If you missed Part One, read the post HERE before starting this one…or you'll be sincerely confused. I'm just sayin'…
Okay…now where did we leave off…
I hadn't wanted to go. But Travis insisted. “She's your old friend from college, you should go to her party.” So, reluctantly, I packed up for the weekend trip to a nearby lake town and prepared myself for all the bachelorette enthusiasm I could muster. I didn't really know anyone besides the bride, which could have been extremely awkward, but luckily all us girls got along and were having a lot of fun lounging by the pool, drinking horrible lime-flavored beers. Later that night, as we loaded onto the party bus, I had no idea what the night would bring (besides the inevitable bachelorette mayhem).
I was excited to find that there was live music at the local bar. When the female lead singer invited the bride and I up on stage to belt out a horrible, horrible version of Black Velvet…well, I just couldn't resist. Coincidentally, our bachelorette party of fifteen-ish females (all in rhinestoned pink tank tops…not by choice), ran into a bachelor party of fifteen-ish males of a totally unrelated wedding party.
I spotted one. He was pretty cute. Dance worthy for sure.
Eyeing his outfit as I walked over, I noticed he was wearing Pink Floyd swim trunks. Hmm.
Without saying anything, I grabbed his hand and drug him out on the dance floor. Luckily, he had the same dance style I did: purposefully dance like an idiot so that no one can tell just how truly awful you are.
Post-embarrassing dancing, we got around to talking, and he told me he was from Georgia. “Georgia? But you don't have an accent?”. He insisted that he was and even showed me his ID to prove it. I told him, probably offensively, that he would be way cooler if he had an accent. I also asked him what his position on gun control was. You know…normal questions, like that.
A few hours later, as the party bus was getting ready to leave, he stormed on at the last minute, scanning all the female faces for mine. Once he saw me, he said quickly, “Can I give you my phone number?”
And so he did.
And while the pain of breaking it off with Travis soon there-after was difficult…things just weren't working out as I had planned. Go figure. I hadn't been able to control…anything. I had tried.. and I had failed. One of the toughest things for me to remember in my life is how unfair this entire situation had been to Travis. He had been faithful, strong, and consistently kind. But it had been unfair of me to remain with him, all these years, and still be so unsettled with the faith, or lack-thereof, involved. Though our relationship never reached that deep level that can only be reached when both individuals are committed to the Lord, it was none-the-less painful to part. And even though we both knew it had been a long time coming, it still didn't ease the hurt. I wish I had been more considerate, more comforting, more kind. I wish with all my heart that I could have changed how I handled these circumstances.
Though, I suppose, it's all the more reason to be thankful for forgiveness that cannot be found in my own heart. I cannot forgive myself for the situation with Travis. It's impossible. Only God can do that.
Sigh.
Let's move on.
Stuart and I continued to get to know each other, over the phone. He was visiting for the summer and was living with his brother in a town a few hours away from here. I could try and write this in cohesive sentences, but let me just break it down for you that incredible, unique chain of events involved with our meeting:
1. Stuart's Mom lived in Atlanta and was looking for a roommate, insert a roommates.com ad. 2. A girl from Washington was looking to “get away” to Atlanta and found this ad. 3. Girl moves in with Stuart's Mom. 4. Girl meets Stuart's brother. 5. Girl comes back to Washington after her summer away. 6. Stuart's brother decides to visit Washington with her. 7. Stuart's brother comes back to get his car in Georgia and drive back to Washington. 8. Stuart's brother asks Stuart to come with him, for a few weeks, before starting school in Mississippi. 9. Stuart drives out to Washington with them. 10. Stuart plans to stay for a few weeks. 11. Stuart meets me via a completely unrelated town, with completely unrelated people that both of us barely knew.
Talk about divine circumstances.
And it was Stuart, who a few months later, introduced me to doctrines that truly changed my views on, well, a lot of things.
You see, my Stuart is the son of a preacher man. “The only boy, who could ever reach me…was the son of a preacher man…” That's just a little song I had for you. But truly, the Lord is good in that he did know exactly what this stinkin', lazy, rebellious, silly, floundering, girl needed. She needed her a solid, Christian man. She needed her the son of a preacher man.
Stuart introduced me to the doctrine of grace, which until then (at least to my knowledge), is not something I had ever really thought about. Did God save us? Or did we save ourselves? Who did what? How did we come to be ‘Christians'? How are our heart changed? How does sanctification begin? Did we seek God? Or is mankind so naturally flawed from the fall that we cannot even seek goodness? And as anyone knows who has studied this doctrine, your view of grace affects almost every other view you hold to.
