Maybe it's because I'm sitting here on my couch, scratching my large belly, enjoying the fresh autumn air that is drifting in through the open door…
Or maybe it's because I just finished eating a ridiculously good Satsuma… only to quickly move on to the sea salt chocolate hidden in my freezer…
But whatever it is, reader, I feel that we've reached that point in our relationship.
The point where I humble myself, strip off the mask that's so easy to put up on these ‘ol blogs (and rightfully so) and really expose a piece of myself for the world to see.
Let's take a quick step back for a moment.
As most of you know, my loving readers, I am currently 33 weeks pregnant with my second little munckin. As I near the end of this journey, I can't help but feel…
Feel. I just feel.
I was doing math in my head this morning (always a bad idea) as I was trying to work out Stuart's days-off once the baby arrives. And I'll be danged if it just didn't slap me upside the head how quickly this all could happen.
More so than we realize.
You see, I have a condition.
Yes, a bon-a-fide condition.
The technical term is uterus didelphys.
Allow me to post a possibly incorrect definition from Wikipedia:
Uterus didelphys (sometimes also uterus didelphis) represents a uterine malformation where the uterus is present as a paired organ as the embryogenetic fusion of the mullerian ducts failed to occur. As a result there is a double uterus with two separate cervices. Each uterus has a single horn linked to the ipsilateral fallopian tube that faces its ovary.
Basically, what this means is that I have two full size uterus (uteri? uteruses?). Each uterus is connected to only one fallopian tube (instead of the typical two tubes to one uterus). I also have two cervixes (cervixi? cervices?).
And yes, before you even ask, that means I get to have twice the pap-fun at my annual exams.
But beyond the strange ability to carry children in either the right or left uterus (which I admit can make for some wonderful dinner conversation), this condition also comes with the increased risks during pregnancy.
When I was younger, I used to cry and cry over it – so afraid that I wouldn't be able to conceive and carry a child. God has been so good to us though – we're one of those couples that just has to think about getting pregnant, and wham-bam.
Did I just cross a line?
During my first pregnancy, I was still very nervous about the condition (and very thankful a midwife was willing to see me despite it). Would I miscarry? Would I be able to carry full term? Would the baby have enough room and fluid? Would I be able to deliver without damaging the other uterus in some way? What if the baby somehow got stuck between the two birth canals?
You know how a woman's mind can work at times. It's downright destructive.
And as a friend lovingly reminded me a few weeks back “You'll never find grace from God for your imagination.” How true this spoke to my heart! God gives me enough grace to get me through what He has placed before me. If I try and seek His grace for all the ‘what-ifs' and all the trials that I'm not currently facing (even if I may face them in the future), I'm not going to find it.
Because what I've been given is for now. For the present.
All that to say, as disappointed as I was that Georgia was breech, I knew that it was a likely possibility for her (there is a much higher rate of breech babies born to woman with my reproductive set-up). And I was very relieved when we had no other complications. And when we made it to full term. What a relief!
Yet I still find those familiar nervous feelings creeping up again this go-round.
I know I'm still at a higher-risk for preterm labor. My Doctor seems undaunted by it. He carefully reassures me that we'll just take a peek at things and keep a close eye on them until all signs are a ‘go'. He reminds me to take it easy these last few weeks and let my body do it's thang.
Easier said than done though, no? At least the taking it easy part. I'm happy to let my body do what it wishes.
Currently, it wishes to carry the baby in a strange position though. When I stand, my belly looks like a normal pregnancy belly. But when I sit, the baby's body quickly protrudes to the right side of my belly (the baby is in the right uterus). Sometimes at night, I lay on my left side so that gravity can pull the baby to the middle of my gut and give the right side some relief.
It's weird, isn't it?
I kinda think it is.
I find myself pulling and pushing on the baby's bottom to try and convince it to hang out in the middle, instead of off to the side.
It doesn't really work, but still.
The Lord just made me special in this way. Not many women get to have two pap-smears done at a time. Bah ha ha.
Regardless of how many reproductive organs I've been blessed with, I am so thankful that we've reached the milestone in yet another pregnancy where we're starting to feel more at peace with the the result of the situation, should anything happen.
I think every Mother can relate to the comfort of reaching the “If the baby is born now, it will be most likely be okay” stage.
Not that I want it to be born now. It still very much needs those seven weeks to grow and develop.
And I still need to get ready! There is nipple cream to make! And breast pads to order! And a nursery to get put together! And a hospital bag to prepare!
What an exciting time! Seriously. This is incredibly wonderful.
By the way, I'm sorry for talking about girly-parts, birth canals, nipple cream, and pap-smears all in one post. I'm sure that was a lot to handle on a Friday morning.
And all that to say, I do covet your prayers my dear readers…that this baby would make it to the finish line of this pregnancy without complication.
Even though this condition does bring with it some risk, I trust in a sovereign God. A God who is always at work in all things.
Which may, for some of us, include two uteri.