A few weeks ago, I hit a hard place. The kind where you want to throw a dish against a wall in a fit of rage because there are dishes… again…
… the floor needed to be swept, again…
… the refrigerator needed to be straightened, again…
… the basket of fruit on the counter needed sorting, again…
Well, I think you get the idea. I sat at the table in the kitchen in a frenzy of fruit flies (from the rotten tomato on the countertop, no doubt), assessing the carnage of another day as a lifestyle/homesteading/food blogger/homeschooling mom of a large family and felt rather sorry for myself. For years, I've kept expecting the calvary to show up, whisk me out of my prison, and take care of the wreckage left behind.
But they never do.
I decided in that grizzly moment that I would not only clean my kitchen before bed each night but that I would really, really clean it. Maybe that will help it to stay cleaner, longer? Maybe then I won't get so behind? Maybe then I won't be a victim of my kitchen?
Frankly, it was worth a shot.
So I cleaned it. The boys unloaded the dishwasher and Georgia loaded it. The family all pitched in to help me clean the table off and move food and dishes to the root cellar as needed. I got out a fresh washrag, opened a new bottle of dish soap, and handwashed the remaining dishes. While I scrubbed, I put some soft, classical music on in the background (Bach on cello is a favorite of mine) to help me sink into the task at hand.
But then I didn't stop.
I'm not a victim of my kitchen. I love this space and I love the people in it. I had to carry on boldly.
After washing the dishes, I dried them and put them away. Then I wiped off all the countertops before scrubbing the kitchen sink, gathering up all the rags and towels, and putting fresh ones out for the next day. I replaced the spent beeswax candle with a new one from my stash and vacuumed the floor, taking the time to gather up the cherry tomatoes and crackers that had found their way under the rugs. I wiped off the stove and the front of the dishwasher. I freshened up the produce that sat on the counter, tossing out a few cantaloupe that were past their prime to the chickens, and even put out new fly paper. And finally, I turned on the diffuser with some lemon and rosemary oils to really help the space feel tended to.
And then I turned off the light and walked out. Kitchen closed.
Here's where it gets exciting.
The following morning, I walked into the kitchen (half tripping over my new pajamas that I bought in an XL because that was the only size they had and I just had to have new pajamas even if they were too big, like an idiot, but that's not the point of the story here). I flipped the light on to begin the morning grind – rather, the coffee grind – and wouldn't you know it.
The kitchen was clean.
Like really clean.
And my spirit lifted and I was astoundingly happier than I normally am at that time of day.
Now, I know we're not supposed to find all of our happiness in circumstances and all that, but homemakers, I gotta tell you – I was happy. The rest of the day progressed as the day does. Chips were crushed into the tile floor. Tomato soup was spilt. Sandwiches were prepared. Dishes got used.
But then I did it again that night. I cleaned like I was preparing to welcome a fine guest into my kitchen – but you see, the fine guest was me. I began to share my clean kitchen over on Instagram each night, more as an accountability to myself than anything else. A place to document the work that went into the cooking and cleaning that day with a quick fist pump into the air, as I shouted: “I did it!”.
That was weeks ago now and the amount of messages I've received on Instagram of others inspired to do the same is staggering. Who know that the act of properly cleaning the kitchen before bed at night would be so transformative to the homemaker?
We've since started the #notavictimofmykitchen revolution. A powerful habit to be cultivated whether you live alone or with a giant family. A simple act of care towards the you and the family that will wake up to use the kitchen the next day, and the next day, and the next.
I'd invite you to join us in “not a victim of my kitchen”. We're just a bunch of ladies… putting out fresh tea towels and cleaning out kitchen sink drains… changing the world – in our home – one skillet at a time.
Love you all. And Amen.
Thank you so much. I needed this today! (And, honestly, EVERY day.)
Please tell us where your beautiful blue curtains are from!
I’m very certain I got my table cloth with that same pattern, at pottery barn outlet. If you sew, you can wash it, then shrink it in the dryer, then make it into just the right size for your window.
Wonderful post! A friend and I were just joking about publishing a magazine called Reality Kitchen that would portray what a homestead kitchen look like during harvest season. You know, fruit flies, baskets of produce at various stages of rot, cat yak, poopy eggs…. all of the not so glamorous things! It is such an accomplishment to have a clean kitchen in this season. Kudos!
I’m honestly confused. Are there actually people out there who DONT clean their kitchen each evening after dinner? Who goes to bed with food and dirty dishes all over the place? Thats just gross. This idea is hardly “revolutionary”… its just the proper way to live.