Stuart also introduced me to theologians like John Calvin and R.C. Sproul. He introduced me to The Westminster Confession of Faith. He introduced me Covenantal Theology and helped me through the hard issues I was struggling with, like hell, true forgiveness, and wrath. Together, we studied all kinds of things. We read the Bible together over the phone each night. We prayed together.
Oh, how sweet sanctification can be.
I have goosebumps just typing this – what an exciting time this was!!! I remember telling Stuart that the Calvinist view of grace and a covenantal view of the Bible helped connect all these millions of scattered doctrinal-dots that I had acquired over the years. This gave shape to my Christian-skin structure. It gave me a backbone.
And, bear with me a moment, as I put in a shameless-plug for my husband: Being with a godly man like Stuart has been a blessing – though, that word doesn't seem to do justice to the magnitude of it all. Stuart is the kind of man who loves me as much all done up with makeup on as he does at night after I wash it away. He is the type of man who will ride horses and till the soil, work with his hands, and fight for my honor. He is also the type of man that can appreciate classical music, a good vanilla latte, and artisan bread. He appreciates old books, a good cigar, fine scotch, and almost anything hand-crafted out of wood. He is eclectic. And he lets me be who I truly am – never expecting me to fit into a pre-packaged image, that I strove so hard to fit for all those years.
He lets me wear my cowboy boots. And my high heels.
And he's exactly who God designed for me. To better us both.
Please forgive all the couple photos, but frankly, I don't have any pictures of God to put in this post. And posts must have photos. So sorry.
As my pastor reminded us a few days ago at church, sanctification (the process of being made holy), is a painfully slow process. And while we wish at times that instantly, overnight, we could be made holy and pure….well, that's just not the way it works. Sanctification is a journey. I can look back on my past and be weighed down by the ignorance and folly of it all. Or, I can look back on my past as a road that I have traveled that has brought me to this beautiful place I am able to enjoy today. And hopefully, in another twenty five years, I will be able to look back at another road traveled that has brought me to even a further point of holiness and grace.
We grow. We change. We learn. We seek forgiveness.
I hope that this post offers encouragement to those of you out there that feel your life has been a mess. Like your sins have been horrible. Like your burden is heavy. No sin, no burden, and no mess is too big for God to forgive. Ever.
And He delights to forgive us for our shortcomings (which are many) – that is the Gospel, my friends! We have not been, nor can we ever be, perfect…and so we cling to the only person who is and was and will be to come.
What a timely message! Our pastor just shared this past Sunday how holiness occurs in “inches” rather than leaps.. AMEN to that sistah! What a beautiful story of grace! Our God is SOOO good! I have my share of messiness (some days are better than others) 😉 It is so encouraging to hear others’ adventures in the journey… thanks for sharing!
What a beautiful testimony! I’m humbled that you would put yourself out there like that. I’ve wanted to share my testimony for quite a while now, but I guess I’m hesitant for fear of being judged. I think maybe people will be turned off after hearing where I’ve been and what I’ve done. I dunno. It’s easy to stay in your comfort zone, isn’t it? Thank you for sharing your story. I feel like I’ve known you forever 🙂
Beautiful. I too have been there, struggling with my own forgivness, wanting a vat of white out, and being a surface Christian. I still struggle with a lot but I have finally come to know that God works in our lives every single day. We can fight and rebel against it or we can embrace it and find comfort that He knows us and He is there. There is peace in knowing. (If only it came 15 years earlier than it did!)
I read this blog and part one and find myself crying. It is amazing how God can work in our lives. I grew up in a Bible believing home and went to Stuart’s father’s church as a child. At the time it was when he was a pastor of a small church in Griffin, GA. Trinity Presbyterian Church. I learned a lot as a child and cannot remember a time when I was not saved. It is hard for me to put to words my testimony and so I often love reading others testimonies. Thank you so much for sharing! It was beautiful how you met Stuart. God works in truly mysterious ways to care for his flock. God bless you!
I stumbled across your blog while looking for a lip balm recipe! Thank you so much for sharing your testimony. I think it’s so cool that you would use your blog to be a witness of what Christ has done in your life!
So wonderful. I don’t know you, but I was just smiling all the way through this, from your comments on the doctrines of grace to your obvious love for your hubby. Thanks for sharing the story!
p.s. Amen on the “son of a preacher man.” God knew I needed one too. 🙂
I loved these two blog posts! I have been trying to get my boyfriend to attend church. He was raised in the Catholic church, and he says he isn’t against other churches. I just have to find a way to get him excited about it!
