I am here.
Despite the plague having hit our house hard over the last week and a half, I am here. I may be buried under no less than nineteen loads of dirty towels, sheets, pajamas, and pillowcases… but I am here.
And you know what? While I wasn't here, but rather swimming in the land of bodily functions that remain far better unsaid, I had an epiphany of sorts. Perhaps the dehydration and exhaustion had finally taken their toll and my poor brain was just leeching out the last bit of life that it could muster, but regardless. It happened.
As I uncomfortably lay in bed for the third day in a row, the world and walls began to close in around me. Bills needed to be paid. Children needed to be wrangled. The gardens were half-planted, half-weeded, and fully neglected in the wake of the sickness. My email inbox was growing exponentially and yet on my end, sat covered in cobwebs. Thawed meat sat in the refrigerator shrieking at me to make use of it before it went off, which of course, I didn't.
The weight of it all felt unbearable.
So I sat up, grabbed the pen and paper I always keep by my bedside for such occasions, and began to write out what felt wrong. What was making me feel so anxious? So tired? What was causing me to feel so chaotic? So guilty all the time?
I've been here before. It's not new territory. But just as the reformed church is always reforming back to scripture, so is our home. In the course of the past few months, it seems that we've strayed, once again, from our true north.
So I did what any normal mother would do in the middle of plague-pocalypse.
I called our first official family meeting. Oh yes I did.
The six of us sat in the living room. Four teeny little people staring at me with their beady eyes as if to say ‘Oh Mom done did it now. She's officially lost it.' Even the baby.
The family meeting began with a quick prayer which then transposed into setting expectations for our short gathering. The family was instructed that these meetings would take place each Sunday night. We discussed the coming week and what was on the calendar. We penciled in fun activities, such as going to the library and hitting up my nephews baseball game, which I tend to kick quickly to the side for the sake of farm work. We practiced a new scripture and hymn to memorize in the coming week. Each family member took time to praise, compliment, and pray for the other members. And lastly, I introduced the concept of the “chore basket” wherein each time a child cometh to me with a complaint or bickering that could easily be covered over with love, they get to choose a chore from the basket to serve the family with.
It took all of 15 minutes. And frankly, I'm not one for systems.
But if my delusional epiphany was in any way correct, I could easily see that we were in desperate need of a reformation.
Who will teach my children to pray?
Who will teach my children how to love others?
Who will teach my children about God's story?
So I am here. As you are with your children, no doubt.
I am here reminding myself to show grace instead of anger. Reminding myself that if I don't take the time to teach them how to boil and egg or bake a chocolate cake, who will?
I am here reminding myself that at the end of the day, who cares if there are nineteen loads of laundry? Who cares if the couch pillows are strewn over the floor, the pajamas are wet and stuck to the bathroom floor, and someone missed the toilet again?
I am here reminding myself that it is far more important to me that my children feel loved in their imperfections than it is for them to be well-behaved and out of my way.
The world shouts at us, every day: I AM IMPORTANT. NO, I AM IMPORTANT! PAY ATTENTION TO THIS! NO, PAY ATTENTION TO THIS! I NEED YOUR ATTENTION! NO, I NEED YOUR ATTENTION!
My job as a Christian, and as a mother, is to say NO. No, world. That is not important. I don't need to pay attention to you. Here is what I need to pay attention to…
My epiphany was that my self-serving heart tends to navigate towards distractions that are just that. Projects I enjoy. Things I love to do. Things that feel important to me.
But this isn't my story (hey self! time to get over yourself). It's God's. And here's what he says is important:
- Saturating my children in scripture so they understand His story
- Praying for and with my children consistently and faithfully so they understand how to communicate with Him
- Exposing them to His sacraments each Lord's Day so they can experience community, renewal, and grace
- Love – so much love that their little hearts can't even take it all in. Saturated, saturated, and saturated again in love.
The world is so loud. Media, in almost every form, needed to be significantly dialed back to turn down the I'M IMPORTANT volume. More books are opened. More apologies are given. More intentions are followed through on.
What I've found is that at the end of the day, when it's all in crumbles (which is always will be), it doesn't feel like it's crumbling.
Because we've opened our bibles. We've prayed. We've loved. We've forgiven. We've sang praises.
The foundation is being built, regardless of the world's decaying walls.
Encouraging you today to let go of the unimportant. Cover your heart with your hands. And shout back at the world:
NO! THAT ISN'T IMPORTANT. THIS IS.
And Amen.
Casey
Girl, I was just thinking about this today. I feel like lately my goal has been to get through the day with the least amount of fuss from my 2 year old and the least amount of discomfort for me. But God is both an intimate and a big picture kinda God, am I right? So all the hard boring days where I’m just trying to get by add up to a lifetime of memories, influences, and lessons learned.
