Ever get in a funk?
Of course you do, you're human. We all do. You know what else will put you in a funk? Finding A STRAY CHIN HAIR ON YOUR FACE! What the what?! Funk level = maximized.
I found myself that way today… wandering around like a “mombie” who's heart was heavy with responsibility, obligation, and commitments…. wallowing in my chin hair pity. If I'm being completely honest, I wanted to grab my husbands hand, drag him to the car, and run away with him on a wild date weekend where we'd consume ridiculous amounts of amazing food and drink far too much wine. I wanted to wake up, tangled in sheets, whenever the heck I wanted. I wanted to sit in silence and just stare at my husband… admiring his beautiful mouth and lush beard. Yes, I said lush. Not to be confused with my chin hair beard, of course.
Hey Shaye! You still in there? You still here with me? Have you been completely lost in Mom-land? It's a dangerous place!
For us “mombies”, it's easy to feel like we're losing ourselves a bit – many of us sacrifice in huge ways to be here with our littles. And to add a little salt in the wound of the day, while cleaning out the boy's bedroom closet, Stuart brought out a picture of us taken a decade ago. Y'all – my skin – it glowed! Everything was perkier. Fresher. Younger. Less “mature”, shall we say. Of course, that was ten years, two businesses, a handful of cross country moves, and four babies ago. Hey man. A girl is only so resilient. Want to see it? Sigh.
It's not that I wanted to go back to being her. I just have forgotten who she is. Part of this is due to the wonderful conversion I experienced in my early twenties – the other part is just due to time… to circumstance. She had nothing to worry about but designing beautiful floral arrangements and not missing Thirsty Thursdays at the nearest pub. She went on road trips and backpacked through Europe and played guitar and stayed out too late. She only had to think about herself.
Would I ever hope to be her again? Not in a million years.
But as I claw my way up from the quicksand that is the “little years”, being a small business owner, launching a new cookbook, building a farm, and running a successful oil business, I can't help but envy her a wee bit. What she lacked in maturity and selflessness, she made up for in zeal and passion – for her future, for her opinions, for her man.
I'm so dang tired of talking: “Please take the frog out of the house.”, “You need to put your underwear back on.”, “Do you need to be wiped?”, “Sure, let me fill that sippy again for the 800th time today.”… that it's almost impossible to have an opinion about anything.
“Who are you voting for for President?” I don't care who's President as long as they don't make me wipe them or fill their sippy cup! Just leave me alone! I don't even know what year it is or country we live in!
After spending some time examining the photograph and coveting young Shaye's aura, I popped the top on an IPA and sought Stuart out to share my woes. I couldn't get more than a few words in before Joodj woke up from her nap, needing to be nursed, and yet another of our hoodrats needed to be redirected and attended to.
Hi Stuart! Bye Stuart. Good talk.
Oh how I miss getting to talk to my husband. I miss sneaking off for date nights and dreaming with him. On our honeymoon, we spent one of the days walking the streets of Victoria, B.C. where we ducked in and out of small, artisan stores admiring their knicknacks before scampering off to the local pub for a pint of Guinness and newspaper roll of Fish'n Chips. We existed in each others presence without constant interruption. And it was beautiful.
But here me now – I love our interruptions. They're so dang cute I could just explode – much like my heart does multiple times a day in those little moments of redemption that come as a parent. I love my children more than the very air that keeps my alive.
Maybe it's that I'm just now getting old enough to really remember and reflect on the past.
Or maybe it's just that I've got four kids under five and am feeling a bit lost in the demands.
Or perhaps it's the fact that StuDiddy and I haven't been on a date in waaaaay to long. But whatever it is, it's got me nostalgic and a bit melancholy for the times gone by. It also makes me long for the blessed years ahead that I so look forward to spending with this man.
When meeting with our financial advisor this morning, we began to dream of the future. “A small little apartment in Florence for us to jet off to a few times a year, where we can spend our days eating pasta and drinking wine whilst enjoying deep conversation, exploring the Mediterranean coast, and enjoy weekend trips into Switzerland would be wonderful, thanks.” I shan't see anything wrong with such a request.
