I don't really want to write this post. I've been avoiding it for six days now. Because somehow, as my fingers stroke the keys, it makes it all so much more real.
As many of our Facebook friends know, we've been asking for prayers for our Sally Belle over the past six days. Because I'll be damned if the ‘ol girl isn't breaking my heart.
I don't think I can get myself to write out all the details… they're still swimming around in my head, grasping at my throat, and filling my eyes with tears. But until I can muster enough courage to write them all down, I'll share what I can.
After failing to get up at feeding time last Sunday morning, we immediately called our Vet to come peek at Sal. She was unable to stand up and as anyone with livestock knows, that's a bad thing man.
The original diagnosis was ketosis. Read: negative energy balance.
Basically, this means her body wasn't taking in enough calories to sustain her body and her milk production.
But how? I still don't understand.
She was getting grain at milking and free choice of a high quality alfalfa/grass hay. Wouldn't she just have eaten more if she was hungry? I still don't have the answer to this question – it doesn't make sense to me. She milked a year for us on this exact same diet. I just don't know.
A primary symptom of ketosis is lack of appetite. Girlfriend certainly doesn't have that. She's eating like a rockstar! She's eating, drinking, pooping, and ruminating like normal. She's got a normal temperature. Good, pink coloring. A beautiful, wet nose. Shiny coat. She's perky, alert, and by all other measures “normal”. She just can't stand.
Could it be a nerve problem? Could it be an injury?
To complicate matters even more, after her first initial treatment last Sunday, she DID stand and began to immediately graze for a few hours, before laying down once again. The second day (Monday), she did the same. That was the last time she stood. So if it was an injury or nerve damage, wouldn't that seem weird that she could stand at all?
A second symptom of ketosis is breath that smells like fruit, or like acetone. She doesn't have that either. Her breath smells like normal ‘ol ruminant breath – which ain't pretty, but that's my gal. A third symptom is a fever – nope to that as well.
The day before she went down, Saturday, her milk supply plummeted. In fact, I got angry at her, thinking that she was holding it all up for Lyle. Which would lead me to believe it's not an injury… reduced milk yield is definitely a symptom of ketosis.
The Vet has been back no less than a dozen times since last Sunday. We've done Calcium/Magnesium/Potassium/Dextrose drips. We've done Cortisone, Vitamin B, and something I'm forgetting…
We've done larger amounts of a richer grain.
We've done more alfalfa (read: higher protein).
We've done a drench 2x/day of molasses, ACV, yogurt, and salt.
We've rolled her over and stretched and massaged her legs.
We've lifted her in a sling with a tractor to try and facilitate her standing.
We've used Cypress essential oil to facilitate healthy circulation and Frankincense to encourage healthy nerve response.
We've bucketed her water every hour in the heat of the day for the last week.
… y'all, I'm feeling beyond myself. I'm feeling stressed – worrying about Lyle (who's now eating Calf Manna, drinking previously frozen colostrum, and doing pretty well considering).
I look at my girl – just laying there, and my heart feels like it's breaking.
My Family Cow Forum friends have encouraged me to sling her and continually try to get her up. Without a tractor or a cow sling, this is proving rather difficult. And to feel like I'm not doing everything I can for her with regard to this is eating me up.
There are moments of encouragement… like when we were finally able to get her back legs tucked up under her so that she was laying “normal”. I walked away thinking “Maybe she will get up! Maybe this will work!”
… then tonight, I noticed sores on the inside of her thighs from laying down too much and for the life of me, couldn't get her legs tucked under her correctly. Her back hooves are pointing backwards instead of forwards and they're too stiff – I couldn't bend them normal.
So many times I've cursed those back hooves as they've found their way into my milk bucket. Now, what I wouldn't give to take a kick from one of them!
… I came back up to the house with that sinking feeling in my stomach. I haven't lost hope for Sally's recovery… but I'm losing it. Each day that passes is one more day of wear on her limbs and organs – cows aren't created to lay like that for long periods of time. Much less a week. No amount of rotating, stretching, or massaging is going to hold the inevitable off forever.
I know she's a cow. And I thank God that she is just a cow and by God's grace, not one of my children. But she's one of my best friends. She's who I spend my mornings and evenings with. It's her milk that raises my babies once I've weaned them. She's the ‘Queen of the Farm'.