I don’t want to serve God despite my children, I want to serve God with my children! So as I continue to learn to pray, read scriptures, love the church, love my neighbor, and steward creation, I need to guide my children along those same paths.
Thanks for being honest with us! It’s always good to be reminded that it’s never too late to reevaluate and reprioritize. <3
Steph Lenox
“I am here reminding myself that it is far more important to me that my children feel loved in their imperfections than it is for them to be well-behaved and out of my way.”
…oh yeah. The Lord’s priorities. Duh. (adjusts trajectory for Lenox household again) Thank you Shaye.
Brooke
Thank you so much for your words! They could not have come at a more perfect time. Thank you for reminding me what I should be focusing on. Blessings!
Deanna Rabe
That is absolutely right!
I’m nearing the tailend of my parenting – my youngest is nearly 12. I have three married kids with kids of their own, and three still at home! It goes by so fast, and only choosing to be intentional in your parenting – pointing them to Christ, to the Word will last, and truly impact their lives!
God Bless!
Amy
Thank you for your post! It was so encouraging! I am on day 13 of illness and recovery, and have struggled with guilt in allowing myself to rest. God is helping me learn to be kind and patient with myself. And that He is a good boss. He is in charge of my schedule. My days of being sick are not an interruption to His plan, but rather part of it! My small and needing-lots-of-attention business is going to be okay, because He is in charge of it. My new puppy that now thinks I sleep as much as he does is going to grow up to be a great dog despite the lapse in training. And the dishes get washed eventually! God is so good, and in everything He brings a blessing to us, often saving us from ourselves! Keep going, and please keep sharing! I am always encouraged by you!
Lisa
Yessss!!! “let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles” Half-way through my lunch and your article, my youngest calls me in to check her to make sure she wiped good enough, lol 🙂
Blythe
I’ve enjoyed many of your posts, but this might be my favorite. So true and so helpful to read. Thank you.
Laura Mitchell
Thank you for this, it’s beautiful. We need reminders every day and, heck, throughout our days that He is in charge and it is Him that we serve. Thanks for being that reminder to me. Loved this.
Charly
This is a perfect blessing.
Rashelle
I’ve read I think every blog on here. This is my favourite one. Perfectly written. Perfectly directed & perfectly directing to him. Thank you ??
Lauren
We are planning a move to WA state to follow our sons who have jobs there in Seattle. Any thoughts on places to live? We are retired and would like a little space 2 to 3 acres about 1 to 2 hours from Seattle so we can be close enough to our sons. We reside in Tx now. Big step but I’m excited. Thanks for any input.
Norm
LOVED THIS!!!!!! Thank you so much for posting it.
Catherine
Thank you Shaye.
Christi
So so good. That’s just the battle I’m fighting over here at my place!
Keep fighting the good fight!
Brandy
Thank you so much for the reminder! So often I live in a state of survival or reaction. So much of my parenting is emotional reactions rather than teaching. If I focus myself on those things alone and not all the distractions vying for my attention, my family would be more peaceful. Thank you for the post!
Hannah
Perfect timing for this
Sheri
I needed this today! God bless. Enjoy your little ones because it goes by so fast. I have teenagers and that is a whole new animal needing even more prayers. Lol.
RaisingCropsandBabies
Amen! And sometimes that means saying “no earthly world” to great things, to things you normally do every year, to things you typically enjoy. I said “no!” to my garden this year (gasp!). I have 6 little ones, my husband is insanely busy on our larger farm as he improves it and maintains it, and it just didn’t feel right this year. I came to realize I have a hard enough time mowing our small yard, let alone keeping up with a garden. We planted some tomatoes and let the rest go. And my house is clean, mostly. And my children and I play. And we read on the couch together. And we make pickles and jam together. And we aren’t too busy to read devotionals in the morning and nighttime. And I’m not crazy-eyed.
I’m sure there’ll be one next year, but for this year… this feels right. Sometimes trying to do good things in wrong seasons makes for mass chaos… I’ve learned this the hard way for sure. I’m actually kind of proud of myself for being okay with this after 9 years! haha.
Go with God.
Janice
Hello, I just discovered your youtube channel and this, I can relate to so much of what you have said though my son is 21 and on his own now, his disabilities keep him close often ans he needs help with things and cannot drive. Yet it is still so vital to pour love and godliness into his heart. Thank you for sharing your life and the impact of Jesus Christ in it!
I love your chore basket idea, I wish I had had that with my son when he was young, it would have helped me a great deal. I will share it with parents I know who are challenged with how to discipline their kids.
May your life and family be blessed.
Emily
Thank you for the reminder and reorientation to the things that are truly most important. This came at a perfect time to reconfirm some of the major life choices we’re making right now to place our family first, even when it goes against what the world screams is important.