Daddy's away, the eggs don't get collected for days on end because it's never the most pressing task at hand.
When Daddy's away, Mama texts him “S.O.S.” too many times in a 24 hour span.
And when Daddy's away, Mama has to watch stand up comedians at night to break the deafening quietness (plus the iPad eventually heats up his side of the bed which serves as a pseudo-bed-warmer).
When Daddy's away, Mama struggles. I know, sorry all you independent women, but it's true. But the Good Lord has designed me for companionship (specifically, that of my Tolkien-loving, beard-wearing, sheep-wrangling, beer-sippin' husband).
Those of you who follow us on Facebook may remember that last week, Stuart's Granddaddy passed on to Glory after a battle with colon cancer. And, Praise God, Stuart was able to head down to Georgia for the service. But while he's away with his family down South, his other family remains in Washington – tending to the farm and the rascals.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry when he left. I totally did. Through quivering lips I wished him well on his journey and smiled through the tears that involuntarily dripped down my face. I'm, like, so strong. And as I watched him drive down the gravel road, waving goodbye out of the car window before he slipped out of view, I may or may not have had a sadness seizure.
Not because I can't do it without him.
But because I don't want to.
Remember now, I'm not one of those wives who tolerates her husband. I'm one of those wives who truly believes she married the most wonderful person in the world.
I suppose it's good to be reminded of that fact – after all, there are plenty of days when I curse his shoes that are constantly left in front of the door. And there are times when an hour of alone time does a Mama (and wife) good, no doubt. He, without fail, chooses to shave his beard the day I clean the bathroom sink and six inches away from the dirty clothes hamper is where he chooses to leave his. Yes, there are days when the soup flies, my friends.
And yet still, as his absence is felt hour upon hour, I find myself missing that which is his. I didn't have to make his side of the bed this morning. I only cooked three eggs instead of the normal six. Heck – I even found myself missing sharing the French Press of coffee with him this morning (which is always a point of contention).
And then… I realized something. Many days, I've found myself cooking or cleaning and feeling selfish for doing so. After all, he's told me plenty of times he doesn't mind if the house isn't perfectly straightened when he comes home or if we have oatmeal for supper – and yet I find myself straightening up before he comes home from work and (most of the time) striving to put a hot meal on the table for us to enjoy. But why? And in his absence, it dawned on me: I do these things because serving him in this way is my joy.
Stuart is not the type of man who sets demands.
“Have a hot supper on table at 5:45 sharp woman, or else…” Oh no, not my man.
Rather, Stuart is the type of man who faithfully and consistently is serving his family. Reading books for the 16,294 time. Changing poppy diapers. Giving baths. Brushing tangles out of Georgia's hair. Milking the family cow. Making the morning pot of coffee. Jumping in to help with dishes. Always complimenting a home-cooked meal. Tending to his (sometimes) extremely emotional wife. He listens. He comforts. He works hard. He is the type of man that it is a pleasure to serve.
And that service is only fun when he's here, dang it.
Cooking a hot breakfast isn't as fun when he's not here to appreciate it. And folding laundry isn't nearly as exciting as when he's getting dressed in the morning, thankful for a closet full of clean and folded clothes. Even vacuuming has lost it's sparkle – because trust me, none of my three hood rats care if the floor is vacuumed.
Do I still do these tasks in his absence? Of course. I do have the motley crew to care for, after all.
But it makes me thankful.
Thankful that 99% of our days are spent side by side. And thankful that in all our daily tasks, we have each other to care for.
Stu, please come home so that I can kiss you and hug you and pick up your dirty clothes and cook you breakfast. I'll have a fresh pot of coffee waiting.
Brooke
What a great tribute to your marriage Shaye! I totally get what you mean about taking joy in serving and being a helper to your husband
Sammilamb
Shaye, this totally made my day even though it will be over in 30min. You are a Blessing to have such a wonderful Blog, a fantastic cookbook(which is my hands down fave) and the love for Our God, a husband and children you adore just brings a warmth to my heart and a lump in my throat. I am totally going to meet you someday ๐ May God continue to Bless all of you and may He continue to Bless me with your words…. <3
Renee
I have been following you for a while and reading this post is the first time I have realized you live in Washington! I’m down here on the southwest corner in Vancouver.
Patty Deiters
The mistress, other wise known as the US Army, takes my husband away often. Sometimes just a weekend, sometimes a few weeks and many times months or years at a time. So yes I feel your pain. He will be home soon. Till then call a girlfriend over to share that pot of coffee or find a local Army wife that could use some company.
bellasmommy
Beautiful job!