I love love stories, and that includes how a person comes to relationship with the Lord and how they come in relationship with their partner (which is probably thrilling in an echo of the first). Thank you for telling it! I know I am so grateful both for the Lord who entered into my life at the age of 32 and for my husband who is connected to it also in his own way.
I married a preacher/evangelist. I tell him I would’ve never married him if id know he would take this path, because I cringe at confrontation. But like you said, God knew. I’m insecure and wobbly in my faith so my husbands unfailing consistency in his theology and understanding of Gods grace has been exactly what I need. Thanks again for sharing.
WOW!!!!!!! Can I just say how touched I was by your testimony. So so so often I have wished I had a gallon of white out too!! My past is not something I am proud of and have often wished I could forget it. Thanks for the idea that I ‘remember so I won’t repeat’…Never before have I considered this!!!
And I had to laugh at your quote of “Son of a preacher man” that is my ringtone for my husband on my phone 🙂
Thanks for sharing your story and life with us. I wish I knew you in real life, I think we could be real life friends. 😛
Thank you so much for sharing your testimony. I found your story comforting and had some similarities to my own. You gave me some confidence to put my own testimony on my website. I was a little nervous.
Stuart sounds like a great guy. America could use a few more like him.
I have been reading your blog for a few weeks now, as my husband and I have come to own a 4-acre piece of property between Colfax/Pullman and are learning about hobby-farming, which is what drew me to your blog…I’m just now getting to read this post about your story – so delightfully amazing! My husband and I moved our 2 kids (now 3 kids) from Seattle in 2012 (We’re born-and-raised city kids) to help support and plant a multi-generational church in Pullman, with a heart for WSU students just like you were! We opened our doors in August 2012 with our team of 27, and now are seeing college students, young professionals, and families, with an average attendance of 120!
Thankful for Jesus’ work in you! And I’m thankful that I found such a great blog with the information that I need, from a source who shares the same Foundation!
I grew up a southern baptist and just within the last year have learned of the doctrines of grace and reformed theology. It’s transformed everything. It’s like a light came on and I could suddenly make sense of everything. You don’t know your theology is hazy until it all becomes clear. (Not suggesting that I know it all) but I’m learning. What’s so interesting to me is that since learning these things, it’s as though I run into it everywhere. Last year I didn’t know what Calvinist was and now they’re everywhere I turn! Just like this blog post! It’s nice to see I’m not crazy, because in my circle I feel very alone in my understanding of the Bible. I stumbled upon your blog when…. well, I don’t even remember how. I was web drifting, that’s for sure. It probably had something to do with bone broth. Anyway, I am loving your blog. It’s so odd – we have much in common. I feel like I know you. Is that weird? Sorry. Keep writing! I’m lovin’ it!
Hey, I know this is an old post but it’s so beautiful. I love to read/hear testimonies. I found you looking for the oil stuff for my daughter. I am Catholic and went off into the devil’s lair as a teenager and young adult. I was at LSU and so shocked when I would see kids going into Mass. I would think “their parents aren’t even in town, they must all be nuts”. But when the Holy Spirit gets ahold of you, life is LOVELY, hard but peaceful and joyful with Jesus, the communion of saints, well I could go on and on. The devil loves to remind of your past and try make you feel bad about it. BTW, I have living in Seattle for a few years. I don’t see happy looking women like you and the women in your family. They’re mostly so grim and gray. Why do people think Seattle is so cool??? Moving next year however! Yay! God bless you and Amen.
I recently stumbled upon you’re YouTube account and kind of got the feeling you might me a Christian. Then today, I read you’re testimony. Bless the Lord for all he has done in your life. He is good.
If you like John Mac Arthur and Clavin you might also like John Piper. He helped me see that life as a Christion is so much more then simple believing in the death of Christ and giving my life to him, but making him my ultimate treasure each and every day and that he drew me to him out of grace alone.
I’m really looking forward to reading more of your posts and watching some more of your videos. They are really inspiring and if I didn’t know God has other plans for me right now, I would want to live a similar life 🙂 But I’ll definitely tell my sister about you, who has very similar ideas 🙂
It’s two in the morning, and I’m up…I don’t know how I ended up here on this particular post, but it was meant to be. I won’t get into it, but I’m the daughter of a preacher man. I’m 38, although I still feel 19, and dumb. I always struggle with grace, accepting it. I am always afraid I’ll be taking advantage of it, so I just beast myself up instead. I don’t know exactly what you said in this post that encouraged me in that area, but it did.
