Steven Rinella, a popular hunting advocate and star of Meat Eater (love that show), said it best. He says he's not the best hunter, nor is he the most gifted marksman. He has no overpowering physical strength or animal telepathy. The only thing that makes him such a successful hunter is his “high tolerance for suck”.
He can stay out in the rain, watching water drip through the freezing tent ceiling, and tolerate the suck.
He can be physically exhausted, out of breath, mentally tired, discouraged by progress, and endure it. Yes, it sucks. But he tolerates it.
In any other life, Steve should've been a homesteader. Because that personality trait seems to be the only distinguishing factor of our breed (other than, perhaps, a wild hair or two).
Just last week, after a date night filled with gin and tonics, gnocchi, prosciutto, and plenty of cheese, Stu and I got a text from our neighbor that a sheep was out and in distress (due mostly to the fact that it was pitch black and the howling coyotes were close). As a homesteader, this only means one thing: stop the world and help your animal.
The irony wasn't lost on me that we decided to call in a favor for a special date night because we had already had such a hard week on the farm. Our ram, Hamish, the sire of our Katahin lambs for the last six years, died of old age unexpectedly. He simply laid down and never got up – bless him. He was a gift and it hurt to bury him. Death stings. So heck – yes, please – let's take a night away.
Only to be running out of the restaurant 3/4ths of the way through to tend to Hamish's herd. (Should I even mention that while we were gone, the babysitter texted to tell me the cat had kittens in Stu's sock drawer?)
I slipped and tripped and heavy breathed my way around in the pitch black – in my dress shoes and date attire – chasing this God forsaken sheep around the gigantic pasture over and over and over. I thought for sure I was going to be eaten by a cougar, if I didn't fall and crush my skull on a rock first.
Finally, the lamb caught enough light from my flashlight to see the open gate. I shouted to get her attention, waved my arms, kicked my leg out to the side to spook her to go the other way, and gently threw my body to the left so she would move to the right. While I was doing my best to hold down dinner after all the physical exercise (sprinting after gnocchi generally isn't promoted), I was grinning.
What else could we possibly hope to do on date night? I laughed. The high tolerance for suck is growing.
The laughing continued after we came home and had to hobble our way up to the barn to milk the dairy cow (Cece) who is currently in the tail end of mastitis. Still pitch black. Still in my date attire (though I did have enough forethought to change into my wellies so that the stylish leather boots weren't ruined).
I sat on my milking stool, painfully hand squirting the milk out of her infected teat. Between each careful squeeze, she kicked at me. Then she peed on me. Then she tried to poop on me.
(I'm not sure how many of you mothers out there have had mastitis, but if you can imagine someone aggressively rubbing your chest, hand expelling your milk, and shoving stuff up your teat holes to battle the infection, you may be able to find a bit of sympathy for the ‘ol girl).
Forty five minutes later, we trotted back to the barn a bit battered and bruised (no milk in hand as all the milk for 96 hours after treatment gets tossed), I still was grinning. Writhing. But grinning.
Homestead is inconvenient. It's also messy (like really messy).
After burying my best ram and chasing down sheep and milking out cottage cheese (gross, but true) and dealing with all the dirty eggs after last week's rain and washing the millionth bucket and carrying 371 squash down the stairs and basically constantly feeling like I'm eighty steps behind this first frost coming tomorrow, here I am. Smiling.
(Don't get me wrong, I swear too. I grit my teeth. I punch the air. I threaten to sell everything and move on. I pout. I cry. I quit.)
But the truth is I never could. Because, like Steve, I just have a higher tolerance for the sucky parts of this homesteading life. Even those, somehow, are strikingly wonderful.
A high tolerance for suck makes the victory, the achievement, the harvest sweeter.
While there's no grand message to this post – a simple rambling farmer's mind – I just want you to know, fellow homesteaders, I get it.
I asked on my personal Facebook page last week if anyone had a local walnut tree we could glean for nuts this year. My friend Amber, who loves to give me a hard time, posted a picture of a bag of nuts from Amazon. Amazingly priced and already conveniently shelled (oh la la).
I'm not interested. I told her. If it doesn't break me spiritually, emotionally, and physically, it's simply not interesting.
