Remember my kids? The little ones who birth stories you read here, and here, and here. And here (almost forgot about that last one). Well, they are now giants that are taking over my planet. I just thought you should know.
People say they'll grow up and, of course, they do. But I can't figure out when it happened. I walked into church last Sunday carrying my purse and nothing… and no one… else. Juliette refused to hold my hand or let me carry her, opting instead to plop along behind the rest of the crew as they ran inside. She didn't even look back to see if I was coming along behind her.
Mind you, they're still young. A few still need help getting dressed, in the bathroom, getting washed up proper in the tub, and certainly changing the last of the diapers. In fact, they still need help with most all things from dishing up food, to cleaning up messes, to staying focused on the tasks at hand. They are certainly far from independent.
But there are glimpses of it, that make me equally nostalgic and joyful. Nostalgic for the time that I spend with them in my belly, on my chest, and in my arms. It's hard to forget the years and years and YEARS my body has devoted to caring for them in such an intimate way. But that's gone now. My womb is empty. Sad. Also not sad when you remember being nine months pregnant all too clearly.
The fact of the matter remains that we have been blessed with four little beautiful creatures to love and care for which is, by far, the hardest journey I've ever taken. And we're still the beginnings. But here's the thing – I don't want to just raise children who grow up to be good citizens that contribute positively to society. That's not my goal in all of this. My goal is intertwined with One far greater and is defined by a journey far harder.
As Rosario Butterfield explains in her book, the life of a Christian is a bloodbath.
Dramatic for suburban America, but certainly not for the history of Christianity. My children belong to a heritage that extends far beyond our family and our home – a heritage that is as rich and deep as the night sky. We sing Psalms and pray prayers that bind us to centuries of Christians before us, who both like and unlike us, faced persecution and martyrdom. Controversial as it may be, I am raising my children up to be arrows for God's army. And that, my friends, is no small task in today's culture.
But I'm not at it alone. God weaves his mercies throughout our days and the Gospel is continually brought to light in our interactions. To hit your knees in front of your children, apologize for your actions or attitude, ask for forgiveness, and hear “Of course I forgive you. Just like God forgives us because of Jesus.”. Well, that's the whole point.
These children are being raised for God's army despite me. And hallelujah for that! As my pastor often reminds us “The Lord delights to draw straight lines with crooked sticks.” I am so imperfect in my parenting it's disgusting, yet the Lord shows great mercy in dealing with the sick and lowly. After all, that's who Jesus came to save.
It's only because of this promise that I can march on steadfast in my parenting. If I was earthly focused on creating productive citizens, I probably would fret more over the booger walls, lack of focus, bickering, and selfishness. These are traits to be worked on, for sure, but I know that Jesus came for those in need of a savior. And selfishness, deceit, idolatry, and dishonesty only scratch the surface of my heart and my children's hearts.
You know those moments behind closed doors as a Mom where you're hitting your head against a wall and thinking (@$&!&@(%&!*!()@*#!!!!!!!!”. I've been there so often it's embarrassing.
We need to be reminded of the Gospel in this house. All day. Every day.
Yes, you're a sinner and always will struggle as such. But God is at work in you. God loves you. God sent his Son to live and die in your place so that you can stand before a Holy God and be counted as righteous. When God sees you, he doesn't see your failings. He sees his Son whom he loves.
I'll take that promise all the way to the bank, my friends.
And so we march on. Raising our children to recognize sin and the pain that causes in the world and in ourselves, recognizing that there is grace that extends far beyond that sin, and that complete – totally complete – forgiveness can always be found in Jesus.
What a joy that brings to parenting.
And AMEN.
Tonya Hassell
This is beautiful!! And so true!!! Thank you for sharing!
Jenny
Amazing….. and, when you are a mamaw you will be just as disgusting in mamaw skills as you were in parenting. Trust me, I know and still feel the pain of being short tempered, impatient, wanting to punt kick them maybe???? and stand someplace and say #$&@***^^;”#$ over and over in between saying “When are their parents going to get here?” This especially happens when there have been no naps, like yesterday. Then you miss them so much you go get them. I’ve often wondered if God feels like that over us….. wanting to punk kick us (wouldn’t blame him since i need it lots!)then missing us soooo bad he comes and gets us. I know how much I love my kids and grandkids and I know God’s love is beyond comprehension so I kinda get a glimpse of how much he loves and wants me. That’s a really good feeling.