The Elliott Homestead without Sal? I can't even imagine.
But imagine I must.
How long do we give her? What's the deciding factor for life or death? What the hell do we do?!
I'm at a loss.
…and now I'm crying, so I assume that's my hint to wrap it up and write more when I'm more emotionally stable. Ha.
…I may never return.
Please pray for us. And Amen.
Prayinmama
we had a goat do the same thing. tried all we knew. She just got weaker. so sorry.
Rachel
I’m so sorry, Shaye. For lack of a better word, it really sucks when this kind of thing happens. 🙁 Prayers for you and Sal.
Bill
Sorry for your Sally and her struggle! I saw no mention of Hypocalcaemia or milk fever. Was this ruled out or treated early on. Apologies for the fourth quarter quarterbacking but just making suggestion. We also have grass tetany this time of year in TX when grasses mature (mainly Dalis grass) and a magnesium drip will get em up shortly.
Caisie
My heart is breaking for you. I am sending all my well wishes to Sally and your family.
CANDI
Broken heart here too.
I went through the worst in June with my sweet, milk cow Faith. We lost her to milk fever. I still cry talking about it.
Will be praying for you.
Sending a hug,
Candi
Annie
I am so sorry to here about Sal. She and you will be in my thoughts. Even though she is a cow, all creatures need love and I completely understand the attachment. I am thinking of you and praying for her (and you).
Laura
I’m so sorry…and teary eyed too. Hugs and love
Helen
Prayers be with you all..Family isnt just people……..
Miley D.
AMEN Helen! My animals are just as much a part of my family as my kids are! Just ask the KIDS! 🙂 So sorry for your loss Shaye! I lost my two little ram lambs that made it to your top ten animal picture list – it just broke my heart!
Kelly
Sending prayers.
Mummaducka
Hopes and prayers for something to turn for the good here. Gotta get a break! Xx
Maridy
Oh, Shaye, I’m so sorry to hear this. I know it’s hard for you all. Prayers going up on your behalf.
Kristy Cavallo
She is lovely. Ketosis is a lack of Carbohydrates in the system. Your drench should NOT include salt, but should include epsoms salts. She needs carbs, Not protein. You are defeating your purpose by giving a ketotic cow calcium. Molasses is good, Wet cob is good, low protein high sugar. Try putting her on plain good grass hay, and giving 10cc’s of propylene glycol twice daily. You can give it orally. I never give up on a down cow until they give up. Had a cow down with nerve damage for 5 months before she got up. My 1 cow that had ketosis was down for almost 2 weeks and was hardly eating any thing. She lived. Took some time to get her weight back but that is pretty normal. It doesn’t sound like your girl has any nerve damage, just a system that is really out of wack.
Just Thinking
propylene glycol is a synthetic liquid substance.. It is one of the elements in antifreeze and also used to de-ice airplanes. I can’t imagine orally giving it to any living person or animal. The CDC is corrupt now. This chemical is in baby wipes and deodorants to name a few. just search for “what is propylene glycol?” we need to be Bereans. What causes mad cow disease? Vaccines! The CDC is now run by ex-Monsanto executives. If you can’t spell it, don’t eat it-drink it-put it on your body.
Kimberly
I agree with Kristy’s recommendations.
I would have thought that your vet would have used the propylene glycol, since I have read that using molasses only makes matters worse. Here is a link to an blog post on treating Ketosis http://hammockhavenfarm.blogspot.com/2015/02/propylene-glycol-and-ketosis.html .
But another thing to take into consideration is selenium/ vitamin E deficiency (White Muscle Disease).
Hope she gets better. I know how hard it is to go through these trying times with animals.
Miley D.
Agreed about the selenium (white muscle disease) – I used that on a little ram lamb and within a few days he was almost back to normal! Worth a shot Shaye!
Chinenye
Great words Kirsty – ‘I never give up on a down cow until they give up’
Hang in there Shaye. A second opinion could also be a good thing – two vet heads are surely better than one. Hugs and prayers.
Angie
oh Shaye…. I am crying here with you hun xxx
sending prayers and healing…. xxx
Fiona
Prayers for Sally and you, Shaye. I always love your posts. I’m crying tears for you. I know what your going through. We are dairy farmers and every cow I love dearly. It breaks my heart to see them pained.