I just knew you were reformed😊 I could tell not even half way through the first blog of your testimony . There is such a vibrancy to how you speak of Christ and what He’s done for you. Calvin and Sproul have been hugely impactful to me as well. Now I started listening to Jonathan Edwards and getting grilled.
I’m so glad that The Lord saved you. Keep preaching Christ , sis !
When you wrote this I was 16 and rebelling. Now reading it at 26 I have come through the grace and refinement that you spoke of. Praise God for what the Lord has done and for how he has shaped your view of himself. Praise his name for all that HE is! So thankful that I stumbled across this blog and your YouTube channel. May your platform be used for the glory of God.
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What a timely message! Our pastor just shared this past Sunday how holiness occurs in “inches” rather than leaps.. AMEN to that sistah! What a beautiful story of grace! Our God is SOOO good! I have my share of messiness (some days are better than others) 😉 It is so encouraging to hear others’ adventures in the journey… thanks for sharing!
I cried, because I love hearing what God can do! He sure knows what we need.
What a beautiful testimony! I’m humbled that you would put yourself out there like that. I’ve wanted to share my testimony for quite a while now, but I guess I’m hesitant for fear of being judged. I think maybe people will be turned off after hearing where I’ve been and what I’ve done. I dunno. It’s easy to stay in your comfort zone, isn’t it? Thank you for sharing your story. I feel like I’ve known you forever 🙂
Beautiful. I too have been there, struggling with my own forgivness, wanting a vat of white out, and being a surface Christian. I still struggle with a lot but I have finally come to know that God works in our lives every single day. We can fight and rebel against it or we can embrace it and find comfort that He knows us and He is there. There is peace in knowing. (If only it came 15 years earlier than it did!)
I read this blog and part one and find myself crying. It is amazing how God can work in our lives. I grew up in a Bible believing home and went to Stuart’s father’s church as a child. At the time it was when he was a pastor of a small church in Griffin, GA. Trinity Presbyterian Church.
I learned a lot as a child and cannot remember a time when I was not saved. It is hard for me to put to words my testimony and so I often love reading others testimonies. Thank you so much for sharing! It was beautiful how you met Stuart. God works in truly mysterious ways to care for his flock. God bless you!
God’s grace never ceases to amaze me!
Awesome! To God be the glory!
That Stuart’s a good man. Tell him I say “Hello”.
I stumbled across your blog while looking for a lip balm recipe! Thank you so much for sharing your testimony. I think it’s so cool that you would use your blog to be a witness of what Christ has done in your life!
So wonderful. I don’t know you, but I was just smiling all the way through this, from your comments on the doctrines of grace to your obvious love for your hubby. Thanks for sharing the story!
p.s. Amen on the “son of a preacher man.” God knew I needed one too. 🙂
Wonderful story! I found your blog and just can’t stop reading! <3
I loved these two blog posts! I have been trying to get my boyfriend to attend church. He was raised in the Catholic church, and he says he isn’t against other churches. I just have to find a way to get him excited about it!
I love love stories, and that includes how a person comes to relationship with the Lord and how they come in relationship with their partner (which is probably thrilling in an echo of the first). Thank you for telling it! I know I am so grateful both for the Lord who entered into my life at the age of 32 and for my husband who is connected to it also in his own way.
I married a preacher/evangelist. I tell him I would’ve never married him if id know he would take this path, because I cringe at confrontation. But like you said, God knew. I’m insecure and wobbly in my faith so my husbands unfailing consistency in his theology and understanding of Gods grace has been exactly what I need. Thanks again for sharing.
Such a beautiful testimony! Just the kind od reminder we all need. Thank you for sharing it.
WOW!!!!!!! Can I just say how touched I was by your testimony. So so so often I have wished I had a gallon of white out too!! My past is not something I am proud of and have often wished I could forget it. Thanks for the idea that I ‘remember so I won’t repeat’…Never before have I considered this!!!
And I had to laugh at your quote of “Son of a preacher man” that is my ringtone for my husband on my phone 🙂
Thanks for sharing your story and life with us. I wish I knew you in real life, I think we could be real life friends. 😛
Thank you so much for sharing your testimony. I found your story comforting and had some similarities to my own. You gave me some confidence to put my own testimony on my website. I was a little nervous.
Stuart sounds like a great guy. America could use a few more like him.