Our littles are with us for but a fleeting season. I shall savor them and drink them up completely, all the while gently looking forward to a time when older (and wiser) Shaye can once again devote the time, energy, and passion into loving an older (and wiser) Stuart in the way he most certainly deserves and the way I most certainly desire. Young Shaye may have been perky and energetic, but I must remind myself that Older Shaye is emotionally richer and cognitively deeper than that ‘ol youngin' could have even imagined.
Getting older is a crazy beautiful process – even if it does come with wrinkles and a chin hair.
And Amen.
More of my ponderings on life and parenthood:
Jess VanBuren
Oh.. It might be crazy but this might be my favorite post. Probably circumstansial to my own current (new) experience and a bit of nostalgia as I’m still working through my ‘funk’. Just so you know many random posts of yours have made me smile and know I’m not totally failing as a wife and mother when I’m sure I was… So there’s always that…?
Shaye Elliott
Glad I’m not alone, Jess π
Becky
You’re definitely not alone.
Hailey
I so needed this read tonight. On a night my husband left one day early for a weekend trip and it is my first time tackling the task of raising my minions all on my own for three nights…no help. It terrifies my soul! I feel as if I am a new Mom all over again and don’t know what I am suppose to do. A once highly independent woman, crumpled in a ball of tears when my husband walked out the door today. I completely understand that three nights is merely nothing in the grand scheme of it all but dang ya’ll I love that man and have grown so dependent of his encouragement and love for his children so that at least Mommy can pee with the door closed every now and then. Here is to the next three days of no privacy and selfish cuddles from the littles! The days are long but the years are short!
Tiffany
Your writing speaks to me more today than any other post this far. My husband and I too are small business owners with six littles ages 10 to 1, it’s tough! REALLY TOUGH! But just like you, I wouldn’t trade them or anything else we have accomplished or failed at in our short 12 years together. I often feel as though I’m failing our children and neglecting my hubby, but I am only one person and I can only do so much in a day. It is life and before we know it these moments will be a sweet memories for us to laugh and reminiscence about. Blessings to you Shaye, Stuart, and you sweet littles!
Brianna
Oh Lawdy!!! Seriously…kids. change. everything. Is it totally wrong that the part I relate most to in this post is the line: “do you need to be wiped?!” Hahahaha. It is SUCH a short season–also trying to enjoy those littles while they are in our arms. π Blessings to you and yours. <3
Stephanie Ross
I found your blog about a week ago, and this is my favorite post, so far, too. It helped me realize how I’m feeling and how I need to relish my time with my kids – in gentleness – instead of letting my often too tired, anxious frustration snap at them for interrupting. I love my kids so much, and I want them to remember a mom who was able to “laugh at the days to come”… even chin hair days! And by the way, I’m totally jealous you found ONE! Please tell me that was creative license, because I definitely don’t just find one. I usually feel one, and then find many, many more. And then I’m totally aghast that I didn’t notice them before and rush to pluck them all out!!! Eek! Can’t go out into public like this…can’t walk in my living room like this!
K
Oh my gosh, I love how real you are! I, too, am lost in a sea of mommyhood. Just when I think maybe I’ll be able to organize something to do for myself, my husband asked me to run his new business, this after seeing him through 5 years of schooling and hardly being home, his serious chronic illness complete with hospitalizations and no income. Not that I am complaining about it. It us what it is and it is my heart to be his supportive wife, but who the h**l am I, anymore?!
Brittany Calvi
Beautifully written β‘
Katie
Thank you so much for this post! I needed it!! To know someone else feels like this! We homestead and I babysit at home 4 extra kids besides my own 2, and right now, life is so busy! My hair has been in a pony tail for a month and i forget how to put on makeup. And to top it off, a stranger congratulates me on brig pregnant on the weekend.. And I’m not… You know, just gained a bit of weight.. Sigh. Sometimes we sacrifice ourselves for our farm and family! Need some
“me” time soon! A date with my hubby would be nice too!
