Seven years ago, I walked into a bar with a very unfamiliar bridal party. Even though I was the florist for the wedding and was good friends with the bride in college, the rest of the girls were strangers to me. Sure, we'd spent the day lounging around a pool together and were all coordinated in our bedazzled tank tops, but other than that small connection I was alone.
As these things go and the night progressed into an all-girl-dance-party to a covered version of “Black Velvet” from a small, local band at the bar, eventually I wasn't so much alone.
He stood there, in his Pink Floyd swim trucks, collared shirt, and sweat band.
Seriously.
I don't really remember what it was, per say, that attracted me to him. Perhaps it was his laid back demeanor. While the other men were quick to try and pick up ladies in our group, this one stood back. Observing. Chillin'.
And so I approached him.
Oh yes, I did.
I blame the confidence on the draft beer I was thoroughly enjoying.
“Do you want to dance?”
He did.
And so we danced. And then we talked politics. Ya know. Good intro conversation.
We were all but inseparable from that moment on and while I've come a long way in my sanctification, I'm still thankful that I'd had enough liquid courage that night to ask that oddly dressed and super relaxed boy to dance. And that somehow, I'd managed to get his telephone number plugged into my phone without mistake.
Today marks five years of marriage with that ‘boy' who, right in front of my eyes, has grown into such a wonderful man.
What they say is true. Marriage is hard work. Marriage is loving someone enough to be comfortable with them pointing out your sin. Marriage is compromise. Marriage is loving one another through disagreement. Marriage is being okay with not always being right. And not always getting your way. Marriage is praying together. And letting go of pride that so often drives wedges into our deepest relationships. Marriage is making love, whether you feel like it or not, for the sake of the other person. It's getting up extra early to milk so your spouse can enjoy a moment of extra sleep. And driving a half hour out of your way to put a bouquet of lavender in the car. Marriage is replanting fifty-three cabbages with your spouse, just because you know they need help. And using your gift card to buy a saw, just because you know how much a new tool will make them smile. Marriage is trying your best to read Lord of the Rings, just because you know how much it means to them that you “understand”. It's humbling yourself before another, letting them see your flaws, wrinkles, stray hairs, and boogers. And loving them even when they take the last cup of coffee from the French Press.
No one, besides Christ, has ever called me to a higher being of myself. And the work of sanctification that is done through such an intimate relationship, with one another and with the Lord, is astounding. And painful. And wonderful.
As I said last week on Facebook, a lifetime would not be enough to love his man. Five years of marriage seems such a short time to spend with my dearest friend.
Happiest of anniversaries to the one my heart loves more than any other.
Allison
March 21, 2014 at 9:05 amI love this! Thank you for sharing! “No one, besides Christ, has ever called me to a higher being of myself.” SO incredibly true. I wouldn’t be who I am (and am becoming) were it not for the Lord’s grace AND my husband pressing me to be all I can be. 🙂 Happy anniversary!
Natalie
March 21, 2014 at 9:31 amThis is so raw, true and beautiful! Thank you for sharing. You guys will be rewarded for your hard work to go against the grain of the times 🙂
I just emailed this to my husband. We’ve only been married 1.5 years. And we totally agree, the Lord has taught us so much about love and hard work. Learning to love by Agape is an ongoing process, I wouldn’t trade it for the world!
Happy Anniversary! May the Lord bless you and keep you and always cause His face to shine on you!
vpfarming
March 21, 2014 at 10:43 amLovely. Still haven’t gotten through Lord of the Rings, and not sure I’ll ever “understand”, but at least trying my best.
Keith Jones
March 21, 2014 at 11:11 amLOVE to hear about strong, Christ centered marriages. The happiest of anniversaries to you both and may God bless you with a lifetime more to come!
Vicki
March 21, 2014 at 11:22 amI think you mean “per se”.
Lin
March 21, 2014 at 12:21 pmHappy Anniversary! Your life in blog form displays Proverbs 31. I have a sign in my kitchen that says “Home sweet home is when each one lives for the other and all live for God”. That’s really it… marriage, family, friendship is living the love of Christ. Living and doing for the other because we love them. We love them in that 1 Corinthians 13 sort of love. Knowing that doing it for any other reason than love is pointless and gains you nothing. It is beautiful to read your story and feel God working in and around your heart and homestead. The promised blessings of Deuteronomy 28 to you Shaye. God is doing wonderful things through you and your testimony on this site.
Courtney
March 21, 2014 at 12:40 pmLove you both <3 Happy anniversary!
Cassandra
March 21, 2014 at 2:09 pmHappy Anniversary:) Every time I read your writing, I am so wildly encouraged, what a gift!! Thank you for being so vulnerable, and making me laugh even on the bluest of days, such a blessing, you are:D
Jessica Wiltz
March 21, 2014 at 3:17 pmThank you for blessing my heart with that!
susan
March 21, 2014 at 3:54 pmso beautifully said. thanks for sharing this with us. happy anniversary!
SaraLM
March 21, 2014 at 9:44 pmShaye, this is beautiful!!! My one and only son is getting married in a couple of weeks, at 20, and while I want him to be my baby forever, I want more for him to have a marriage that exemplifies this message. Neither he nor his soon to be wife had good models for marriage but he has a strong foundation build upon the word of God. I hope they will each speak of each other like you speak of Stuart! God bless many many more years of marriage for you two!!
Kendra at New Life on a Homestead
March 22, 2014 at 2:01 pmHappy Anniversary you two!! I loved reading how you met 🙂 My husband and I met when he was working at a gas station I frequented. I found myself stopping for gas, even if it was only $5 worth, just to see if he was working. He wasn’t really my type- a skater boy- but he had kind eyes, and I loved his personality. I actually turned him down the first time he asked me if we could hang out sometime, ’cause I was fresh out of a very dramatic relationship. I’m so glad he asked me again a few weeks later. He took me to dinner, and we were inseparable from then on. This past December was 13 years for us. It goes so fast when you’re with your best friend.
To many more years of wonderful, beautiful Elliott marriage!!
Shaye Elliott
April 8, 2014 at 3:01 pmThanks, Kendra!
Mary Infante
March 25, 2014 at 7:31 amCongratulations!! God bless you both in all you do. My husband and I have been together for 20 years and yes it is a wonderful and humbling experience.
Paula
December 29, 2014 at 10:28 amI stumbled on your site looking for a chai tea recipe; what an unexpected treasure trove! You are a gifted writer – authentic and genuine… thank you for bringing a smile to my face as your post resonates with the love I have for my husband and best friend. And, our pursuit of homesteading and simple way of living. Blessings to you!
Lady Lee
June 3, 2015 at 9:36 pmWhat is it with Lord of the Rings!??
I am sitting here reading this while my husband is parked on the coach watching the movie (one of them) for the 1,675,382 time. I love him to death, but I have to admit, I don’t “understand” ;-).
At least now I know I’m not alone.
Love your blog!