Thanks again!
I have been reading your blog for a few weeks now, as my husband and I have come to own a 4-acre piece of property between Colfax/Pullman and are learning about hobby-farming, which is what drew me to your blog…I’m just now getting to read this post about your story – so delightfully amazing! My husband and I moved our 2 kids (now 3 kids) from Seattle in 2012 (We’re born-and-raised city kids) to help support and plant a multi-generational church in Pullman, with a heart for WSU students just like you were! We opened our doors in August 2012 with our team of 27, and now are seeing college students, young professionals, and families, with an average attendance of 120!
Thankful for Jesus’ work in you! And I’m thankful that I found such a great blog with the information that I need, from a source who shares the same Foundation!
Great post! I love hearing of God’s relentless pursuit of His kids. I found your site tonight and have been enjoying your posts. God’s best to you.
Thank you for your truth!! I love your posts, I especially love these two 🙂
God bless you
Sweet & precious lady, I am very proud of you for sharing your testimony! To God be the glory <3
Thank you Shaye; I find myself on a very similar path and what you’ve said here has helped me with a few struggles.
I grew up a southern baptist and just within the last year have learned of the doctrines of grace and reformed theology. It’s transformed everything. It’s like a light came on and I could suddenly make sense of everything. You don’t know your theology is hazy until it all becomes clear. (Not suggesting that I know it all) but I’m learning. What’s so interesting to me is that since learning these things, it’s as though I run into it everywhere. Last year I didn’t know what Calvinist was and now they’re everywhere I turn! Just like this blog post! It’s nice to see I’m not crazy, because in my circle I feel very alone in my understanding of the Bible.
I stumbled upon your blog when…. well, I don’t even remember how. I was web drifting, that’s for sure. It probably had something to do with bone broth. Anyway, I am loving your blog. It’s so odd – we have much in common. I feel like I know you. Is that weird? Sorry.
Keep writing! I’m lovin’ it!
Hey, I know this is an old post but it’s so beautiful. I love to read/hear testimonies. I found you looking for the oil stuff for my daughter. I am Catholic and went off into the devil’s lair as a teenager and young adult. I was at LSU and so shocked when I would see kids going into Mass. I would think “their parents aren’t even in town, they must all be nuts”. But when the Holy Spirit gets ahold of you, life is LOVELY, hard but peaceful and joyful with Jesus, the communion of saints, well I could go on and on. The devil loves to remind of your past and try make you feel bad about it.
BTW, I have living in Seattle for a few years. I don’t see happy looking women like you and the women in your family. They’re mostly so grim and gray. Why do people think Seattle is so cool??? Moving next year however! Yay!
God bless you and Amen.
Hi Shaye
I recently stumbled upon you’re YouTube account and kind of got the feeling you might me a Christian. Then today, I read you’re testimony. Bless the Lord for all he has done in your life. He is good.
If you like John Mac Arthur and Clavin you might also like John Piper. He helped me see that life as a Christion is so much more then simple believing in the death of Christ and giving my life to him, but making him my ultimate treasure each and every day and that he drew me to him out of grace alone.
I’m really looking forward to reading more of your posts and watching some more of your videos. They are really inspiring and if I didn’t know God has other plans for me right now, I would want to live a similar life 🙂 But I’ll definitely tell my sister about you, who has very similar ideas 🙂
many blessings
Sarah
It’s two in the morning, and I’m up…I don’t know how I ended up here on this particular post, but it was meant to be. I won’t get into it, but I’m the daughter of a preacher man. I’m 38, although I still feel 19, and dumb.
I always struggle with grace, accepting it. I am always afraid I’ll be taking advantage of it, so I just beast myself up instead. I don’t know exactly what you said in this post that encouraged me in that area, but it did.
Thanks
Part deux was great too! Thank you for sharing your story, Shaye! ❤️
I just knew you were reformed😊 I could tell not even half way through the first blog of your testimony . There is such a vibrancy to how you speak of Christ and what He’s done for you. Calvin and Sproul have been hugely impactful to me as well. Now I started listening to Jonathan Edwards and getting grilled.
I’m so glad that The Lord saved you.
Keep preaching Christ , sis !
When you wrote this I was 16 and rebelling. Now reading it at 26 I have come through the grace and refinement that you spoke of. Praise God for what the Lord has done and for how he has shaped your view of himself. Praise his name for all that HE is! So thankful that I stumbled across this blog and your YouTube channel. May your platform be used for the glory of God.