JC
I dont have children yet but when i come here and read this blog and see your pictures I always find myself hoping that I can be as fresh faced and happy as you always look. I get that the blog usually shows everyones best side, but seriously girlfriend you are a hot momma with a good look. I can only hope to have what you got going on.
Angela
Thank you for putting my heart into words. “All the while gently looking forward to a time…”. What a beautiful reminder that life has seasons and that we can enjoy this season AND anticipate ones to come. Also the freedom of letting the me of yesteryear go and seeing the good of who I am becoming. Thank you for the beautiful reminder. I’ll be saving this one to read again.
Karla
I’m in exactly the same place, thanks for sharing your heart.
Miley
Shaye – I am close to the stage where my kids will be moving on – starting their own lives – being that young and carefree people we once were! It is wonderful to see their excitement and wondering what is around that next corner! My “baby” is 17 now and will be starting her senior year in high school – it is fun to watch her and her sisters grow and learn.
These times are hard and trying for a young family – but you and Stuart are grounded and are wonderful parents! Don’t forget to take care of both of you – because the “littles” need a relaxed momma and daddy! π
God Bless You All! I love your blog!
Char
Oh, this touched my heart. I’m 48 & a grandmother of a 6 mo old. Loooove that little guy! My kiddos are in their 20’s doing their own thing. My purpose now? How do I glorify God? Where are those loving feelings for my husband? Why am I so discontented? Why am I so focused on how short life is? I’m very thankful with all of my blessings, but still in a funk. I hope God gives me some guidance…and can forgive me for my funk. Praying for all of us who are in valleys…
Katie
Hi Shaye,
Long time reader, first time commenter. You have no idea how much I needed to hear this today! My 2 year old has recently started crying and screaming like a banshee being tortured to death every time she hears the words ‘bed time’. This can go on for hours until she and I both cry ourselves to sleep. With a husband who works 14 hours a day so I can stay home with her, I have definitely been feeling in a funk. Thank you so much for letting all of us stressed out moms who don’t get to see their husbands we are not alone!
Nicole Leonhard-Riehle
I totally feel yah sister!! Moving to a farm outside of Spokane in a week, renovations to do and animals to buy, launching a blog, had baby 3 weeks ago (c-section), just finished PhD. When I am in Wenatchee next our hood rats should meet. I have not had the chance to talk to my hubby in weeks.
Angela, Parisienne Farmgirl
Florence? What?
I thought we were splitting a flat in Paris.
Not to mention a castle in Scotland.
Toni
Oh My Goodness! What a great post! I am 70 and have been married to my Honey for 45 years. Our three kids are all in their 40’s and have kids of their own. We even have a great-grandson. I remember those days when I thought I would “meet myself in the doorway”. You are storing up memories for the days when the kids are all grown and have families of their own. You will be surprised at the memories that THEY treasure. Some of the things my kids treasure are things that I thought were so mundane at the time. You never know just what is really important until years later.
Now that we have the time for travel and all of those leisurely things that you long for, we do enjoy them. But, guess what? We still really enjoy going places and doing things with the kids/grandkids so much that we invite them on special trips WITH us (usually one family at a time since they are spread around the US). Fortunately NOW we can enjoy our time with them then retreat home for a rest. Haha!
Blessings to you and your wonderful family! Remember that Happiness is a Do It Yourself project!
Jessica
I read this article after ordering Clarycalm and reading an article on perimenopause π I will hit the big 4-0 this year, one senior in high school, and one sixth grader. I also work full time and am starting up a farm and next year a U-pick. My husband has actually said to me that I need to show him as much attention as I do my chickens. The struggle is real girl, and just shifts along the way! Wait until a hair pops out of your forehead. FOR REAL.
Denise Hoog
I am on the other side of where you are and a little jealous that you are living part of your dream while your children are young. I am 51 with 8 children ages 34 – 19. We had our 5th wedding this year and our 5th grandchild. We just bought property to start our mini retirement farm and can’t wait for our next adventure! Know that every mother and every generation of mother has felt the way you are feeling. You are right in cherishing every moment of your littles cause they only stay that way for such a short amount of time. You will get more wrinkles and grow more strange hairs, but you will have earned every one of them. Florence will come soon enough – enjoy every moment of what you have now cause it’s only here once. π
janet
Well this must be the “summer of the funk”, because I had the worst July of my 48 years! After our two biological kids were teens, we adopted 6 littles—yes, we’re certifiable. In my awful July I caught myself wondering “what have I done….what am I doing to them…”. We’re only human; I must keep telling myself that! And I must remember it is God who brought me to this place, with a purpose, even if I’m not doing it perfectly.