Nichole
So sorry. I’ve seen this happen so many times and it is so heartbreaking. You didn’t say anything about hardware? Did they check for that? She may have injested a metal object.
Becky
Sorry and sad to read this. Could she have been bitten by something and you can’t see the bite mark and she is battling something venomous ? Without knowing what bit her it would be hard to figure out the antidote. Hugs and prayers for you and Sal.
Aubrey
i am so sorry, it is such a devastating thing to lose an animal you are so close to. The argument of “she’s just a cow” doesn’t apply to the family milk cow! We just lost ours to gangrenous mastitis a few weeks ago. She came down with it a day before I delivered our third baby. It caused her to go into early labor, we had to pull the calf to save her life. Ms. B had to be put down by my very upset husband about a week later after we finally admitted she had no fight left in her. Being raised around livestock, you know death is always lurking around every corner, but it is so devastating when it takes your best, most beloved animal. I will pray for peace for yall if tough decisions need to be made and healing for Ms. Sally!
Ashley
I’m so sorry my friend, these things are so hard to watch. Love and light.
Cathy
So very sorry…praying for you and for Sally.
Meg
Shaye, so sorry to hear you’re facing this. I had a sick pig last week and we were battling the same questions as you. He passed after only a few days of illness, but I felt so helpless. Keeping your family and Sally in my prayers.
Mariann
We lost a calf after taking care of him for just a few months. This calf went down similar to Sally. We tried everything we knew and yet it did not help. I remember walking away on the last night knowing in my heart it was the end but not wanting to believe it. I cannot imagine your pain after having such time with Sally. Hugs and prayers for you all.
Lysha
My heart is breaking for you. Praying for a miracle!
Shannon
Sounds an awful lot like Atypical Milk fever. http://extension.psu.edu/animals/dairy/nutrition/nutrition-and-feeding/nutrition-and-health/trouble-shooting-milk-fever-and-downer-cow-problems
Jennifer
She may be “just a cow”, but she’s still a living, breathing, creature just like us. I’m sending healing thoughts her way and helping thoughts your way. (((HUGS))) to both of you.
Megan Klauer | Growin & Crowin
I’ve been thinking of your family & sweet Sal. Prayers for comfort and healing.
We dealt with the heartache of trying to save one of our calfs this spring and it was such a struggle. All we could do was just hope and pray she would make it through. I shared our story here : http://growinandcrowin.blogspot.com/2015/04/heartache-of-watching-one-of-your.html
Praying you guys have a miraculous outcome as we did.
Loves~ Megan
Andrea
My heart breaks for you, but sometimes the hardest thing to do, is the right thing to do. If she is no longer functioning normally, and her body is clearly breaking down – the time is now. The hurt and loss won’t be any less, the longer you wait. Be with her and let her passing be as peaceful, and gentle, as possible.
Mary Fairfield
Please see my comments on your FB post. My hubby is a life-long cattle farmer and he thinks it’s Milk Fever and an IV can have her back on her feet.
Susan
She has such a beautiful face and such sweet eyes….no wonder you’re in love with her! I am, too! Sending much love and prayers your way. Get up, sweet Sally girl, get up!!
Happy Hegarty Homstead
I am so sorry Shaye! I am crying with you. I am praying for her and healing. Praying for the best.
sara
We’ve recently had a similar situation on our farm, as far as having a down cow. Her’s was a nerve issue. You can read about our experience here, maybe somehow it can help you.
https://herbaliciousteablog.wordpress.com/2015/07/20/herbs-animals-miracles-blessings-and-a-lesson-in-faith/
Life With The Crew
The whole “just a cow, dog, rabbit…” thinking doesn’t play around here. These animals have emotions, feelings, minds of their own, and the connections that we make with them are serious. It sounds like you are doing everything that you can for her, more than what most people would think “just a cow” deserves. Sending positive thoughts your way.
Sandy
Whatever happens, you have given this girl everything you could including the respect for what she does for your family. The cycle of life is a painful one, but joyous in that you lived together in a harmony that this world is lacking. Delight in that mama.
emc
We do what we can. We win em, we lose em. We re all in much Larger Hands.
