Epic failure. Failure on the most epic of levels. Huge. Disaster.
It began pleasant enough, with a small comment or two…
I'll tell you what the problem is. This has no color!
The gnocchi may have been a tad over salted.
But these slowly morphed into…
This is ugly gnocchi.
Gnocchi sounds like yogi.
This yogi is yucky.
Yogi sounds like a Japanese word.
This is the worst Japanese yogi I've ever eaten.
I'd respond to your question but my mouth is sealed shut by this goo.
We can't feed the leftovers to the dogs, they'll won't want it.
The dogs might die if we feed this to them.
Trust me. I didn't make one of these up. All of these were spoken from the mouth of my loving husband.
Okay, so I admit, the first attempt at gnocchi was a disaster. ‘Gnocchi' is an Italian dish, which involves making little dumplings out of potatoes, flour, and (usually) cheese. The gnocchi is then drizzled in a sauce of sorts.
The first time I had gnocchi was when I was in Levanto, Italy a few years back. The backpacking and traveling of the day had my exhausted and I anxiously awaited dinner at a small restaurant. Somewhere, around the second or third course, I received a plate of gnocchi, bathed in a homemade tomato sauce. I had no idea what it was, but I (literally) licked my plate clean. I couldn't figure out it it was a pasta…or vegetable…or what. All I knew was that me + gnocchi = love.
I'd been hesitant to try gnocchi, after reading all the horror stories about how time consuming and difficult it was. But after watching an episode of Dolce Vita with Italian chef David Rocco, I thought ‘Heck ya, baby! I can do that!'.
Why does television make everything look so possible?
It began easy enough. A few potatoes.
Some wild mushrooms.
A butter & sage sauce.
But don't let those cute dumplings fool you. As soon as they got into the pot of boiling water, they dissolved into a thousand pieces. And the pieces that did hold together eventually dissolved completely into the butter sauce. And no, that was not supposed to happen.
Did I not add enough flour? Were my potatoes mashed wrong?
I tried to salvage the remainder and move the gnocchi to the saucepan. It was a pretty sad attempt. I'm just going to say it – I was pi…really mad. Really, really mad.
It can be so disappointing to put all that effort into something (not short of a dozen extra dishes, extra time in the kitchen, and a special trip to the store for Parmesan!) only to have it totally flop.
Even the taste was awful. Like biscuit dough or something (per my husbands description).
One can only laugh in the face of such failure. What are ya gunna do.
We lovingly poked fun at the grey goo, ahem, the gnocchi, and ate an extra serving of the roast chicken and salad.
I'm not quite sure where it went awry. David Rocco made it look so easy – and I swear I followed the recipe! I'm not quite sure I'll try it again, to be honest. Cooking from scratch already requires a sacrifice of time in the kitchen, but keeping food easy helps to buffer that. Gnocchi, while simple (ie: minimal ingredients), is not quick or easy.
And unless I get an 80 year old Italian woman knocking on my door to show me the ropes, I think I'll just stick with the mashed potatoes.
And just in case any of your readers are feeling ambitious, I still have half the gnocchi dough in my fridge. If no one comes to get it, it's going with the rest of the cooked gnocchi here:
And no, they didn't die after eating it.
At least someone enjoyed it.
But they also eat their own turds, so what do they know.