Don't tell me what you ate.
I'm a creature of habit, as we all tend to be. I like my baths each night and an espresso, with a dash of cream, each morning. So naturally, when a new season of Anthony Bordain ‘Parts Unknown' comes on, I watch it. It's habit. But it's a lovely one that always leaves me pondering contently.
While in the Greek Islands on one of these episodes, a Greek woman made a statement that spoke so loudly to me, she may as well have been standing my bedroom, shouting them into my sleepy, but intrigued, face.
When pondering the cultural norms of Greece and it's people, the supper crowd in the episode insisted that Greeks have open doors – all are welcome at their supper table. It's a culture of community's gathering, family interacting, and strangers having a place to dine.
She summed it up well.
Don't tell me what you ate. Tell me who you ate it with.
Had she had a mic, I'm assuming she would've dropped it at this point before exiting stage left. In the age of our self-absorption, the art of hospitality is blossoming… in our home and thousands of others around the world.
It wasn't but a few days before hearing these words that I listened to a podcast by Rosario Butterfield – a Christian with a remarkable conversion story – who is committed to opening her home for hospitality every night.
Every NIGHT, y'all.
I won't repeat the podcast here, because they simply covered more information than I can hope to in my words, but the power of this idea has sat with me like a rock these past few weeks.
We open our home often, quite often, for hospitality – though it's much more of an open door and less of a revolving door. It would be beyond my reach to think of the last time we dined with a stranger – or even folks we were unfamiliar with – or *gasp* people outside ‘our circle'.
(Not to say that hospitality must be extended to strangers… but rather, I'm simply presenting this as an idea for encouraging extended fellowship).
The food that we raise here on our farm is a product that we take seriously. We raise it, plant it, harvest it, and prepare it with the care and respect we believe it deserves. Much of our lives are devoted to this lifestyle that we are drawn to and love dearly.
But.
At the end of the day, if we were to sit down with a perfect meal (you know the type I'm talking about) and there was no one else around the supper table… well, that'd be pretty lonely, wouldn't it.
Sure, it'd be quiet. And Lord… LORD do I long for the quiet some moments. But the reality is I'm not called to be quiet or calm or comfortable or inspired or anything else I LOVE to be. I'm called to love others. To help them. To feed them. To comfort them. To show them community. To open my table to them.
I write these words to myself because I need to hear them. What if I cook the wrong food? What if they don't like it? What if my kids disobey during the visit? Or if my house is too messy to feel comfortable for welcoming the outside world in? I'm an introvert. Can I really be this forward and open about… myself? my life? my family?
What is ‘what we eat' if it's not also ‘who we're eating it with?'
What good is the best food if it's closed off from neighbors, friends, family, and those who need the refreshment?
I don't want to have that type of home. Even if it does mean that it's clean and organized and pretty.
I want faces, familiar and unfamiliar, gathered in the mismatched chairs around the gigantic table designed for a crowd.
I want to release the pressure that I put on myself. Because I'm putting it on myself, surely, I can take it off. I want to cook. I want to nourish. I want to LOVE.
Tell me what you ate… while you were huddled around new parents loving on their baby.
Tell me what you ate… while you were praying over a friend recently diagnosed with cancer.
Tell me what you ate… while you opened your door to the neighbors you've been meaning to ‘get to know' for years.
Tell me what you ate…. while you were practicing the catechism with your children for the seven hundredth time.
Tell me what you ate… when members of your community needed full bellies to carry on, perhaps physically or spiritually, and you provided it to them.
Don't tell me what you ate. Tell me who you ate with.
And Amen.
More of my posts on food:
- I Believe in This Farm Life
- Inviting My Children to a (food) Revolution
- Why Homegrown Food Tastes Better
- Stop Pretending
Monika
I really hope you have the time to skim this article and read it. I think you will absolutely love it.
http://www.knoxpriest.com/scruffy-hospitality-creates-space-friendship/?utm_content=buffera7f07&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer
Maridy
Oh, my. Yes. This!
Christi
Can you post a link to that podcast?
Megan
Thank you for reminding me about this. I LOVE sharing my home and table with others BUT in my attempt and angst to “get it perfect” I start to dread the next dinner party. Why does it have to be a big production and Pinterest perfect. It doesn’t. The people I welcome into my home don’t expect it to be. The best and most memorable get-togethers are always the thrown together-mismatched-everyone bring something type of affairs. Thank you Shaye. I’m going to make it a priority to share my table at least weekly if not more. As the Italians say too : It’s not healthy to eat alone.
Maxine
Wow did this comment resonate with me! I think we believe our friends have to be “entertained.” And we do love that idea of “entertaining.” They’re really no more there for the food than we are when we go to their house. It could just be hot dogs (gulp, did I just say that?) for food and in reality it’s savoring that wonderful human connection. LOVE the idea of potluck! Those are the best. Everyone needs connections and good peeps in their life and where else can you do that better than your own table?
Kim
Well said!
May
I’ve been waiting for your next post and checking every day, haha. I’m glad you wrote something! You always give me courage and joy. Thanks, Shaye!
Sarah
“where no oxen are, the manger is clean…but much increase comes by the strength of the ox” (proverbs 14:4)
Sarah
“where no oxen are, the manger is clean…but much increase comes by the strength of the ox” (proverbs 14:4)
Debbie
This was a great post/message, and has given me something to think about. Thank you.
Monica
I love this so much.
Casey
AmenAmenAMEN! As much as I want a farm, it will not mean anything if I’m not using it to serve other people. No matter where God places us, we are called to show hospitality and invite people into our lives!
Sue
Thank you for sharing from your heart! Your post is very touching and a wonderful message for all of us!
Cate
So, that peppery dish, what is it and is there a recipe!
Loved this post, lots to think about, thank you.
Wynette
❤️
Rebecca Smith
OK. Mama friend. I’ve been with you for years. Sometimes I want to slap you and say “you don’t know yet” and sometimes I want to live in your house and let you love me. You are the me I wish I could have been but the truth is, this post is who I wanted to be. There were too many expectations of what I should do to be able to have guests. Clean house, perfect kids, flowers in pots by the door, no laundry in the laundry room. I just wonder how much time I spent wishing I could measure up so that I could use the gift of hospitality. This post is the most important post you have posted. I wish someone could have released me from “perfect before opening yourself to guests”. I think I could have done so much more. I so appreciate you sharing this.
Kate Andres
Amen. Thank you for the reminder.
Deborah Wilson
You are so rite a long time ago I wanted every thing perfect when guests came I have so changed make good food and throw it together no one knows anyway they just want to be with friends my uncle set me straight that god for him he said what is this Martha steward just relax and have a good time I never forgot it and now nothing is perfect if I have guests we just enjoy the company
Lauralai
This post has me in tears. So much YES to this idea. My heart is burning with inspiration to DO this…….wow.
Diana
I saw that episode today! I was so touched my the enormity of those words- don’t tell me what you ate, tell me WHO you ate with.. wow so much power in those words!
Auggie
While I do like having certain people around me, I am a highly sensitive Introvert so I adore my alone time! It all depends on who I am with.
Lori
This was awesome Shaye,