Alexia Graves
Beautifully written.
Lance Mertz
Where did you learn to cook? Were you a chef in another life, or just a natural? Or do you have a massive cookbook collection. Your recipes are simple, but very well designed and all look delicious and healthy. Congratulations on the farm life. It look beautiful and fulfilling. This summer I hope to have a garden in our back yard for the first time in like 30 years where I can grow veggies that I can preserve and pickle, but also cook, of course. I am going to pickle asparagus using your recipe today!
Andi
I am so blessed, to have you share… and stand firm in your faith… with One! With Jesus, and to soldier on. ????
Tamara
thankyou for this post! our kids are 9,7 and 4 and it feels like a new stage of parenting. the other day I had one of your moments of “WHAT HAPPENED”? and then kinda freaked out. But keeping grounded in God’s Word and His overall picture of parenting is so comforting!
Clair
Amen, Shaye! Your job as a parent is to raise your children to be disciples of Christ.
Lori Nutter
Thank you Shaye for this post as a mom who has daughters all out of the home and grandchildren to watch grow, I have many years of good and a lot of regret also. If only creeps into my thoughts quite often but then I remember he turns things to good for those who love him. I have to rely on His grace to keep from despair thinking I messed up more often than not. He is a good Savior that loves our children even more than we do.
Stacie
Timely post. Thank you for sharing.
Sherri
God has given you an unusual platform to share His message. Your bold and winsome presentation is a breath of fresh air!! God bless you!!
G Vicenti
Thank you soooo much for these reminders! They are so helpful to read, especially on the days when I feel that I haven’t been a good mama.
Maria
Beautiful post. Bold, and as it should be! God bless you and your family.
H Riesen
Beautiful! So true, the most important part of motherhood is to walk in close connection to the Lord. I have been blessed and encouraged in this journey of motherhood as I raise my own 6 arrows, by reading books by Sally Clarkson and Gloria Furman.
I love your blog! It is so very inspiring. And your beautiful “Welcome to the Farm” now has a place on my living room table! We have been raising chickens for the last 6 years in our little village back-yard in Germany. We homestead as much as we can, and are dreaming of buying a bigger property! I grew up on a farm on the prairies of Alberta, so I know what cold winters are! Your photos make me nostalgic!
Jennifer Peters
Love this. This morning was a banging my head against the wall morning…I needed to ask for forgiveness from like…everyone. Thanks for the encouragement. 🙂
Ashley
Beautiful and so very true!
Esther
Lovely, courageous and inspiring! Thanks for the words. God is so good.
MICHELE YATES
Amen!
Joanie McLaughlin
Amazing post. The world needs so many more women and families such as yours.
Tamara
Beautifully written. But just you wait. It goes by so quick. I’ve raised 3, and my youngest is a junior in high school and we have started looking at colleges for her. Wish they could stay little forerver!
Jill McSheehy
Just came across your blog after your interview on the Living Homegrown podcast. I’m thrilled to meet another gardener and sister in Christ! Great post!
Cheryl Zink
You are a great cook Shaye! You make it look so easy and you’re always relaxed! Keep showing us all the recipes you have! I have your cookbook, From Scratch, waiting on the release of your new one! You are fun to watch also, love seeing the family brought into it.
Meagan
This was beautiful and so well-written. I definitely needed to hear it this week. Thanks!
Kayla schapansky
This is so good Shaye! Thank you for sharing and God bless your family! I love what you are doing as a family, it’s so good to see families working together too!
Sonia Nava
Geez not one moment wasted with Shaye. Love this lady!
Teresa
Thank you. I’m not a parent but for many years worked with children in the system. Being a parent who set an example of love, mistakes, forgiveness and more….it does make a difference. Keep growing with G-D.