Peacock Orchard
After our second child my skin discolored on my face so that I looked like I had a mustache for quite some time. Finally lightened back out but…..that was depressing. I hear ya.
Nicole
You literally crack me up! This post almost woke my 19 mths old co-sleeping tantrum wielding, energy consuming, goofball from my loud laugh ???????? I appreciate your story and the struggles you share with us. Aging is weird and lovely. Being a “mom” to children is still hilariously bizarre.
*so excited to be getting your cookbook soon too!
Ardith
Wow, and here I am thinking that you’re more beautiful now…and with a lot to show for your maturing self.
Having said that, I completely empathize. My husband tells me daily how beautiful I am. Meanwhile, I am highly skeptical and increasingly see proof to the contrary. Thank goodness for his kindness.
Cheers, Ardith
Jennifer Knowlton
Oh Shaye, I love reading your blog. You are so inspiring! So beautiful! And you don’t even look as though you have had a child, let alone four. Everything you do is beautiful. You put passion in everything. Your writing, your cooking, your parenting, your business and being a wife π I am blessed to be able to be part of little tide bits of your life. You inspire and encourage and bring a smile to meat. Thank you for sharing, thank you for being so real. God bless
Cris Daining
Thank YOU for the kind words and for reading my blog! <3
Erin
Shaye, you are seriously a breath of fresh air…I wish we were friends (like in the flesh) because you are SO down to earth and even though you claim to be a “softie” (which you are as far as a huge loving heart and sentiment) but you are the picture of what a STRONG woman is, in my mind, at least.
Thank you for being awesome and for being so brave as to share “how it really is”…I LOVE IT!!!!
CeAnne @ St. Fiacres Farm
I think you just defined mom and wife, one who is full of self sacrifices and defined by what she does for others rather than what she does for herself.our society tends to write that off as not a job or who a woman is but she is… Mom. What a small word for such a large job. We are in your boat as well homachooling 4 adopted children, parenting children with hurt and disabilities, homesteading 2 acres, growing our own food and starting up a loose leaf tea business/blogging while the farmer works a demanding desk job in town and is on call 24/7. Oh and remodeling the house to add space and a tea studio. ???? Hang in there and keep loving on. Them littles!!
Jenny (@fishybischy)
I too have a stray chin hair! I interpret its presence as a reminder to take care of myself, at least every few days ;-).
Off topic, but you posted once about the aprons you use. I can’t find it — could you tell me please?
Natural Intake
Shaye Shaye Shaye!!!!! I completely understand, experienced, and/or am experiencing each of your sentiments hahahahaha from the freedom – time to focus exclusively on self and desires, beautiful youthful skin, longing for a date night and coming back to being completely present and full of gratitude in the present.. Excellent real and raw post my love. If we are to build a prosperous and happy future we most make the most of the present.
XO @naturalintake
Hannah Beecher
I, who routinely pluck 5 separate chin hairs and one giant black mole hair on my jaw, can sympathize… but only a little π And for what it’s worth I think you’re prettier now than you were back then. <3
Ginger
When your children are all grown up with lives of their own, you will be happily plucking that stray chin hair when you notice those really deep smile lines- and you aren’t smiling, or those smokers lines around your lips – and you never smoked! You’ll get lost in thought about when you had not a thought of wrinkles and your children were little ones and they needed you for everything… You’ll stay absorbed in those memories for a while and then you will think- I can eat chocolate and not worry about gaining a little weight- I can have fun with my grandchildren and then send them home and take a nap!! I can do anything I want… And you will be very, very happy to be 60 something and have wrinkles (and chin hairs) that mark all those wonderful year’s!