Watch.
angela
Wow are jersey ivy did the exact same thing about 3 weeks after calving back in May she was so sick had 2 different vets out many many times o won’t tell you how much we spent put it this way we skipped bills and are still catching up vets never did figure it out the good news is she made it she is still having some trouble with her hind end I think some verve damage happens with being down so long, but please don’t lose faith just pray pray pray. I know how you feel I love my cow so much it hurts. I will pray for your sally
patrice
We have been in the dairy business for almost 30 years so have 2 suggestions.
I know you stated you have treated her for ketosis- we give our cows Vit.B , 1cc/500#’s and also a product called Keto-gel.
Is the vet sure she does not have milk fever? Sounds like she could be down with that. If so, she needs Calcium with dextrose (the dextrose gives her energy) IV , preferably in her milk vein. Sometimes you have to repeat this. Would be glad to talk with you personally, if you like. Your vet will know how careful you have to be when administering the calcium.
Hope this will be of some help.
Molly Schultz
So sorry for your troubles. I know I felt the same way when we were losing Bessie, our milk cow, last year. Just helpless. ((Hugs)) and support from a fellow homesteader who loves her family cow as much as you!
Eva
My heart breaks for you and Sally. I am so sorry.
Christina
I do understand what you are going through. Our animals, no matter what they are, do end up being like family. I raise chickens, we raise chicks, I have one chick right now that comes up to me, I stoop down to pick it up and carry it around and talk to it…I find myself saying “please don’t be a rooster ” 🙂 around here we either try to sell them or can em.
When our animals get sick, we do, we turn into a hospital. I have dogs, cats, chickens, cockatiels, 1 parakeet, pigeons and peacocks. Farm life, it’s fun, but can be hard when dealing with life.
God knows and cares about our every detail 🙂
Stephanie
Tearfully praying for you and Sally Belle.
Monica Geglio
Every life matters and you seem to be a phenomenal cow care taker! I hope she miraculously comes out of this and heals with all the advice you are getting from other experienced cow owners. Prayers. <3
taylor
We went threw it to with one of our chickens my daughter did everything. Thing she could (being only eleven) and it went but we told her theres no more pain theres no more trying to die. She went to a better place and i hope sally lives as long as she can.
Melissa
I’m so so sorry…so heartbreaking. We’re praying for Sal, and for your family too! Hugs ❤️
Stacy
My heart breaks for you and Sally. It’s a hard thing to watch. Being an animal you can just get up with your arms, though trying to prop them up with hay bales helped. Our dairy herd went to auction 15 years ago this month. So as a 5th generation farmer, I remember the struggles, trying to do everything possible. A down cow is the hardest. I can feel your pain, your frustration. You’ve tried everything, having a Vet for her immediately, different treatments. And the sling and a tractor is a hard thing to watch being done, it’s not like a horse, you have to be careful of her udder. Prayers for both of you and your family.
Camille Olivia
Soooooo many prayers are being said on your behalf…that means ALL of you. Your lovely Sally IS part of the family I know…and anyone who doesn’t get that has never truly loved a Critter. I understand. And I pray you will ALL get through this. The prayers I’m saying are those of gratitude: for her recovering and returning to full health. I’ve found that more often than not, asking ONCE and then repeatedly saying THANK YOU works so much better. Maybe God likes us to trust. Or maybe it’s simply a matter of focused energy. Either way, THIS is what I’m focused on: her absolute recovery. Hugs, Bella.
JL
hardware disease?
kbh
Hi,
Please look into activated charcoal.
Kathey
We’re praying for you all and Sally’s recovery.
Mary
So sorry to hear a very special part of your family is ill. You and your family, which includes Sally are in our prayers.
Erin Blegen
So sorry to hear of your struggles. Prayers for you all and I’m rooting for Sal’s recovery. Hang in there!
Ronda
So sorry for you and Sal. I do not have cows or any farm animals, but we do have two dogs that we love dearly. I can understand your feelings in times like this. I have tears in my eyes as I read your column tonight. I also said a prayer for you and Sal. I am not on your facebook so thanks for writing this today so more can pray.
Many blessings
audrey
My heart aches for you. Prayers for a good outcome.
grassfood.