She lovingly replied that no one likes a nut matryr (which almost made me wet myself laughing) – and she's right. If you choose this life, there's no place for matryrdom. (Points to self.)
Work on building a high tolerance for the suck.
Because dangit if the payout isn't good.
March on, dear soldiers.
Rachel Payne
Love Meateater too!!
“Embrace the suck” is a phrase used a lot in the world of endurance sports, in which my husband and I used to “live” awhile ago. Most people could train their bodies to cover long mileage but if they are not mentally able to embrace the suck, they will not have much success. Getting through that sucky part is the stuff we think back on with fondness. Have absolutely found that the desire to embrace the suck has translated well to farm life. Thanks for the reminder that though we are not able to participate in endurance sports anymore, we can absolutely continue to experience the deep satisfaction from getting through very sucky things on our farm! Much love from Pownal, VT!
DALE D BROOKS
I’m reading this from VT as well! 🙂
Julie Nolde
Oh my gosh. It rocks to have a clear definition of how we get through the day to day, some days. I embrace the suck! I love your blog, long time reader first time follower. Thank you for being such an inspiration!
Susan
Oh my goodness!!! Sorry, but i was lmao!!!! Never thought about having a high tolerance of suck, but yep thats me! My husband, not so much! But if he sees me struggling, determined, dang it, he comes in with his engineering brain and finds an easier way to do something ive been struggling to do for an hour. I end up laughing, but i have to say i have learned to think like him, well alot more than normal!!! After 40 years of marriage ive learned to give him my idea, and let him mull it over and it usually works out!!! I usually tweek it for me! Sorry about your ram! That does suck! But your writing about it helps all of us!!! Strength and prayers for a continued wonderful life with a little less suckyness(dont think thats a word)!!!!
Megan
Sometimes the suck is just what you live for! Homesteading is HARD but even in the simplicity or the mundane work, it’s so worth every muddy sock and blister. I wish so badly that you lived on this side of the Cascades because alas, I am going walnut picking tomorrow and I’d invite you and your family to come!
Lisa
I so loved the honesty in this post.
I know homesteading is hard work.
I can see it in those family’s I follow.
But boy the rewards have too be so worth it.
I see that as well.
Thank you for sharing your family with us.
Hugs to you and yours from Maine.
Rebecca
That’s why, when starting out, figure out what sucky parts you think you can endure. Is it gardening, or animals, or self sustaining in terms of utilities. You can’t do everything all at once and get through the suck so take a little suck on each year. And…. Don’t feel bad at all if you find some suck isn’t worth it and you want to cut that part out. Being on this page for years has been helpful to remember I’m not the only one that has sucky days but as I look out at the fall trees, the blue skies and the chickens running helter skelter for no obvious reason, I can remember there is much more pleasure than suck.At least at this time of year I know I’m going into a season of rest and can spend my days in the pottery with my larder full and my seed catalogs coming.
Micheale
Yes…. I set here reading this knowing I have found my people. I hurt my back Labor day weekend and haven’t slept in our bed yet. I set here a good 6 weeks later, still proped up in the chair, sleeping for an hour or two at a time after having reading every story on all 94 pages of your blog, you inspire me. Thank you! I have pages of “to dos” on our homestead when this season of embracing the suck is over.❤
Providence Grove
What an innovative way to look at this Rebecca. I have read and watched and listened to blogs suggest that you don’t take on too much at one time, but I like the idea of figuring “out what sucky parts you think you can endure”, and “if you find some suck isn’t worth it and you want to cut that part out” not feeling bad about it. I am not sure why I like it being phrased this way, but it resonates with me. I am prior military, so I am use to embracing the suck. It is a phrase used often. I love the freedom that I get to chose how much and what kind of suck I take on with this homesteading life. It pushes a homesteader to community. I love lamb. I love how it taste, but I don’t know if I want to take that on. Fortunately we have a pasture raised sheep guy down the street.
Have a super day Rebecca. Your season of rest sounds glorious.
Angie
Such a timely message of honesty and challenging times as a homesteader. Just yesterday I said to my hubby, “aren’t we supposed to be retired” as I’m aching from apple picking, helping with raising eggs and bacon, renovating a farmhouse, getting ready for winter (already had snow)… usually 200 plus inches each winter plus enduring covid 2020. What doesn’t kill you definitely makes you stronger! One day at a time… “be still and know God… Psalm you 46:10.