Yes. There are. And we aren’t gross. Perhaps we suffer from mental health issues, perhaps we weren’t taught this routine, maybe we work, or are exhausted, or have given everything everything everything all day long and when we reach bedtime have to fight to clean our kitchens. This is a beautiful post about how one woman found a way to shift her mindset so that cleaning the kitchen in the evening wasn’t so hard. It doesn’t need to be a judgement of others.
Bless you! You are right we weren’t taught or shown and it was never telling us that we are in fact blessing our families and ourselves by homemaking!!
Time and trial and error and good examples teach us all the time if we are willing to learn and grow in grace!
And with enough people in the household who aren’t yet helping a lot (the reasons for that could be a whole other post. Or blog)…it is hard. Yes, you could just buckle down and do it. But sometimes you have one or two children falling apart, you start baths, you–heaven forbid–doze off breastfeeding the baby.
I do believe dishes need to be brought to the sink and food put in the fridge (some days the original pan is the best I can do) immediately. However, cleaning a kitchen lived in by many is a lot more work (sweeping, wiping, scrubbing pots), and some nights it simply doesn’t all get done.
What a horrible thing to say. Many people don’t have the time, or the energy, or the help, etc. to get every single thing done every single day. Why be rude?
I do my best to clean my kitchen before bed, and for quite a while I always did. But a month ago I had a newborn and sometimes evenings are rough. Sometimes other things are more important than the dishes.
Life happens and there’s no good reason to make other people feel bad about it.
I’ve been frustrated lately because I worked so hard during my pregnancy to establish good habits and train the kids to help out so we’d be ready when baby came to keep on top of things. But even though… there have been nights where I’ve had to go to bed without finishing all the dishes, or didn’t get around to sweeping, or maybe I noticed there were some crumbs left on the dining table.
Reading this today was EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED to remember that I, too, am not a victim of my kitchen. I don’t need to be upset with myself or my family that we all live and eat and the kitchen is messy as a result. I can give grace to them and myself in this situation, and as our season of life changes so will the kinds of struggles. A year from now the messes in the kitchen will be caused by my garden instead of my newborn. BUT I remember how it feels when I walk into a clean kitchen in the morning, and the impact that has on my emotions and attitude as I make coffee and go on throughout my daily tasks. That serves as motivation to WANT to clean it all up again tonight. I just need to work on not getting angry over the times I can’t.
A newborn is a game changer! We have a young baby as well.
I’ve experienced one significant regression as a response to our previous new baby. In every case, kids have big feelings about a transition like this, and we will see some kind of behavior/ emotional change.
I’m sure you did a great job teaching your kids, and you can re instill those habits soon after you get through this transition. And be encouraged…a few dishes and a few crumbs mean you are doing WELL, especially if you’re also a homesteader. I don’t know how you all do it!
I guess what is revolutionary to one is not to another. Kudos to you, Maria, for already knowing this ‘trick’ of putting the kitchen to bed at night! I am certain that you are thankful for the grace offered you when you learn something ‘revolutionary’ that to others is ‘normal’. For we are all on this journey of life with all its many adventures in learning and growing! So, cheers to all women who are learning something ’revolutionary’, no matter what it may be! How fun to cheer each other on!
Thank you for this! In our season, we are in that funky time period of keeping our house clean and minimal for the season of showing it to sell yet also, throwing it to the wayside because my mental stability for another move is frankly just not there. Thank you for your challenge because it is holding me accountable and making me do the hard thing!
I figured this out as an early bride. It makes or breaks the day for me. I know it shouldn’t, but it really does! If the kitchen is trashed when I wake up, I am soo behind already. It is so refreshing to walk out and know the day is off to a good start! (Very important when there are eight people to wrangle!)
I also make a point to smooth out my bed every morning. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just tidied up. I can walk into my room at night and REST!🥰
Thanks you so much for sharing this post.There are only two of us here at the homestead now and I miss the messes that I use to clean up. Sometimes it’s too clean and too quiet. Hugs sweet lady!❤️
Inspired! I’m barely in the habit of finishing all of my dishes every day, but when I do manage to get every pot sparkling I feel so much happier and inspired to cook more beautiful things the next day.
I feel the same way sometimes. But I know if I don’t clean it before going to bed, I will regret it in the morning.