Oh Shaye, I just saw this and am not a Facebook person, so I was not sure if you had put this out there. I so understand the pain of what you are going through, as I have lost three dear cows, and just lost my new pride and joy a couple of weeks ago. I do pray for your strength, and peace and comfort during this time, and that you might find someone with equipment to help her get up. Regardless of what happens, the pain will make you stronger, and more compassionate, and more in awe of how precious life is. Know that your love and care for her is exactly right, and if she does not make it through this, you will have done all for her. Love and grace to you, and take care of yourself, as I know how exhausting it is. xoxo
Sally
Sally’s are overcomers. We always bounce back. I’ll pray for ya’ll. God is good.
Roxie
Shaye please join the FB group Cow Talk. They have old timers with wonderful advice and may be able to help Sally. I posted a link to your blog post about her and several people have already responded with help!!!!
Lian Peet
Sorry, Shaye. Been following this journey with you as my Molly calved about 3 weeks after your Sally. I KNOW I would feel exactly the same. Lots of good advice in the comments. Praying something here works!
Linda Carlyle
Sally is beautiful! Never had contact with a cow, but I know about love for animals. I am a Hugh dog person and Honey is my child. My prayers are with your family and Sally.
Mimi
NOOO!!! I really hope she gets better. I feel like I know the ol girl just from reading your blog.
Brittany Williamson
Hey girl, been reading your blog forever and just wanted to say that you and Miss Sal are in our prayers. Secondly retained placenta can cause ketosis/milk fever. I have seen this with infection and scar tissue in cause stiffness in the rear and down them. Has she had a heavy calcium treatment and antibiotics? If she’s still eating don’t give up. It’s going to suck but if her gum color is good(not bluish indicating septicemia/white indicating shock)she just may need to heal and have the calcium/antibiotics. Sometimes time and prayers go a long way to heal the sick. If she’s not in too much pain and still alert then just keep with her like you are. Your doing a great(very hard) job. I honestly think milk cows know their people and come the closest to loving you out of any of the cattle types/breeds. Your her herd so you going out and checking her/watering her keeps the moo cow moral up. Best wishes, prayers, and luck.
STacie
I’m so sorry about Sally. I haven’t commented before but I read your blog and your Christian love for your life has brought me a lot of peace. We are also new at homesteading, parenting, farm life, etc…….one of my 6 month old pigs is dead in her pen right now. I am waiting for my husband to come home to help get her out and bury her. I am sad, disappointed, overwhelmed sometimes at this life, but we also have great joy in our animals, children and each other, and a beautiful peace living so close to nature. God has blessed us to live THIS CLOSE to life. Hope your cow recovers.
Emily Bowie
This is heartbreaking! She is certainly not “just a cow” – she’s a friend and a part of your family. I wish you all the best luck.
Karen
The eternal ebb and flow of life. Animals are more accepting of the end of their lives than we are. Maybe she KNOWS her time is run and is letting it take her, She looks like a sweet soul. I’m sorry for you and your family at the possible separation. We have suffered two in our four-legged family this year. In the end, the only thing I could do was stay by their sides as they passed and recall the good lives they had and shared with us. Doesn’t make it any easier, but I have to try to find the center and be content we had our time together! Still praying to St. Francis for her recovery!
Mary Jane Plemons
I raised Ethel on a bottle, and we had her for several years and several calves. She loved me and I loved her. After delivering a big calf, she never got up again. I drove down in the pasture through deep mud, barely getting through in a four-wheel drive pickup, several times a day in cold, cold rainy weather. We were bottling the calf, who lived to be a big healthy steer. We had a tractor and borrowed a sling, but it did no good. We finally let her go. My son took care of it for me, because she was begging to go with her big, beautiful eyes. I’ll never forget Ethel. You have my deepest sympathy.
Amber
We had our peaches do this two winters ago. She was down from Christmas eve to January 30th. I had finally lost all hope. After bucketing water to her for over a month in the freezing January weather here in NE Washington. I Rocked her back and forth continued to milk her while she was down carried her loads of hay. Feed her milk replacer and everything else under the sun. I lost it! I took a pitch fork and started prodding her. She got up on her knees and rocked back and forth back and forth so I grabbed her halter and pulled. Up she went for the first time in over a month she was up. She was up! Stiff legged but up. And down she went. Came back a few hours later and did the same thing. I did this for 2 days until she finally was up on her own. Her sweet baby strawberry was a month old when her momma went down and hadn’t had any milk for a month but as soon as momma was back up she went right back to nursing. It was a pure miracle. Prayers that things take a turn for the better for your girl.
donna
Oh our animals are so much more than “just” an animal, as if we shouldn’t care so much..especially for those of us who have large hearts. So they were not the ones created in God’s image, but they have just this life too and I KNOW they have relationships with us and affection. I know how our hearts break when something bad happens to them. I pray that although this situation is so rotten, that a way would be made clear for you and you know what direction to go in. I pray that He would heal her and you’d get the right care for her if it is possible…I don’t know anything about cows but maybe it is Milk Fever like one of the other folks said and she will be spared! No right answers but I pray He would sustain you through these hard times!