Zaneh
Good to show the whole and honest truth of your Homesteading family life. Every job, and every life has suckiness.
Revonda
I think the suckier parts are made bearable by having someone to share it with so you can come out grinning.
Jody
I just love your blog and YouTube channel…it’s better than any prime time television. Keep it up 🙂
Trudy
I grew up on a farm and thought I hated it. Now here I am approaching 60, and I yearn for more suck! Don’t kill yourself, remember to exhale and enjoy your lovely view and family.
Hannah
“A high tolerance for suck” perfectly describes parenthood as well. The BEST things in this life require a high tolerance for suck.
Shaan
Really enjoyed reading this blog Shaye. So much truth. Inconvenience gives us opportunity to experience all colours of ife and emotions.
Keep on, keeping on!!!
Shaan, Australia
Donna
I needed this! I may not be a “full homesteader” but i produce what food i can, i’m pretty much self sufficient with my veggies, i do work a full time job, close to retiring, where it could really get busy here. But dang it, after a long growing season, a very successful growing season. I am tired, very tired, but still out there working, no longer putting u harvest, though i think the peppers think they can go all winter. But i can’t let produce go to waste. Pickled peppers on everything! I’m looking at winter as a rest period….i need it, i hate winter, but i need the rest.
Dave
As my us army infantry fire team leader son would say, “embrace the suck”
Lisa Moran
What a crazy date night! So glad it all turned out ok. And so sorry about the loss of your ram, what a blessing he was to your family. I just recently found your blog and channel and am loving it! You’ll have to make more videos fast cause I’ve almost watched all of them, haha. Thank you for all the hard work and heart you put into each video!
Alena - The Darling Academy
“Embracing the suck” – in a nut shell, the year 2020.
Fabulous post…. but Shaye, where are these kittens?
I need photographs! xxx
Amy
Oooooo she preaches truth! …and it stings a little…but mostly I just love the honesty.
I am shocked (shocked I tell you!) to discover that my tolerance for suck is much lower than I anticipated it would be. My character has definitely been tested these last few years.
We have so many ways to run from the hard stuff and distract ourselves, but the truth is that facing the hard stuff and rolling up our sleeves is what really helps us in the end. Thanks for the post, very encouraging.
Cindy
Thank you so much for this blog! It made me cry tears of relief! Your transparency is salve for the soul!
I am a solo female flower and vegetable farmer in NC. Somehow it is comforting to read your struggle and be reminded that there are days that this work is just plain hard as hell and suck level is off the charts!! Days when you cry and wonder, “What was I thinking!!”. …And it’s Not because I am the only one who struggles with farming, and it is Not because I don’t know what I’m doing (you know, that negative brain reel that starts playing in your head when things get hard)..it’s because at times it’s just plain hard!!
So, Thank You! Your post has encouraged me and also reminded me of how much I love doing this work! How much it has grown me up as a person and how much it continues to feed me and my community, but more importantly how deeply it nourishes my soul!
Cindy
Two Horses Farm
Karen Rice
Not sure I understand the homage you paid to virginia creeper.
It recieves no romantic notions in my heart, as it has no manners.
Hayley Parker
Good God Shaye,
This was good. And needed. Embrace the suck. Thank you for normalizing my current circumstances and why would I think anything different? Currently in a heap, in a “it’s pouring” down shit storms that can all feel too much. Mastitis goat over here too. Let me whine, wine, and then go get better at my tolerance for suck. It’s all good. Thanks for this, it will be a reminder to bring a smile next time my kitchen roof leaks and needs a full unexpected reno in the winter while my goat gets mastitis, other goat ends up with lice, dog needs 1500 in treatments and all hell breaks loose ;).
Cynthia
“High tolerance for suck”. hahaha We love Meateater! I’m sorry but I died laughing at this blog post. I’m 74 now and have done all the stuff ya’ll are doing now and you really have to love it and be committed to the physical demands that challenge your emotions to the limit. But it is sooo worth it. I discovered you on YouTube and have enjoyed watching ya’ll go through life. It just blesses my socks off that you are willing to go for it and learn how to really live off the land and – most of all – teaching your children yourselves and raising them to be self sufficient. Blessings on you all!