Tonight is date night. Stuart and I went years without taking a date night in almost any form, unless you count trips to the grocery store – with all the children – as a date. I certainly don't. But tonight is the night that we look forward to the most, because it's a night when we get to tuck away from the dirty dishes and dirty children (not that we don't love those things…). We go out on Tuesdays. It's not a fancy day like Friday or Saturday, just a normal ‘ol day. But man alive, do I ever look forward to Tuesdays. It's date night, baby.
I only have one basic expectation on date night, regardless of where we go or what we do: I want to see Stu. I want to stare at him while he talks in complete sentences and uninterrupted. Sometimes, even though we parent alongside one another all day, I realize how much I miss him. The days of spending hours in silence but in one another's company are long gone. Gone too are the days of deep conversations when the mood strikes (or really any conversation for that matter). Having four children means there are four other little souls with a lot to say, which is a beautiful thing, but I fell in love with this particular man and often I find myself longing for more of him. I want to know what's on his mind… what he's pondering… what he's feeling. Every seventh word of our normal conversations, we're interrupted, as a little person strives to make known how they feel and what's on their mind. I get it. I just miss getting to focus on Stuart.
Hey kiddos! Let's not interject our every thought into conversations anymore, okay? Even if you're “so, so excited”. There's this super important person to me – you may know him as your father – and I'd really, really like to hear what he has to say. It's called adult conversation. And we need it to stay alive.
But as life goes, the 7, 5, 3, and 1 year old just can't quite control themselves from interjecting into every conversation.
Me: Stu, get this! Julie called me and…
Kid #1: Who's that? Who are you guys talking about?
Stuart: Alright love, let's hit up Lowe's first and then we can swing back around to…
Kid #2: Where are we going? I thought you said we were going there. Are we not going there anymore?
Me: Stu, do you ever feel like…
Kid #3: Mommy, Owen's breathing too loud by me.
Stuart: Hey love, what did you do with that…
Kid #4: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
It's fine. I love this mess of rascals that we live with day in and day out and wouldn't trade the noise and sanctification journey for anything in the world. I just need to tuck away, for a few hours, on date night. On Tuesday. To see my man.
Oh hey there good lookin'. Whatcha got cookin'? How's about cookin' something up with me?
On date night, we don't do anything really fancy. “Miss Taylor” comes to watch the kids for a few hours and we drive away with smoking tires (kidding. sort of). Sometimes Taylor comes early so we can run errands sans kids – now that is heaven. Do you know how much more fun stores are without kiddos? A million times more fun.
We are creatures of habit and often find ourselves at the same restaurant each week, often sitting in the same spot and ordering the same beverages. But so what! I don't need adventure or fireworks each week. I need a few breaths alone where we can remember how it all started. A few moments to see into him deeper for the wonderful and charming man that he is, not as just another adult to help me change dirty diapers.
And so we talk. We talk about the big things that have been on our hearts. We challenge each other, knowing we have the time needed to have a proper rebuttal. We clean our minds of what has needed to be said and what we feel led to discuss. Sometimes, we don't speak at all for long moments but we hold hands. It's a thing of beauty.
Strange as it may seem, our time with our children is short. Eventually they'll grow and begin their separate lives (wahhh!) and for many years, Lord willing, it will just be me and this guy. There will be a day when conversations aren't interrupted by wrestling children or impromptu dance performances. What will be left with be the interactions with the children we've raised (by God's grace)… and each other. Caring for that relationship is of the utmost importance.
Plus, I kinda like the guy.
So cheers! It's Tuesday. It's date night. I'll drink an IPA, Stu will drink some French wine, and we'll toast to another beautiful week full of little voices, full days, and bursting hearts. And the blessing of each other.
And Amen.
Virginia
I have to begin a weekly date night like this. We have 16 month old twins, and as wonderful as they are, I agree that we must keep in touch with the relationship that started it all. I love that you made the point that one day those kiddies will have moved on, and you will once again be alone with your spouse. So important to take time to nurture that relationship.
Alycia Louise
I LOVE the idea of date night. I don’t have kids yet but definitely feel you on the need for quality time together, I can only imagine how it will be with a little one (or 2 or 3) running around one day.
Julia at Home on 129 Acres
Your statement about caring for your relationship, so that it’s still there and strong years down the road really resonated with me. Thank you for this post.
Steph Lenox
So so important to still like the guy! Keep it up, no matter what. I’m so glad you’ve got such a partner-in-crime for your date nights.
Autumn
Love this! We are without children, but we still have one date night a week which mostly exists of staying home and talking over a list of personal questions. Love knowing what goes on in his mind, see his desire to do right by God and man. Reminds me how much I love him!
Regena Reynolds
Speaking from my own experience, when the last of my brood left the house I was left with a feeling of loneliness and despair not knowing what to do with myself. After all my life centered around my children for the last 25 years or so. As time progressed I slowly came out of the empty nest slump and realized I was more than a mother I needed to get back to the basics with the hubby and reflect and see that he still matters, he still needs my attention. And finally I was able to have the me time that I had asked about for the last 25 years, you get to the point sometimes you feel like a teenager again because you don’t have those same responsibilities anymore. Little secret they return sometimes and I’m perfectly okay with it just don’t tell them that. It is vital to your relationship with your husband to keep cultivating it through the mommy years.
Allison
Have you read Bringing Up Bébé? I just read it for the second time, it has some wonderful thoughts on Le Couple…
Peggy Gray
My husband and I have been having a date night, on Friday nights, for over 30 years. We started doing it for the same reasons you have-little kids underfoot. Those little kids grew up too quickly and now have kids of their own underfoot. And though, now, we are by ourselves much of the week, we still look forward to doing something fun together-catching a movie or eating out, usually. When we aren’t watching grandkids play football or be cheerleaders. That is fun, too. So I applaud you for realizing the importance of date night and hope you keep it up for 30+ years also