Arielle
Shaye, our husbands sound so much alike! Praise God for amazing husbands! And people wonder how we can spend every minute together and still miss each other when we’re apart. I’ve been praying for you this week and hope that God provides you with the sustenance and stamina in Stuart’s absence so it won’t be so difficult!
Deborah
I also am blessed with the most amazing husbandโก Aside from the cow, and wrangling, I could have written this myself. In fact I often do in my journal. My prayer is for everyone to have this love in their lives. There would surely be no war, hatred, bigotry, judgement and envy in the world. Keep spreading the word of what love should really be. More people should aspire to this. Never settle. Go bless you allโก
Life Breath Present
I love love love this post in all its real-ness and love. I also love it because I ‘get it’! I know Hun and I are made to be complete companions. I am ever so grateful we spend most of our days and time together, as there’s (usually) no other way I’d like it to be. ๐
Mel
I find your words refreshing! I too am crazy about my husband, and I love hearing women champion their guy too.
Tracy Nault
So beautifully written (as always). You really captured the relationship I have with my husband. We are very fortunate to not only live together but work together. I miss him when he leaves in the morning before I do, even though I will be seeing him shortly. I do not like being away from him and so many of our friends just can’t understand that. They are happy to be away from their spouses and it makes me sad for them.
Isis- Little Mountain Haven
This was such a sad and sweet post at the same time!! I can just feel your emotions reading it. He’ll be in your arms soon. I love reading stories where love is still so strong in a marriage. ๐
Mrs.Hank
Great post; I love your honest and the desire you have for your husband, it’s so hard to find wives who feel the same as I do!
Allison
I felt a little emotional reading this! Made me remember that my husband is the same in many ways…I’m so thankful for him! Thanks for writing in such a REAL way…it’s always uplifting. ๐
Sarah
I hear you on all of this. I can only imagine the challenge of being home so long with your kiddos and homestead. I only have two (the youngest is almost 2 months) . My hubby (who I love and adore, too) will be taking a week long business trip soon, and I am NOT looking forward to it. I hope yours comes home soon!
Katie
So sweet and beautiful. I think us strong and independent women don’t speak up quite enough about the value of supporting our other half. Wanting, enjoying and yearning to be part of a team is a strength, not a weakness. I’m sure your husband feels just the same about you…and I hope mine feels the same about me!
– Katie
Hannah
I feel your pain! My husband travels a lot for work and it’s hard every.single.time he leaves. Hang in there – it gets easier and you’re stronger than you think! I, too, often think it’s a blessing to miss him rather than be thankful for his absence!
Megan
I laughed at the overpriced lattes! ๐ – Yes, I do that too when my husband’s out of town! . . . and our budget shows :(. I am so blessed to have a husband I miss and long for when he’s gone. Prayers for comfort today!!
Linda
Thank you for this honest , very real post. I have been in this boat many times. It is very hard putting a crib together when you’re 6 months pregnant and Daddy is gone on a work trip. I wish more ladies viewed their husbands through this lens. I’ll keep you all in my prayers as your other half makes his way home to you. God bless you all.
Cara
I feel the EXACT same way. I feel so lost without my hubby here….and he will be leaving me for a week on Saturday, boo. ๐
I love everything about this man that God gave me, and I truly feel that a part of me is gone when he is not here…We’ve been married 16 years:)
Jess
I’ve only read a few of your blog posts but wow this one was super cute! Thanks for the inspiration ๐
Blessings
Linda Thomson
I feel the same way when my husband is gone. It just doesn’t feel RIGHT. We’ve been married 44 years.
Heather
I just found your blog via pinterest. I loved your post! I am exactly the same! We have been married for almost 27 years and my husband has been traveling for work this week and I have been a mess. ๐ It’s so nice to hear others proudly proclaim that they love spending time with their husbands.
Angel
As a military wife, I feel like you crawled into my head and put In to words exactly how I feel every time he leaves.
Abigail
I love your blog & find your writing real & funny. I’ve never commented before but this article deserves the effort to post one. By the way- your little ones are adorable!
Ally
I am fairly new to your blog and I love it. Your writing is raw and truly inspirational. I too am married to one great man who is my rock and best friend. We do everything and go everywhere together. I think that too many women nowadays think too independently and set shallow unrealistic expectations of their partners to truly experience a solid and satisfying marriage. I too pick up the occasional shirt off the floor, wipe away beard trimmings from the sink, nourish him with healthy homemade meals…but I gladly do it without hesitation because my husband works hard and does so much for me…I would have to be crazy to complain about any of this.