Ramie Lange
I’ve never commented before, just read and read and have been inspired by your lifestyle. I’m sorry to hear about Sal. Have you considered calling WSU’s veterinary school/program in Pullman? Maybe theres a specialist/expert/professor there that has an idea. They get all kinds of weird for animals. I will be praying.
Erika Pearson
So sorry Shaye! You are such a good farmer and doing everything you can. Really I commend you! We are on a farm too and lost two dairy goats this year. We have also struggled through ketosis with two Jersey cows. Sal really doesn’t seem like she has ketosis, not that I am an expert, but I have always smelled that acetone on their breath first before ketosis became a problem. Little do I know, but I am thinking milk fever too being that she is a Jersey. I am sure your vet and others commenting know more than I, but stiff legs, no fever, laying down. It looks like you have tried everything, so if you haven’t tried apple cider vinegar maybe give that a try. I believe the Amish give two tbls twice daily to avoid milk fever, you could add garlic too for good measure.
I think because we are the caregivers of these animals it is easy to take the blame for any health problems and that doubles the pain involved. Farming is hard and teaches us many things, some pretty hard lessons. Prayers! Hang in there, friend!
Clare
we are stewards of God’s creation & this beautiful homestead life makes that very clear. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but just know that He’s got a plan & it’s all going to work out. much love to you & your family. I’ll be praying for Sally Belle.
Susan
i am so sorry. I am heart broken and didn’t even know sal but as a lover of all it just stinks. She was beautiful
Mrs Shoes
No matter how you lose a critter that you care about, that has lived their life in service to you & your family, it hurts.
Sounds like you’ve done everything possible TO do for Sal, so I hope that you don’t beat yourself up, because if she could talk, I believe that your Sal would tell you what a great life she’s had with you.
I’m sorry for your sadness – truly.
LISA
Shay,
I’ve tried to post three times now and lost it when it was suppose to be sent. Please, if you haven’t done this, ask your vet about giving her Thiamine, SQ. Truly it sounds like she is very deficient. Her being a ruminant this is extremely important. You can get a bottle of it from your vet and ask about how often and the dose that should be given to her. Also, be sure you give her a probiotic paste daily to help with her gut action too. With her being down this is very important. I have Alpacas and I can tell you this happens. With Sally giving birth not too long ago and with that stress and if she is deficient, this can happen easily. It can either come on slowly or suddenly. Is your water there somewhat sulfuric? This can cause this as well. Some animals are more susceptible to this than others. I have to agree with someone that had posted earlier…get a second opinion and call a university that deals with livestock. Then compare what is suggested. You know your animals better than anyone else and if there is any disagreements or still too many unanswered questions, definitely get the second opinion quickly. Many times these large universities are glad to speak to you over the phone with problems. You have lots of people praying for Sally and you and I’m praying that God will heal Sally and give you help and strength to get through this. I’ve been in your boots many times and it is hard, very hard. Sally knows that you’re doing your best and she’s glad you’re there for her. Sounds like you’re a great caretaker and it shows. Please check into Thiamine deficiency. Animals that have this can act differently with different symptoms, so you can’t go solely on one thing. It’s my understanding that giving Thiamine cannot hurt, so it’s worth a call to see if that may be something to consider. I’m not a vet, but I can tell you that it has helped many times here on the farm and I always suggest anyone who has any livestock on their farm to always have a bottle on hand. It’s inexpensive and can save lives. Let us know how you both are doing, okay. Blessings to Sally, you and your family.
Rattlerjake
It is now Sep 2017 – What happened to this cow? Did she pass on or were you able to save her and what was the treatment? It would likely be very helpful to others that experience this problem. Thanks
Shaye Elliott
Unfortunately, Sally passed away shortly after her fall. It was a very sad day on our farm!