I’m 62 and I’ve had a cardinal rule my entire adult life: NEVER go to bed with a dirty kitchen. How demoralizing to greet a new day with a dirty, messy kitchen. I loved your essay!
Oh my, this post literally hit my heart, this has been the biggest struggle of my kitchen life. Thank you for sharing your success!!!
What a great post! I guess I am super lucky. Been married many years and my husband and I split all the chores. His feeling is I cook all the dinner so he does all the dishes. I can’t even tell you the last time I stacked a dishwasher. But in all honesty sometimes we have a glass of wine or two with our dinner and the dishes go in the sink until morning. Some of the replies above shocked me. We are all human and sometimes dishes have to wait. That’s life. Get over it.
💓
Bless you Brittany and your growing family. The days of raising children are challenging and exhausting times and by golly, snuggling your kiddos is more important than dishes! As mother’s we ALL need to understand that. We cannot be victims to our kitchens or other people’s opinions. 💓
Jenna,
Thank you for this beautiful raw testimony of the very thing so many of us face each day and the encouragement you have given so many in sharing your story. I am truly inspired. Will I be successful every night? I can honestly say, “No”, but now I feel a sense of community with all these lovely ladies who know this same struggle and are striving to find the strength and encourage one another to just push on.
After years of raising kids, working two part time jobs, I told my husband relaxing in his chair–“you know, I’m tired too after working all day and cooking dinner. How about giving me a hand?” My husband didn’t want to help with bath/bedtime routines and as I remember it, my mom did it all herself too while my dad watched tv. I remember her being so weary. It is exhausting to do it all. Yes, kids can learn to set the table (my job growing up), clearing the table, putting their own plate and silverware in the dishwasher, but dads can help too. If I was doing it over I would say “If you eat at the table, you help clean up.”
There’s the basic, everyday cleaning you do after every meal or two because you’re an adult. Then there’s that deep cleaning you do when you look at your kitchen (or any other room!) as if you were a stranger seeing the room for the first time. What’s more satisfying to a homemaker than to begin the day in a place of order and beauty?
Well.
Thanks. Thanks again.
It’s half past nine here, five children are quiet in bed and the oldest is showering. She washed dishes this evening–like always–and I made a head of cabbage into kraut when I wasn’t helping someone with something else. At one point I had three children in line for my assistance, (“Mom!” “Take number and when I get there it’s your turn.”) The clean clothes got sorted, the house got halfway tidy, the bathroom got cleaned, and I showed one of the boys how to snake the hair out of the tub drain.
And now they are all quiet. They’ve all had water and friendly words, and then stern words for the ones who needed them. It’s lights out, and I’m off duty. This works because the baby is already three.
I came down, and landed in the first chair I saw. I picked up my phone and read Shaye. Oh boy, Shaye. Boy oh boy, but I’m with you on wanting to throw a dish at the wall sometimes. Life gets so claustrophobic when the kitchen is never quite finished. And yeah, we love our children and we know kind words and prompt attention are more important than getting every last dish washed. But there is a price to pay for that, an emotional cost that Mama pays. Occasionally Mama runs out of credit and starts fantasizing about smashing dishes.
I love it, Shaye, that you’re cleaning your kitchen for yourself.
I swept the last half of the floor and carried out the trash while I thought about how to write this. It’s lovely.
Thanks again.
All 21 pints of crushed tomatoes finally got hauled to the canning cupboard in the basement. Thank you Shaye. I needed this to.
At first when I read it through my fog of exhaustion I wanted to cry. And then I wanted to say, must be nice to be you.
And then we cleaned up the kitchen. And I hauled those tomatoes downstairs and I vacuumed the grubby floors and I even tidied the living room yet.
And I thought of a wonderful tomato sauce recipe I had forgotten about for months that will eat up a few more bushels of tomatoes.
All of life around us can be mayhem but if we can get those kitchens cleaned up before bed it will be ok.
Yeah sometimes I get sick and tired of cooking and cleaning the dishes and I LEAVE the dirty dishes in the sink overnight! Each to their own! But I do find I am in a better mood in the morning if the kitchen is clean too!
Great blog! I don’t always clean my kitchen that deeply every night but I do find joy in unloading/reloading the dishwasher. I love the quiet hum of the dishwasher as I turn off the lights and head to bed. It’s very soothing and comforting.
When my grown children were very young, one day I took everything off our kitchen bar and cleaned it. My sweet son asked “Who’s coming to visit?” I had to laugh and now it’s a running joke around our house when I clean off the bar.